The Bite Me school of thought has
its roots in my youth. Anyone with doubts about this can contact my parents.
They will be happy to confirm that fact, I’m sure.
Today’s incarnation has evolved
from a general attitude into a litmus test of sorts, a test of one’s beliefs.
Before delving into the nuts and bolts of the test, a few words about what goes
into our beliefs.
What is it that makes some beliefs
something we’re willing to argue and fight for? There are two components at
work here—how strongly we believe we’re correct
and how important the belief is to us. The strength
of the belief can vary widely, from the notion the feeling that something
isn’t quite right to the ironclad conviction some people have that the death
penalty is absolutely immoral, or absolutely necessary. Likewise, the importance
of the belief ranges between extremes.
It is important to note that
strength and importance do not necessarily correspond to one another. For
instance, I might believe with no doubt at all that granite countertops are
superior to Formica ones. I might even find that this issue is of critical
importance to my view of the world. It may be that I go around looking for
people with a contrary position so I can convert them to the joys of granite.
Let us say that you think my preference for granite is dead wrong, that Formica
countertops are better in every way. Let us further say that despite this fact,
you resist my attempts to engage you in debate about this issue. You find
yourself asking, “Who cares?!” The strength of
your belief is equal to mine, but the importance of
the issue is not. As such, it is not a belief you’re willing to advocate in an
argument.
This example serves to illustrate
that there are two components that make up each of our beliefs. These
ingredients measure the truth of a belief.
If we were to express it in a formula, it would read:
Truth = Strength + Importance
Sometimes we find ourselves caught
up in our beliefs. This can manifest itself as an argument with a close friend
or an inability to shift our thinking as easily as we should. Whatever it looks
like, holding tightly to a belief that isn’t true is problematic at best,
tragic at worst (Damaging a relationship beyond repair over an issue, only to
realize later that it wasn’t worth the cost can only be described as a
tragedy).
Of course, there are some beliefs
that are true enough that the potential costs are justified. The truer a belief
is, the higher the price we’re willing to pay for it. And this brings us back
to the heart of the Bite Me Philosophy. It will serve as a test to see how true
our beliefs are, how high a cost we’re willing to pay for them.
The test consists of a series of
theoretical exercises. We will picture ourselves having a heated discussion
about one of our beliefs with someone we know well, and finally concluding with,
“Don’t like it? Bite me!” Then, we’ll consider the consequences of that
act, and determine if the belief is worth those consequences.
Of course, the repercussions
depend on who we say that to, don’t they? That's why the subsequent steps of
the test will apply this theoretical situation to more than one person.
Start out by thinking of your
baseline—that is, someone who saying, “Bite me!” to would have few
repercussions. This can be someone you’re not very close to, though it
doesn’t have to be. For me, my friend Jeff is the baseline. Not because we
aren’t close—he’s one of my best friends—but because we have the kind of
friendship where tossing off the occasional insult without any difficulty. If I
say, “Bite me!” to Jeff, he flips me off and we continue about our business.
Now that you’ve established your
baseline, jump to the other extreme. The top of the ladder is the person you can
hardly conceive of saying these magic words to. The reason for your reluctance
isn’t important. It could be your spouse because you hate the idea of how that
would make him or her feel, or your boss because you’d be fired, or your
mother because it would hurt her and your dad would kick your ass. The point is,
this person is the BMGHP (Bite Me Grand High Poobah).
The endpoints of the Bite Me
Ladder are firmly in place, but there are steps in between that need to be
filled in. Go back to your baseline, and step it up one notch. This will be
someone you could still say, “Bite me!” to, but there would be more serious
consequences. This might be a sibling, a coworker, something along those lines.
Once this person is established, continue filling people into your ladder.
The number of rungs in your ladder
is up to you. It should certainly be at least five, and probably no more than
eight or nine. The important thing to remember is that the steps need to be
discrete. That is, there must be a noticeable distinction between the people on
rungs three and four. Likewise, make sure that you’re not jumping too far
between steps. Visualize the ladder if you’re having difficulty, and ask if
you can get from one rung to the other without stumbling.
Once the ladder is established,
you’re ready to test your beliefs. Take one of them, think about it for a few
minutes. Now, using your baseline, apply that belief to the theoretical
situation described above. Really picture what would happen if you told that
person to bite you. What would the consequences be? If you’ve picked your
baseline properly, it shouldn’t be more than a few minutes of awkwardness.
Now, ask yourself the critical question: Is it worth
it?
If the answer is yes, move to the
next person in your ladder and do the same thing. Continue until the answer is
no. When you reach that point, drop back down one rung on your mental ladder.
Now you’ve established the truth of that belief. The higher you went before
deciding it wasn’t worth the consequence, the truer that belief is for you.
This becomes more valuable when
you have something to compare it to, so you should test several of your beliefs
in this way to provide a valid context for comparing beliefs. This gives you not
only a snapshot of how important that particular belief is, but a growing
portrait of all your beliefs, a way to see their relative importance.
So how does this help you? The
practical benefit of the test is that it allows you to determine the truth of
your beliefs before facing the consequences of telling someone close to you to
bite you.
Beyond this, it provides a visual
way to compare your beliefs. What does this portrait say to you? Do you find
that the beliefs that are higher on the ladder are really the ones you
should hold dear? If not, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate them. Whatever you
discover, you’ll be in a better position to make decisions about arguing for,
and acting on, your beliefs.
--30 June 2001