This fic explains the reasons why the Draco I sometimes write about differs greatly from the boy some think he is.
And this is not about me.
This is dedicated to my friend Lauren.

Important note-If you have read my fic called 'It Bars the Gates of Death', I am just saying that although Lucius
died, he will continue to be in my other fics where Draco is sixteen or younger, OK?

Friday the Thirteenth

by PikaCheeka
 
 
 

Prologue

I stepped outside into the school-yard with a sudden rush of exuberance. It was towards the
middle of October. The thirteenth of October, Friday the thirteenth. My favorite day of the year,
if that counts, seeing as it only comes so often. There is no real reason as to why I like it so much.
I suppose it's the terror that it implants in the hearts of many people. The terror that I have never
been able to implant.

The reason as to why this is can only be my split personality. My extreme split personality.

There aren't any classes today on account of an unofficial holiday. Personally I think Dumbledore
is afraid of this day. The whole day is open to us students to do whatever we want. Except enter
the Forbidden Forest. I have had many bad memories implanted there, but I do not care. I am
headed there right now.

A slight breeze rustled the leaves beneath my feet and I jumped, thinking somebody was behind
me. Coming to yell at me for going into the forest.

I sighed heavily and continued at a much brisker pace. Any minute now, somebody would come
running, most likely Pansy, to scold me and drag me back to the Slytherin common room.

In a matter of minutes, the forest loomed over me, looking blacker and darker then ever before.
I turned around, surveying the grounds behind me. Still no-one. I smiled wryly to myself and slipped
between two trees.

About a half mile in, I stopped and slumped against a tree.

Now I could be alone and think about my split personality. And hopefully destroy it.
 
 
 
 

The Good Side

I have a good side of me and a bad side. Many people do, but not to the extremes of mine.

The good side is calm, passive, and sad. But not in an angry type of sadness, just a slightly
depressed state of mind.

The good side is the part that normally takes over me when I am at home. That is the part
that completely enrages my father. He never admits it, but I can tell that he looks down upon
me whenever I am at home.

I remember a time when the good side even encouraged me to like Hermione. It sometimes
takes over when I am at school. And I hat it. For when it does, it looks at Harry, Ron, and
Hermione as friends. That is not what I want. I do not need friends. They are dangerous.
Better to be alone. Friends might stop me from doing something dumb.

It is so split that even hobbies differ. In this state, I love drawing. Just the fact of it. I never
draw anything loathsome or vengeful. I also sing, bizarre as it may seem. I have a good singing
voice, so some say. They say I can still sound like a boy and go up high. If only they really
paid attention to what I sang.

At this moment, I hate what I sang. But at times, I love it. I sing of that silent desperation of
killing of the evil side of me.

Right now, I wish to do the exact opposite. And I believe I shall indeed do so.
 
 
 
 

The Bad Side

The bad side of me, on the other hand, rules me at school, as it does now.

This side of me is dark, evil, and angry. Angry at the whole world, all who do not understand
me and hate me. Hateful as sin.

I wish this part could control, then I could get true revenge, instead of the punch and curse
here and there that good side occasionally permits.

The hobbies in this side are mainly revenge.

That is all. Really, whether it has to do with drawing something truly evil or even worse. The
few people who have ever seen my drawings shrink away, pretending they hadn't seen what
they had. They are full of evil and malice. Gleaming eyes and dripping fangs, shadows, and
visible hatred.

Draco Malfoy.

The dark side of Draco Malfoy is clearly shown there.

In this state, I crave power as well. I sometimes go outside and kill something just for the
sheer power of it. I love the feeling of small life ebbing away in my fist, or at my wand tip.

I know how to use the killing curse.

And now I plan to use it to kill the good side that threatens to reign.
 
 
 
 

Evil

I suddenly stood up straight and picked up my wand, fingering it nervously. The danger of
what I am about to do is suddenly striking through my heart. If anything went wrong, I would
die.

And my body would most likely never be found in this forest. Now that I think of it, I don't
even remember where I went to get to this tree.

I would die.

It's what the evil wants.
 
 
 
 

Enter the Wand

I tried to remember the curse I had been taught by my father. It was meant to kill a single
part of someone. I was to think about what it was I was to destroy over and over and say
"Kevada Avadra" instead of Avada Kedavra. A rather strange spell if you ask me. I
shuddered, looking at my wand. Where was I to aim? My heart?

I looked down at the black robe I wore over my black flannel shirt. I shuddered again.

I was wearing all black. All ready for the coffin if I was found. If.

A sudden burst of rage ran through me. I aimed my wand at my chest and screamed
"Kevada Avadra" without a single thought.
 
 
 
 

Silence

The woods screamed with silence. I lay curled in a crumpled heap on the ground, clutching
my chest, which was bleeding freely.

Pain, all I could feel was intense pain.

But I was not yet dead. I sat up carefully and slumped against the tree again. Without a
backward thought, I pulled my robes off and unbuttoned my shirt. My jeans were already
tinged red from the puddle I had been laying in.

Directly over my heart was a flat cross-shaped scar. It was not bleeding at all.
 
 
 
 

Rain

The pain was still intense, cutting through my body in sharp spasms.

I sat there for a long time, my head back and my eyes closed, wondering if I was going to die.
For a change, the silence was inviting. Inviting me to join it. I fought it back.

I wonder if my good is dead now. I can not tell yet.

Suddenly, a small drop of rain landed on my face. I jerked forward, biting back a scream that
I had nearly let out. Within seconds, it was completely dark and it was a downpour.

I shuddered.

It was dark.

It was pouring.

I was hurt.

I was lost.

I was dead.
 
 
 
 

Rage

I stood up slowly, shaking violently from the intense cold. I didn't know where to go. It was
too dark to see, and the way I had gone to begin with had been entirely driven from my mind
when I attacked myself.

It was the ultimate Friday the thirteenth for me.

I headed off to what looked like a hollow tree, thinking about all the werewolves and such
that crawled this woods at night. And it was a full moon. I was alone and hurt, no way to fend
anything off. I thought dimly of Lupin, wondering if he was roaming around here.

I hoped not. I had not been kind to him. Besides, it was a full moon.

Thoughts of Lupin and other teachers flashed through my mind. I hated them all. I would get
my revenge on them. That was sure.

Why? The dim thought flashed through my mind. I stopped in the path, scowling.

Then I let out a shriek of rage and collapsed on the ground again.

My good side was not gone. I had done nothing but hurt myself. The goodness had protected
itself, that's what the cross was. I was going to die for nothing.
 
 
 
 

Sleep

I lay on the ground. Maybe if I fell asleep, I would just die. What else could I do anyway?
It was now night.

The rain suddenly stopped. The eye of the storm. Silence closed in the forest again.

I smiled weakly. Silence, so inviting. I would visit it now.

I closed my eyes and let the exhaustion take over my pain wracked body.
 
 
 
 

Path to Light

A sharp cawing suddenly broke my sleep. I jerked awake. It was raining again. My shirt
was stiff, tiny ice particles were on it. I winced as I sat up. The pain in my chest had subsided
now. But I was almost too cold to move.

The cawing continued.

I looked around. In front of me, on the ground, stood a raven. I scowled at it and reached
for my wand, but I was too cold. I curled up again and tried to sleep. It was so inviting.....

Ever so inviting.

The raven suddenly rushed at me, pecking at my face. I cried out sharply and jumped away.
But it had done what it wanted. It had gotten me to my feet. I bared my teeth at it in sudden
rage and rushed for my wand.

Within seconds, I had it aimed at the creature, and it made no move to fly.
 
 
 
 

Unity

It cocked it's head at me and cawed again.

My hair was plastered to my forehead, it was partly covering my eyes. I snarled at it. It
cawed again.

I wanted to scream Avada Kedavra and kill it. but I couldn't. It was the evil goodness.
Holding me back. It wouldn't let me kill this creature that was preventing me from killing
myself.

Then realization hit me. I could see my stupidity as it was right now.

I had to have the goodness in me, otherwise I would kill myself. The raven symbolized that
in me. It was black, dark, still slightly evil. I just had to learn to accept it.

Accept the good.
 
 
 
 

Life

The bird suddenly flew over to a tree. I followed carefully, wondering what it was up to. I was
still angry with myself, but now I was mad at my stupidity. Not at my good.

As soon as I reached it, it took off again. I followed.

This continued for a time until I began to feel slightly warm again.

I smiled wryly to myself, suddenly remembering that I had left my robe in the clearing who
knows how far back there. And I wasn't about to go back and get it. The cold in the rain
and the pain in my chest were still intense, but nothing compared to my stomach, as I have
eaten nothing for well over twenty four hours. I hadn't even had anything to drink.

I was still slightly confused about my sides. I knew I had to live with both, and it was up to
me to decide which one was right and which one I would keep. I wasn't even sure which one
I wanted anymore. For right now I am neither, but something in between.
 
 
 
 

Return

The raven suddenly cawed happily. I glanced up and saw the school. I could also hear the
bell tolling midnight. I slunk forward, keeping to the shadows, knowing that if I was caught,
I was in a lot of trouble.

I arrived at the door safely, and I turned to give my thanks to the raven.

But there was no Raven.

The raven was gone.
 
 
 
 

Unity Again

And was my good side?

Was my bad side as well?

And what was left?

I smiled as I pushed one of the doors open. I knew the answer.

The evil yet good in-between Draco was left.

The one I enjoyed the most.