Title: HSU-Curse of the Kraken
Authors: Laure and Kendra (Be scared, be very scared!)
Notes: All mistakes are mine; you guys already know
that anyhow.
~~*~~
"Is he here, yet?" Ellie shouted from the back of the vet clinic, the whir of the slot machine could easily be heard as well as the subsequent scream of indignation when she didn't win-again.
Logan just growled and held up a claw-you know the one.
"I saw that!" Ellie yelled in warning.
Again, the mutant just growled then sliced in two the nearby chair.
"Is that him? Is he here, yet?" the Vet Ho loudly inquired from her perch, upon hearing the splintering of wood.
"No!" Logan and Indy shouted back in unison, they had been playing out this same scenario for the past two hours and were reaching their limit.
"Nazis weren't this." Indy began to exclaim before Logan raised a brow to warn him off while hooking his thumb towards the back of the clinic where Ellie plopped another quarter into her beloved slot machine.
"Are you mad? She might hear you," the mutant warned.
"I heard that!" Ellie exclaimed, leaning back on her stool and trying to give them a warning glare from the doorway but instead, the Ho ended up flat on her back when the stool tipped over.
Muted laughter was heard coming from the front of the Vet clinic just before the echoed squeak of wagon wheels, and Cal's screams of pain began to emanate across campus.
Ellie raised herself up on her elbows and looked towards the front door. "About time he got here with the mail," she muttered. "Can't he just ignore the fires, the floods, the nailings, and the skewerings like the rest of us?"
"You've not told us what it is you ordered that's got you so.so."Logan waved a claw about while searching for the correct word but not finding it, ".whatever or something."
"You've not ordered another man, have you?" Indy questioned, pushing his fedora off his forehead in worried speculation.
The Vet Ho just rolled her eyes. "No.even better!"
Indy shook his head and turned to the mutant. "She's done ordered a whole legion."
Right about then, a nearby ashtray sailed through the clinic and hit the professor soundly upside the head.
~~*~~
"See, I've been thinking." the General's secretary commented, earning her a startled and worried stare from her Master as the two walked towards the pub.
"Only trouble could come of this," Judy sighed while looking to the sky. "I'm going to regret it, I know.but what have you been thinking about?"
They rounded the pool. "It's been so quiet around here lately. We need to really shake things up and I was."
Judy interrupted. "What about the sparkler incident?"
"Oh that? That was nothing. We burn down half of the county nearly every other month. Besides, that whole court deal coming up is nothing, the General can handle it."
The bartender looked a bit worried.
"Really," her padawan insisted, noticing her blacksmith turned pirate standing at poolside talking to Aragorn-she did a double take. "I've told the Gen, just mind whammy the judge. I mean, anyone could have destroyed half the county, sheesh. So really, what's the big deal, you know?"
"Why do I have a really bad feeling about this?"
"Don't know, maybe you ate something this morning that didn't agree with you," Kendra absently mused while with one hand, shoved the pirate into the water as they passed by. "There, much better wet, isn't he?" she smiled in triumph, continuing to walk as Will Turner flailed in the water.
"Where was I?" the Water Ho asked.
"We were just discussing the new industrial sized blender you won't be touching," Judy quickly averted.
"Oh," Kendra nodded.
~~*~~
Maniacal laughter shook the walls of the vet clinic as Ellie took her newly delivered package and raced to the privacy of her lab.
~~*~~
Laure was awakened by the sound of masculine grunts. This was nothing new, and she figured that as long as there wasn't screaming or the smell of smoke, it had nothing to do with her. Not that those things ever had anything to do with her, either.
She wasn't the one setting things on fire just to get the firemen into action.
Though she certainly appreciated the sight of the long hoses, just like any Ho.
As she started to become aware of her surroundings, a semi-cultured English voice broke into her daydreams.
"Your compass is broken again, Jack."
"It's not broken. It's just.the treasure is moving."
"Under the sand." That dripped disbelief and there was much masculine snorting.
"It seems to now be pointing where you've been piling all the sand," came from an unknown, but even more cultured English voice.
As she was wondering who the newcomer might be, she finally realized breathing was becoming an issue because of something very heavy sitting on her chest. If Sawyer was using her as a gun rack again.
Blinking open her eyes, she saw a handsome, extremely scruffy man in dirty breeches and coat, looking down at her. "You need a bath," she suggested with a smile.
A snort from her right drew her attention to Sawyer who was sitting under a blue tarp reading one of the Harry Potter books while wearing his Harry Potter glasses. It was too cute. His cuteness overcame any irritation she felt from his rolling eyes and snorting.
A shadow crossed over her and she looked up in time to see the stranger aiming a shovel at her stomach. As Laure started to screech, she finally realized she was buried up to the neck in sand.
~~*~~
As the strange Englishman dug her out of the sand, he apologized. "I apologize for Sparrow and his poor aim. He's determined to find treasure on this beach. He's an idiot." Reaching down for Laure's flailing hand, he pulled her up from the sand, and then turned bright red when he took in her skimpy bikini. "I fear I didn't realize he'd stripped you of your gown, the cur." As he raised his shovel and whirled around to aim it at Jack's head-as Jack was six feet down in a hole-Laure yelled, "Wait, who are you?"
"James Norrington, at your service, my lady."
"My lady," she said dreamily.
"My lady, my ass," Sawyer snorted again.
"Shut up!"
Ignoring Sawyer, Laure watched as Jack scrambled from the hole and ran willy-nilly down the beach, Mr. Norrington chasing after him, threatening him with hanging and branding and stabbing, and other wondrous things.
Will Turner leaned on his shovel, watching them with a smirk on his lips.
That was until Kendra appeared from behind a cabana and threw a bucket of water over his head.
And then Cal came by to deliver the mail and fell in the hole.
~~*~~
"No sand in my pub," Judy barked, stopping Laure in the doorway from the beer garden to the interior of the pub. Rolling her eyes, she knocked sand off her bejeweled flip-flops and shook out her pareo and surreptitiously adjusted her bikini top so the remaining grit from her burial fluttered to the ground.
"It's a beach. There's sand," she complained/explained as she was finally allowed in the pub. "And we're out of rum there."
"What happened to the Liquor Barn raid stash from just last week?"
Laure shrugged. "I think Jack may have buried it. He's dug several big holes on the beach. Sayid's down one now looking for a hatch."
Judy perked up at the mention of the handsome Iraqi. "Don't you think he'd like a drink to cool off?"
"Considering that he gave up his religious values towards alcohol within the first hour of being here, I'm guessing a big yep."
"Kendra, mind the bar," Judy directed as she began mixing a pitcher of frosty margaritas, adding a bowl of nachos on the tray as well.
"What about me?"
"We're out of champagne."
Laure frowned and plopped down on a barstool. "I'd like a frosty margarita, too."
"I'm not allowed to use the blender," Kendra said from her spot on a stool behind the bar where she was drawing on yet another napkin. "I can get you wine, beer, more beer, or wine."
"Wine."
As Judy bustled out with her tray, Commo walked into the pub, putter over one shoulder, really off-key whistling coming from him. "There you are, beloved," he said with a cheerful smile, sliding onto the stool next to Laure. He flicked sand off one shoulder and tsked. "Your employers are harsh taskmasters, darling. You're covered in grit. Have you been toiling hard beneath the hot sun?"
Laure shut up Kendra's snicker with a glare, and downed half her wine. "Yes. Toiling. Hard toiling. I'm going to take a bath later, don't worry." She smiled as she pictured her super-large tub filled with her and that hunky, grungy new guy.
"I've told you over and over there's no need for you to work. I'm emperor, remember? I'm surely owed taxes and tribute." A frown furrowed Commo's brow. "Why has no one paid me tribute?"
"Maybe because this isn't ancient Rome, you looney nutcase," Kendra muttered as she turned back to her elaborate drawing.
"What is that?" Laure asked quickly before Commo remembered who Kendra reminded him of and/or took offense to her comment.
"It's a plan to get Will Turner wet. I need my pirates wet."
"Technically he's not a pirate, he's a blacksmith."
"Fine, I need my blacksmiths wet, whatever."
At that moment, Legolas straggled in, still wearing his no-longer festive Uncle Sam hat from this past July, though he'd long discarded the scratchy wig, and there were ominous burn marks on his red, white, and blue striped trousers and jacket.
"What's the next holiday?" Laure asked, shaking her head sadly at the rather lost looking elf.
"Hmm? Labor Day." Kendra didn't look up from her drawing and therefore missed the Elf shooting her 'help me' looks.
"Do we dress up for that?"
"We dress up for everything."
"Does Emmy make her staff dress up for that?" Laure asked pointedly.
"Huh? I vaguely remember hearing something about them looking like tax men. The tax man cometh or something. What it has to do with Labor Day, I've no clue."
"See, taxes," Commo crowed and Laure thunked her forehead on the bar top as Kendra slipped a coaster under the other's head.
"You leave a dent on the bar top and Judy will ban you from the booze again." Kendra finally looked up and noticed Legolas. "Oh, hi, Legolas. Need a drink?"
"I need sanctuary, refuge, asylum."
"Yeah, don't we all?" She pulled a draft beer for him. "Cheers." Then turned back again to the doodle which had spread to a placemat from Chuck E Cheese.
"Have I offended the lady?" the Elf mumbled as he headed for a group of disgruntled looking miners and firemen.
~~*~~
"Really Mr. Sparrow."
"Captain.Captain Sparrow.Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack.err.Captain Jack Sparrow corrected the Wench.
With hairbrush in hand, Dande sighed. "Captain Sparrow, I am sorry, I just do not do dreadlocks," she again protested. "Now, I can cut these.these." her voice rose in exasperation and dare say horror. "They're dreadful, absolutely dreadful, I could not have you leaving this cottage with your hair in such shambles."
Jack took a long swig of his rum. "No worries, luv. I've found the rum helps," he offered his bottle to the Wench.
Who rightly took it and downed half.
"So now, just." there was a gesture of fluttering hands about the pirate's face. "Fix it up, luv. Savvy?"
Dande downed the rest of the rum.
"Why is the rum always gone?" Jack muttered, snatching back his empty bottle.
~~*~~
Ellie stood behind her latest creation, staring intently into the aquarium as she poured the contents of her one, lone, factory sealed envelope into the water's murky depths-sort of.
"Shouldn't you read the directions?" Indy inquired, quickly backing away before the Vet Ho could pick up anything sharp or heavy and lob it at him.
"Phffft! Directions are for dummies," the Ho brushed off. "Here, I'll just add a bit of this miracle grow, that should speed things about, and by morning, it'll be here."
"What will be here?" Han asked hesitantly, picking up the destroyed package and squinting while trying to read the directions himself before tossing it over his shoulder.
"Sea monkeys!" Ellie smiled. "Always wanted to try growing the little buggers. Found them at this great clearance price on Ebuy."
"Oh." the harem nodded dumbly.
~~*~~
Will Turner nodded his hello to those already in the pub and sat down at the bar, minding to put his mug of ale on the coaster that Judy had provided him. She really liked the pirate, such good manners.
"I think I should warn you that."
The words had barely left Judy's lips when Kendra walked up, bottle of seltzer in hand, and sprayed down the pirate till water was brilliantly dripping from his face and hair. "There.much better," the Water Ho smiled triumphantly at herself before going back to slicing limes.
~~*~~
Jael strolled over to Max and peered around him, trying to see what he was looking at through his spyglass. "What's going on?"
"Some commotion on the beach."
"Like that's something new?" she scoffed and he passed her the glass, which she raised to her eye and focused. "Wait a sec. Who's the new guy?"
Behind her, Max rolled his eyes but wisely said nothing.
"Are they digging foxholes?"
"It would appear so. Should I recruit these dogs into the legion?"
"I don't think Capt. Jack takes orders very well."
"True. But it galls me to watch them simply laze around all day."
Jael turned and looked past him at the dozen or so miners who were supposed to be on guard duty but who were, instead, lolling around the battlements, playing dice, drinking from their "water" flasks, leaning on their spears while facing away from any danger, and flirting with a couple of the more adventurous Freshmen Ho's. She wisely didn't say anything.
*****
Later, on the beach, Laure was back on her chaise, listening to Sawyer now read "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." "You know, your voice just doesn't fit right with the Book. I think it needs a Dark Wizard."
"I think you need a lobotomy, but we never seem to get what we need around here."
As Laure smacked him, Jack, Will and Mr. Norrington continued to dig holes. Jack kept referring to his compass, then shaking it and cursing at it.
Judy had set up her mobile bar and was chatting up Sayid as she ran the industrial strength blender hooked to about four extension cords, one of which was so frayed it was sure to start a fire.
This was the plan, of course.
Jael wandered over, full armor replaced by a metal bikini.
"That's going to burn," Laure pointed out.
"It's some kind of metal Xani's slaves came up with. Doesn't get hot."
"And you trust him?"
Jael shrugged and dropped to the sand on the other side of Sawyer, beneath the large beach umbrella. "I could always remove it."
"Oh, look, Max is leading a patrol this way."
Jael scooted away from Sawyer. "Oh bother."
"You should just be openly ungrateful."
"And that works so well with you and the evil emperor."
Laure flushed and protested, "I never set myself up as something pure and innocent." She ignored Sawyer's snort of derision. "And do you really want me angering him? Remember when I temporarily dumped him and he moved in with the miners and didn't bathe for two weeks? Then he was just pathetic. Think about his anger."
"Little pissant," Jael snarled. "You usually have such good taste in men, I don't know where you went so wrong with him."
"I like them broken."
"You like them psychotic."
"Hey," Sawyer protested, then thought about it for a minute and sighed.
At that moment, Emmy appeared before them, dumping sand out of her Jimmy Choos one at a time. "Why is no one working? And have you seen my elf? I have this perfect outfit for Labor Day. A hardhat, denim shirt and tight jeans."
"Like the Village People?" Jael asked helpfully.
Emmy scowled at her. "No, not like the Village People! Elves are not gay."
"Might as well be around here, because he's not getting any," Sawyer sympathized.
"Men are to be seen and not heard."
He snarled at the Dean, who ignored him, having spotted Legolas slinking towards the mobile bar. "Hey, elf! My candy dish is empty and, oddly enough, the beach isn't your post."
"Federally mandated break?" he recited the words drilled into him by Boromir, the firemen having taken to the idea of a union with alcacitry, despite the fact that they daren't use the 'U' word around the Dean.
"Stop listening to the firemen. They don't know anything."
"You there, foppish boy. I need another hand digging," Jack called to Legolas, who jumped at the chance, grabbing the spare shovel.
"Sorry, Dean Emmy. I have a new task..." He immediately shoveled sand onto Will who scowled at him.
Emmy stared at this show of defiance, then shrugged and asked Judy for a mega margarita, wondering how she could get the General involved in the very sweaty digging.
"What are they digging for?"
Judy looked up from Sayid's pretty eyes. "Huh? Oh, treasure."
"There's only sand and more sand out there."
"Still...It's entertaining, especially when they fall in the holes."
~~*~~
Hands clasped behind his head, desk chair tilted back just so, booted feet on the corner of Ellie's desk, Han relished in the peace and quiet as he took full advantage of the time and napped.
Unexpectedly there was a deafening ruckus emanating from behind the closed lab door. Feet sliding off the table, sitting straight up, the smuggler thought for sure the Vet Ho had come back and caught him lounging at her desk-surely he was busted. Or so he thought.
"I was only resting my eyes." Han uttered groggily, as he decided standing would be best--more believable.
It was right about then, the noises from the lab gained his attention once more. "Anybody home?" he questioned.
Hearing no reply but the shattering of glass, Han pulled his blaster from the hip holster, swaggered the patented smuggler's swagger, as he headed to the lab door.
Ready for anything, or seemingly so, Han pushed open the door and stepped forward, only to quickly take one step back and slam the door shut, barely missing the large tentacle that was ready to pull him inside the lab.
Leaning heavily against the door, the smuggler shook his head and sighed. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
He had to act fast, Ellie was surely to be back at the clinic soon, she'd pitch a fit at the sight of her lab in shambles.and Han was not going to put up with some damned, over-grown, multi tentacled-whatever. Obviously Ellie had ordered her supposed sea monkeys from the infomercials on late at night.
"Cal!!" Besides, getting rid of smelly sea creatures was not in his job description as smuggler/rogue, let someone else handle the mess.
~~*~~
There was a deafening, high-pitched scream as the backdoor of the Vet clinic was opened-but nobody heard.
Moments later, Cal's little red wagon went sailing through the air across campus-nobody noticed.
In the next instant, the sea money/kraken, obviously the Home Shopping Club had mislabeled the package, swallowed Cal whole-nobody cared.
Then with a slosh and a slither, the rapidly growing creature made its way to the safety and clutter of the lake.
~~*~~
"I could get used to this, Obi-Wan," the Master sighed, leaning back in the lounge chair at the end of the General's secretary's yacht. Fishing pole in both their hands, bucket of iced Corellian ale on the deck between them, the two Jedi were the picture of island laziness.
"Possibleh," the General agreed, bare feet crossed at the ankles as he soaked up the summer sun.
Suddenly a slight frown crossed Qui-Gon's face. "You are sure Kendra knows about this, I remember quite distinctly the last time someone came aboard her boat."
"Yacht," the General corrected, the Master nodded.
".The yacht without her permission. I have not seen such a sight since the time we were on that mission and were nearly torn apart by angry rancors." the Master tried to hide his shiver at the memory of the Ho gone mad, not the rancor incident.
The General gave a low chuckle. "For the hundredth time, Kendra knows we are fishing on her yacht." then he smiled most naughtily. "I cahn't tell you everythin' but I can tell you that I distracted her."
The Jedi Master held up a hand to stop his former padawan's words. "No more," he insisted. "Puff, keeps me more informed than any Master needs to know of his former padawan or anyone else for that matter."
Thankfully, before anything else could be said, there was a tug upon the line of Qui-Gon's fishing pole. Both the General and the Master looked positively shocked for they really didn't expect anything to be alive in the lake. Both men gained their feet, and Qui-Gon began to step forward and reel in his prize.
It was right about then when a very slimy and wet tentacle, fish hook attached, came slithering onto the deck. Moments later, the rest of what was attached to the tentacle broke the murky surface of the lake and blocked out the sun with it's massive size as it kept getting bigger and bigger.
Dropping the fishing pole, Qui-Gon craned his neck to look up to the massive sea creature as he took a cautious step backwards, the General now at his side.
"I think we need a bigger boat," Qui-Gon stated.
Obi-Wan nodded his agreement, then got this odd look on his face. "Don't let Kendra hear that or she'll want another yacht.a bigger yacht."
Qui-Gon sighed his agreement.
"And whatevah you do, don't let that.that.thing destroy this boat!" The General exclaimed, it was his turn to shiver at the thought of his secretary's reaction if anything else happened to the permanently listing boat.
"Yacht." Qui-Gon corrected his former padawan.
"Blahst, who cares what it's called, just don't let anythin happen to the." right about then, a massive tentacle came falling from the sky to land between both men and in the middle of the yacht. "We are so dead."
It wasn't so much the mutated sea creature's attack that the General was referring to at that very moment as the yacht was splintered in two. "Noooooooooooooo." the General shouted.
~~*~~
"Nooooooooooo." Kendra shouted, stopping in her tracks, sensing impending doom to her beloved yacht.
~~*~~
"What the hell is up with her?" Ellie questioned with annoyance, referring to the distraught water Ho now flailing about in the sand, as the Vet Ho was stretched out on the beach between the open treasure pits in which the pirates had dug.
"Her whatevers must be flaring," Jael said lazily, her metal bikini sizzling in the heat when water was accidentally splashed on her from a nearby miner that was fanning her.
"Must be whatever flarage because I've not even dressed her Elf up in anything odd or unusual today," the Dean sighed. "What does one dress an Elf up in during the dog days of summer.nevermind, I know!" She said with a maniacal laugh as she too lounged in a beach chair, under a big umbrella in the sand.
"Oomph!"
Jael leaned up to get a look at who had made the sound, then went back to lounging. "Just Commo falling into one of Jack's pits."
"Oh," Ellie nodded, flipping over for an even tan.
"Good riddance, somebody go bury him before he can get out," Emmy added snapping her fingers. "Elf boy! Over here! Bury the deranged Emperor!"
Legolas momentarily stopped his digging and narrowed his gaze.though tempting as it was to bury the odd one that wore tablecloths, he was in no mood that day to deal with the one who dressed him strangely. So.doing what any Elf would do, he ignored the Dean and went back to helping dig for treasure.or rum.or something.
"Hey you! I know you heard me!!" Emmy shouted, taking off a sandal to toss at the Elf.
"I heard that," Laure muttered. "Nobody buries the wacky Emperor.Commo, but me," she added, shaking off still more sand that was left from her earlier burial.
"Drinks?" Judy asked, two miners carrying her mobile cart since it didn't roll well in the sand.
~~*~~
The sun was blotted out as the massive kraken reared itself from the depths of the murky lake. All on the beach craned their necks in shock, admiration, and annoyance.
"How am I supposed to get a tan, now?" Laure griped.
"Is that my little Wilbur?" Ellie asked, thinking the creature looked a bit familiar. All turned to stare at her for one fleeting moment before the kraken sorta, kinda, growled so they looked back up.
"Oh great, this is so going to cut down on my padawan's lime slicing production now, with this overgrown squid in her lake," Judy sighed, downing the last of her margarita in one gulp. "Does anyone know how disrupting that can be?"
Jael, still slightly struggling with the burn blisters under her metal bikini and the fact that somebody as she lay napping had buried her favorite sword, took one very cautious and stiff step forward. "Unleash hell!"
"Uh.nevermind," Emmy, the only Ho still lounging, thought twice about reminding the Warrior Ho that that little war cry lost it's impact when it was shouted by one weaponless and sunburned Ho.
Suddenly, Commo crawled from the hole in which he'd been stuck. Golf club in hand-go with it," he shouted for all to hear.
"The gods are angry, we need a sacrifice.a virgin sacrifice!" the fallen Emperor shouted, glancing about the beach full of Ho's-and the birds chirped.
"He's surely not talking about us? Is he talking about us?" Ellie demanded, her harem snickered; in fact all on the beach finally chuckled.
Commo then raced to Laure's side, dragging her forward, closer to the beast. "My beloved, though I cherish you greatly and will miss you, you shall appease the whatever it is with your virginal presence! And allow me.us to survive the gods' wrath"
Everyone broke out in uproarious laughter at that one.
Commo took a killer hit to the gut from his beloved's elbow sending him back into his sandy pit.
"Not a word! Not one word!" Laure warned, pointing to all on the beach, ignoring the kraken.
"Who us?" Judy whistled innocently, a big smile on her lips.
"My boat," Kendra wailed, suddenly noticing her watercraft in splinters, still not noticing the impending doom of the Kraken's attack.
"I thought it was a ship?" Jael asked, slowly turning her head, wincing at the pain.
"A yacht," Emmy corrected, putting on sunscreen.
"Whatever," Kendra snarled.
"Touchy, touchy.you'd think I'd dressed her Elf up as Elvis again.ungrateful Ho.he was in leather after all," the Dean snarked. "And where is that damned Jedi rescue?"
"Yeah!"
"Exactly! What are they good for then?"
"Inventory," Judith grinned most devilishly.
"Oh.that's true," all said in agreement, still waiting on said rescue from this fell beastie.
~~*~~
"There appears to be something large and hideous rising from the lake."
Neither Dorotea nor Xani looked up from Goth Fashion Weekly and X-Box respectively as Pelham frowned at them, and then turned back to the window. "It has very long tentacles."
"Does it have a ring in one? Because if it doesn't, I really don't have any interest," Dorotea muttered. "Why have we retuned to the days of stirrup pants and legwarmers?" She angrily flipped a page.
"Does it look profitable?" Xani asked on top of her question.
"It's slimy."
The businessman thought for a moment, then shook his head and shot at the remaining Jedi on his Battlefront 2 game. "No, slimy isn't worth anything these days."
Pelham watched as a wave crashed onto the beach from one of the tentacles and flooded the mobile bar and what appeared to be several large holes. The he blanched. "Oh dear. Your dragon is going into its rather pathetic mating dance."
"Well, at least if the thing is large, it won't be as traumatized as that poor eagle last month," Xani snickered.
"Too bad it was a male eagle. Ellie was looking forward to the crossbreed." Dorotea stirred herself enough to go to the window, and then just shook her head sadly. "Draco's lonely."
"That thing is about to eat him."
A burst of flame from the dragon hit one of the masts of the pirate ship.
"Oops. Something's on fire," Dorotea pointed out with a bit more interest.
~~*~~
On the beach, the firemen sprang into action. Okay, the strolled, showing off their snazzy new boots and waving their hoses around.
Judy stopped grumbling and mopping at her mobile bar long enough to admire them, then forgot what she was doing until Captain Jack ran by screaming. "It's come for me! Do something! Where's my jar of dirt?" and then fell into one of his pits.
"Never a dull moment," Judy whistled as she turned on the extra-strength blender and it shorted out, sending sparks flying and the lid careening off to whack Common in the head. He went down like he'd been shot. "Oops."
Drenched from the massive wave, squicked by the draconic mating dance, and now irked that the blender was no longer blending mega-margaritas, Laure simply snarled in Commo's direction and stomped higher up the beach in an attempt to dry off.
~~*~~
Hands on his hips, chin a bit scruffy, the General, now on higher ground and not clinging for his life amidst the ruins of the destroyed yacht, surveyed everything from the relative safety of the sand dune. After a moment, he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, then turned to his suddenly calm secretary. "It appears to be out of control."
"Yeah? Nothing new. You have an appointment with Emmy in five minutes. I wouldn't be late if I were you. She's got a new pair of clunky shoes, don't say I didn't warn you."
"But." he waved his arms at the beast and the dragon and the waves and the holes and the fire. "But.?
Kendra snickered and pulled out her PDA. Look, we can squeeze fighting the beastie in for ten minutes after Emmy, but then you have Laure and you know how she gets if you're late."
"What if it kills someone?"
"So not going to happen, unless it's Cal-or hopefully Commo," she muttered, "and then no one's really going to care."
"But where did this creature come from?"
"Aragorn believes it's a new form of Orc. Capt. Jack thinks it's after him for some reason-bad debt or something. Sayid mentioned he thought it might be a WMD. Emmy's blaming George again. Jael says it smells kind of Sith-like, though how she knows what a Sith smells like is beyond me.you might want to look into that. The rest are pretty much blaming Ellie. And when are you going to buy me a new yacht since this is all your fault?"
"I see."
"No one sees. Just go with it." Kendra gave the Gen a nudge in the direction of the Admin building, and then strolled off to look for her Elf, or the cute blacksmith, hoping to ease the pain of her lost yacht.
~~*~~
With the battle raging all about her, Jael, on her hands and knees, scurried about the sand in search of her wayward, buried sword as tentacles flailed, swords crashed, arrows flew, Commo screamed, and many a Ho cursed most fluently.
"If I ever find out who took my sword.I'll.I'll.boil them in oil. Yes! Oil, and not no ordinary suntan oil either, I'll get the big caldron and." right about then Jael mistakenly got shoved into one of Jack's buried treasure pits.
~~*~~
Judy and her beloved bat, flailed and wailed at anything that dared move within striking distance of the barkeep's reach. Commo would recover soon enough after taking a bat to the head. Besides, he should have known better than to step out of the pit at that moment and ruin a perfectly good bashing.
After all, it had been a traumatic day for Judy in losing her mobile bar to the kraken, not to mention the shorting out of her back up to the back up industrial blender-a Ho was entitled to go a little mad.
~~*~~
Emmy picking up the umbrella and hiked back to the Admin building for her General appointment.
Glancing at her watch, Emmy used the massive umbrella to keep off the sun and the surf, and then quickened her pace to prepare for her General appointment.
"So help me, he'd best know what's good for him and not go all Jedi and try some stupid rescue crap when he knows it's my appointment time," she huffed, thinking to which clunky shoe would be best to lob if it called for it.
~~*~~
Ellie was suddenly nowhere to be seen, but there were rumors that she was back in her Vet clinic trying to figure out where she went mistakenly right.err.wrong. Whatever.
~~*~~
Meanwhile, Laure promptly tried saving Sawyer from impending doom as she desperately dragged him away from the beach, then finally gave up the struggle and grabbed her newest grungy man, Norrington, pulling him back to her new and improved tub for a bubbly soak.
"Trust me, it won't hurt a bit," she soothed, slowly running her hand down his sandy coat sleeve. "I've lavender bath soaps too," Norrington didn't stand a chance when he instinctively tried to get away at the mere mention of bathing; the Wo's grasp on his arm was most powerful.
~~*~~
Max unleashed hell in that sexy way of his. We all know the one.
~~*~~
Sitting on the front porch of the cottage in the new swing, Dande and the Master watched the events on the lake while drinking iced tea and eating a fresh batch of cookies. They both applauded wildly while shouting encouragingly at just the right times.
"Ouch! That's going to leave a mark," the Wench winced upon seeing the kraken toss Logan across campus and the mutant landed on top of the Nurse's now junky looking BMW.
"On the car or on Logan?" Qui-Gon chuckled lowly. Dande just gave him the look, before he playfully reached about and pinched her bottom.
~~*~~
Noticing the pirate getting wet yet again, the Elf furrowed his dark brows and narrowed blue eyes, then notched arrow to bow.
Will Turner flinched as said arrow whistled closely by his ear as it sailed by and landed wide, missing the kraken.
"Oops," Legolas shrugged. "My bad," he apologized to the blacksmith turned pirate.
Will Turner narrowed his gaze on the blonde elf.
Then most suddenly, the two were engulfed in a tidal wave of water that nearly drained the lake dry when the kraken unexpectedly reared backwards.
As the water slowly stilled, creating a marshy wetland of half the campus, everyone within that area now drenched and miserable, Kendra who was cresting the dune, felt most odd as she came upon the scene below. There, before her eyes, stood a wet and glistening pirate and Elf.she was overcome with water whatevers as she wavered slightly in her step before tripping and tumbling down the sand dune to land in a murky, marshy puddle at the Elf's feet.
The wet Elf helped her up. Kendra still wavered slightly on her feet, a goofy grin on her face, just before she plopped on her butt in the muck. "I think I need to sit down," she said most dreamily as both pirate and Elf stood above her. Wet.
~~*~~
Moments later, there was a large belch that nearly rattled the windows on campus. After that, Cal came shooting through the air-obviously the kraken didn't want him either as it spit him out and halfway to the next county.
It was just after that the kraken slid back into the low water of the lake, obviously thinking to have found a new home-for now. Maybe.
~~*~~
As dawn rose over the new marsh and an occasional tentacle could be seen waving over the surface of the lake, the Nurse looked out her window, stretching and yawning, then blinked.
"Huh."
She supposed she'd missed the Board of Regents' meeting at which the new marsh and lake monster had been discussed...or any wars against water Orcs or...whatever.
At least no one had come whining to her with new injuries, but she added a heaping pile of bandages to the already heaping pile outside her door just to be on the safe side, before heading back to her husband.
All in all, it was a typical day at HSU.