GERALD: So, Arnold, what are you gonna do this week over spring break.

ARNOLD: I’ll probably just end up at home. Grandpa has a lot of work to get done around the house. Money’s tight; we won’t be going anywhere.

GERALD: That’s too bad, man. Me, I’m going to my grandparents down in Georgia. They got everything, man. Pool, cable; it’ll be like paradise, Arnold.

ARNOLD: Sounds like fun. Wish I could be there.

GERALD: Yup. Well, good luck with your vacation.

ARNOLD: Ah, it’s only a week or so, it’ll fly by. We’ll be back in school before you know it.

GERALD: Yeah that’s the only downside of it. When is summer gonna roll in, we need more time off from school.

ARNOLD: Well, I gotta go home. Dinner’s probably done. I’ll see you when you get back.

GERALD: See ya, Arnold. Don’t waste this vacation, buddy.

ARNOLD: I won’t. See ya.

GERALD: See ya.

ARNOLD: [walks inside of the Sunset Arms boarding house]

SCENE: Arnold wakes up from his bed with his alarm clock going off.

ALARM: "Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey…"

ARNOLD: [Shuts off alarm.] Well, spring break, day one. [Arnold walks outside with baseball bat and glove and goes over to Sid’s house and knocks on the door]

SID: [Opens door.] Oh, hey Arnold.

ARNOLD: Hey, Sid. Wanna play baseball?

SID: Oh, Arnold, I can’t. I’ve got company over.

ARNOLD: It’s 11 in the morning. Who could be visiting your house at this time?

SID: It’s my Aunt and Uncle from Oregon. They flew in this morning.

ARNOLD: Oh, well, do you know when you can come outside.

SID: I’m gonna be busy all day, we’re gonna go out and shop for furniture.

ARNOLD: Wow, you sound busy all day.

SID: Yeah, I’m sorry.

ARNOLD: It’s all right. Go out and have fun with your Aunt and Uncle.

SID: ‘Kay, bye. [Slams door quickly]

ARNOLD: [Stares in bewilderment at Sid’s door]

SCENE: Arnold sits on the bench across from Green Meats and stares at the sidewalk. Helga bends the corner, catches sight of Arnold and runs back around the corner

HELGA: [Spoken wistfully.] Oh, Arnold, my dear. [Pulls out locket with Arnold’s picture] Why? Out of any day, we meet on this one, the first day of spring vacation? And now I will be forced to confront you in denial of my true desires, and burn all of that could’ve been in a storm of angry fire. Oh, Arnold, my love, my sweet prince. My… [Pauses for a moment and gives a paranoid look around.] Something’s not right. [Notices a note on the building right next to her] Hmm… [Reads the note.] Went on vacation, back in a week. Brainy. [Looks up from note.] Hmm, odd. [Walks around corner back over to Arnold.]

ARNOLD: Hey Helga.

HELGA: [Smoothly] Oh, hey Arnold. What ya doin’?

ARNOLD: Nothing. There’s nothing to do. Everybody’s either busy at the moment or on vacation.

HELGA: Hmm, bummer. Why aren’t you on vacation?

ARNOLD: Can’t afford it. The most we could do is go camping but there’s no one to camp with. Plus Grandpa has stuff to do. [Shows for a second or two Grandpa asleep in front of the TV with an infomercial for a cleaning product with the "power of grapefruit." Goes back to Arnold and Helga.]

HELGA: Eh, we were gonna go somewhere but Big Bob didn’t want to ‘miss any working time’. Sheesh. Well, I hope things work out for you, football-head. [Starts to walk away.]

ARNOLD: Wait! Helga!

HELGA: [Stops and turns around and speaks annoyingly] What, Arnoldo?

ARNOLD: What are you doing today?

HELGA: [Nervously] Me?! I… uh… I’m…

ARNOLD: Because if you weren’t busy I was wondering if you want to do something like go see a movie or something.

HELGA: [Her eyebrow goes up and her mouth drops.] Hold on a second. [Turns around and speaks quietly to herself.] Oh, fate of fates. Finally I will be able to spend some quality time with Arnold and help him see the real Helga! The girl inside dying for attention…

ARNOLD: [Interrupting] Uh, Helga?

HELGA: WHAT!

ARNOLD: Do you wanna hang out.

HELGA: Ah, might as well. Not like I have anything else to do. [Sits by him.] So what do you wanna do, football-head? [Starts thinking to herself] This is your one chance, Helga ol’ girl. Don’t blow it!

SCENE: Shows a montage of different activities by Helga and Arnold. Both of them laughing in a movie theatre, biking through the park, eating ice cream and laughing. Helga drops her cone over the edge of the small bridge in the park, Arnold offers his to her. She takes and looks at him adoringly. Last scene it shows is sunset and Arnold and Helga are walking down the street. Arnold is about to go home.

ARNOLD: Well, bye, Helga. I had a good time today.

HELGA: Yeah, well, it was all right. Better than I expected it would be, you know, hanging out with you and all.

ARNOLD: [Looking mildly offended.] Yeah, sure. Well, bye.

HELGA: Wait! Arnold!

ARNOLD: [Steps back from his door]

HELGA: Um… hey… well, since we each have nothing to do all vacation… I… um…

ARNOLD: Yes, Helga?

HELGA: I… I… I wanted to know if you’d like to hang out tomorrow or something. [Helga cringes as if she’s about to be hit with something]

ARNOLD: Yeah, sure.

HELGA: I mean because if we’re bored, heck, it’s better than being bored alone.

ARNOLD: I’d like that, Helga.

HELGA: Okay, then. [More confident now] I’ll see you tomorrow then. Bye Arnold.

ARNOLD: Bye Helga. [Opens door and animals come running out] You would think that this would’ve been fixed by now. [Goes inside and shuts the door]

HELGA: [Stares at Arnold’s door and sighs lovingly]

SCENE: Inside the Sunset Arms, Grandpa is sitting at the dinner table and Grandma is cooking.

ARNOLD: [Walks In.] Hi Grandpa.

GRANDPA: Hey, short man, where ya been?

ARNOLD: I’ve been out all day.

GRANDPA: Oh, doing what?

ARNOLD: Hanging out with Helga.

GRANDPA: Helga… Helga… which one is that again? The rich snobby one?

ARNOLD: No, that was Rhonda.

GRANDPA: The one with the ponytails and the freckles?

ARNOLD: That’s Lila.

GRANDPA: How about that one who always wore that blue shirt you were affixed with?

ARNOLD: No, that was Ruth.

GRANDPA: Right, whatever happened to her anyway? Oh, wait, is that the mean one with the one eyebrow?

ARNOLD: Yeah, that’s her.

GRANDPA: Whoa-ho! I thought she hated you, always pickin’ on ya.

ARNOLD: Can we drop this please?

GRANDPA: Whatever suits ya, short-man. Hey, Pookie made pickled salmon again!

ARNOLD: Um, pass. I’m not really that hungry. I’m just gonna go to bed.

GRANDPA: Okay then but you don’t know what you’re missin’!

ARNOLD: [Goes up to his room and sighs.] I wonder what Helga’s doin’.

SCENE: Cuts to Helga eating dinner with family.

BOB: So, Olga, what’d you do today.

HELGA: It’s HELGA, dad, and it’s none of your business!

MIRIAM: Now, Helga, don’t yell at your father.

BOB: Crimeny! All I did was ask you what you did!

HELGA: I went out, I watched a movie, I hung around and now I’m home.

BOB: Uh, whatever. Hey, I’ve got news. We’re going to Nevada!

HELGA: [Gives a look of displacement.] What? What about your beeper empire?

BOB: I got Johnson running it for the week, it’ll be fine.

HELGA: But I have plans! You can’t do this!

BOB: Hey! It took me a long time to find someone to cover for me this week and an even longer time to find airline tickets for Nevada for tomorrow morning.

HELGA: TOMORROW MORNING? Dad, you can’t do this to me!

BOB: Helga, you’re young, you’ll have plenty of time to make plans and play with your friends later on. Right now, we’re going to Nevada tomorrow! Now I want you to pack before you go to bed.

HELGA: [Said in quiet fury… picture that.] I’m not going.

BOB & MIRIAM: What?

HELGA: I… AM… NOT… GOING!

BOB: You’re going, young lady, whether you like it or not and when we do leave, you will not ruin my vacation! You got that!

HELGA: I’m not going, Bob, so don’t bother waking me up tomorrow! I won’t be here!

BOB: You’ll be here! And if not we’re leaving you here and locking you out!

HELGA: Fine!

BOB: FINE!

HELGA: [Storms off.]

MIRIAM: [Has fallen asleep while no one was looking and woke up after Bob said, "FINE!"] Huh, what? Uh… I need caffeine.

HELGA: [On her bed in her room crying.] Why? Why?! Right when I start to get on good terms with Arnold, Big Bob has to come and shatter everything! I hate him! What can I do? How am I going to solve this?

SCENE: At Phoebe’s door almost after Helga was up in her room.

PHOEBE: [Answers knocking at the door.] Helga?

HELGA: Hey, Phoebes [pronounces FEEBS], I need your help. I don’t know what to do.

PHOEBE: Helga, it’s ten o’clock at night. Can’t this wait ‘til morning?

HELGA: No, this can’t wait until morning, Phoebe! I have a dilemma here! See, I promised this friend that I’d…

PHOEBE: Who did you make a promise with?

HELGA: That’s none of your beeswax, just listen! I said I would spend some time with this person right when I was starting to get on their good side and now my dad plans on destroying it all by taking us all out to Nevada tomorrow morning and I need a solution quick!

PHOEBE: [Puzzled.] What?

HELGA: [Sighs.] Let’s go to your room, you can write it down.

SCENE: Helga and Phoebe up in Phoebe’s room.

PHOEBE: Well, after analyzing your scenario, Helga, it seems there are only a few things you can do.

HELGA: Well, what can I do, Phoebe? C’mon, you’re killing me!

PHOEBE: All right, you can ask your dad to cancel the trip…

HELGA: Pssh! Yeah, right. Like Bob will even listen.

PHOEBE: Right. Well, you can tell this friend your situation and maybe they’ll understand and feel sympathy for you.

HELGA: Are you kidding! I’ve finally gotten farther with him than I ever have and now you want me to just tell off my Arn… [Pauses.] A… A…

PHOEBE: [Gives Helga an awkward stare.]

HELGA: …A… anonymous friend! Yeah, that’s it! Heh-heh-heh… [Helga is very nervous and sweating.]

PHOEBE: [Hesitates.] This person wouldn’t happen to be Arnold, would it?

HELGA: [Wide-eyed and shaking] Arnold? Arnold? Of course not! Like I’d spend all my time with football-head! Sheesh!

PHOEBE: Well, is this person is as important as you make him, he’ll understand! Nobody’s world revolves around you, Helga, no matter what you think.

HELGA: Are you with me or against me?

PHOEBE: Very much with you, Helga, but that seems to be your only other options aside from staying at someone else’s house for the weekend.

HELGA: Phoebe that’s a great idea! I can stay at your house!

PHOEBE: [Shocked.] What?

HELGA: Yeah! I can tell my dad I’m staying here for the week! Maybe then he’ll be able to go without me without a problem. It’s not like he wants me around anyway!

PHOEBE: Helga, you can’t just come over and spend a week with me! I mean I’d have to ask my parents…

HELGA: You do that, Phoebe. Thank you, you’re the best friend ever, I gotta go catch some sleep for tomorrow. Thank you, Phoebe! [Helga bolts to her house.]

PHOEBE: [Sighs] Never mind.

SCENE: Helga is in her bedroom tossing and turning, when she has a dream.

HELGA: [Is running down the neighborhood over to Arnold’s house, running and panting. She gets to the door and knocks on it. Arnold answers the door.] Arnold, I…

ARNOLD: Let me guess, you can’t do anything today.

HELGA: It’s not what you think, I…

ARNOLD: Geez, Helga, why couldn’t you just tell me you had no intention of doing anything today anyway. I actually had my hopes up of spending time with you but I can see now it was just another one of your cruel jokes!

HELGA: That’s not it, Arnold! I…

ARNOLD: Why do you hate me so much? I never did anything to hurt you whatsoever and at most time avoid you, but when I finally get used to hanging out with you and becoming friends with you, I fall right in to another trap of yours. Why, Helga? Why do you do this to me? You just wanted me to sit here bored out of my mind didn’t you?

HELGA: Arnold, you’re not listening!

ARNOLD: Fine, tell me then. Tell me why you feel it necessary to do this to me.

HELGA: Shakes and bites her lip.] Arnold, I love you! I adore you, I worship you, and I’m crazy about you! I can’t stop thinking about you!

ARNOLD: [Pauses.] I’m not falling for this one, Helga. You know, right when I think you can’t stoop any lower you do this to me. Well, Helga, I’m not buying it. Get out of here, Helga, and don’t ever bother me again. [Slams door in her face.]

HELGA: [While still on the steps of Arnold’s house facing the door, she falls to her knees and starts to sob uncontrollably. While crying, a trap door falls from where she stood and drops her into a tunnel spiraling to a dark room into a chair with wrist and ankle locks like an electric chair. Bob steps out from the darkness and speaks to Helga.]

BOB: Well, Helga, I saw how much fun you we’re having and had to put a stop in it. You’re a Pataki! And as a Pataki, you are to be free of emotion and attachment. This is the only way to cure your obsession, Helga. You’re going to Nevada, far away from that football-headed orphan.

MIRIAM: [Steps out from nowhere with a cup of coffee.] Your father’s right, dear, you’re coming to Nevada.

HELGA: [Screams at the top of her lungs.]

SCENE: Helga wakes up from her nightmare screaming in her bed at two o’clock in the morning.

BOB: [From afar.] Pipe down, Helga, I’m trying to sleep!

HELGA: That does it! [Helga stomps her way out of bed and over to her parents’ room and pounds on the door.] Dad, I have to talk to you!

BOB: Gosh, Helga, what now? [Opens door.] This better be good.

HELGA: I can’t go to Nevada.

BOB: Helga, we’ve been over this! You’re going!

HELGA: But, dad, I can’t go! I just can’t! I don’t want to and I’m not gonna!

BOB: Oh, you’ll do what I say, young lady!

HELGA: Or you’ll do what, Bob! I’m not going!

BOB: Or I’ll strap you to the roof of the car and stow you in the overhead compartment of the plane! You’re going, Olga!

HELGA: It’s Helga, dad!

BOB: Whatever! Be ready to leave in the morning and that’s final! [Slams door.]

HELGA: [Grunts and stomps away.]

SCENE: Helga is fully dressed with a coat on and walks over to Arnold’s house. It’s not day out yet but it’s almost sunrise.

HELGA: [Knocks on the door of the boarding house.]

GRANDPA: [Heard from within.] All right, I’m comin’. Hold your horses! [Opens door.] Hey, uh… oh, it’s you. It’s a little early for Arnold to be comin’ outside.

HELGA: I don’t want to play with him, I need to talk to him.

GRANDPA: Well, I don’t know, he’s sleeping’ right now. Can’t you just leave him a message or something?

HELGA: Well, do you have any paper?

GRANDPA: [Groans.] Just come inside.

SCENE: Jumps to Helga at Arnold’s kitchen table and Grandpa handing her a notebook and a pencil.

GRANDPA: When you’re done, just leave the note up in his room. It’s the attic up the stairs. There’ll be a pull down stairs in the ceiling.

HELGA: [Bewildered while Grandpa’s talking.] You mean I have to go in… [Gulps.] Arnold’s room?!

GRANDPA: What, do you have a problem with that or something? If so, you can just leave it on the table and…

HELGA: No, I’m fine. I’ll just put in… his room. Heh-heh, nothing wrong here! Ha-ha!

GRANDPA: [Suspiciously.] Riiiight. Well, I’ll be asleep. Good-bye… eh… what’d you say your name was?

HELGA: Ah, it’s not important, have a nice sleep!

GRANDPA: Riiiight. [Leaves and goes to bed.]

HELGA: [Starts writing letter but what she is actually writing is unseen. When she is done; she goes up the stairs, pulls down the entrance to Arnold’s room and walks into his room. Her knees are shaking like she was on stilts and lost her balance. She places the note on Arnold’s desk and the sees him sleeping on his bed. She slowly walks over to him, gets by his bed and starts quietly talking.] Oh, Arnold, I never meant to treat you foul or unkind. After I arrange another happy day of getting to know you better, my dreams are squashed by a higher power. After you lean on me for support, I cut you down and leave you helpless. Oh, Arnold. [She puts his arms around his sleeping body.] Why must I hold you only whilst you dream. [She hesitates.] Wait a minute… ah, never mind. I love you, Arnold, and I will until my heart ceases to beat!

ARNOLD: [Starts to wake up.] Hey, who’s there? Helga?

HELGA: [When Arnold muttered "Hey…", she got out of there and ran out into the street and back home.]

ARNOLD: [Gets up and walks over to his desk and finds the letter and begins to read aloud.] ‘Dear Arnold, when I said yesterday that I would spend today with you, I didn’t know what I know now. My dad surprised my mom and me with a vacation to Nevada and I was not told until I came home. With whatever you feel about me, I just want you to know this was not intentional. I haven’t been the nicest person to you, Arnold, and I’m sorry. Today I actually wanted to hang out with you, spend the whole day with you, maybe even all of vacation, and I still wish I could. I’m sorry for my past actions, Arnold, but please do not hold this against me. I guess I’ll have to see you in class in a week. Sincerely, Helga G. Pataki.’ [Arnold sits down and looks at the note but then realizes more.] ‘P.S.: Don’t let this letter make you think I have some sort of soft spot for you, Bucko!’ [Arnold looks up from the letter less then amused.]

SCENE: The Patakis our packing up their car on their way to the airport. Helga is depressed with head hung low.

BOB: Yup, nothing like a vacation out to Nevada! Oh, Las Vegas is going to be great! Except for you, Helga. No children in the casino, you’ll have to wait in the hotel.

HELGA: [Morosely.] Yippee.

BOB: Now, Miriam, make sure that the luggage is strapped on tight to the roof, we don’t want anything fallin’ off like last time.

HELGA: [Gets inside the car, the rest of the family follows. The car leaves the neighborhood and gets on the interstate where it meets with nothing but traffic.] Great, another terrific turn of events.

BOB: Oh, great! What are we supposed to do now? [Time passes and eventually they make it to the airport. All of them rush through the doors to the front desk.] Please, what terminal do we go to?! The plane takes off in ten minutes!

RECEPTIONIST: Um, yeah, there’s a problem with your tickets.

BOB: What?! What’s wrong with our tickets?

RECEPTIONIST: Yeah, they’re not real.

BOB: What do you mean ‘they’re no real’? Look at them! Hello! They’re tickets!

RECEPTIONIST: No, these are fake imitations. See, "Absolute Airlines" is misspelled, the tickets are half the size of our normal official passes and we have no such seating as… [Squints eyes to read it.] ‘super rich and fancy first class’. I suggest you take whoever sold you these tickets to the authorities.

BOB: You mean these tickets are fake?

RECEPTIONIST: Yes, I do believe I said that.

BOB: [Yells and rips up the tickets.] That Johnson is so fired!

HELGA: You mean we’re not going to Nevada?

BOB: Of course not! How’s Johnson going to run the store after I hospitalize him?!

HELGA: [Inner Thought Dialogue.] Yes! Yes! Now I can go back to Arnold and spend the rest of my week with him! Oh joy of joys! Oh, beautiful rapture! Oh… [In her thoughts, the sound of Brainy breathing over her shoulder looms, which is quickly followed with a punching noise.]

SCENE: Arnold’s sitting on the fronts steps of the Sunset Arms boarding house throwing a baseball at the cement side rail and bouncing it back to himself.

GRANDPA: [Walks out onto the steps.] Hey, what ya doin’, short man?

ARNOLD: Nothing. Helga was the only person home during vacation and now she left town. There’s absolutely nothing to do and no one to talk to. You know, I took her company for granted. I never really thought of how there was nothing to do before she bumped into me. This is the worse vacation ever.

GRANDPA: Well, who knows! Maybe in some weird turn of events, the Patakis will come rushing back home and you’ll have some company for your cruddy weekend. [The Pataki car goes speeding by.] Wow, that was right on time. Hey, another day saved by the irony of Grandpa.

ARNOLD: But you didn’t do anything.

GRANDPA: Did I, Arnold? Did I?

GRANDMA: [Calling from inside.] People! There are waffles!

GRANPA: Ooh! Waffles! See ya, Arnold! [Rushes inside.]

ARNOLD: [Sighs.] I’m the only normal person on Earth. [Arnold leaves the steps, walks over to Helga’s house and knocks. Helga answers.]

HELGA: [Surprised.] Arnold!

ARNOLD: Hey, I saw your car pull in. I was wondering if you weren’t doing anything important if you wanna go play catch or something.

HELGA: [Almost insulted.] Catch?

ARNOLD: Or something else.

HELGA: Hmm, okay. [She walks out the house.] Where do you wanna go?

ARNOLD: I don’t know but it’s better there being alone. [Pulls a paper out of his pocket.] I got your note. I don’t think you’re a terrible person, Helga, and if you hadn’t shown up today without warning me, I honestly would’ve probably forgotten. No offense.

HELGA: Oh, none taken.

ARNOLD: You must have been at my house at four in the morning.

HELGA: Four o’ twelve to be exact.

ARNOLD: Right. I just wanted to say that in the midst of you looking down on me, I’ve looked down on you. And even after the day we spent I still had doubts about your character. But deep inside, you’re a nice person and a great friend.

HELGA: [Smiling but quickly snapping out.] Well, whatever you say, hair boy.

ARNOLD: [Sighs.] You still won’t admit it, will you?

HELGA: [Freezes.] Admit what?

ARNOLD: That you’re not completely mean. You’re not always this bully image you try to pass off as.

HELGA: I have no idea what you’re talking about! What do you mean ‘bully image’?

ARNOLD: You know what, let’s just drop this.

HELGA: All right then.

ARNOLD: So how about the water park?

HELGA: Okay, but if any one asks, we’re brother and sister. I don’t want people thinking we’re all mushy and all that junk.

ARNOLD: Okay, Helga. [They walk off.] Hey, when you put that note on my desk, didn’t you happen to say anything before I woke up did you?

HELGA: Not that I can remember, why?

ARNOLD: No reason.

ONE WEEK LATER

SCENE: School’s back in and everyone’s about to walk inside. Right now, Arnold and everyone have congregated (Ooh, I like that word.) outside of the school and are talking about their vacations.

GERALD: …And then a tornado came and we had to hide in my grandma’s basement for five hours watching nothing but old tapes of religious programs. My grandma’s the only person I know who actually tapes all of those.

HAROLD: You got off lucky! My family drove all around the state visiting historical landmarks! Nothing but reading and no lunch breaks! I could’ve stayed at school and had a better time!

GERALD: What’d you do, Arnold?

ARNOLD: Well, I just hung out all week with Helga.

GERALD: [As Gerald talks, Helga is walking up to the school. She’s not quite in sight, but can hear what the students are saying. She stops and listens.] Helga? Helga Pataki? You must’ve been desperate!

ARNOLD: At first, [Helga scowls.] but then we started to actually have some fun. It was like I wasn’t hanging out with the old Helga, but a nicer Helga. A new, improved Helga. [She starts to smile in a dopey way.] I just wonder what Helga is going to act like now that school’s actually back in.

HELGA: [Starts to push through the school entrance and into the school.] Move it, bucko! Get outta my way! [Approaches Arnold.] Move it, football-head!

ARNOLD: [Backs off and let’s Helga through.] Well, it’s back to the old Helga. I’m gonna miss the other one.

GERALD: Don’t worry, Arnold. Maybe one day she’ll finally change her ways.

ARNOLD: Hey, you think so?

GERALD: Nope, but I hope so. Just a little bit of happy wishing.

ARNOLD: Well, thanks anyway Gerald. Let’s go inside. School’s about to start. We don’t want to be late.

GERALD: I heard that. [Arnold and Gerald do their thumb shake.]

FINISH: Everyone goes in the school and the bell rings. Fade to black, roll the credits.

All rights reserved. ©Shaun Blankenship. Used with permission.