| Horoscopes!!! (Ones i got from a magazine!) |
| Aquarius (21 Jan-19 Feb) You just about keep your composure the first time, but by the second you're a gurgling mess. If this ain't love, why does it feel so good? Destiny waits and waits and waits! |
| Pisces (20 Feb-20 Mar) They want to be good, but love all of life's tasty treats, so a sneaky eclair may get the better of you by the end of the month! Any hoover attachment is lucky! |
| Aries (21 Mar-20 Apr) Just like Britney you're feeling mightily overprotected-only, strangley, not by your folks but your friends, What's up with them? You're not a china doll! Destiny scrapes it off with a fork! |
| Taurus (21 Apr-21 May) Paradise is desturbed by a slinky snake in the grass. Remember how content you are before you go ruining everything for the sake of that fleeting temptation. Destiny confides in the mushrooms! |
| Gemini (22 May-21 June) Ok, so it might be in your nature, but that is no excuse to partake in two-faced rudies! Your number's up, matey! Destiny is a heavy snorer! |
| Cancer (22 June-23 July) You're up for it at the moment you're like a beacon. Enjoy being queen bee, but be careful who you dish out the honey to! Destiny is a girl with large hands!! |
| Leo (24 July-23 Aug) Mind your own buisness noseybonk! Your sticky beak is just making things worse. Kepp your distance, and be on hand to offer support only when it's asked for! Destiny is secreted in a lavatory cisten! |
| Virgo (24 Aug-23 Sep) Let's cut to chase: you can have anything you want this month-as long as it's under £1.99, ha-ha! No, really, the world is your cockle, winkle, oyster-whatever! Destiny somehow loses a shoe! |
| Libra (24 Sep-23 Oct) Tread carefully! If your mother knew what game was, she'd lock you in your roomand bury the key! Either stop it right now or live your life in fear-ooh, choices! Destiny is a local beauty spot! |
| Scorpio (24 Oct-22 Nov) It's good to be considerate and care for the old folks, but theres' no reason to join 'em-unless of course you like mashed turnip, incontinence pants and regular bed baths! Destiny hatches a plan to steal Justin Timberlake! |
| Sagittarius (23 Nov-21 Dec) Lucky you-this month you're gonna be plagued by waifs and strays! Beware of dorks trying to date you and twerps tricking pocket money out of you. Destiny has grumbling Kidneys! |
| Capricorn (22 Dec-20 Jan) Blimey, you being nice to people has caught everyone off guard. It's a real improvement! Keep it up and the friends you once scared off may come back. Destiny woos under scaffolding! |