Rating: PG, Toby/Ginger
Disclaimer: Not mine
Archive: At my site, the Band Gazebo (www.oocities.org/helsinkibaby)
Feedback: Yes please. Don't make me beg.
Spoilers: None - and if there are, blink and you'll miss them.
Summary: CJ pays Toby a late night visit.
It wasn't that late at night when CJ Cregg walked up the steps to Toby Ziegler's apartment. Put it this way, she'd often left the office later. She'd probably still be there if it hadn't been for Toby's phone call, asking her to come by his place on her way home. She'd noticed her friend acting strangely over the past couple of days; there was clearly something on his mind. The last time he'd been so preoccupied, it was because he'd been figuring out the truth about the President's health, and God knew the last thing that they needed was another scandal of those proportions.
One part of CJ's brain told her that she shouldn't be worried. That they'd come through the fire and come through it whole. There was nothing that Toby could tell her tonight that would be worse than that. But the other part was screaming that if it wasn't important, then he would have been able to talk to her about it in the office. That if it wasn't top secret and high explosive, she wouldn't be sneaking into his apartment under cover of darkness.
All right, so that last bit might be a little melodramatic, CJ reflected, but that's what it felt like.
Just as she'd done a thousand times since she'd known Toby, she rang through to him and he buzzed her up. When she knocked on the door, it took a couple of seconds for him to answer it, which wouldn't have bothered CJ, except for the fact that this was Toby. More often than not, when he buzzed someone in, he opened the door at the same time, and left it open for them. She'd told him how dangerous it was on numerous occasions, so had Sam and Josh, but he persisted in doing it, probably to annoy them they muttered to one another.
But not tonight.
A flicker of alarm ran up CJ's spine, but she ignored it when he opened the door, giving him a smile and a greeting as he stood by to let her in. She walked down the hall into the sitting room, stopping when she found that they weren't alone.
"Oh," she said, unable to hide her surprise for a moment, but recovering well. She took off her coat and draped it over the back of a chair. "I didn't realise you two were still working. Am I…?"
Toby's voice cut across hers, silencing her. "We're not working." He came around to stand behind the couch, behind its occupant. Noticing CJ's gaze go from him to his companion and back again, an expression of puzzlement on her face, he let both his hands drop onto Ginger's shoulders. "We have something to tell you."
CJ looked once again from Toby to Ginger and back again, from Toby's calm, totally unruffled expression to Ginger's nervous one. The confusion rapidly cleared from her face as she took in the tableau before her, and she dropped into the chair behind her. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before words would come. When they did, they were loud, shocked, and entirely predictable.
"Are you kidding me?"
>*<*>*<
… …four days ago……
Toby threw the ball against the wall of his office, catching it with one hand before throwing it again. He repeated the pattern once, then twice, before a different hand shot out and caught it. "Do you mind?" Toby asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Actually, I do." It was Sam who spoke, even though it was Josh who had caught the ball. "It's bad enough sitting in my office hearing the damn thing thump against the wall. It's worse to be in here while you do it."
"It helps me think," was Toby's reply.
"Well, it drives the rest of us crazy, so lay off it." Josh got in on the act, reading what Sam was typing over his shoulder.
"How's it going there?" Toby left his chair, taking a place beside Josh to read Sam's latest draft of the speech, one hand on his hip, the other tapping against his chin. "You know, you don't need that many adverbs."
Sam chose not to reply to the adverbs crack, instead he answered Toby without stopping his typing. "No, what I need are the McGregor numbers. You got them there?"
Toby began rifling through some files on his desk before giving up in defeat and yelling into the bullpen, "Ginger!"
Josh smirked. "And you tease me about not being able to find anything without Donna."
"That's because you can't find anything without Donna. My assistant just hasn't got me the numbers yet. Ginger!"
The second yell was loud enough for Josh and Sam, standing so close to him, to wince, and Toby was gratified to see his assistant scurrying through the door. "I needed those McGregor numbers an hour ago Ginger," he told her, looking through another folder on his desk as he remembered a study she had given him that might be useful.
"I'm sorry." It was when he heard her voice, heard the strain there, that he looked up and frowned. The Ginger he saw in front of him wasn't the usual Ginger that he saw every day. That Ginger was lively and sassy and threw files at him without any preamble, delay or apology. This Ginger was nothing like that. She was so pale that her freckles stood out in stark relief against her skin, her eyes were blinking rapidly, and her hand trembled when she handed him the file. "There was a mix-up with the data…" her voice trailed off, as if even forming that much of a reply was too much for her.
Toby couldn't quite find the words to ask her if she was all right, so taken aback was he at her appearance. It was Sam who spoke first. "Are you ok Ginger?"
She turned her head slowly towards him, a shaky smile on her face. "I'm fine Sam." She didn't sound fine though, and the uneasy glances the three men exchanged confirmed the fact. "Just trying to get this done on time…"
Anything further that she might have said was cut off by a voice from the bullpen, a female voice yelling, "Ginger!" in a volume that not only rivalled Toby's but far surpassed it. Donna appeared at the door of the office, and Ginger, having heard her friend's yell, turned to see what she wanted her for.
It was the turning quickly, she would tell people later, which caused the problem. Because it became rapidly apparent once she'd done it that she shouldn't have. Toby and Sam would attest that it was a good job that they'd noticed her pallor a few seconds before, because they were ready when they saw Ginger's hand go up to her head, ready to react when they saw her body begin to weave as she turned. Sam was out of his seat in a flash, but he wasn't as close to her as Toby was, and it was he who caught her as she fainted, holding her up easily.
Donna gasped and moved into the office, stopped only by Josh's hand on her arm. "The First Lady is in the Residence," he told her. "Go get her." Donna, with one last glance back at her friend, left quickly to do as she was told, and Josh turned his attention to Toby, who was pushing Ginger's hair back with his free hand, his other securely around her waist, her head lying against his shoulder.
"She's out cold," Toby muttered, either to himself or to the others, lifting her up easily, moving her over to the couch before moving her hair back from her face again. He glanced up at Josh and Sam, who were silent, worry etched on their faces, and his own was kept level with difficulty. She was even paler than she'd been when she came into the room at first, and this time he swore that he could actually count her freckles individually, could see dark circles under her eyes that her makeup wasn't quite hiding, and he wondered how the hell he could have missed that she wasn't well? His thoughts were interrupted by Josh holding out a glass of water and some paper tissues to him and without words, Toby inclined his head to the table, indicating that Josh should leave them there until Ginger came round.
It was probably no more than a couple of minutes before he noticed Ginger's eyelids moving and said a silent prayer of thanks, for it had seemed like far longer than that. It was then that Abbey chose to make her entrance, little black bag in hand, and an air of confidence and matter-of-factness surrounding her that made all three men feel a little better. "Now boys," she said calmly. "What do we have here?"
"She's coming around," Toby told her, never once taking his eyes off Ginger, whose own eyes were beginning to open slowly.
"I can see that." Abbey sat down on the edge of the couch, taking Ginger's wrist in one hand, counting her pulse. "Ginger? Come on honey, it's time to wake up now. That's a good girl." This last was said as a pair of blue eyes tried to focus on her before moving up and over her shoulder to look at Toby. "Don't worry about what he says about napping on his couch, I'll give you a note."
The wry humour made Ginger smile, or what approximated to a smile, while the rest of the room chuckled, but soon stopped when Abbey turned to them. "Right, I want everyone out of here. Leave me alone with my patient." When they did, she went to work, taking Ginger's temperature and blood pressure, asking her questions all the while. "Blood pressure's a little low…did you eat at all today?"
"I had lunch at my desk…"
Abbey checked her watch. "What was that, about two hours ago?" When Ginger nodded, she went on with her questions. "How have you been feeling lately? Tired, run-down?"
Ginger raised an eyebrow and managed a grin. "Who hasn't around here?"
Abbey chuckled and nodded. "You got me there. But I'll take it that that's a yes?"
"Yeah."
"Any else you've noticed? Dizziness, nausea?"
"A little." Ginger was still pale, but her voice was stronger now. "I think I'm probably coming down with that bug that's going around."
Abbey nodded, pausing for a while before she spoke. "You seeing anyone Ginger?"
Ginger frowned, taken aback at the question. "I broke up with the last guy I was seeing nearly a year ago…why?"
"No reason." Abbey shook her head quickly. "It's just that the symptoms you've experienced sounded familiar for a moment there."
That raised a smile from Ginger, and she chuckled to herself. "I don't think so Mrs Bartlet."
>*<*>*<
… …eleven months ago……
Toby came out of his office and stopped dead. The bullpen was all but deserted, not unusual for eleven o'clock at night. What was unusual was that there was one person still here who, as far as he was concerned, shouldn't be. "Ginger? What are you doing here?"
His assistant looked up at him with those big blue eyes that he'd become so fond of, and he couldn't help but notice the sadness that was in them, sadness that was covered up quickly. "Just typing up those notes you wanted," she told him with a smile that didn't even come close to being convincing.
"I thought you'd gone home hours ago." His voice was soft, and she shook her head quickly, her gaze falling back to the table.
"No."
The word was a whisper, and if he hadn't been standing right by her desk, he wouldn't have heard her. He frowned, wondering what had her staying so late here, what had her so sad. Before he knew it, the question was out there. "Is everything ok with you?"
Her head snapped up, and her eyes were as large as he'd ever seen them. "I'm fine," she told him, but the alarm in her eyes told him different. "What would make you think that…?"
"You're not in trouble." He held up a hand quickly to stop her blustering. "It's just that you don't normally stay this late. And you haven't seemed yourself lately. And I was wondering if I could do anything to help." Her eyes were wide still, this time with amazement, and he couldn't say he blamed her. Toby knew that he had a reputation as a hard-ass around the office, and he was quite proud of that reputation. As he'd once pointed out to Josh, he'd cultivated that reputation. But underneath it all, he was fiercely loyal to his friends and his staff, and even though he'd never admit it to anyone, he was especially fond of Ginger. There was something about the combination of her blue eyes and red hair and pale skin that had drawn him in on the very first day he met her, and once he'd got to know her, seen the woman she was, he'd been hooked. Not that he'd do anything about it. That way lay tabloid scandal and death by CJ. It didn't make the feelings stop though.
She'd shrugged, leaning back in her chair, and he'd cast about for a chair before sitting down across from her. "It's just…" She sighed, continuing when she saw that he was listening. "I broke up with this guy that I was seeing."
"Jack, wasn't it?"
OK, so he paid attention to what Josh would no doubt call the local gomers who paraded through Ginger's life, but if she thought it was odd that her boss knew her boyfriend's name, she didn't let on. "Jake," she corrected. "We were getting serious…talking about the future, you know? So I told him…" There was a long pause. "Something. About me that he didn't know. And it changed his opinion of me."
"And he broke up with you." His voice was quiet, but Toby was inwardly raging. Whatever it was that Ginger had told this jackass, it couldn't be that bad.
"Yeah." When she looked up at him, her jaw was set and he knew that she was trying to keep back tears. He could almost see her going back and forth over what to say next before she took a deep breath. "I can't have children Toby. And that was something that he couldn't accept."
Toby blinked a couple of times, trying to make sure that he'd understood her correctly. "You can't have children?" he finally asked. A nod was his reply. "And that made this guy break up with you?"
She lowered her head and whispered, "Yeah."
"He's an idiot."
Toby's voice was quiet but firm, the way he spoke when he knew what he was talking about and was totally immovable in his conviction. Ginger's head snapped back up, and she stared at him before shaking her head in denial. "You don't know anything about him."
"But I know you."
His tone hadn't changed, and that fact, and the words that he was saying, meant Ginger was unable to take her eyes off him.
"I know you Ginger," he continued. "Do you remember the Mendoza confirmation? My Day of Jubilee?" She nodded uncertainly. "The next day when I came into work, I was in a good mood. I scared the crap out of Margaret, I complimented Mandy for crying out loud. And I told Bonnie that she was dedicated and beautiful. And I told you that you were-"
She cut him off before he could finish. "Other nice things."
He nodded and cleared his throat, slightly taken aback that she remembered what he'd told her, slightly taken aback not that he remembered himself but that he was admitting it to her. "Yes. I told you that you were other nice things. Now, listen up, because I'm going to tell you what those other nice things are." He took a deep breath. "Ginger, you are a beautiful woman. You are talented and intelligent and witty. You take all the crap that Sam and I throw at you, and you handle it with more grace and more style than any ten people I know, and people around here adore you. You are, by far, the best assistant that I have ever had the pleasure of working with." He took another breath, trying to figure out where he was going with this before remembering his point. "Children Ginger, are a gift. Not a right, a gift. He shouldn't be thinking about having children, he should be thinking about you. He should be thinking 'I can't spend another day of my life without this woman, and no matter what else happens, that's enough for me'." Toby paused then, unsure of where his train of thought had taken him. "What I'm trying to say Ginger, is that any man should be honoured to have you by his side, as his wife, children or no. And if he can't see that, then yes, he is an idiot."
By the time he finished, Toby's voice was so low as to be almost silent, and Ginger was staring at him in shock. "Wow," she finally managed.
"Yes."
"Toby, that's the nicest thing…"
He waved a hand, dismissing her words, obviously uncomfortable with the whole situation. If she hadn't been so dumbfounded, Ginger reflected, she would probably have found it amusing. "Yes, well. Don't make me say it again."
All she could do was nod. "It was very…" She stopped, searching for the right word.
"Inspired I think is the word you're looking for." From the tone of his voice, the look on his face, Ginger was struck with the absolute certainty that her meaning of inspired and his were radically different.
"OK." They stared at each other for a moment longer before Ginger gestured to the clock with her hand. "It's late…"
"Yeah. We should head out." He stood and went to his office, she began to turn off her computer and tidy her desk. He was at the door of his office before he spoke. "Ginger?"
She turned. "Yeah?"
"That speech there? It shouldn't be interpreted as a sign that I like you."
She blinked, then a smile slowly spread across her face. He didn't think that he'd seen her smile like that all week, hadn't realised how much he'd missed it. "I know."
"Just checking."
>*<*>*<
… …four days ago……
Three worried men stood at Bonnie's desk, joined by Bonnie herself and Donna. All five had given up any pretence at work, and were staring at Toby's office door, with Josh having taken charge in the group post-mortem, otherwise known as "who saw what?"
"She wasn't looking well all day," Bonnie said. "She said she must've picked up a bug somewhere."
"Did she eat at all?" Sam wondered.
Donna nodded. "She took a sandwich up here - she said she had to finish some work…"
Toby looked up from the floor to find all eyes on him. "Oh, like your assistants haven't worked through lunch."
Josh held up his hands in mock surrender. "Little defensive there, aren't we Toby?" There was a slight smirk on his face as he spoke, and that may have contributed to Toby's response.
"Well forgive me Josh, but I'm unaccustomed to my assistant collapsing in my office!"
The volume grew progressively louder, and by the last words, there was silence in the bullpen as all heads swivelled to look at Toby. The look that they got in return had them going back to work quickly and resulted in silence among the group once again.
The silence lasted until Abbey opened the door and came over to the group. It was Donna who spoke first. "Is Ginger ok Doctor Bartlet?"
Abbey smiled, and the group instantly felt reassured. "She's fine Donna. Her temperature is a little high, blood pressure's a little low, and she's tired, but aside from that…" She shrugged. "It's probably just a bug, although I've told her that she should get herself checked out by her regular doctor."
"Should we call a cab to take her home?" was Bonnie's suggestion.
Abbey arched an eyebrow, her gaze landing squarely on Toby as she did so. "She says she'd rather stay at work. I, of course, told her she should take a sick day and rest. As a compromise, she suggested resting in your office…something about you being out for most of the afternoon? You don't have a problem with that, do you Toby?"
The look on her face, and the tone she used told Toby and everyone else that he'd better not have a problem with it, and he found himself nodding. "I have meetings on the Hill all afternoon, and I can finish working on the speech with Sam in his office later. That's no problem."
"Good then." Abbey grinned. "You want to go and tell your assistant that so she doesn't worry for the rest of the day?"
"Yes Ma'am."
Toby did as he was told, and Sam followed him in, collecting laptop and notes before smiling quickly at Ginger and making his exit. Toby began to gather up all the things that he would need, but was stopped by a quiet voice from his couch. "I'm sorry."
He waved a hand dismissively. "You can't help getting sick." He was aware of the looks that he was getting through the still open door, acutely conscious of Bonnie and Donna's close scrutiny. "The First Lady is in the Residence if you need her, and Bonnie's going to be right outside. You need anything, you call her."
Ginger didn't even nod; he could barely hear her whisper "OK." She was almost asleep.
He nodded before taking his coat and going on his way, closing the door behind him.
>*<*>*<
… …ten months ago……
Toby threw down his pen, the revisions to the latest draft of the President's speech finally finished. This was the sixth draft that he and Sam had gone through, and he'd volunteered to stay that night and mark up the changes. Sam had had some date with Mallory that he simply couldn't cancel, and Toby had wondered idly when that particular romance had started up again, and if they could handle the fall-out if and when it went sour. But he hadn't voiced that to Sam, he'd just nodded and waved him away, telling him that he had no interest in the personal lives of the staff.
Which was a blatant lie, he knew.
Because there was one staff member whose personal life he was very interested in.
The same staff member who he'd talked to a month ago, let her cry on his shoulder because of the break-up with her boyfriend. He hadn't been able to believe at the time that someone would break up with a woman like Ginger just because she couldn't have children, and she'd smiled when he'd told her that, smiled when he'd given her more compliments in one sitting that she'd previously had from him in all the times that they'd worked together. But they'd never mentioned that night since.
The only reason he was thinking of it now was that he'd happened to overhear Ginger telling Bonnie the day before about her plans for dinner this evening. That she was going to leave early because Jake had called her and asked her out, telling her that she needed to talk. Bonnie, voicing Toby's own thoughts, had asked her what in the world would make her want to hear anything that that loser had to say, and Ginger had just shrugged and somewhat enigmatically replied that she needed to hear it, whatever it was.
Toby had managed to successfully resist the temptation to saddle Ginger with enough work to keep her occupied until the end of the month, never mind the end of business. He'd felt his blood begin to boil as he thought of Ginger wasting herself on someone who didn't deserve her, someone who didn't realise just what a treasure she was.
Which had led him to one conclusion, one that he'd known in his heart for quite a while.
That he was jealous of the man who was going to have dinner with Ginger, the man she'd been planning to share her life with was undeniable. As was the fact that Ginger was younger than he was, that she was a beautiful woman who could have her pick of men, and certainly wouldn't be interested in a middle-aged, balding divorced man who, and this was the most crucial thing of all, happened to be her boss.
Breaking his train of thought, he stood up, preparing to go into the bullpen to leave the draft on Ginger's desk. She'd begin to type it when she got in, and they'd have copies of it before Senior Staff.
Upon entering the bullpen, he had the strangest sense of déjà vu. The place was all but deserted, yet there was Ginger, sitting at her desk, typing away. "Ginger?" he asked, approaching her, afraid of what he might see in her eyes.
She looked up at him and grinned broadly. "Hey Toby. That the latest draft?"
"Yes. Yes it is." Toby dropped it on her desk, one hand rubbing his forehead in confusion. "I thought you were leaving early today?"
She shrugged. "I had dinner plans. When it was finished, I came back. I thought I might get a start on that." She inclined her head towards the speech to make her point before she looked at the clock. "Guess not, huh?"
Toby was still having trouble reconciling her dinner ending so soon and the sparkle in her eyes. "How was Jake?" The words surprised him, and her too, because her eyes widened and she glanced around to see who was there. He surmised from that reaction that she hadn't expected him to ask her that, and he backtracked hastily. "I'm sorry Ginger, I shouldn't have…"
He stopped when she stood up. "Can we go into your office?"
He followed her in, and caught himself looking at her left hand as she walked, noting the absence of any new jewellery, and deliberately quashing the notion that at least that was something. He closed the door behind him, and she turned to face him, not beating around the bush. "You know I had dinner with Jake?"
He moved around to behind his desk, sitting down and drumming his fingers against the table. "I may have overheard you mention it to Bonnie," was all he would admit.
"And you can't understand why I'd want to have dinner with a man who treated me so badly?" She dropped into the visitor's chair, her hands running up and down the armrests.
"Ginger, your life is your own business. I was merely expressing concern that…"
Once again, she interrupted him. "He asked me if he could come back." That one sentence meant that she had his full attention, and when she saw that, she continued. "He told me that he'd been miserable without me for the past month, and that he couldn't stop comparing other women to me and realising what he'd given up. And that even though-" Ginger placed great sarcasm into those last two words, "I couldn't have children, he thought that he could live with that, that it wasn't as important as he'd thought." She raised an eyebrow at him as she finished, leaning back in her chair, and her whole body language, the tone of her voice, screamed at him, "What do you think of that?"
Toby would have given anything at that moment for one of his rubber balls to help him think, unfortunately, Sam had gone on a rampage earlier in the day and decided to confiscate them all. Instead, Toby had to run the words through his head a couple of times, look at Ginger for a moment before he spoke. "And what did you say to this?"
Ginger's smile could have lit up a room. "I told him," she said, speaking slowly and with great relish. "That I was pleased that he'd worked out something that I knew all along, and that I was happy to hear that it had only taken him a month of whoring to figure it out. I told him that I deserved someone who knew from the start how special I was, someone who wouldn't make me feel as small as he made me feel. Someone who made me feel good about myself, who knew all the nice things about me. And that I wasn't going to settle for someone who felt that he was settling for me." She looked down briefly before meeting his eyes again. "I also informed him that children were a gift. Not a right. And that if he couldn't look at me and know that I was enough for him and that any children that came along were just that, a gift, then he wasn't good enough for me. And that he was an idiot for not knowing that in the first place. Then I walked out on him and came back here."
By the time she was finished, Toby was meeting her smile with one of his own. "That's a nice speech you made there," he told her.
"Well…I had a little help," she admitted.
"So it's all over between the two of you?"
"It's been over for a month and more Toby. I know what I want…and it's not someone who doesn't know me." She didn't look away from him, and there was something in her eyes that made him brave, made him forget about what a bad idea this was, and just follow what was in his heart.
"I don't suppose that you'd like to go out for a drink? To celebrate your freedom?"
She laughed. "I thought you'd never ask." She stood waiting for him to get his coat. "But Toby?"
He paused, his coat half on and half off, afraid for a moment that she'd come to her senses. "Yeah?"
Her eyes danced, and there was a cheeky smile on her face, and the knowledge hit him that whatever she was going to say, it wasn't anything bad. "That speech there? It shouldn't be interpreted as a sign that I like you."
And he blinked in surprise when he heard her, before he realised what she was doing, and she laughed at the look on his face, and that was when it all began.
>*<*>*<
… …four days ago……
In Toby's absence, Bonnie had maintained a centurion like guard on his office door, threatening anyone who went within a foot of it with sure and certain death, if not by her, then by Doctor Bartlet. Even Toby wasn't immune to her threats when he returned from his meetings on the Hill, and he spent the remainder of the day in Sam's office. It was only when Bonnie had left for the day, having extracted from him a promise that he would make Ginger call a cab when she woke, that he went into his office again.
Taking a file that he needed from his desk, he looked across at his couch for a minute, observing with some relief that colour had come back to Ginger's cheeks. She still didn't quite look like her usual self, but she was by no means as ashen as she'd been earlier that day. Bonnie had told him that she'd slept pretty much unbroken since he left, although she'd also said that she'd left a full glass of water on the table, a glass which he saw now was half empty. He also noticed that someone had thought to cover Ginger up, and he recognised the throw as the one that CJ had in her office. Walking closer to her, he was able to see that her breaths were steady and even, and standing there, watching her, he said a silent prayer of thanks before sitting down on the chair beside the couch to begin his reading.
He hadn't read far when he noticed her beginning to stir. He waited, not moving in case she would slip back into a heavy sleep. It was only when her eyes began to flutter open that he put the reports down on the floor and leaned forward a little in his chair. "Hey there." His voice when he spoke was low and gentle, relief and concern in equal measure.
"Hi." She tried to raise herself up on one arm, and he put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
"Don't get up, it's ok. How are you feeling?"
She smiled sleepily. "Tired." Her eyes closed again as his hand began to stroke back her hair. "Is it late?"
"A little. Bonnie left a while ago. She wouldn't let anyone in here all afternoon."
Ginger chuckled. "Even you?"
"Even me." His hand continued moving over her hair and she didn't open her eyes, but there was a contented little smile on her face. "You gave us quite a scare you know." She nodded her head. "You remember what happened?"
Her eyes opened then, and she shook her head, frowning slightly. "There was a mix-up with the McGregor numbers…I was late getting them to you…and when I was in here, Donna called me…I don't remember much else."
There were questions in her eyes, and his own got darker as he told her what he remembered. "You were so pale Ginger…I swear to God, I could see right through your skin. And Sam asked you if you were ok, and you told him you were - and don't think we're not going to rework your definition of fine by the way-" That had the desired effect of making her smile. "Then you turned around to answer Donna, and that was it…you just went down."
Ginger was frowning, reconciling her memories with his words, and then her eyes brightened and she smiled as she recalled something else, the feeling of a pair of arms going around her waist, lowering her to the ground. "And you caught me…" she murmured.
He smiled a real smile at that, moving his hand down so that it cupped her cheek. "Every time," he told her, and one of her hands moved up to cover his, holding it there like that.
"I'm sorry I scared you," she whispered, breaking the silence.
"Just don't do it again," he growled, and she giggled, before her gaze became pleading.
"Will you come over tonight?"
"Abbey said that you needed rest," he told her, watching as her face fell further.
"I sleep better with you there," she whispered, her voice almost childlike in its pleading. "Please?"
He smiled and shook his head, knowing when he was beaten, wondering for the hundredth time how she got around him so easily. "I really have to learn how to say no to you," he told her. "Come on, let's go."
>*<*>*<
… …two days ago……
"Ginger!"
The yell from Toby was loud enough to rattle the panes of glass in the windows, and usually when that happened, it brought Ginger running. He tried not to remember what had happened when he'd yelled for her two days ago, but the vision of her body, limp in his arms, persisted. He'd driven her to her place that night as she'd asked, and he'd stayed for the whole night, breaking for the first time their unspoken agreement that they never do that, in case they were seen the next morning. Ginger had fallen asleep the moment her head had hit the pillow and hadn't even stirred when her alarm went off the next morning, and Toby had tried to persuade her to take the day off. She'd argued against it though, telling him that she was fine, although he had noticed that she seemed to be quieter than she normally was, that something seemed to be weighing on her mind. He'd asked her about it that night, and she'd told him that he was imaging things, that nothing was wrong with her, but he hadn't been able to believe her.
The same had been true of her so far today, and now it was a good half an hour since her lunch break had officially ended, yet he still hadn't seen her back yet.
He was about to yell again when the door opened and Bonnie stuck her head in. "Yeah?" she asked.
"Where's Ginger?" he asked, racking his brains to come up with a reason to be calling her.
"She's gone for the day."
Bonnie's matter-of-fact pronouncement threw Toby into a tailspin. "Excuse me?"
Bonnie nodded. "She had to ok it with Sam because you weren't here. Mrs Bartlet asked if she'd been checked out yet and got her to make an appointment with her doctor. She got a cancellation, so she said she'd take it." Toby nodded, not saying anything. "What do you need?"
"The minutes from the meeting this morning."
"I'll get them." Bonnie may or may not have said those exact words, or something to that effect, but Toby would never be able to swear to it for sure. The only thing that he could focus on was that Ginger had told him, several times over the past couple of days, that she was fine. Now she was going to see a doctor. Not that he was worried, after all, he knew from experience that very few people defied the First Lady when she had her mind set on something. But still…
He was worried.
He was even more worried by the end of the day. He had thought that Ginger would have called to tell him why she'd left, to tell him what the doctor had said, to tell him to come over to her place that night. But while his phone was ringing with Congressmen and Senators and journalists, Ginger never called.
When he couldn't stand it anymore, he left the office, at was what was still an early time for him, but by that stage he couldn't care less if anyone noticed, or if their curiosity was aroused. He drove to Ginger's as quickly as he could without getting pulled over by the police, and used the keys she'd given him months ago to let himself in.
He didn't call out her name upon entering the apartment, just made his way into the living room. She was lying down on the couch, and he couldn't help but think of how he'd been looking at her in essentially the same position just a couple of days ago. If he was worried then, he was even more worried now, scared even, because she hadn't looked up when he'd come in, and he knew she had to have heard him. "Ginger?" he said tentatively, and she jumped.
"Toby…I didn't hear you…" She sat up quickly, brushing her cheeks, but not quickly enough that he didn't see the reason why she needed to do that. And if he hadn't seen her tears, her red eyes would have given the game away.
"What's wrong?" He sat down on the couch beside her, taking her hand in his, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart, trying to be calm. "Bonnie said you went to the doctor…"
Ginger nodded. "I made an appointment…I wanted to tell you, but you were out of the office…" Her voice was only a whisper, and her eyes were wide, and Toby gripped her shaking hands tighter.
"What? Tell me what's wrong?"
She took her hand away from his, standing up to pace restlessly, wringing her hands. "I don't…I'm not sure…"
He took her by the shoulders, turning her so that she was facing him, looking down into her eyes. He knew that his emotions must be written all over his face, but he couldn't imagine what it was that had Ginger this nervous. "Tell me."
She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
>*<*>*<
… …eight months ago……
Ginger snuggled down under the bedcovers, moving closer to Toby, who wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed the top of her head. Smiling, Ginger moved her head, resting it on his chest so that she could hear his heart beating. One of his hands moved through her hair, the other traced patterns on her back.
This had been going on for two months now, even since the night that she'd walked out on Jake in that restaurant. Not that anything like this had happened that night; on the contrary, Toby had been a total gentleman. They'd gone for drinks, and they'd talked about anything except work and the White House, and he'd kissed her cheek at the end of the night, and that had been that. Their next date had been a talk in the cold light of day, wondering if they really wanted to do this, if they should call a halt to the whole thing right then and there, before they'd realised that that was the last thing that either one of them wanted. So, they'd embarked on this relationship, all the while keeping it secret from the people they worked with, their families and friends. And for the last two months, Ginger couldn't remember a time that she'd been happier.
Except that she had remembered, and she knew just when it was. It was when she'd been with Jake, and look how that had turned out. The thought made her sigh slightly, so slightly that she didn't even notice it, but of course, Toby did.
"What's the matter?" he asked, his hands never stopping their movement.
She sighed again, lifting her head so that she could look in his eyes. "What are we doing Toby?"
He raised an eyebrow and began to laugh, the question obviously amusing him hugely. "Well, we're in my apartment, in my bed, and we're both naked…I'd say that if you have to ask, there's something wrong here."
She laughed too, smacking him on the chest lightly. "You know what I mean."
He was silent for a moment, and she knew that he was thinking because his hands slowed against her back. "Do we need to have this conversation?" he finally asked.
"We've done well at avoiding it so far," she conceded. "But I just…I need to know."
"Know what?"
She moved her hand up, so that it cupped his cheek, her thumb moving back and forth. "I just…we've been doing this for two months now. And I'm enjoying it…"
Once again, he chuckled. "I had an idea."
She chose to let that go. "Where are we going Toby? I mean…is this just a fling? Or is it something more?"
He stared up at her, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before bringing her down to kiss her. When they pulled away, his hand moved from the back of her head to cup her chin. "It's something more." The tone of his voice, the conviction in it, made Ginger grin with sheer relief, and she dipped her head to kiss him quickly, but this time when she pulled back, she bit her lip. "What is it?" he asked.
A knot of tension formed in Ginger's stomach, afraid of what might happen when she asked her next question. "What about kids Toby? Because you know that I can't…"
He silenced her by holding a finger up to her lips. "You remember what I told you that night? About children being a gift?" She nodded, and his finger dropped from her lips to finger the ends of her hair. "After Andrea…I pretty much gave up on ever finding someone who I could be with like this. And I'd long since reconciled myself to not having children. And then you came along, and I realised that I was wrong." He paused, and Ginger could feel tears coming into her eyes. "You are miracle enough for me Ginger. I don't need another one."
>*<*>*<
… …two days ago……
She thought of that night now, as she stood there looking at him, having just told him of another miracle, not knowing how he was going to react. She wasn't sure how she was reacting to the news, and she'd had longer to get used to it than he had. She'd been able to see the two words register in his brain, and he blinked a couple of times, his mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out. One hand went to his hip, the other rubbed his forehead and he looked down at the floor before looking up at her. "You're pregnant?" She nodded dumbly. "I thought that you couldn't…"
"So did I. The doctors told me that it was a ninety nine percent probability that I'd never be able to conceive…" Her voice trailed off and he nodded.
"Ninety nine percent."
"Yeah."
"That's a lot."
"Yeah." They stood there for a moment in silence, before Ginger couldn't stand it any longer. "Say something," she whispered.
"You're sure about this? There's no mistake?"
"When Doctor Bartlet examined me, she suggested it…and I told her that that wasn't possible, but it got me thinking, and I realised that I was late…so I did a home test and it was positive." She'd begun to cry again by this point, and she hated herself for it. "So I made an appointment with my doctor and she confirmed it."
He nodded. "And how do you feel about it?"
Ginger looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. "Toby, I've spent so long thinking that I could never be a mother…and now here I am, and this has happened and I…" She stopped talking when Toby took a step towards her, putting his hands on her shoulders.
"Ginger. Do you want this baby?" All she could do was nod as tears streamed down her face, and he nodded too and smiled before pulling her into a hug. She held him tightly and heard him say into her hair, "Well then…I guess we're having a baby," and all she could do was laugh.
She stopped laughing when he pulled away from her and walked over to her phone, picking it up. Crossing the room in a couple of strides, she grabbed it away from him. "Who are you ringing?"
"CJ." He spoke as if it were the most normal thing in the world, even as she fought the urge to ask him if he was crazy. "She's your first phone call for something like this." He stopped then, as if a thought had struck him. "Well, not your first, of course."
She was torn between which question to ask first, but she couldn't let that one go. "Who is my first phone call then?"
He looked surprised that she'd even had to ask. "Me," he said simply.
At a different time, in another place, she might have melted over that simple little word, but right now, she didn't have that luxury, especially since he'd used her hesitation to take the phone from her. "You can't tell CJ."
He tilted his head quizzically, but the phone went back down on the table and he led her over to the couch, sitting down beside her. "Why don't you want to tell CJ?"
"I want to make sure that everything is ok first. Toby, I've dreamed of this for so long…"
"OK. What do you want to do?"
"The doctor booked me in for a sonogram." She bit her lip and looked down, waiting to see his reaction from under her lashes. All Toby did was tilt his head and nod, but she knew him too well to miss the look in his eyes when she said "sonogram." It was awe and wonder and joy and she knew just how he felt because she was feeling the same thing.
"When?"
"The day after tomorrow."
He squeezed her hands. "Two days then. And then, we'll talk about telling everyone."
>*<*>*<
… …tonight……
"You should sit down."
Ginger paused in her pacing to shoot Toby a poisonous look. "What time did she say she'd get here at?"
Toby, sitting calmly on the couch, shrugged. "She didn't. I can't imagine she'll be too much longer though. Sit down."
Ginger laughed as she shook her head and returned to her pacing. "She's going to have a fit you know."
Toby looked as if he was about to start laughing. "You think?"
"You don't?"
"I think she's going to be surprised. But I think she'll be happy for us."
"I think she's going to scream a lot and ask us if we're kidding her."
That did make Toby laugh, but he was cut off by the buzzer indicating that someone wanted to come up. "Looks like we're going to find out." He buzzed CJ in, but didn't open the door straight away as he normally did, choosing instead to hug Ginger. "It's going to be fine," he told her, sitting her down on the couch before he crossed to the door.
Ginger held her breath as she heard CJ come in, looking up at the other woman as she came into the sitting room. She could see the worry in CJ's face when she first came in being replaced by curiosity once she saw Ginger sitting there. Once Toby said that they weren't working, once she'd felt his hands on her shoulders, Ginger saw CJ's gaze go from one to the other and back again, and she saw the comprehension dawn in the instant before CJ dropped into the chair behind her. CJ's mouth began to open and close, and it was a couple of seconds before she could speak, before the cry of "Are you kidding me?" shattered the silence.
Despite her nerves, despite the tension in the room, Ginger couldn't help smiling at her choice of words, and Toby, amusement evident in his voice, leaned over the back of the couch and quietly said to her, "You win."
CJ either didn't notice the exchange, or chose to ignore it. "Are you out of your minds?"
"Quite possibly." Toby's smile was still evident in his voice.
CJ shook her head, his attitude was probably driving her up the wall Ginger reflected. "How long?"
"Ten months."
"Toby!" CJ hadn't been expecting that. "You two have been seeing each other for ten months and no-one knew? How is that possible?"
"We're very discreet."
CJ's eyes darted all around the room as if she knew that she was missing some part of the story and was trying to figure out what it was. "So, ten months and no-one knows. So why are you telling me this now? Has someone found out?"
Toby looked down at Ginger, who hadn't said a word since CJ walked into the room. "Show her," was all he said. When Ginger looked up at him, still not saying a word, he repeated himself. "Show her."
"Show me what?"
Toby shook his head in mock exasperation, and came around to pick up a small folded card from the coffee table. He handed it to CJ without a word and stood back, both hands in his trouser pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly.
CJ regarded him with an air of open suspicion. "What is this?"
"A picture."
"Of what?" The tone was laced with danger and Ginger cowered in her seat, but Toby didn't alter his stance one iota as CJ opened the card, freezing in place when she saw the picture.
All traces of teasing had gone from Toby's voice when he spoke, but he was no less proud, no less happy. "Of your new godchild."
It took a few moments for the words and what she was seeing to sink into CJ's brain, and she stared at the picture before looking at Ginger and Toby, her eyes wide with shock. "Are you kidding me?"
"No."
She looked from Toby to Ginger to the picture and back to Toby again. "Are you kidding me?" This time, it was a shriek of excitement, of happiness, and both Toby and Ginger smiled in relief.
"No," was the only word he could get out before CJ pulled him into a hug, then went to Ginger and did the same with her. "I take it you're happy for us?" he asked, with a pointed look at Ginger.
"You have to ask?" CJ took another look at the photograph before handing it to Ginger and returning to her seat, smiling at Toby as he sat on the couch, taking Ginger's hand in his without even thinking about it. "Of course I'm happy for you, you idiot!" She paused briefly, a thought occurring to her. "You do want this baby don't you?"
Two heads nodded vigorously at her question. "I can't say it's not a surprise," Toby told her. "But a welcome one."
"I was told I couldn't have children." They were the first words that Ginger had said to CJ, and they made CJ open her eyes wide, and Ginger nodded in confirmation. "They were ninety nine percent sure. That's why this is such a shock."
"And this is why you fainted the other day," CJ guessed.
"Mrs Bartlet said something that made me think…even though I thought it was impossible. And my doctor confirmed it two days ago. We had the sonogram today." Ginger was talking to CJ, but looking at Toby, and at the mention of the word "sonogram" his face had lit up.
"I take it that that's where you were this afternoon?" CJ addressed her question to him, knowing that Ginger had called in sick that day, and Toby nodded. "So…what are you going to do?"
"I have a meeting with Leo and the President tomorrow morning," Toby told her. "I'm going to tell them then. And Sam and Josh after that."
"And when he tells Sam and Josh, I'll be telling the rest of the assistants."
"What about the Press?" When Ginger and Toby looked at one another, CJ pressed the issue. "They're going to want to know."
"We don't want you to tell the press." When it looked as if CJ was going to protest, Toby raised a hand. "If they ask, you can confirm that we're seeing each other. If they ask, you can confirm about the baby. But we don't want to make a big thing out of this."
"Are you sure that's wise? I mean, Toby…"
"We're sure CJ." It was Ginger who spoke, and this, more than the words, stopped CJ. "This is how we want things."
"OK." CJ nodded again, and there was an awkward moment until Toby spoke.
"Ginger, maybe CJ would like some coffee?"
CJ began to protest, but Ginger nodded quickly and made her way into Toby's kitchen. Toby turned his head to follow her progress, and when he was sure she was out of earshot, he leaned forward in his seat, speaking in so low a tone that CJ had to strain to hear him. "Ginger's doctor has some concerns about the nature of the pregnancy. Everything is fine at the moment, but we have to be careful. I don't want Ginger upset, and that means keeping this as low key as we possibly can, and keeping any form of press away from her."
CJ's gaze shot in the direction that Ginger had gone, widening in alarm. "Is she-?"
"She's fine," Toby spoke quickly to allay her fears. "Right now. And it's probably not even going to be an issue…Ginger's healthy, she's strong…but we've got to be careful. No more late nights, no more early mornings…Bonnie's going to be taking on some of the extra work, we hope, and we can assign someone from HR to take up any slack."
"You've given this a lot of thought."
Toby chuckled. "I don't think I've slept since she told me. Every time I try, I think of something new that we're going to have to do, some other eventuality that has to be planned for…"
He broke off, shaking his head, and CJ couldn't help laughing at the look on his face. "You're so calm about this and I can't even…I mean…what are you planning to do? Keep going the way you have been? Or…"
"We're looking at houses this weekend."
CJ couldn't help but notice that he still wore his wedding ring, and gave voice to her wondering. "And marriage?" When Toby tilted his head, she added, "The press are going to ask."
"We have enough to deal with right now without the stress of planning a wedding CJ." Toby's voice was terse for a moment, and he looked over his shoulder to the kitchen, and CJ, reading between the lines, knew what he meant, and couldn't help pushing him just a little.
"But?"
When he turned to her, it was with a smile. "I'd marry her tomorrow."
It was then that Ginger reappeared with a tray of coffee mugs and Toby leapt up to take it from her. Ginger smiled knowingly at CJ and sat down, raising an eyebrow. "I take it he's told you about all the cotton wool he's going to wrap me in for the next seven months?" she asked wryly.
CJ laughed again at her words, not accustomed to talking to Ginger outside the office, and liking what she'd seen so far tonight, liking the effect that she was having on Toby, who even now was looking at her like she was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. "He might have mentioned it."
Ginger reached over and put her hand on Toby's knee. "He's going to drive me crazy isn't he?"
"Going to?" Both CJ's eyebrows were somewhere around her hairline, but the twinkle in her eyes gave her away. She took a sip of her coffee and when she next spoke, it was to change to the subject completely, and the three friends spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing and swapping stories. It was only when Ginger yawned that CJ looked at her watch and started, amazed at how much time had passed. "I should go," she said, standing to put on her coat.
Ginger rolled her eyes. "Just please don't tell me that I need my rest. I get enough of that from him."
CJ laughed and hugged her, whispering another "Congratulations," into her ear. Then she turned to Toby. "Toby? Walk me to my car?"
"You're really happy for us?" Toby asked as they stood at her car.
"You don't do things the easy way, do you Toby?" The tone she used made the words sound kinder than they otherwise might have.
"Never have."
She hugged him quickly. "I'm thrilled for you. For both of you." The image of the two of them, sitting on the couch, so completely in tune with each other, flashed across her mind. "Do you know how lucky you are?"
She followed Toby's gaze to his apartment window. "Believe me Claudia Jean, I do. I have twin miracles up there, and I'm not going to let anything happen to either one of them."
"And you'll have my help."
"That's all I needed to hear."
When he got back to his apartment, Ginger was rinsing the cups in the kitchen. She turned her head and smiled briefly at him when he came back in. "That went well," she said.
"I told you so," he teased, coming up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist, his hands flat against her stomach. "Leave those for tonight. You need your rest."
She laughed and smacked his hands even as he began to kiss her neck. "Somehow Toby Ziegler, I get the feeling that rest isn't what you have in mind."
"I'm shocked at those words." But he didn't stop what he was doing until Ginger pulled away, turning to face him.
"What happens after tomorrow Toby? After everyone knows?"
Toby's arms went back around her waist. He was used to these flashes of doubt from Ginger; they'd come along every so often, when she'd worry about his career, about his need to have children that she'd thought she couldn't provide. He knew that the only thing he could do was just what he was doing - hold her, reassure her, be there for her. "Then we get to work on our happily ever after," he told her simply.
"You think we're going to have that?"
He smiled and kissed her, gently at first, then more passionately. "I know we are," he told her. "Come on…come to bed."
She didn't resist him as he led her down the hall. "I suppose you're going to tell me all the plans that you've made. Again."
He knew she was teasing him, and he didn't care, but he answered her using the words that had brought them here, to this point, in the first place. "That," he said, smiling. "And other nice things."