I though that, while the university computers seem to be capable of letting me update this site, I'd put an article on. Those of you who read the previous one will have found that I've been trying to make it work for the last five days. I don't know what the problem was, but one clearly existed somewhere. I'm hoping this will work once I've finished it, otherwise I'll have to copy it into a text file like I did the last one, and wait until the computers are being slightly less tempermental.
Anyway, the theme of this article is everything I've learnt from one week and one day at York University. For the most part, this is not university-specific and will apply wherever you go. There are the odd one or two bits of advice, though, that only apply to York - or at least universities with conditions similar to those here - and I have marked these with 'York Only' so you know which ones they are.
1. On your first night, drink a lot and talk a lot. (The former will help with the latter.) It doesn't really matter what kind of a fool you make of yourself, especially since a) everyone else is doing the same, and b) you probably won't ever see any of them again anyway. I met two individuals with bright pink hair who spent a considerable proportion of the night saying, "Wuuuuuhhhh!" (I'm not lying.) I haven't seen them since. Thankfully. Anyway, it certainly beats sitting alone in your room being miserable.
2. Get involved in any events that have been organised to help you to get to know people. This is probably where you will meet the people who become your proper friends. I met some slightly less weird people on the pub crawl on Monday night - and, on these events, I repeat, drink a lot and talk a lot. Babble on about anything. People don't care, they're usually just glad to have someone approach them. (Unless, of course, that someone has bright pink hair and says "Wuuuuuuhhhhhh!" a lot.)
3. If they organise a casino night, win the first prize - which is more often than not a large crate of alcohol - then divide it among the people on your corridor. This will swiftly make you popular and them drunk, so you can fleece them for any valuables they may be carrying. But be careful! If they catch you doing this you may swiftly find yourself to be marginally less popular, and possibly even expelled.
4. Don't go out drinking every night of the week. Have one day off (I recommend the Thursday in the first week) to contemplate life. Actually, on second thoughts, go out drinking every night.
5. If you are attempting to impress members of the opposite sex - especially attractive ones - don't try to do it by dancing in their direction. It never works. The one thing people don't understand is that they do not look suave and sophisticated while dancing. Especially not when they have consumed three pints of an intoxicating beverage. On the other hand, I haven't quite worked out how to impress members of the opposite sex yet (judging by the email I got from Kirsty Fenn this evening, putting up worship sites to them seems to do the trick pretty well, but obviously if you start off a relationship by doing this you will seem scary and weird, which you would be if you started with this), so dancing might actually work. But only if you're good at it. Sorry, that was not a particularly coherent paragraph.
6. Don't miss any introductory lectures. They really are very useful. if you do miss them, go and apologise right away, and if you're lucky - which fortunately I was - the lecturer will tell you it doesn't matter and give you a sheaf of handouts and a condensed version of the lecture.
7. York only No matter how drunk you get, you WILL regret it in the morning if you go for a swim in the lake. Rumour - and this is all too likely to be true - has it that the lake is six feet deep, and four and a half feet of that is filled with, to put it indelicately, duck shit. If you do wake up sopping wet and have a hazy recollection of deciding to go for a quick dip last night, go and see the doctor right away and get a tetanus booster.
8. York only Unless you have a death wish, do not run up to, touch, attempt to touch, attack, maim, kill, eat, poison, spray fire hoses at or do any other of a long and interestingly paranoid list of undesirable activities, to any of the ducks on campus. The authorities at York are disproportionately protective of their ducks. A story going round campus right now, and I'm inclined to believe it, has it that there were two students here last year. One of them attacked a security guard (who was human, in case you were wondering). The other attacked a duck. They were both expelled, but one of them was forbidden to reapply. Guess which? Yes, the one who attacked the duck. Now, I'm not for cruelty to animals at all - in fact, I'm strongly against it. But attacking a duck is a slightly less serious matter than attacking a security guard, wouldn't you say?
And that, my fine friends, is just about all I learned from my first week at university. It is a long list of totally useless information. Oh, and last. If you come to York, bring a raincoat. It rains a lot at York.