It's interesting, I have heard a lot of stories about how "everyone's being put on drugs", "Prozac is just Soma", and other horror stories. But to me Prozac has saved my life.
(By the way Soma is the tranquillizer-feel-good drug from Brave New World)
When a psychiatrist first proposed that i take antidepressants (SSRI), I was
terrified. It would change who I was. What would it do to me. I clutched onto my
identity as "depressed person" desperately. I was terribly anxious.
So I
didn't take them. Well, i took them for a day or 2 but the sideeffects freaked
me out, and i wouldn't take them anymore.
A couple of years later, I tried a different antidepressant given to me by a GP. Man, I was impressed. I went from feeling nothing to at least feeling what was going on. However my anxiety levels did not decrease in fact, they increased (though I'm willing to concede it was the damaging relationship I was in).
So now Prozac. A new psychiatrist (who said he had the best results with Prozac). And he also put me on dexamphetamines for my ADD-like symptoms.
Clarity at last. And I'm only taking a half tablet of dex a day (I can have up to 3 whole tablets), and I know it's not just the dex, because I've even been cutting back on that.
I feel "normal", or rather that I can cope with life.
I dont yet exult in
life, but I'm hoping that's around the corner, and certainly the clarity I have
achieved has meant that I am solving some of my behavioural problems (like being
attracted to the wrong man, like my trust issues, and my eating difficulties)
whereas before, I could never have done that.
I guess the way I gave myself permission was:
1. i was already on drugs,
albeit illegal, non-pure, and non-supervised.
2. i don't have to take these
drugs forever, I was reassured of that by my psychiatrist
3. Thinking of it
like ventolin or insulin for a hormone imbalance or medical condition
helped.
4. I am not doing these drugs without supervision, I am working on
the problems that may have lead me to this state ( I think depression is both
genetic and environmental)
I was then reassured by the facts
1. that my personality didn't change, I
just found my real self again. So, to other people my personality changed, but
not to me.
2. it's actually much easier to be happy, and I dont have to work
so hard at it.
So, if you are considering taking an SSRI or antidepressant or other medication, have a good hard think about it, and be reassured that it does help. And if one doesn't work for you, then another might.
Oh, and it's NOTHING like Soma.