| Alternate Gift Part 6 by snakes Part Six As Buffy headed back to her house, her thoughts turned to Dawn. What should she tell Dawn? As angry as Buffy was about the callousness with which Giles had told her, she knew that he wouldn’t lie about it. If Giles considered it possible that Spike would never wake up, then she had to accept that possibility. That meant no more lying to Dawn. It was time to tell her the truth about Spike’s condition. Of their own accord, Buffy’s feet slowed their steps. She wasn’t even aware that she was slowing almost to a stop, but subconsciously, she was delaying the conversation that she’d been dreading. She paused by a bench near the edge of the park. Sighing, she slowly sat down and lowered her head into her hands. At first she tried to put into words what she would say to Dawn, but at the thought of her sister’s pain, she tried to push the whole idea away. As she forced her thoughts away from Dawn, her mind drifted back to the confrontation at the magic shop, not even a half hour ago. Giles’ words rang in her head. *Potentially dangerous… have to stake him… Do you really believe you could… risking your own life… not willing to take his.* She realized that Giles’ words were true. While she could not honestly feel that it was better for Spike to die this way, now, as a hero, she also knew that she did not want to stake him. Ever. Not after what he had done for her… for Dawn. Buffy had let herself get too close to the vampire. She had let herself trust him too completely. She had begun to think of him as a respected ally. No… more than an ally… a friend. Giles’ words, and Xander’s, swirled around in her head. She, the slayer, was risking her life, and the lives of countless other people, by allowing herself to become too emotionally involved in what should be only a business arrangement. If she was to be able to do her job, she needed to remain detached from anyone who could so easily become an enemy. How had she let herself lose sight of this? She knew she had done right to trust Spike with Dawn’s life when they’d gone against Glory. That Dawn was alive was proof of that. But she’d taken trust too far when she’d neglectfully allowed her little sister to consider a master vampire to be harmless. When she’d allowed even herself to forget his potential for evil. She had definitely crossed an inappropriate line. But then… her watcher had been willing to kill Dawn… while Spike… Spike would honestly have protected Dawn’s life ‘till the end of the world… protected her at the expense of his own unlife if necessary. The lines were certainly more blurred than they ever had been before. Buffy’s thoughts warred with each other. This allowing the lines to blur was what would endanger lives, endanger Buffy’s ability to be an effective slayer. With Spike, the point was very likely moot if he never woke up, but that she had let her confusion go so far in regards to Spike made her determined to be more vigilant against allowing herself to fall into this type of emotional trap again. She noticed how much time had passed as she’d sat here trying to sort out her jumbled thoughts. She couldn’t procrastinate any longer. It was time to go have that talk with Dawn. As she stood to leave, she let her thoughts turn one last time to Spike. She would miss him. Dangerous or not, she would grieve his passing. Perhaps Giles was right. Perhaps this was for the best. Spike would die. She would grieve. Then she would move on, and the lines would no longer be unclear in her mind. *** Buffy entered her house and shut the door. Leaning back against the door, she shut her eyes, trying to calm her mind. “Buffy, are you ok?” Buffy opened her eyes to see Tara watching her with a concerned look on her face. “Tara. Ok? I don’t know if I’m ok. Giles thinks…” Buffy’s voice dropped almost to a whisper. “He thinks Spike might not wake up. I have to tell Dawn.” Tara looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to stick around a while?” Buffy took a few deep breaths. She did want Tara to stay but knew it was wrong to put this on anyone else’s shoulders. “No, that’s ok. I think it’s probably best for Dawn and I to be alone now.” Tara nodded. “Ok. You know you can call Willow or me if you need anything.” “I know. Thank you, Tara.” After Tara left, Buffy stood leaning against the door a while longer. She had to gather the strength to do this. She finally stood away from the door and started heading towards the stairs to go up to Dawn’s room. Someone knocked on the door. *Oh, not now!* She was going to ignore it and continue up to Dawn’s room, but something made her turn around and open the door. She stood there in absolute shock, staring at the blonde vampire standing on her porch. “Aren’t you even going to say ‘Hi’?” he said as he smiled at her. “Oh, thank god!” Buffy gasped. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside. “Well, I didn’t expect you to be quite that happy to see me.” Buffy did her best to keep her emotions under control. “I’m not. But I was just about to tell Dawn that we didn’t think you were going to wake up and were probably going to die. I was so not looking forward to that conversation. I’d rather have to see you standing on my porch!” Dawn had been sitting up in her room, sulking as usual, when she could have sworn she heard Spike’s voice downstairs. Trying not to get her hopes up, in case she had imagined it, she slowly headed towards the stairs. Near the top of the stairs, she stopped and listened, to see if she heard his voice again. She heard Buffy talking to someone. “I’ve been telling her all week that you were fine. So pleeease don’t say anything to her about being unconscious for a week!” Dawn was startled. Buffy had been lying to her all week! No wonder everyone was treating Dawn like an alien again. Everyone had been lying to her. She had pretty much suspected that Spike was hurt worse than anyone had told her, but that he hadn’t even woken up! And no one would tell her! Dawn’s initial shock turned to anger, but even that was quickly pushed away as it hit her that Spike was here, now! She ran down the stairs. “Spike!” The vampire turned to look at her. “Hey Platelet. Glad to see you’re no worse for the wear after what you’ve been through.” His voice remained casual, almost indifferent, but the grin on his face and the look in his eyes made it quite clear that he was more than just happy to see her alive and well. She acted a little bit annoyed. “Well, I’m glad you finally managed to find the time to stop by.” She pretended she hadn’t been eavesdropping back on the stairs. “Little bit…”, he started, but couldn’t continue without telling her he’d been unconscious. She knew that had been a bit cruel, since he wasn’t allowed to explain, so she quickly dropped the act and grinned at him. “Spike. I never got to thank you for saving my life. So, thank you!” She stepped over and gave him a big hug. He looked rather uncomfortable, not quite knowing what to do, but he gently hugged her back. Then she finally let go and stepped back. Still looking a bit awkward, he just shrugged, but spoke very sincerely this time. “Any time you need saving, you know who to call. Till the end of the world.” Well the easy part was out of the way. Now Dawn needed to find a way to speak to Spike alone, without Buffy hovering. “Hey Buffy”, she demanded, “How ‘bout you go make us all some hot chocolate. Little marshmallows for Spike.” As happy as Buffy had been to see Spike alive and awake, and to not have to tell Dawn otherwise, she knew she had to stick to her resolve not to let the lines blur. Buffy could not let her sister continue to think of Spike as a harmless buddy. “Well, it was very nice of Spike to make the time to stop by here on his way to…other places, but I know he really doesn’t have time to stay and chat, right Spike?” Spike gave Buffy a strange look. She’d seemed really glad to see him, and now she sure seemed anxious to get rid of him again. At least she hadn’t pulled a stake. *What’s going on?* he wondered. Understanding that Buffy was not going to leave her alone to talk to Spike, Dawn nonchalantly turned so that she was still facing Spike but had her back to Buffy. Dawn looked Spike in the eyes intently, to make sure she had his attention. She mouthed the words ‘We need to talk’ and intensified the look she was giving him to make sure he understood that it was important. It was obvious from the concentration of her stare that something major was up, but he couldn’t understand what she was trying to tell him. It was clear that she didn’t intend for Buffy to know whatever it was, so all he could do was shrug slightly and shake his head barely perceptibly to let Dawn know that he didn’t understand. He could read the frustration in her eyes, but didn’t know what he could do about it. Buffy wasn’t sure what was going on, but she sensed something going back and forth between her sister and the vampire. Buffy took Spike by the arm, thanked him again for stopping by, and the next thing he knew, he was back on the porch with the door closed behind him. |