Title: The Thing About Elvis
Rating: PG, Humour
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Spoilers: Absolutely none!
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site The Band Gazebo Anywhere else please ask first.
Summary: Josh, Donna and a skating video.
Author's Note: In response to Cindy's challenge for fluffy J/D fic…it don't get fluffier! This was written in less than an hour, when I saw the challenge after recapping three hours of figure skating…you just had to mention the name, didn't you? The challenge ran like this…. Write the proposal. That's it one scene...can be longer if you want. Have fun with it.....throw Elvis in, have them be in DC or not etc :) So there we have it - one scene, all dialogue, and it might be funnier if you're a skating fan….no offence intended, and if you don't understand something, drop me a line, I'll do my best to respond!
"Donna!"
"Josh!"
"You're going to look at a video?"
"That was the plan, yes."
"A video?"
"I wouldn't have to look at the video if my overly-demanding boss had let me go home at a reasonable hour so that I could actually watch the show. Or if my workaholic boyfriend had, you know, taken me when I wanted to go."
"It's ice skating!"
"And your point is?"
"It's girly!"
"For your information Joshua, figure skating, to apply its proper name, is an athletic sport. World class skaters jump as high as twenty three inches in the air, rotate three times, landing with a force some eight times their body weight, on one leg, balanced on a steel blade on rock hard ice."
"Donna-"
"Did you know that studies have shown that one four minute skating program takes more effort and energy than a twenty minute period of ice hockey?"
"I really don't see what-"
"To say nothing of the fact that Saint Lydwina, the patron saint of figure skating was only canonised because she fell while skating and thereafter suffered a lifetime of illness and poor health…I mean, you think skaters would have heeded that warning wouldn't you?"
"Look at him for example. Look at all that hair. That can't be natural."
"Ah Gwendal…"
"Gwendal? What, did they call him Gwennie for short?"
"Gwendal, Gwendal, Gwendal…you know Josh, while most women want his body, I'd be perfectly happy with his hair."
"Why are there so many of them on the ice at once?"
"It's the opening number."
"In a competition?"
"It's the Tom Collins Tour of Champions."
"Huh?"
"It's a show."
"Oh. Donna?"
"Yes Josh?"
"Why is there a six foot man in a red dress with a red fluffy bow in his hair?"
"That's Laurent Tobel. He's French."
"And that explains things how?"
"He's doing a spoof of Carmen, as done by Katarina Witt at the 1988 Olympics. He mimics her opening pose and everything. It's really quite hilarious."
"Ah-kay. Hey, isn't that the 'why me?' girl?"
"Her name is Nancy Kerrigan Josh. I can't believe you don't remember that."
"I had more important things on my mind at the time than who competed at the Olympic Games."
"Well, I was working all the hours God sent to support Doctor Freeride. I think I was allowed a little distraction, don't you?"
"I'm sorry."
"You should be."
"What the hell is he doing?"
"That's Evgeny Plushenko. He's Russian."
"How is he doing that with his leg?"
"It's called a Biellman spin Josh. He's the only man who can do it."
"Doesn't he want children?"
"I imagine he wants medals more right now Josh."
"Who's she?"
"That's Maria Butyrskaya."
"Ah. Ow! What was that for?"
"You were drooling."
"I was not!"
"Oh please! A pretty leggy blonde in a short dress? You've never paid so much attention to a skating show before!"
"Well, I've never really paid any attention to a skating show before."
"Tell me ab- ssh!"
"What?"
"Ssh! It's Elvis."
"Donna…Elvis died in 1977…"
"Not that Elvis! The other Elvis!"
"There's another Elvis?"
"Elvis Stojko. He's Canadian. Isn't he dreamy?"
"If you like that kind of thing."
"Excuse me?"
"Hey, why'd you pause the tape?"
"If you like that kind of thing? What is that supposed to mean?"
"I mean…look at him Donna. He's hardly what women find attractive is he?"
"Well, I grant you that some women would rather have the pretty boy charms of a Yagudin, or a Kulik or god help us all a Sandhu. I prefer my men more manly."
"Manly? He's a skater!"
"A skater whose other hobbies include martial arts and dirt bike racing. He could whup your ass and not break a sweat doing it."
"Ppfft!"
"Are you mocking Elvis?"
"Come on Donna…look at that hair!"
"You mean that lovely curly hair, that I'd give my eye teeth to run my fingers through?"
"You like men with curly hair?"
"I like Elvis with curly hair. Besides, he's got the cutest little butt in professional skating."
"Joey Lucas told me that I have the cutest little butt in professional politics."
"I know. I was there."
"I'm just sayin'…."
"Josh…are you jealous?"
"No!"
"'Cause you sound jealous."
"I'm not jealous!"
"OK."
"I’m not! Why would I be jealous of a nancy boy skater?"
"Nancy boy?"
"I mean that in the most masculine way of course-"
"Nancy boy?"
"-Which of course you are not going to realise…"
"Let me tell you something about that man. That man has come through the skating ranks the hard way. He was told for years that he'd never make it, that he didn't have the right body type, the right look, the right style. He said screw that, I'll do it my way. And he did. He got hosed at the 92 Olympics Josh. He was the only man who skated two clean programs in a badly skated competition, and he dropped a place. He went to worlds a month later and won his first bronze medal."
"Donna, I know that you like this guy-"
"A year later, he came back from a bad short to win the silver, and the next year, he took his first national title, and won the Olympic silver medal in a horrendously bad judging decision when they decided they preferred the froo-froo classical style of Urmanov to him. He went to worlds a month later and won, with a perfect six for technical merit."
"Are you going to breathe soon?"
"In 95, he had to withdraw from nationals, and went to worlds, basically skating on one leg. You want to know how he did?"
"He won?"
"Darn right! And threw in an extra combination jump that he didn't really need, right at the end, just so he could make sure of it. He got a perfect six then too…although it was from the French judge, and there were reasons for it, but anyway!"
"Anyway?"
"That was nothing compared to the 98 Olympics. He went there injured, but didn't tell anyone. He got the flu, he was sick; he could hardly walk let alone jump. You or I would have been in bed for weeks. But he skated. His first jump, he tore a muscle, but he kept skating. He landed eight triple jumps on one leg, something that most men in that competition couldn't do in the whole of their health, and he won the silver medal. That injury has ended the career of lesser men, but he came back and he kept skating and he won another silver medal at worlds in 2000."
"As fascinating as this is, do you have a point?"
"My point is, Joshua, that this man is a hero. A man who's been knocked down so many times but keeps on getting up, keeps on giving because he loves what he does. Because he believes in what he does. And because he's good at it. And I don't think that anyone should belittle that."
"So…what you're saying is…he's just like us."
"Us?"
"Yeah…the Senior Staff. Knocked down, but we keep getting up. Because we love what we do. And we're good at it. And we believe in it. This Elvis guy…he's just like us."
"Yeah…yeah, I guess he is. And he's gorgeous."
"Donna!"
"What? I'm just saying, that if he appeared at my door and, you know, asked me to follow him…"
"You'd do it?"
"Across the country on my knees."
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh?"
"Would you follow me?"
"Across the country?"
"Yeah."
"I already did. It was called the Bartlet for America campaign, or have you forgotten?"
"I'm serious."
"You are, aren't you?"
"Yeah."
"Yes Josh. I would follow you across the country. Maybe not on my knees, but…"
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh?"
"Will you marry me?"
"Excuse me?"
"Will you marry me? Because I'm thinking that I love you, and you love me, and I know that I'd follow you anywhere, so you know…mmmph!"
"I love you too Josh."
"Well…was that a yes?"
"What do you think?"
"I think so."
"Clever boy. Come on, let's go to bed."
"Bed? But I thought you wanted to watch Elvis?"
"Screw Elvis."
"Well, I'm sure you'd like to Donna…ow! But you know, I'd really like to see his routine."
"Program."
"Huh?"
"It's a program, not a routine."
"What's the difference?"
"Are you going to talk about skating all night or are you going to make love to your fiancée?"
"Well, when you put it like that…."