Category: Sam/Martouf romance; H/C
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended
Season: Set immediately after "Divide and Conquer"
Spoilers: "Divide and Conquer" "The Tok'ra."
Summary: In the aftermath of "Divide and Conquer", Sam learns to let go…
Author's Notes: Blame it on Wolf SG-2…..and Nora, who begged. No smut dearie, just a nice little bit of shucksfic to rot your teeth….enjoy!

There's no place like home…

Sam slowly turned all the locks on the door and turning around, slid down to the ground, resting her head on her knees. The apartment looked no different than it had when she left it for work that morning - the half empty cup of coffee was still on the table, her magazines were still scattered on the couch. In the kitchen, the remnants of last night's dinner would be on the counter, and her novel, she knew, rested on the nightstand beside her bed. Nothing had changed.

Except her.

Don't go there Sam she admonished herself. She didn't want to think about today, about the summit, the testing, the Tok'ra…. especially not the Tok'ra.

Sighing, she kicked off her boots, moving over to the drinks cabinet, pouring herself a nice large glass of brandy. That was one lesson she'd learned from Jacob - if you were going to get blasted, might as well go straight for the good stuff. This had been Jacob's favourite drink, she always kept a bottle for the rare occasions he came to visit, rarer still since he'd…

She knocked back half the glass in one gulp, refilled it before she began making her way to the bedroom. A long hot bath should help...add a couple more glasses to the mix, and she'd sleep like a baby tonight, without the pills that Janet had pressed into her hand before she left, "just in case".

The bedroom door was slightly ajar, and her steps halted as she thought she heard someone moving around inside. Great. After a day like today, I come home to a burglar. Could this get any better? Slowly, hesitantly, she pushed open the door and flipped on the light.

The glass shattered at her feet, amber liquid and shards of glass spreading across the floor.

"Hello Samantha."

"Martouf." She was just about able to form his name - certainly no other coherent thought was likely to be forthcoming right then. Martouf was standing in front of her, in her bedroom, looking hale and hearty and whole…this wasn't possible. "This isn't possible," she told him.

He tilted his head, meeting her gaze unflinchingly. "And yet it is." He turned slightly, looking around the room before returning his gaze to her again. "I wondered where I was. I suppose I should not be surprised that I came here."

Sam mentally tried to figure out just how strong that brandy was….or maybe it was mixing it with the tablets Janet had made her take, telling her she was suffering from shock and that these would help. "You're dead," she told him, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"Yes….I remember…." Martouf held his hands out in front of him, observing them as if he'd never seen them before. "It's odd….I remember dying…yet I've never felt more alive." He smiled at her.

That smile tore at her heart in ways she couldn't even begin to put into words. It was such a counterpoint to the last time she'd seen him, heard him speak her name, that anguished whispered "Samantha". This was the Martouf she wanted to remember, the Martouf she had……

"How can you be here?" she whispered, cutting the thought off the second it was formed. "Am I dreaming?"

Martouf kept that serene gentle smile on his face, coming towards her and reaching out to cup her face with his hand. "Does this feel like a dream to you?"

She couldn't even shake her head, unwilling to break their gaze for even that long. "No," she admitted. "But how…"

"It is a legend among my people that when someone dies…on the night of their death, they visit those who they loved most in this life…those who loved them. It is a chance for them to say their goodbyes properly…." He chuckled softly. "It is something I always dismissed as fairy tales for young children and fools, so you can imagine my surprise when I turned up here." He frowned when he realised that she wasn't seeing the humour. "Samantha? What is it?"

Looking down, she turned away from him, wrapping her arms around her body. "You still came here…." Her voice was so soft, he could barely hear her. "…Even after what I did…."

"I do not understand." He stayed where he was. "There is nowhere else I would rather be."

She turned to him, eyes full of tears. "I killed you Martouf….if you're here, if you're here because I love you, then how could I do that?" Martouf closed the distance between them, taking her in his arms. Sam closed her eyes as she wrapped his arms around his waist, burying her head in his chest, taking whatever comfort he could give her. He felt so real…so nice….

"It is because you cared for me…" Even now, he wouldn't use the word "love", wouldn't be that presumptuous. "…That you did what you did. What you had to do."

"I didn't want to…" she whispered.

"No more than I wanted to do what I was doing Samantha. To know the damage that I was doing, yet being unable to stop myself…" His voice trailed off. "You saved me from that….before I could hurt any more people, before I could hurt myself…or you." He pulled away slightly to look into her eyes once more. "I would rather die than take another's life Samantha….especially yours."

She was shaking her head again. "I should have been able to save you."

"You did Samantha."

"By killing you?"

Tears were running down her cheeks and he reached up to brush them away. "By letting me go."

She stared at him in silence, considering his words. "That's why you're here tonight, isn't it?" she said at last. "So that I can let you go?"

"No." She started at the denial, but let him continue. "So that I can let you go."

"Me?" Hope and disbelief warred in her voice.

He nodded. "Ever since the first time I met you I have carried you in my heart. I thought you knew that."

She blushed. "I thought it was just because of Jolinar."

"At first yes." Martouf shrugged, knowing that this was not the time for dishonesty. "And still, in part. But the more I spent time with you, the more I grew to care for you…your kindness your compassion, your strength…..I meant it when I said that I have grown rather fond of you….in fact…."

His voice trailed off and when he didn't resume, she prompted him, eyes wide. "Yes?"

He took a deep breath, preparing to confess what should have been confessed a long time ago, when they had all the time in the world to be together. "I have fallen in love with you."

Sam closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest once more, trying to hide the effect his confession had on her. Part of her had dreamed of this very moment, and she couldn't deny that her heartbeat had quickened as he spoke. Yet there was another part of her that knew that this…whatever it was…was only temporary, that tomorrow, all this would be gone, and she would still have to deal with his loss. And then there was the Colonel…"This is so complicated…" she whispered.

Unseen by her, Martouf raised an eyebrow, fought back a smile. "I rather thought my death might simplify matters…."

Her eyes flew open at his flippancy, and to her surprise, she found herself laughing as he joined in. When she sobered up, she reached up her hand and cupped his cheek as memories that were not her own overwhelmed her. "You could always make her laugh…even on the worst day….."

A bittersweet smile made it's way across Martouf's face. "Her laugh was like the sweetest music…I could listen to it forever…."

"She loved your smile….could look at it for hours… "

"I loved her spirit, her bravery…two qualities I saw in you the moment I met you..."

They both remembered that day, the walk in the desert when he told her of his relationship with Jolinar…when she had come as close as she ever had to admitting her feelings for him. Just as they had that day, yet still holding each other close, they each held out a hand to the other, looking as their fingers intertwined.

"We love as one," he whispered, pulling her as close to him as he could.

Her free arm slipped around his neck, bringing his face to hers as she finished the thought. "We mourn as one….."

Their lips met and Sam was rocked by an eerie sense of déjà vu. This was, after all, their first kiss, but she remember a thousand more like it….on the sands of Abydos, by the lakes of Maloon, in the Tok'ra tunnels, in a scout ship, hundreds of locations…..it was all so familiar yet all so new. When they pulled apart, each breathing heavily, she knew that he was thinking the same thing. A gentle finger made its way down her jawline and ended cupping her chin, tilting her head up so that he was looking in to her eyes.

"I wish we'd had the opportunity to do that sooner," he admitted.

Sam chuckled. "If I'd known then what I know now, we would have." She regarded him for a second more, then making up her mind, smiling, kissed him again. However, while the first kiss had been gentle and tender, almost chaste, this ignited a passion in them that both remembered from decades of lovemaking. Her trembling hands found their way under his tunic top, as he unbuttoned her shirt, pushing it from her shoulders. She smiled when she realised that he was shaking too. Tumbling to the bed, they rediscovered old memories, and created new ones to last a lifetime.

Later they lay wrapped in each other's arms enjoying the silence, thankful for whatever cosmic force had given them this time together. Martouf frowned as he felt something wet trail down his chest, feeling Sam's breath hitch at the same time. "Samantha… why are you crying…."

She raised her head, struggling to keep more tears back at the look of worry on his face. He reached up and brushed the traces away as she shook her head. "It's not enough time Martouf…I don't want to let you go, I can't…." She laid her head back down and held him tightly, as if doing that would hold back the approaching dawn.

Martouf kissed the top of her head, knowing how hard this was going to be for her. "You must Samantha. You must go on with your life….for both of us…..There is so much left for you to do…"

"I just wish…."

He smiled as she raised her head and looked into his eyes. "I know." He brushed back an errant lock of hair from her temple. "I love you Samantha."

Her hands traced his face, committing the contours to memory. "I love you too." They stared at each other in shared wonder for an all-too-brief eternity, wondering at the twist of fate that had brought them together in the first place, and brought them together again for this first and last time. Neither one of them wanted to break the spell, but Martouf, perhaps knowing something she didn't, spoke first. "Sleep now Samantha." As she settled down against him, one of his hands cradled her head running his fingers through her silky blonde hair while the other traced patterns along her back. "Morning will come soon…"

The sensations of his hands upon her body, the rise and fall of his chest lulled Sam into a peaceful and contented sleep.

An insistent ringing woke her, lying face down in her bed, head buried in her pillow. Unconsciously, one hand reached out, finding only empty space beside her. "Martouf?" she mumbled, as the events of yesterday, and last night, came back to her. But no answer met her query. She was alone.

Apart from the ringing of the telephone. "Hello?"

"Sam?" It was Janet. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Janet." Sitting up in bed, Sam pulled the covers up around her, noting as she did the telltale signs that the bed had been slept in by more than one person. Looking over to the door, she could see the broken glass that she'd dropped. Her hand reached over and caressed the pillow, remembering his head as it had rested there last night, remembering the look in his eyes, the way he had said her name, the way it had felt to be in his arms…. She was shaken out of her reverie when she realised Janet was still speaking. "What?"

"I asked how are you feeling?"

Sam's hand lingered on the pillow, but there was a smile on her face. "Like I've let go."