Before I begin, I want to make something clear to all readers, the only reason I'm writing this is in hopes that what I've gone through will in some way help someone else. It is very painful for me to think about the past (I'd rather keep it hidden), but I feel that someone, maybe you, needs to hear my story.
My name is Robin and I was married for 8 years to a very handsome man. From this relationship I have a beautiful daughter, Sarah and I have a son, Kevin from my first marriage. I still don't know where it all went so wrong. It was never a "great" marriage.
I married Jeff because he threatened to kill me if I didn't.
One of the last situations, we were seperated and I had found a dear friend to talk to over the internet. I had finally broken down and confided in someone with what I was living in. I felt like I finally had the strength to end it once and for all.Jeff came and broke into my house while I was at work. He was sitting at the table when I got home. I packed my bags and the kids bags and left. We went and stayed at a hotel. He found us there and told me if I'd come home that he would pack his things and leave. I came back home and he heard me talking on the phone to the
guy I met on the internet. After I got off the phone, he started an argument and then pulled a knife on me. He raped me at knife-point and told me that I would die before morning. As scared as I was, it was nothing to compare to how I felt when he went and woke up my son and brought him into the room.
He told Kevin what he had done to me and that he would watch his mama die before the sun came up. I begged and pleaded for my life and promised him the world if he would just get some help for his problems. He gave me the knife and the next morning (only hours after it ended) I took him to a psychriactic hospital for help. He was charged with the rape and arrested. The police didn't keep him very long. He called me and begged to see me. He told me that he had changed..that God was in his life. I agreed to meet with him. It is the first time in our marriage that he ever sat down and prayed with me. We prayed together all night. I took him back again. He started counciling and things were improving. Then I told his counsilor how scared I was of him. He suggested that we seperate and work on things that way. It suited me fine. Jeff and I agreed that we would take things one day at a time. We seperated and I hadn't heard from him in almost 3 months when he came to my house at 9pm that last night and tried to kill me. After hours of struggling and pleading for my life...he finally left (I had told him that we would get back together...I would have told him anything!!) I took the kids and ran. We were on the run for 5 days and then we went into a Rape Crisis Shelter for women and stayed there for 43 days before beginning our lives again.
We survived. We left everything and everyone behind us, traveled across the USA and have started our lives over. My divorce is final and I have custody of the kids (and he was ordered in the divorce papers that he could have no contact with me or the kids..EVER!!) Although I still fear that he'll find us one day, I'm determined that we are getting on with our lives. God has brought us this far, and we're not turning back now.
UPDATE
After the wedding, I had decided that I'd made my bed...I had to lay in it. I tried to make the best of a bad situation. After Sarah was born, Jeff adopted my son and things were fine. Little things started happening. He stopped my quiet time with Kevin (I use to rock Kevin and sing to him at bedtime). He didn't want me to have relationships with my closest friends. Over the years it just got worse. He started abusing Kevin. He grabed him by the arm and I had to bite him to make him let go. There was a hand print (bruise) on Kevin's arm when he released it. It scared me so I took Kevin to the DSS (Department of Social Services) to report what had happened. They talked to us and Jeff told them that this was the first time that it had happened and it never would again. It was only the first of many!! Each time something really bad happened, I reported it. Each time, nothing was done. I felt helpless. The years flew past with good days and bad days. Sometimes us watching what we would say for fear of "setting Jeff off again". For years I told no one
what was happening. I felt like in some way it was my fault since I had married him. This was something that I couldn't "fix". We would seperate and get back together. Time and time again. It was a roller-coaster, but no one really knew what was behind all the seperations. I filed for divorce 3 times, but always took him back before the divorce was final. During our last few seperations, as soon as I would ask him to leave, he would have another woman that he was living with either the same day, or within a few days. I would listen to his stories about how much he had changed and then take him back again.
In has been 10 years since I escaped this violent relationship with my children. I have continued to struggle with the decisions I make where men are concerned. I have found myself in a pattern of chosing men who are either abusive or have brought a whole new set of problems along with them. I continue to live and search for a man who is wholesome and trustworthy. My children are about grown and in spite of myself, have managed to raise them well and they are wonderful children. My son is now 20 and my daughter is 15. I am so proud of them. I will continue to pray for guidance for them and myself.
I can only pray that as I have shared my story, someone will realize that the life they have is too precious to live in an abusive relationship and will find the courage to leave. Only YOU can make that decision. No one can make it for you. You are stronger than you think. Keep the faith.
