Chapter 4 - Truth
Willows face registered the thoughts in her head, and Spike didn't miss the change in her expression.
"What? Willow, what is it?" Spike began to recognize the feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was dread, and even though he didn't want to hear the witches answer, he pressed on. "Tell me."
Willow tried to act casual, she tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. After all, if Buffy's reaction in The Bronze was an indication of her true feeling for the Vampire, then Buffy should be the one talking to Spike. Not her.
"It's nothing Spike, h-h-honestly, I was just, well, I was just...” Suddenly Willow thought of the perfect cover. "I was just thinking how long Tara's taking. Maybe I should go see what's keeping her." With that, Willow started to stand up; escape was only metres away, she knew if she was quick she could make it.
"Not so fast Red." Spike's hand whipped out and shut like a vice around her arm. "You go nowhere till I get an answer." Willow went to open her mouth in response but the look in his eyes silenced her. " And this time, Make it an honest one." He growled.
Willow hadn't been truly frightened of Spike in a very long time, but in that instant, she felt in her heart the master Vampire and brutal killer that he was capable of being. She was painfully aware of his strength. His fingers bit into her flesh and she knew that he was capable of whatever force necessary to get what he wanted. Even though she was terrified, she looked at him, into his eyes. She was quite unprepared for what she saw there. Instead of the expected anger and threat, she saw a reflection of her own fear. Spike was scared.
"Spike," Willow said gently. "Please let me go."
Spike looked down at his hand disbelievingly, as though it didn't even belong to him. He slowly released his grip. He buried his face in the offending hand, and sat, motionless.
Willow had no idea what to say or do. This was Spike after all, the Big Bad. She sighed, and scooted her bum over toward him. She reached out tentatively and placed her hand on his back, trying to give some comfort to him. Spike flinched slightly at her touch, but didn't look up. Didn't acknowledge her presence at all. It was as though he had completely shut down.
"Spike?" Willow whispered, "Spike look at me."
He slowly lifted his gaze from the ground, and locked eyes with her. "Why?" he sneered. “Getting a good look at the Vampire turned soft sniveling git. Bet you don't see one of these every day."
"No Spike,” Willow was hurt to think that he would accuse her of such an unfeeling act. "I'm just worried about you," she answered softly.
Spike threw his head back, like a bolt of electricity had struck him. "Bloody Hell Wicca, I don't need your bleeding pity. " he threw his shoulder back to shake off her hand. He stood up and started pacing backwards and forwards. "If the Slayer wants to take off, what business is it of mine!"
"Well she took off because of you." Willow slapped her hand over her mouth as soon as the words came out. She honestly hadn't meant to say them. But thoughts have an annoying way of becoming words when you’re not careful.
Spike stopped mid-pace and spun around, leveling a death stare at Willow. If she was joking he was going to disembowel her and use her guts as a skipping rope. He clenched his teeth, and his nostrils flared slightly. "What did you say Wicca? And be sure of your answer."
It was Willows turn to study the ground. "She left tonight, because of you. She was really upset."
Spike was glad that breathing was optional. Because at that moment, he truly couldn't have drawn breath if his unlife had depended on it. He knew that Buffy was intrigued with his little display with Bru, but he didn't dream in a million years that she would be affected in a way that would make her leave and find him.
"Damn it Red. Why didn't you go get her? Do you always let best friends run off into the night?"
Now it was Willow's turn to go postal. "What do you mean let!" she yelled "I didn't 'let' her do anything, she was gone before I had a chance to do anything. Anyway, I don't know what you were trying to prove tonight with Miss Bendy, but you were supposed to be here with us. Buffy invited you to come here, as one of us tonight." Willow decided not to mention the fact that Buffy's reason for the invite was so that Spike would find himself a Miss Bendy. Mainly because after witnessing her reaction, Willow began to doubt whether that was just Buffy's way of justifying a night with Spike.
Willow may as well have slapped Spike. The reaction would have been the same. "Shit!" **Checkmate** Spike thought to himself **she's got you there**
"What do I do now then?" Spike couldn't believe he was asking Willow for advice, but he was resigned to the fact that she was his best hope of salvaging something from what was quickly becoming of a disaster of epic proportions.
"Find her."
Spike couldn't believe that she thought it would be as simple as that. **Find her. ** He pondered **Like that’s going to make anything better. Just give her a closer shot with Mr. Pointy I 'spect. But then, thinking never got you anywhere before, did it you git. ** He chuckled bitterly to himself.
"Ok then, I'll go find her. You got a ride home tonight from here?"
Willow was surprised, both at his seemingly easy acceptance of her advice, and his apparent concern about her and the others. "No Spike, we thought we would be walking with Buffy."
"Good." He tossed her the keys to the DeSoto. "Take the Bat-mobile then will ya. And don't leave her parked on the street. Can't have her getting knocked about." He gave Willow a quick wink, and his trademark smirk. " Don't know what kind of twits are out and about."
With that, he turned and strode back towards the carpark. Intent on heading in the direction that he had last heard Buffy. He had a pretty good idea where to start looking.
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Spike ran along the abandoned streets. Covering the ground easily and quickly. He knew which direction Buffy had taken, and also that she would gravitate towards the less populated area of town. He slowed to a walk as he approached the park. He could see her, sense her in the darkness. Announcing his presence wasn't his intention straight away. He knew that she'd be pissed off. And a pissed of Slayer was a creature to approached with caution. So instead, he hovered in the shadows, lit a smoke and watched, assessing the situation.
Buffy had calmed herself from the near hysteria of earlier, consequently, she sensed vampire presence. Thankful that she hadn't lost Mr. Pointy. Fingering the stake calmly, she was glad of the opportunity to kill something. Rather than hunt though, she decided to wait, wait for the vampire to come to her. When 10mins had gone by and it hadn't made any move to attack her, she began to wonder if she was imagining the feeling tingling its way up and down her spine. **Damn it to hell** she thought, ** I can't wait all night for this** and with that in mind, she rose off the ground where she had crumbled earlier, and peered into the shadows.
"So, if we are doing this, lets make it sometime before sun-up." Buffy called out into the night. Her patience was wearing more than thin, and being toyed with by some evil dead wanna-be was not high on her to do list.
Spike grinned, he'd known that she would sense him, just as he had sensed her. And even though he knew it was tempting eternal dustiness, he couldn't help but torment her just a little.
"Any time any place pet." He slid from the darkness and into view.
Buffy's face froze. A veil of anger hid her surprise. " What the hell are you doing here. I thought you'd be a little occupied." She leaned sideways and glanced around behind him "What didn't bring your date with you?"
Spike chuckled at her, and this was all it took to make her explode in fury.
In three steps, she was within arms reach of him; she struck out and punched him in the jaw, sending him reeling back. She came at him again but he ducked and returned the punch, into her stomach. She grunted and ran her hand over stomach. Looking him in the eye, she swung again, this time with her foot and collected him in the ribs.
They fought and swore until they were both almost exhausted. Neither of them wanting to kill the other and they knew it. Spike was the first to acknowledge it. He slumped down, resting his back against a tree, and looked across at her.
Buffy panted, gasping for air, she would never admit it, but the fight had taken a lot out of her. And she was glad of the break in play. As she looked over at him, taking in his ruffled hair and gleam in his eyes she said the first thing that popped into her head
"How come you bleach you hair, if you can't see your reflection?"
The question was so far from left field that Spike choked on his laughter, "Well of all the things I thought you might say luv. That wasn't even close."
Buffy started to laugh too. "It's just something that’s always bugged me, I mean, what’s the point?"
Spike's eyes bored into hers. "What’s the point of anything really."
It was a statement as much as a question and Buffy knew it. She fell somber and looked at him again. The 'person' sitting across from her was so different to anyone else, vamp or human, that she had ever known. He was the only one that could truly get under her skin, and it bugged her no end. Until tonight she had always believed that it was contempt that she felt for him, but seeing him on the dance floor had thrown her perspective right out the window.
"What was the point of the little show in the parking lot?"
She knew it was none of her business, and that she had no right to ask, but rights and needs is two different things. And she needed to hear his answer.
Spike was surprised by her forwardness, he had thought long and hard about that exact question on his way to find her. If he was going to be honest, it was entirely about physical satisfaction. Nothing more. Nothing less. He wasn't ashamed of it either. But making Buffy understand that was going to be damn near impossible and he knew it.
The only way he could make her understand, and make her see, was to tell her everything. He steeled himself. It was all or nothing time. How to explain. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders.
"A vampire is a creature of instinct, desire meeting action. Whether that desire is sex or blood. When we lust after something, the animal has a tendency to take over. Sex and death are intertwined, they don’t exist separately from each other, and I need both to survive. It’s been so long for me luv. I want you, but I take what I can get, and getting you is something I could only ever dream of. After a century of living you figure out that what you want and what you get are very rarely the same thing."
Buffy couldn't believe her what she was hearing. Of everything that he just said, there was only one thing that rang in her ears. **Spike wants me. **
Spike continued on, not wanting to rile her, but needing her to understand, he tried to make his voice quiet, and hypnotic, hoping that it would sooth her. "I can't just hang around forever, waiting for you to figure it out pet, to understand that we could be good together. I know how long forever is." He paused then, waiting for a reaction from her.
But Buffy was still back on want. "You want me? Since when do you want me!" Buffy was starting to yell. And that was exactly what spike was trying to prevent. "It sure as hell didn't look like me spread out across your damn car. Nobody wants me."
There wasn't anything she could have said that could have shocked him more. This beautiful, strong and desirable woman thought that no one wanted her. Spike could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"You can't be serious. You are the most gorgeous woman I think I've ever seen. You’re smart and sexy as all hell. And after living for 127 years I've seen bloody plenty. Women like that one tonight are a dime a dozen, but you are one in a million Buffy. Anyone that doesn't want you needs their head examined."
Buffy blushed under the onslaught of compliments. She had never heard Spike talk like this before, and no one had ever said this kind of thing to her, and never with such emphasis. She knew that she should still be angry with him, about the brunette, but she just couldn't find the anger any more.
It's not a question of me wanting you, but do you want me?
Buffy couldn't believe that he had put her on the spot like that. There was so much to take in and process. Did she want him? She knew that Spike wasn't just talking about sex this time. If he had been the answer would have been a simple. **God yes** but the intensity in his eyes betrayed what he really meant. He ment want all of him. His body, heart and mind. The complete package.
Buffy's thoughts were whirling, but to Spike it just looked like hesitation from her.
"God woman! Everytime I look at you I die all over again. Stake me if you want to, kick the living crap out of me I don't care any more. Just make a damned decision. Do you want me or not. Cause I bloody well want you."
Tears welled into her eyes, she couldn't believe that after all they had been through, after trying to kill each other repeatedly for years, that they had gotten to this point. But as she looked at his face, so completely open and honest in it need, there was only one thing that she could say.
"Yes"
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