Written By Shaun Blankenship

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"Your family is great, Bobbo. Definitely a step above mine."

Robert trudged down the snow-covered street with Helga. "Thanks. Did you like your presents?"

"Yeah."

"Honestly? You can hurt my feelings."

"Honestly, Rob, I really like everything!"

Robert smiled. "Well, that's good."

Helga kicked at the snow surrounding her feet. "I wonder what Arnold's doing right now."

Robert looked at his friend. "That's all you really think about, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Arnold."

"I didn't say anything about Arnold."

"Helga, it's me. You don't have to hide this stuff, I know it already."

She looked at her feet again. "Yeah, so what? I think about him all the time. What's wrong with that?"

"It's just a tiny bit obsessive."

She pointed a finger at Robert. "You can be replaced, you know."

"But then where would you live?"

She put her finger down. "The thing is that… I don't know what the thing is. I'm still confused after all these years."

"You need to tell him, Helga." Robert faced forward. "This has been going on for too long now. What if we graduate High School and you never end up telling him? What if you don't tell him and he goes back to Lila or something?"

"What do you mean 'go back'? You have to leave something to go back to it."

"The point is that you've hidden this secret since kindergarten or whatever. Why not tell him?"

Helga spun and grabbed Robert by his shirt collar. "How exactly are you supposed to deal with something like that? Imagine if, I don't know, Sheena came up to you and told you she had been crushing you since she was four. How would you react?"

"First, I'd want to know if she was serious or not. Second, I'd want to think about how I feel about her."

Helga released her grip and snapped her fingers. "Exactly! Arnold doesn't like me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"He used to hate me, but he doesn't like me like me. Right now, I'm on friendship status-"

"And that's how all good couples start out!"

Helga lifted half of her unibrow. "I'm not the type of person who Arnold would go out with. I'm the type of person who ends up miserable for the rest of their life and ends up dying unmarried."

Robert's patience had then run out. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Helga, shut up!"

Helga's mouth dropped at Robert's assertiveness. They both stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and Robert continued. "You know, you're my friend and all and I love you like a sister, but quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it! Go tell him! Give him a compliment! Say hello to him before he gets the chance to!"

"Robert, I-"

"No! He's never going to notice how desperately you need him until you make him notice!"

"And how am I supposed to that, Robert? Huh?"

All expression had left his face. "The easiest way possible. Tell him the entire story."

***

Arnold hopped inside of the car and started the engine. It was a red convertible. Arnold never knew much about cars and couldn't tell exactly what it was. At the moment, he didn't really care either. It had to be printed on the side of the car or stamped in somewhere. The excitement of the moment made him lose focus on such minor issues.

With the garage door open, Arnold drove his new car out into the driveway. He stepped out of his car, manually closed the garage, and slid in. The hood was still up on the convertible. Only a fool would drive a car with the top down in winter. He sat back inside and admired his new gift. It was almost as if it were brand new. The car must've been from the sixties or fifties, but it looked like it had just been assembled yesterday. Kind of like Christine… hopefully without the consequences.

He shifted in reverse. Good thing for automatic transmissions. Shifting gears seemed like too much work. How can you relax when driving while you have a responsibility to shift every time you hit a certain RPM? You can't, man. It just can't be done.

He backed out of the driveway and onto the street for a test drive.

***

"You expect me to go up to this boy that I've known all my life and tell him I've been keeping a picture of him with me ever since preschool?"

Robert nodded. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"That's expecting too much from me, chief. I can't just tell him how I feel!"

Robert looked at Helga. "You're a hypocrite."

"What?"

"You heard me. When I had the crush on Rhonda, what did you tell me to do? When I had the crush on Amy, what did you say I should do? When I had that small crush on your friend Phoebe back in seventh grade, what did you tell me to do?"

"I told you to stay away from her," Helga responded. "Gerald would beat you brainless."

"Yeah. Good thing that only lasted three days. Anyways, the important thing is that you usually tell me to act by what I feel is right to do but you hardly ever do the same for yourself."

"I've tried!"

"But not hard enough, Helga! You've never told him exactly everything you need to. Whenever you come close, you always act like it was just a mistake or you were caught up in the moment."

Helga started to walk down the street again. "What do I have to do to make you stop this nagging?"

Robert ran up beside her. "Tell him. Just go and tell him. Get him alone if you have to. Why are you so afraid?"

"Why did you always come to me for help? You were just as afraid as I was. Rejection is what I'm afraid of."

"You're not going to get rejected, Helga."

Helga screamed out loud on the empty street, "And how do you know? What, are you a psychic or something now?"

They found themselves stopped once again. Robert tried comforting her. "Look, he's known you forever. If you tell him, what do you think he's going to do? Even if he doesn't like you like you, that doesn't mean he's going to excommunicate you or something. You have nothing to lose and a slim chance to gain. Why not take that chance?"

Helga sighed. "I'll try, Rob. I can't promise anything."

Robert lifted a finger up in almost an ET type of gesture and did his best impersonation of Yoda. "No try, only do! Yes! Mmm!"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Rob, you're such a good friend."

"I know." They continued to walk together. "I had a great mentor."

***

Arnold pulled over to the side of the street and rolled down the passenger side window. "Hey, how do you like the car?"

Helga advanced to the window and placed her arms in the open frame. "Wow, this must've cost a lot. Where'd you steal it from, football?"

Robert peaked in from behind Helga's shoulder. "Hi, Arnold."

Arnold waved back. "Hey, Robert. It was a Christmas present. You guys need a ride?"

Helga shook her head. "Nope, we're fine. We were just walking around. In fact, I think we were about to walk back. You feel like going home, Robbie?"

Robert shrugged. "I guess… I don't know."

Arnold leaned an elbow on the steering wheel. "Well, I could at least give you guys a ride. Are you sure you don't need a ride?"

Helga looked over at Robert and whispered, "What should I do?"

Robert was speechless, yet tried to talk and letting only portions of words and sputtering escape his mouth. He then finally was able to form something out of the scrambled stuttering: "Take it."

She turned back to Arnold. "I guess we could use a ride. It's only down the street a few blocks away. You'd have to turn around though. You think it'd be alright?"

Arnold nodded. "Oh, yeah. Sure. Both of you just get into the back seat."

Helga moved over a few inches and pulled on the door handle, but the door wouldn't open. She poked her head into the still open window. "Um, this thing's locked."

"Oh." Arnold leaned over and pulled up on the silver tab in the inside of the door. "There you go."

Helga opened the back passenger side door and let herself in. Robert soon followed. She then proceeded to grab her safety belt and click it into place. "Thanks, Arnold. Merry Christmas."

Robert followed off of Helga's statement. "Yeah. Merry Christmas, Arnold."

He turned his head back to them. "Merry Christmas to you guys too." He pulled the car off the side of the road and started up to the closest gas station to turn around. "So how was your Christmas?"

Helga pointed at herself and then Robert. "Me or him?"

"Both."

Robert smiled. "It was great, thanks for asking."

Helga backed him up. "Yeah, it was great."

Arnold just nodded in understanding. "Well, that's good."

Helga moved her foot at the floor of the seat and heard a crumbling sound. She looked and found a bag from a McRonald's fast food restaurant. "When did you get this car?"

"Just this morning."

"And already you're polluting the back seat with garbage?"

"What?" Arnold stopped at the red light and looked into the rear view mirror. Helga held up the brown paper sack. "I think I know who's responsible for that. Bet any money it was Kokoshka."

"Who's that?"

The light turned green and Arnold started to drive again. "Accent, cheapskate, likes to borrow money with no intentions of paying it back."

"Oh, the one with that annoying laugh. 'Heh-heh'." Helga mocked the boarding house occupant almost perfectly.

"That would be the one."

Robert leaned over to Helga and whispered in her ear, "You know, if you have something to tell him, now might be the time."

Helga whispered back into his ear, "I need to tell him alone, Rob. I can't just tell him with you watching."

"Sure you can. Just say it: 'Arnold,' and then…"

Arnold looked back into the rear view mirror. "What are you two talking about?"

Helga answered his question. "Last night's 'North Town'. That cartoon late night on Cartoon Central. You ever watch that show?"

Arnold shook his head while keeping his eyes on the road. "No, I usually go to bed at ten. I don't like staying up late on weekdays."

"You should set your VCR for it or something. It's so funny."

Arnold humored her, "Oh, okay."

She leaned over back to Robert's ear. "Not now, Rob."

"Then when?"

"Anytime but now, I can't! Why can't you understand…"

Arnold kibitzed again, "Is everything alright?"

Helga nodded. "Yeah, everything's great."

Arnold shifted the car into park. "Good, 'cause we're here."

Helga looked out of her window. Huh, we are here. Ain't that something. She looked at Arnold's face through the rear-view mirror. His warming smile shone on his face. "What are you smiling at?"

"I don't know." Arnold looked over to the back seat. "It's just… I love this car. I still can't believe that this car is mine, or that all the boarders had chipped in on it. It's just… unreal."

Robert opened his door and left without saying anything. After he was out, they could faintly hear him say "Thanks", but with the windows up and doors shut it's hard to hear anything. Arnold and Helga were alone in the car now. Helga looked at the seat, the dashboard, and then Arnold. "So… is this all you got?"

"Yeah." Arnold patted the passenger seat. "It's alright. I don't mind, since I wasn't really expecting anyone to get me anything anyway."

"Well, you disserve it. You've been running that boarding house for a few years now by yourself." Helga cracked her knuckles. "It's kind of the least they could do."

Arnold held up his left index and middle finger. "Two things Helga. One: I don't care if I get any recognition for what I do at that boarding house. As long as everyone has what they need, it's okay. Two: if you keep cracking your knuckles like that, you're gonna have arthritis by the time you're twenty."

Helga looked at Arnold in disagreement. "Actually, that's just an old wife's tale. There's no scientific proof that this is bad for you."

"Really now?"

"Yeah. When you don't move your fingers for a while, this fluid in them runs out of them. The popping noise is just a pop made in the joints because the fluid's gone. It's not bones breaking or rubbing together; it's just this popping noise where the fluid should be there. That's why you can't crack them again shortly after doing it. If it was bad, that'd mean that chiropractics are a complete sham because all they do is snap those dry spots around."

Arnold was almost speechless. "Where'd you hear this?"

"Health class." She cracked her last remaining joints: her thumbs.

"What teacher did you have?"

"Misses Wittenberg." Helga opened her door. "Haven't you had the class yet? It's required for graduation."

"I think I have it right now. Isn't it part of P.E.?"

"Yeah, the second semester though. I gotta go, Arnold. Thanks for the ride and everything."

Arnold shook his head as if he had just woken up from briefly falling asleep. "See ya, Helga."

She smiled. "See ya, football-head." This time, football-head wasn't used negatively, but as a friendly nickname.

Arnold smiled back at her as she slammed the door shut. Arnold recoiled at the hard hitting of the door back in its place. Ah, that's gonna wreck this car faster. He shifted the car into drive and drove away from the curb.

***

"Way to go, Helga. Way to go right out there and tell him."

She raised her arms in confusion. "Hey, I was trying to act casual. I'm not going to just go up to him and say, 'Hey, Arnold! How ya been! Hey, did you know I used to have a pile of used gum in your image? No really! I also have volume after volume of poetry dedicated to you!' Crimeny!" She put her hands down. "I'll tell him next time."

Robert was silent and just stared at her. His eyes were bitter and looked as if he was disappointed at her. He turned around and started walking to his home. "You're never going to feel good until you tell him."

"What'd I do wrong?" Helga started walking behind him. "What do you care anyway?"

Robert spun around. "You're my friend, Helga! I'm looking out for you! I'm not your landlord, I'm not your meal ticket; I'm your friend! Friends help other friends out! I'm trying to help you the way you've helped me but it's as if you don't realize how badly you need it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Imagine what it'd be like without having to keep this crap secret!" He sighed in exhaustion, still trying to remember what exactly he was complaining about. "If you don't tell him soon, you never will. Merry Christmas."

Robert stormed inside of his house while Helga stood alone in front of it. "Now I have to go tell him! Ugh!"