Daily Prophet, March Issue

EGYPT, Monday. The Ministry of Magic has been in a frenzy ever since yesterday, when an army of mutant mummies, zombies and skeletons escaped from the Great Pyramid. Ministry officials have all been pulled off their regular jobs to help with the memory charms; over 10,000 must be cast on horrified Muggle Egyptians. This has led to an increase in law-breaking, as the officials are unable to keep the public in check. Misuse of Muggle Artifacts worker Arthur Weasley warns the wizarding populace to look out for a cursed book. If you find an out-of-place book please immediately!
The mutants escaped early Monday morning and by the afternoon had almost taken over Cairo; all the Muggles were staying in their houses. Luckily, one wizard was in the city at the time, and instantly sent an owl to Cornelius Fudge, Minister for Magic. Fudge then informed the Ministry officials and they all flew to Cairo on brooms. By the time they reached their destination, however, the mutant army had moved on down the Nile River. The mutants had to be rounded up, which took well over 6 hours. Since then the Ministry has been performing Memory Charms around the clock, covering up the invasion. Some Muggles will be left in their current state until a statement can be taken, and their memory will then be modified. This massive spell casting has set a new record. The previous number of Memory Charms required to be cast was 2058; this outdoes it tremendously. The old record occurred when the Loch Ness monster emerged from the lake. The new record will be put in Merlin's Scroll of Wizarding Records. Look for more stories on this terrifying ordeal soon!

Gilderoy Lockhart, author of numerous books and former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School, has once again won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. Editor for Witch Weekly has this to say: "There's no doubt he's got the best smile in the wizarding world. If only he had half a brain to go with it." While at Hogwarts Lockhart accidentally obliviated his memory after being forced down into the Chamber of Secrets in the school by two students. From these two students we learned that Lockhart really did not do the heroic deeds he claimed to have done in his books: he only wrote about them. Lockhart's publishers are looking for the real heros. If anyone has any information as to who did the deeds in Lockhart's many books, please send an owl to Abracadabra Publishers Inc.

In our February issue we published a story regarding the discovery of dangerous poisons in the Malfoy manor. Mr. Lucius Malfoy, former school governor, went on trial last week. He appeared before the Minister for Magic and pleaded not guilty to the charge of "possesion of dangerous items". However, he was found guilty and sentenced to a year of community service and banned from entering Knockturn Alley, the most notorius street in the wizarding world. Mr. Malfoy was unavailable for comment.

A wizard found yesterday with an illegal dragon was fined 50 Galleons. The culprit said he bought the dragon from another wizard in a thick balaclava, who would not show his face. When questioned further the man said he knew no more an was let off. The Ministry suspects a circle of illegal dragon dealing and urges anyone with information to send an owl to them immediately.

The latest Quidditch match was between the Chudley Cannons (ranked 9th) and the Hogsmeade Hunters (ranked 4th). The game began with the Hunters immediately taking the Quaffle and scoring. Game fairly even (score Hunters 70, Cannons 50) until 25 minutes after the whistle. The Cannon's seeker, Corali Hob, made a spectacular dive, heading straight for the Snitch, apparently. Hunter seeker Mitch Drabb shot after her on his Comet 260. Hob was nearing the Hunter's goalposts when she swerved and headed the other direction, leaving Drabb to try and stop short of the posts, which he couldn't. Drabb was pulled out of the game out cold, and the replacement seeker, Tom Renton was sent on. However, Hob had done nothing wrong and no penalty was awarded. Unfortunately, the delay-of-game had caused the Snitch to vanish, accompanied by a great "Ohh" of disappointment from the crowd, who had been watching the golden speck intently.
After another 10 minutes, Hob obviously sighted the Snitch once more, for she dove after it, spurring her Nimbus 2000 into overdrive, and reached the Snitch before Renton knew what was happening. The Cannons won a very close game, 210 to the Hunter's 100. A Hunter fan said after the game, "They can't play real Quidditch! The only thing that saved them was the Snitch!" A Cannon fan had a different point ot view: "We won, fair and sqare. We played well and I advise the Hunters to get a new replacement seeker, or train the starting one to turn more quickly." This victory will move the Cannons into 8th, and the Hunters into 5th.