Title: Scrooged, Jedi Style
Author: Oncidium (hellsmouth@sympatico.ca)
Archive: M_A if they want it
Category: Qui/Obi, Parody, Other
Rating: PG
Summary: Response to Stan's challenge. Two Jedi want to bond, a scrooge doesn't want them to and three ghosts visit. Mayhem ensues.
Disclaimer: These guys belong to Lucas, even if he doesn't let them have any fun. I make no money from this.
Feedback: Oh Yes!!!!!...Please.... onlist or by email
"I have a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan said as he paced the small anteroom outside the Jedi Council chambers.
Qui-Gon looked up from the datapad he had been reading, smiled reassuringly at his Padawan and said, "Obi-Wan, we put forth many good and logical arguments to the Council. I don't see why they won't grant us one simple petition."
Obi-Wan then walked over to the couch, where Qui-Gon was sitting and sat heavily next to the older man. "Usually you tell me not to centre on my anxieties at times like this," He said a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"I think I may have overused that piece of wisdom then, if it has become that obvious," Qui-Gon replied and then took Obi-Wan's hand in his own and squeezed it reassuringly.
The Council chamber door opened and the two men were ushered back into the centre of the chamber by one of the Council aides. Obi-Wan looked at each of the faces of the Jedi Council, but was unable to read their inscrutable expressions and no stray thought escaped from behind any members' iron-clad shields.
Mace Windu then leaned forward in his chair, resting his chin thoughtfully one his fingertips and said "The Council has reached a decision, you're petition for the right to form a soul bond with one another has been... denied."
Qui-Gon drew in a quick breath and even though Obi-Wan's face remained placid, every being in the room could feel the misery he projected.
"But surely the Council must have agreed with our logic. The research we did in how the Jedi order could benefit from allowing it's members to fall in love, form soul bonds and perhaps raise families. Surely you can all see the benefit. Enrolment in the Jed Academy would sky rocket... We wouldn't have to rack up so many Interstellar Frequent Flyer Points having to travel all around the galaxy looking for force sensitives to bring them here..." Qui-Go felt his famous control slipping with each passing sentence. He was grasping at straws now, but he had to make this one last-ditch effort to make the Council understand.
"Starting a family was, perhaps not, you first consideration when petition the Council, you did, to form a bond with your Padawan? Hrrrm, Qui-Gon?" Yoda intoned.
"Well, no. Not us. I was using that for sake of example," Qui-Gon knew he had overreached on that last one and now Yoda could use it to show weaknesses in the rest of the argument no doubt.
Before Yoda could respond to Qui-Gon's last statement, Mace Windu cut in, "Actually Qui-Gon, most of the Council agreed with your arguments and were ready to change the part of the Code ruling that Jedi were not to love. We only had one hold out. Unfortunately that hold out has the right to veto a majority vote." With that all eyes in the room turned to look at Yoda.
The small Jedi Master shifted uncomfortably in his seat under the weight of the scrutiny and muttered, "My own counsel will I keep as to what parts of the Code should be changed. When 700 years old you all reach, know Code teaches what's best for all Jedi you will." Then in a louder voice he stated, "The decision of the Council on this mater is final. A mission you and your Padawan have, Qui-Gon. Prepare for it you must. Leave tomorrow morning you do."
With that it was said and done. The petition was denied and the subject was closed. The two Jedi at the centre of the room bowed respectfully to the members of the Council and left the room.
Back in their rooms Obi-Wan finally gave into the anger that had been rising, "Denied! You see? I told you. Denied. What was even the point of that little exercise, Master? We're no better off than we started out going down that road, still relegated to silent longing, extra meditation to release passion to the Force and LOTS of cold showers. I liked my idea better. Quit the Jedi, bond and become an indefinable team of bounty hunters or something!"
Qui-Gon folded his arms and watched his beloved Padawan stomp around making wild gesticulations during his tirade. When it seemed that the worst was over he ventured to speak, "Are you done?" Obi-Wan slumped and nodded miserably. "Good. Letting your anger get the better of you like that only helps to prove the Codes teachings that such passionate emotions as love are a sure path to the Dark side. We will go on this mission for the Chancellor and when we come back, then we will discuss the options before us. Agreed?"
"Agreed," Obi-Wan, said as a small smile lit on his face," Did anyone ever tell you that your cool and level head can get annoying sometimes? There are just times when I wish Yoda weren't such a scrooge."
"A scrooge, Padawan? I am not familiar with the phrase," Qui-Gon sounded genuinely intrigued.
"Oh, it's from a story I read from the temple archives. It referred to a character that started out hating some holiday or observance and was a real killjoy. Then three ghosts pointed out the error of his ways and how things could get real bad if he didn't change. So he did."
Qui-Gon laughed and although he knew that he should admonish his student for showing such disrespect toward the head of their order and the oldest living Jedi, he couldn't help but agree with the analogy.
In another part of the temple, Yoda was heading back to his quarters after having dined in the commissary. The halls seemed strangely quiet that night, in fact there was practically no sound at all. No talking or laughter from the other Jedi who lived in the vicinity, nor the sounds of the booted footsteps of a single other Jedi. Yoda strained to pick up any sound of a living soul at all. Then faintly he heard what seemed to be the faraway sound of dragging chains. "Dragging chains in temple hallways at this time who would?" Yoda asked but then as suddenly as the sound had started it stopped.
Yoda looked behind him to see nothing but the empty hall. "Make appointment with healer, I should. Hearing checked, I must have" he thought, then turned and continued down the corridor to his quarters.
Soon Yoda reached the door to his quarters, he palmed the door open and walked inside. The humidity in the air hung in visible soft clouds and swirled in calm and unhurried patterns over the floor as the wizened Jedi made his way across the main room and took a seat next to the heating unit. He to doze but then he startled awake when he looked toward the units door and could distinctly see a blue shimmering light coming toward him which seemed to grow and take shape.
When the light was directly in front of him Yoda could then recognize the shape as being that of his old master. He looked the same as Yoda had remembered him in life, well apart from the fact that she had been more of an aqua-marine colour than blue and Yoda also did not remember her ever wearing the length of chain which currently wrapped around her waist and looped over her shoulders.
"Yoda." she said in a somewhat hollow and resonant voice.
"Master?" Yoda replied, "But dead, you are. Over 650 years now. Yes, long gone. Hallucination I am having. Eaten so fast I should not have."
"Yoda. You know as well as I do, Force apparitions are not too uncommon. Now stop being so suspicious and listen to me, I have an urgent message."
"Forgive me, my Master. Have you a message for me."
"More like a warning. Now listen to me, Yoda. Your clinging to the old rules of the Jedi Code is hurting the Jedi, can't you see that? The Living Force changes along with the universe and the Jedi must change with it or risk stagnating and ultimately destroyed."
"Hrmm say no more my Master, know where this conversation is going already I do. Sent by Qui-Gon and his Padawan you were. Approve of letting Jedi bond I do not." Yoda said resolutely
"No, I was not sent by anyone but it is about your views on bonding that I have come. I am only a harbinger, so I have told you tonight you will be visited by three spirits. You will follow their instruction and hopefully be able to see the error of your ways. Expect the first spirit at around twelfth hour, the next will come at first and the third will follow."
"And if follow then I do not, doomed am I to wear the chains of oppression which I forge even now? Invisible during life, after death becoming a great burden?"
"Wha?" his master started and then looked down at herself, "Oh, these. Nah these are just standard issue for harbingers. Makes more of an impact." With that she was gone.
Yoda sat staring into the empty air before him for a while. Could he believe what he saw? Could after all these years his Master have really made contact with him for the souls purpose of telling him that years of teaching celibacy and serenity to the Jedi was wrong and they should be allowed to give into their more primal urges?
When twelfth hour was almost upon him and there was still no sign of the first spirit making any appearance, Yoda shuffled off to his bedroom to go to bed. "Spirits indeed," he muttered," Too fast I ate, yes that is the answer."
He slipped off into a dreamless sleep fairly quickly but then woke suddenly when he felt the force eddies in his room shift suddenly. He cautiously rolled over to look toward the long bureau next to his bed. On it, sat small blonde boy who peered at him curiously with his head cocked to one side. "Are you Yoda?" he asked.
"Why you need to know this?" Yoda queried while trying to pull the blanket further up over his shoulders.
"Because I was told to come and here and find Yoda, so that's what I am going to do!" the boy said with a determination that would have been endearing if it didn't sound so much he was reading it from some invisible cue card.
"Yoda, I am. But tell me, you will, who you are?" Yoda replied with an uneasy air.
"I'm a spirit and my name is Past. I am here to show you things that already happened, I think, so that you can see why you're wrong about Jedi not being allowed to fall in love."
"Here and now is what is important. Dwell one should not on the past nor focus on the future. Person should keep their focus on where they are, what they doing. All else leads to the Dark side of the Force."
"Yeah, well I was told to take you to the past so that's what I'm gonna do. Hold onto my sleeve, this trips gonna be totally wizard."
In an instant Yoda found himself standing in a training salle watching a Master and Padawan practice sparring. The Padawan fumbled with a move almost causing the Master to mistakenly slice into the Padawan with his ignited sabre. The Master, having fore sensed the mistake managed to divert his blow before any damage could be done. The team them thumbed off their sabres and turned and started to walk toward him. It was then he recognised the team and Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi. Strange he could not read their force signatures.
"These are the shadows of thing that are in the past," the at the same time sombre and yet irritatingly sugarcoated voice of the boy-apparition who appeared suddenly next to his old Master," They can't see us or hear us. They aren’t real."
To be continued...
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