I was walking down the long dusty road. My helmet in my hand, my sword dragging in the dust. My armour was rust-spotted and I couldn't find my shield. I could not see the enemy, only their shadows, and they would attack me. Their wounds were fierce, but as I could not see them and I had no shield, my defenses were weak.
The incident I want to mention in particular was earlier this year. I was dating a man who was charming and attractive. I was in the middle of my depression and it only seemed to be getting worse. This man would call or email me infrequently, and usually be the one to determine when we met. I hadn't wanted to love him when we first were dating, but he had persuaded me by his ardour.
There was a demon at my back, it would attack me with spurts of fire. I knew it was there, but every time I turned, it would disappear. I couldn't see it. I was getting weaker and weaker.
Anyway, finally Claire turned to me and said, It's him. He's making you
depressed. But rationally, I argued, "I'm always busy too, and his boss has
increased his duties". "But Heidi, " she said, "you are doubting yourself. You
never doubted yourself and your intuition before, he's making you do that, and
that's why you're depressed"
I was angry about this, and so I said I'd think
about it.
Then, a knight in armour stood in front of me. She said, I'll defend your back so that you can pick up your shield. You need to pick up your shield, or you will never be able to defend yourself against the demon. What shield? I thought angrily. I had no shield. She stood behind me, and there lying in front of me was my shield, shimmering in the light. Was that mine?
Well, I did, and she was right. I still couldn't break up with him, and it wasn't until another couple of weeks passed that he broke up with me for being too clingy and needy.
I picked up my shield, and turned around. She was still at my back, but now I could see the demon. It was much smaller than I had thought. I had been seeing it's shadow all this time. I raised my sword, and it cowered before the sword and ran.
That shocked me, and so I remembered all the times I'd spent with Claire, and how I am strong, and can trust myself and my own perceptions.
I could now see the enemy more clearly, and I could fight off their tendrils and tentacles with my fiery sword. My armour became shiny again. A magical transformation had taken place. The white knight and I fought off the enemy, who I could now see clearly again.
It wasn't long after, that Claire went through her own breakdown. We spent many hours in the emergency ward of the local hospital and it was scary for both of us.
I turned to thank the female knight, and found her on the ground. "Where is my shield and sword?" she said. I saw that she was blinded, that even though her shield and sword were in front of her, she could not see them. "I, who have been the greatest of all knights, reduced to such a state."
Claire is now working on her own personal issues, and I try to help her as much as I can. It can be hard, because sometimes she doesn't want to hear what I have to tell her. But I know that she can do it. I have faith in her, like she had faith in me, and I won't give up.
I stood over the white knight, while she grasped blindly for her sword and shield. I could not hand them to her, as I was fighting enemy that could kill her, but I was screaming at her where her sword and shield were. I will stand here until she finds them again, or I fall again.