- by Owen Morton
Last time I wrote a Turtles episode review, I seem to recall saying something to the effect that it would be the only episode review to appear on this website, because that episode was the only one I could remember enough semblance of plot of to be able to do a reasonable job of reviewing it. That wasn’t entirely true; over the last few days I have been remembering more and more of the plot of a certain episode. Sadly, I haven’t yet managed to remember the episode’s name, but it was probably something like ‘Shredder And Splinter Have A Life-Enriching Experience Which Enables Them To Understand Each Other More Thoroughly’. Actually, it probably was only something like that if you translated it into Japanese and back again. The episode title as we knew it was probably more like ‘Bodyswap’.
And I challenge you to try and work out what happens in this episode from that.
As with ‘Turtles at the Earth’s Core’, I have only a very sketchy memory of the precise details of this episode. I think it is pretty much unique in that what happens in this episode is not the direct plan of Krang and Shredder, more sort of the result of accidental circumstances. Obviously, said accidental circumstances come about because of Krang and Shredder’s stupidity, but we can’t exactly blame the whole thing on them this time. The stupidity of the Turtles also must bear some blame for this particular incident.
Anyway, as far as I recall, the episode begins with a action sequence, or at least goes into this action sequence pretty speedily into the episode. For some reason, Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady are all engaged in attempting to kidnap April O’Neill, the Turtles’ imbecilic reporter friend from Channel 24 (or whatever – I don’t really care whether it was Channel 24 or not, so please don’t email me about this) and have chosen some bizarre warehouse in which to do this. Quite what April is doing in this warehouse in the first place, I don’t know, though perhaps her superiors at Channel 24 (or whatever) have sent her here to cover the immensely important story of … er … her own kidnapping. At any rate, there she is, and there are the three bad guys.
Fortunately, April doesn’t go anywhere without her Turtlecom, the terribly originally named device which enables her to communicate with the Turtles whenever she wants. On seeing the Turtles’ enemies, she flips it open, tells them where she is, and sits back and waits to be rescued. In short order, the Turtles burst in – and surprisingly, they have brought their ninja rat boss Splinter along with them. The reason for this is unclear, thanks to my own memory (in fact, it’s eminently possible that the baddies weren’t trying to kidnap April at all, and that they were actually trying to kidnap Splinter whose presence in this warehouse was doubtless unexplained), but anyway, there he is.
There is a grand battle, complete with background playing of the theme tune (marvellous!), in the course of which Splinter manages to get himself thrown onto a platform which bears a striking resemblance to a transporter pad in Star Trek, although this one has something which looks quite like a giant hairdryer above it at a strange angle. At any rate, he is either knocked out or just decides to have a rest, because he doesn’t move. And coincidentally, a similar thing happens to Shredder, who lands on a platform adjacent to that which Splinter is on, and he doesn’t move either. Then, since coincidences seem to be abounding today, while the Turtles attend to Bebop and Rocksteady, some buttons manage to get pressed, which activate some form of flashing pink energy which engulfs both Shredder and Splinter.
Can you guess what’s happened? If not, look to what I thought the title of the episode probably was, and that might give you a clue. If you’re still stuck, though, you’ll have to remain in suspense until such a time as I feel inclined to spell it out for you.
Noticing what’s going on, the Turtles and Bebop and Rocksteady abandon their difference of opinion and attend to their respective bosses. Or so they think. The Turtles run to Splinter and help him up, then hightail it out of the door and down into the sewers, presumably saying goodbye to April in the process (in the event that she was actually there in the first place). Meanwhile, Bebop and Rocksteady grab Shredder and take him into a van which I assume is theirs, because no one ever says anything about nicking it.
By the way, this is one of the few times (possibly the only one) when we say what Shredder looks like without that stupid metal mask covering his nose and mouth; it came loose in the fracas. And I might add that the mask would appear to be on hinges, since it is hanging off one side of his face at ninety degrees to its usual position. I wish to digress from my review to question exactly what the point of having a mask like this on hinges is. Of course, it is probably an interesting question to ask what the point of this mask altogether is. Why does Shredder feel the need to cover his nose and mouth? Is the reason why he’s so evil now that he was teased mercilessly when he was at school about his nose and mouth so he’s now really insecure about it, and he now wants to get revenge on his former schoolmates but sadly can’t remember their names so decides to settle for the whole world? And if this is the case, why should his mask be on hinges? That would only allow easier access to his nose and mouth. Surely if he’s really insecure about it, he should have the thing welded to his face. Although, of course, the hinges probably make it easier to eat and breathe. However, if he were really committed to being insecure, he could just set himself up with a tracheotomy and an intravenous drip system which would render him capable of eating and breathing without the use of his nose and mouth.
Anyway, the first indication that something is wrong with Shredder (besides the fact that he didn’t close his mask right away) comes pretty soon in the baddies’ getaway, when Bebop offers him some jelly beans, and he says, “What? … Oh, no thank you.” Gasp! Would Shredder ever use such courtesy? I don’t think so. It sounds much more like … well, like a goody, perhaps … er, maybe Splinter. (I’m dropping so many hints here that if you don’t guess what’s going on here you ought to, well, maybe start reading this article a little more carefully.) Bebop expresses some deep concern about Shredder being polite, and he immediately corrects himself with, “Oh … I mean, no, you moron!” which Bebop accepts as being much more in character, and the three of them return to the Technodrome without further incident (though quite how they get there in a van is perhaps a matter for discussion some other time).
It is probably at around about this point that the viewers figure out what’s happening, and so it seems an intelligent juncture to make my readership aware of it as well. My readership, that is, that haven’t picked up on my fairly obvious clues. You remember that machine which spewed out random pink energy? Well, surprise surprise, fellas, that machine removed Shredder’s soul from his body and placed it in Splinter’s, and vice versa for Splinter.
On a sidenote which isn’t really connected to this episode review and that could be argued to be slightly provocative, some might question my use of the word ‘soul’, since this implies some form of religious content. I used the word ‘soul’ because I can’t think of any shorter way to say that Shredder’s mind got implanted into Splinter’s body and vice versa. I would like to assure everybody reading this website – and hopefully everybody else – that I have no religious affiliation whatsoever. I do not believe there is a god, and if there is, I don’t see why it should spend its divine time watching over us, nor why it should require faith from us for its being to continue – given that according to doctrine it created the universe without anyone having faith in it – and I certainly don’t see why it should choose to enlighten one section of the population of the world as to its presence and not others, thus letting all sorts of tricky theological problems crop up later when one group of people bumps into another who seem to have been enlightened by another god. Unless, of course, there are more than one god, though in this case, why each god should assure their chosen people that there ‘is no other God than Me’ is far from obvious. If you ask me, the only religion worth adhering to is one that celebrates life itself, and not one that requires you sit in a building every week and offer yourself up for redemption. To be quite honest, the Wicca religion seems to have it quite right with their adage ‘Do as ye will an’ ye harm none’. Wicca sounds to me – after the very slight amount of research I have done into it, as a serious endeavour to find a sensible religion which I might want to join – the best of the bunch.
Perhaps I’d better stop carping on about this now, though, and get back to the actual point of this article. Basically, the Turtles have taken their worst enemy back to their HQ, and they don’t even know it! You would expect that Shredder would take this opportunity to spy out exactly where the Turtles live and perhaps plant a small incendiary device or two there, then scuttle off to the Technodrome and get Krang to understand what’s happened, and switch him back into his original body, kill Splinter directly afterwards, and then they could get on with their plans for world domination. As Krang put it so aptly in one episode, “We’ll destroy the Turtles once and for all, then we’ll rule the world and then … we’ll go into reruns, I guess.”
As it happens, Shredder does none of this. Instead, he forces the Turtles to tidy up. Why would he do this? Besides the obviously more appealing alternatives detailed above, why should Shredder wish to make his arch-enemies’ HQ tidier? He’s either a fellow with a decidedly low IQ when it comes to making world-domination plans, or he just really hates to see messy places. Some might say that the former is the case, but to be quite honest, every single plan he comes up with is foiled by only one anomalous factor: the Turtles. Okay, he should be getting used to it by now, but in the instance of his first plan, he couldn’t really be expected to foresee that it would fail because four mutated turtles and a ninja rat would intervene, could he? His plans would work if it weren’t for the constant interruptions by what most would term a random happenstance. Therefore his IQ for world-domination plans is probably right up there in the genius level (or as ‘genius’ as you can be when you’re clearly intending to become a dangerous dictator). On the other hand, I think a fairly good case can be made for the suggestion that he’s a tidiness freak. The only evidence we have for his living habits is what we see in the Technodrome, and – as I recall – that place always seems pretty tidy. So the only reason that Shredder doesn’t blow up the Turtles’ HQ right away and tootle off back to Krang and co. is because he can’t stand to see somewhere looking messy.
The Turtles figure out something is wrong quite swiftly, thanks to this uncharacteristic display of tidiness on Splinter’s part, and I seem to remember them also figuring out that it must be Shredder – further evidence that Shredder is a tidiness freak, since they easily knew that it must be Shredder. Krang also comes to the conclusion that Shredder is not the same person he once was (probably because he has taken to walking around without his mask shut) and sends him back to the warehouse with Bebop and Rocksteady, for reasons I’m rather unclear on and don’t expect to ever learn what they are. Fortunately, at exactly the same time, the Turtles drag Splinter back to the warehouse. I can’t exactly remember what happens next. It’s one of two things, though. Firstly, the Turtles and their enemies have a discussion during which they mutually reach the conclusion that it would be better for all concerned if they put Shredder and Splinter back through the machine. Secondly, they have another fight in which Shredder and Splinter get thrown onto the machine accidentally again, and the buttons are accidentally pressed. You’d expect the former really, but to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the latter. Then, coincidentally or by design, everyone departs with their respective leaders back in their original bodies again. Hooray!
Just one final point: who put the bloody machine in the warehouse in the first place????