Title: The Old Heave Ho (a vignette)
Author: Nurse Darry
Disclaimer: I certainly don't want to claim this pile.
Timeline: After Laure's fic

Note: Because I can't be bothered to write it all in, assume that characters are dressed as follows:
Dande-Laura Ashley floral chiffon dress and straw hat.
Laure- crinkly burgundy gauze skirt, blue cotton eyeleted tank and no shoes.
Judy- Gap jeans, black halter top, bar rag in hand
Haken- a loin cloth
Commo- Armani khakis and a white polo shirt
Ellie- jean shorts, an HSU T-shirt (cut at the midriff) and a Marlboro
Kendra- khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt
The General- faded Levis, a white cotton long-sleeved shirt (not tucked in) and topsiders (no socks)
Darry- navy silk pin-striped Prada suit and pumps
Dor- Stella McCartney- the Funereal Collection
The Diva- red Calvin cotton culottes and black skinny T, Sketchers
Tara- a wetsuit and diamond earrings
Delphi- denim skirt and a pink tube top
Worf- the full-on Klingon gear
Indy- not the suit-the other outfit.
Logan- flannel shirt, jeans, boots
Jael- leather, steel, mail, boots, numerous weapons.
Max- the usual (not the mask).
LP- lavender velvet, white stockings, stylish shoes.
Cicero- black jeans, green shirt, hiking boots, a sore wrist
Xani- dressed like Cal so as not to get Sandy worked up

~*~

Dande delicately sat on a rattan lounger fanning herself as she watched the next pyramid go up. And up. And up. Shirtless tanned men carried sandstone blocks on their muscled backs and shoulders, sweat running along their flanks and making their bodies look all the more masculine. And shiny. And big.

"Of course, it's not quite like the original one, is it?" Laure said, strolling over to appreciate the view.

"What do you mean?" Dande asked as Laure sank into the chair beside her.

"Well, I don't think the original builders of the pyramids got time and a half on weekends and free beer after quitting time."

Over by the buffet table, Judy was tapping a keg that Haken had recently brought up from the Pub. The big Beefalow was now back at work hauling stone blocks and winking at Dande every chance he got.

A tinny fanfare played through headphones turned up to the highest volume preceded a man cloaked in a purple robe and gleaming golf shoes. He walked up to the two lounging women. The scene looked familiar. His sister often sat at the palace watching new construction. Funny that.

"Dearest, will this building also be full of shiny spinning machines and green tables like the one we saw in that flashy urban metropolis we conquered some months back?"

Laure turned her head to look at her EA. "Er, no, my love. That was a casino. This is to be a…" she looked back to Dande. "…a…"

"Casino." Dande said.

~*~

Ellie could barely contain a grin and her eyes were shining so brightly that Kendra had put on her shades.

"A casino, you say?" She asked for the umpteenth time.

"That's right," Kendra said looking up briefly from The Book. "Now go away."

"Kendra," the General's voice came wafting through the intercom. "Love, where are my glasses? They were here a minute ago."

Kendra leaned over the desk and pressed a button on her intercom unit. "They're on your head," she said automatically. "Ellie, please, I'm very busy."

"Oh, yes, so they are," came the mumbled response from the office next door.

"I can't wait for it to open!" Ellie practically jumped for joy and skipped out of the room.

Kendra sighed. Judy was a great bookie, but had tried to keep the machines in the Pub to a minimum, else Ellie would never leave the place. But, HSU had been needing a proper casino, so it seemed only right that this new campus edifice would house one.

And a boxing ring. Logan would be pleased.

Kendra heaved another great sigh and got back to work of unsticking the pages of The Book that Xani had bubble-gummed together.

~*~

BANG!

"Dammit. Watch the desk!"

BANG!

"Don't scratch the desk!"

"Oh, stop moaning and make me a cappuccino." The door opened a little slower and a Prada handbag was tossed into the room through the six-inch gap afforded by the furniture.

Emmy pressed a button on her chair arm and steaming milk began frothing from somewhere.

"Oof'd." The Nurse squeezed most of the way into the room and stood by the door. Emmy set a cup down on the desk. Darry leaned over to get the coffee but couldn't quite reach it. "Well, push it over here."

"Why don't you just come further into the room?" The Dean watched as Darry inched toward the desk, though her right hand remained out in the hall. She stretched as far as she could without moving her arm. "What the frak is wrong with you?" Emmy stood up to peer over the desk.

"This!" Darry yanked her right hand through the doorway. There was a loud grunt from outside the room and a pair of handcuffs and another hand were pulled through the door.

"Ah. Do you want a cappuccino out there?" Emmy called.

"No thank yew," came the reply.

"What do you want?" Emmy sat back and placed her hands behind her head, stretching out behind the desk and watching the Nurse vainly trying to reach her coffee.

"Did you sanction this casino?" Darry growled, still stretching.

"What do you mean 'sanction'?" Emmy asked, not moving.

"You know, did you say it was okay for this new pyramid to be a casino?" Darry gave up on the cappuccino and now tried getting to her purse, which she had thrown too far across the desk to now reach.

"Why the hell would I have a say about anything that goes on here?" Emmy sat up and moved the Prada bag just a couple of inches out of the Nurse's grasp.

"Dammit! Stop that!" Darry made a lunge for the bag.

THUNK. "OW!"

"Oh, be quiet out there." Darry snapped. "Well, you ARE the Dean. And I'll never see my padawan if that thing gets built."

"Like I care," Emmy said. "Oh look, it's time for my appointment. Sorry to be leaving; I'd love to stay and chat." The Diva got up from her GDC and rounded the edge of her GDD.

Darry stood in the door, arms crossed. "I'm not moving."

"You say." Emmy shoved at her. Darry didn't budge. Emmy shoved harder. Darry shoved back.

"Bitch! I said MOVE!"

"GIVE ME MY FRAKIN COFFEE!"

"Ow, yew're hurting my arm!"

"And this, ladies and gentlemen is the Dean's office." LP rounded the corner with a group of prospective students in tow.

~*~

"And HEAVE!" Haken tipped the keg over as far as it would go to get the last of the ale out.

Dor trudged over to Laure and Dande. She carried a black parasol to keep the sun at bay. "Has anyone seen Xani? We have to get going soon."

"I think I last saw him running for the mine and mumbling something about adolescent adoration."

"Yes, that sounds about right. We're off to Darry's parents for Passover. Right, I better get over to the mine and threaten him out of there. If you should see LP, tell him to get a move on and that we're taking his car." Dor strolled off in search of her wayward husband.

"What did Qui-Gon say about building a casino?" Laure asked as Dande waved at Hak.

"He said as long as no one tried to sell anyone death sticks, he didn't mind."

"What about Pixie Stix? Will there be Pixie Stix?" Commo leaned forward and once again insinuated himself into the conversation.

"Always, dear." Laure patted his hand. "Always."

~*~

"Think about it, a casino will need a water feature of some kind." Kendra had almost covered her napkin with drawings.

"True, but how can we beat the Bellagio's fountains? I mean those are a masterpiece." Tara looked out the pub window at the lake where the Elf and the Ranger were having a leisurely paddle in a canoe.

Judy, who was wiping down the bar, scowled as Kendra reached for yet another cocktail napkin. Tara turned back as the other water Ho began doodling again.

"How about a waterfall?" Kendra suggested.

"Perfect!" Tara enthused. "Something spectacular or something simple?"

Judy turned as she heard a shout from outside. The canoe and its occupants had been lifted out of the lake and it now teetered atop a 50-foot fountain.

This talk of a casino had Judy worried. She didn't want to lose her patrons. Of course the pub would stay quieter and she wouldn't have those annoying rings on the bar anymore. But neither would she have the miners here flirting with her and she wouldn't get to watch the General play darts as often.

Judy whipped out her calculator. Why had she been worried? The way things normally happened at HSU, the odds were only two to one that the pyramid would burn down, fall over or sink into a swamp before it was finished anyway.

Judy reached for the phone.

~*~

"Worf, can you hand me that interface cabling and a convex adapter? I think I have this monitor almost fixed."

Worf was not pleased to be helping Delphi fix the computers in the freshman wing of the economics building. He'd much rather be at batleth practice with Kenobi. Or even sword fighting with that Boromir fellow.

"There, I think that's got it…" The HSU logo briefly flickered across the monitor as Delphi fiddled with the wires in the back of the machine. "Try putting a CD into the drive."

Worf picked up the first CD he found in a pile next to the base unit. It fired up and the monitored flickered again: "Shoe Shopping 101- the Concept of Credit". Then the screen fizzled and went black.

"A-harh!" Worf raised his fist and brought it down onto the top of the monitor. The CD title reappeared.

"That's it." Delphi straightened up. "From now on, you're in charge of the hardware problems. I'll handle the network and software." She wiped her hands on his chest. "Let's go get a margarita."

"A-harh!" Worf swept the newly repaired computer from the desk and grabbed Delphi.

"Or not." Delphi got comfortable on the desk.

~*~

"It's gonna be a casino, boys," Ellie said to Indy and Logan, who had stopped to watch the building. She walked over to have a word with Haken. His next rabies jab was due soon.

"How can I excavate a casino?" Indy asked.

"You could excavate a couple of casino cocktail waitresses," Logan snickered, elbowing the archaeologist in the ribs.

"I heard that, Mutant!" Ellie shouted.

~*~

"But I want one." Jael almost whined.

Max sighed again. "Jael, we don't need a pyramid. We have a huge tower, an enormous bridge and a moat full of something called 'piranhas'. We do NOT need a pyramid."

Jael continued to grumble.

"Besides, this university has a pyramid already. And with this new one, it'll have two. How about we build a…a siege engine."

Jael pouted and shook her head.

Max paced in front of her. "A catapult?"

"Already have one." Jael stuck her lip out even farther.

"Um..." Max wracked his brain. "An enormous horse made of wood?"

"No."

"Okay, how about an enormous rabbit made of wood?"

"No!"

Luckily, before the argument came to blows, the bickering pair was interrupted by Max's servant and his wife who needed their bracelets hacked apart.

Again.

~*~

HONK, HONK!

"LP, would you get your velvet-covered ass into this Range Rover now?!" Dor called demurely from the car park.

"Yes, I'm coming, my lady." LP trotted out to the car as fast as his stylish heels would allow. He opened one of the side doors and jumped in next to Darry.

Dor started up the engine. She ground the gears until she found the one she wanted.

"Dew you want me tew drive?" Cic asked from the passenger seat beside her.

"No! Do you want to be strung up by your laurels?"

"Excuse me," LP said indignantly from behind her.

"And just why are we blessed with your charming presence this fair afternoon, Roman?" Xani oozed from the back of the Range Rover. "I thought your wife had her own car."

"Which, at this moment, is full of matzo," Darry reported.

"Ah."

"Is that Brylcream in your hair, Xani?" Dor asked, looking into the review mirror- a new experience for her.

"Yes, I thought I'd try to look as unappealing as possible. I'd rather not be accosted by a rampaging teenager this week." Xani smoothed down his greased hair.

"Why Xani, "I thought I'd never hear you say that," LP smiled and pinched Xani's cheek.

"STOP THAT!" Dor shouted, still looking in the mirror. "Dande could be reading this."

"Dew you think yew could keep your eyes on the road?"

"Yeah, Dor, stop swerving," Darry complained. "I'm trying to re-apply my mascara."

"All of you, leave me alone or I'll stop this car right now!" Dor shouted at the assembled travellers and then turned her attention to the front.

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The car stopped. Bricks, builders and Brylcream went everywhere.

Judy reached for her phone.

~*~
The End