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Look Who's Stalking
I step out of the cab in front of Holiday Inn. Ginni and the gang will be here in Wilmington by the next two days, and that means I only have two days to chase my own Scarlet J for myself. My throat hurts from one hour of non-stop talking with the cab driver before. Well, actually I'm the one who did the talking and he just listened. Okay, not talking but yelling, since the driver turned the music volume to maximum scale the minute I started to explain him why Pacey and Joey should be together. I throw a JJ-penis shaped lozenge into my mouth and start walking toward the hotel door. A shirtless doorman greets me with a smile which is three times more attractive than his body. Of course, it makes no difference at all whether it's three times or ten times because there's no way I'm going to notice the smile while there is a lot of skin to see. He points toward the receptionist counter and tells me something which, with a hot sweaty chest like that, becomes not informative at all. But I follow that direction though. I'm so proud of myself for having such a self-control not to touch anything further than his nipples. "Can I get a room for two, sir?" I say to a shirtless male receptionist who's sitting behind the counter. "Uh, let me see." He quickly zips his pants and reaches his keyboard. "Your name, please." "Herman Pacey." I reach my back pocket and pull out my wallet, searching for my ID that is hiding among my credit card, visa, passport and a cut out Pacey, at the same time watching him typing with one hand, while his other hand is trying to push away a pair hands from under the counter that keep on fumbling on his zipper. He smiles and takes my ID without saying anything when I hand it to him. I try to start a conversation. "Did you watch last week episode of Dawson's Creek?" "Actually, I didn't, but I know that show. My wife talks about it every day.." He says, and continues typing. "I think all people agree that Pacey and Joey belong together. I know things hasn't been good between them lately, but I can see the chemistry that makes them so perfect for each other and…" "Bob, please take Mr. Pacey to room 312." A shirtless bellboy emerges from under the counter. He puts a cup of butter nut jam and grabs the key the shirtless male receptionist gives him. "Come with me, Sir. Your room is upstairs." He picks my suitcase and starts walking toward the elevator. I actually want to continue my conversation with that shirtless male receptionist but I see that this shirtless bellboy has bigger biceps. So I decide to follow him. ***** "Here's your room, sir. We can get another room for you if you don't like it." I stop licking his back and walk inside, looking around. There's a king size bed, a large bath tub that can hold two persons at once, and a Twister mat. "No. This is beautiful. I'll take this one." "Okay." He says. "Breakfast will be delivered in the morning. You can call the room service and order what you want to eat. We'll take care of your laundry…" I don't hear the rest of his words when I see him starts to unbutton his jeans. "Uh… what are you doing?" "It's a part of my job to check if everything works properly." He takes his pants off and I don't bother at all to ask him why he doesn't wear undies. "I want to make sure this hanger doesn't fall down when you hang something on it." What a hotel! He hangs his jeans on the hanger behind the door. It doesn't fall, of course. "The hanger is fine, I'm going to check the bathtub and the shower. Do you have anything you want to ask?" He smiles at me, a friendly huge smile, although neither as huge as his biceps nor his... nevermind. "Um... can you bring another bellboy here? I just want to know if this hanger can support two pairs of jeans." ***** Two hours later, in the filming location. Stupin has informed us that JJ was having a medical treatment in hospital due to overactive use of penis and pelvic muscles. That means he won't be able to come for filming today. I decide that I won't let the absence of JJ ruin my fun, because I have something else to do. Now here I am sitting on the bench watching The Beek playing pingpong with Michael Pitt, his coach. The pingpong ball is covered by a thick layer of snot, and I'm sure there's no need to ask where it comes from. Watching a stain left on the table each time the ball hits the surface, I decide that this table is not a perfect place for having sex with JJ, if he's here tomorrow. A woman comes with a glass of orange juice and hands it to him. The Beek puts the straw into his left nostril and inhales some liquid in. "Mama Frances," he says, stops to inhale some more, and continues "Have you talked to Stupin? The audience starts to love me again and they want Dawson to get back together with Joey. He needs to do something with my popularity to boost the ratings." Frances puts on anti-slip gloves and holds The Beek's head to wipe some orange juice from his nostril with a tissue. "Don't worry, Jamesy, honey." She reassures him. "I'm one of the writer staff now, and we'll do whatever is the best for the show." A basket ball from out of nowhere flies past me and hits Michael Pitt's head. He gets unconscious and falls down on the floor. Frances continues, "By the way, they agreed to give you some shirtless scenes." I'm so shocked that I almost cut Kerr's nipple off his chest with my teeth when I hear that. "Aww!" He stops licking Dylan's ear and screams, "Be careful!" He slaps my head off his chest and cups his wounded nipple. "Jeezus, you almost broke my eardrum you idiot!" Dylan lifts his hand to cover his ear, which causes his elbow to incidentally knock Mark's chin and send him down to the floor. I ignore them and walk over toward the pingpong table. The Beek stutters, "W-w-what? Are you serious? A shirtless scene? For ME?" His eyes are bright with happiness, and I can't help but thinking how come everything on his head is so shiny. "And Dawson and Joey get back together? I… I don't know how to thank you, Mama Frances." "Jamesy, we've known from the start that Dawson and Joey belonged together. They're always be soulmates. Soulmates Forever!" She unbuttons her blouse, letting hundreds of daisies fly out from her chest. Then she raises up her hand to the air and shares a hi-five with The Beek. They fall into each other's embrace and she starts to sob under the rain of daisies. Oh God. "Excuse me," I interrupt. "Jamesy, would you take pictures with me?" The Beek releases Frances from his arms immediately and pushes her away. She's stumbled on Michael Pitt's legs and falls with her face on Michael Pitt's crotch and her hands land on his jeans button. I quickly look away before it's too late. "No problem," The Beek says. "Where do you want me to pose?" He gives me a smile that makes me want to hit him on the head. It's too bad that I can't find anything with size and weight that seems to have effect on the cranium. I point to a small table at an isolated corner on the set. There's a pink bucket on the table and I know it's filled with water (I just know). "That pink bucket looks romantic. You can go there now and wait for me. I'm going to find someone else to take picture for us." He walks to the direction I pointed him to. It amazes me that everywhere he goes, his head always arrives two seconds before his feet do. I stoop at the pile on the floor that consists of a busy Frances and unconscious Michael Pitt and steal the anti-slip gloves, before following The Beek. I put on the anti-slip gloves, preparing myself for the mission. Then I run to after him and stop to walk silently behind him to the corner. Before he turns around I quickly grab his head and shove it to the water in the bucket. Oh, shit! I've miscalculated the whole thing. His head is stuck at the rim of the bucket, which I know is not a small bucket. I finally release him and quickly grab the bucket before his slow damn ass brain can figure out what's happening and I flush him with the water. He finally manages to speak. "Are you trying to get a picture of me wet?" He gives a smile that I think he thinks is sexy. "Do you want me to take my shirt off?" "Shut up, you bitch!" I lift the empty bucket above my head and with a full power I swing it and cup his head with it, and with a little effort it finally gets through his head. "Mmmmmph…" The Beek is trying to pull the bucket off his head. I look around searching for a place to dispose of him, and then I see the sign: "Septic tank, uncovered. Restricted area". I drag The Beek all the way to the place while he's still trying to rid himself of the bucket. After I plunge him into the septic tank with head first, I stand there taking some pictures of his body drowning slowly in the pool of shit. "Okay, back to business." I throw a JJ-penis shaped gum into my mouth and walk back to my former place where Kerr is naked now. ***** "You're not a doctor, aren't you?" JJ's lying on the hospital bed, and stares at me curiously when I move my stethoscope from his chest and slip it inside his pants. "Uh, what? What makes you say that?" I furrow my eye brows, examining his penis intensely and write some notes. "I've never seen a doctor put a stethoscope on a dick." "Stop complaining." I say, infuriated. "I'm trying a new method here. Besides, you'll never know what the doctors usually do to themselves." "Okay, but stop drooling on my stomach." "Uh, sorry," I blush and stop working for a while to clean up the mess, with my tongue. "Hey, I said my stomach." He says impatiently. "Yes, I know, I heard that." I let my tongue off his left nipple and move down to his belly, which means I now have to move my hand which was on his belly before, to his crotch. After I finish, I continue working with my stethoscope for a couple more seconds before I pull it out. "Okay, I'm done." I take some notes and put them inside the pocket of my white coat. "Whose computer is that on the table? Can I use it for a minute?" I point to a laptop on the small table beside his bed. "That's my mom's." He says. "Go ahead." "Thanks, Mr. Jackson. I won't take long." The computer is on. I'm glad that this hospital has internet connection. I sit down on a chair, put the computer on my lap and type the address of MBTV Board. I've never been more shocked than when I read "Welcome Wacked Kath" written on the screen of Fiona's computer. Not even when I found Fiona's dead body in one of the locker in the doctor's changing room where I stole this white coat. ***** The next morning on the filming set. "Hi, Mom!" "Oh, hi Sweetie.?" Kath quickly fixes her Fiona mask and turns around to meet the unsuspicious son. "How's your penis?" "Everything is fine. My doctor has done a pretty good job." JJ smiles and points at me, who's standing speechless behind him, still overwhelmed by the fact that JJ agreed to play hairdressing last night, that he let him put some hair gel on his lower abs and and use his comb to create various hair styles from the new millennium and the late 90's. "That's good, let me have a look." Kath reaches JJ's jeans button and JJ quickly pulls himself away. "Hey, not here." "Sorry, honey" Kath wipes her drool with her Pacey handkerchief before she extends her hands to frame his face. She moves forward and just about to kiss him on the lips. "AAAHHHAAAHHHHHCHOOOO...!!!" JJ suddenly sneezes and moves away. He snatches Kath's handkerchief and wipes his nose. "Uh, I have to go. Stupin is looking for me. See you later mom." He walks away from Kath, mumbling, maybe something about his mom acting weird today. I walk past Kath to follow him, thinking about what I'll do with her later. I won't forgive her for killing JJ's mom and she will pay for that. Either that, or maybe I just don't want any competition. I'm just 5 feet away from her when I hear her mumbling softly, "Paaayysseeee..." Oh, poor Mr.Wacked. ***** JJ and Kerr are shooting the scenes now, Michael Pitt has been cast to play Dawson. I feel bored watching them taking those non-shirtless scenes so I decide to do something else. I saw Kath go into JJ's trailer and there I'm going now, with a butcher knife in my hand. I silently sneak into the trailer. Kath is sitting on the floor, watching The Anti-prom episode. She is holding the remote control, her fingers stand by on the rewind button. I hate that she's having such a good moment before she dies, but I won't waste anymore time. I'm going to do it now. Moving stealthily behind her, I lift the butcher knife above my head, ready to stab her back, but then I stop when I hear that very familiar dialogue that has been staying in the back of my mind since the first time I heard it. "...You were walking down the hallway at school. I was annoying you as per usual. You said, Look, Pacey, I just found my mother’s bracelet this morning, so why don’t you cut me some slack?" "You remember that?" I freeze. The world stops spinning. "I remember everything..." I drop the knife. Fall on my knees. Butterflies are flying all around, and all I can hear is Kath and myself mumbling in unison, "Paaayysseeee..." As a pair of nostrils rear their ugly head on the screen, I snap back to reality. I completely forget my earlier plan. The only thing I can think of is that I have to have that tape. I can't live with those low quality real media files while I know there's a much better one there. I take out the tape from the VHS player quickly, and before I have a chance to stand up, I feel a punch landing on my face. "Don't you dare to touch my tape!" She roars and tries to snatch the tape from my hands. "Give it back to me you little shit!" I'm not giving it up. I hold the tape tightly on my chest as she throws a couple more punches on my face. I finally manage to get away for a while but then something hard hits the back of my head, probably the video player, and knocks me down to the floor. I turn my body around to face downward and slip the tape under my chest, trying to reach the butcher knife which is about three feet to the left, but Kath is too fast. She grabs the handle before I even touch it, and stomps her left foot on my head several times before giving me six or seven stabs on my back, and then stomps a few more times. "That's what you got for trying to steal my tape, dog ass!" She snatches the tape from my hand and kicks my face before she leaves the trailer. ***** Kapinos and JJ throw the dead body into the fridge. Stupin looks at them and asks curiously. "Where did you find it?" "He's Josh's doctor." Kapinos pats JJ on his shoulder. "Josh found him in his trailer. I figured that we could use him for Dawson's horror movie project which we're going to film next week." JJ laughs, "This corpse was like sent from above, right at the time when we needed one, wasn't it Tom?" Stupin smiles happily, "I always knew that God had blessed this show. Okay, now go back to work."
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