Kendra
Title: HSU The Cold Chill of Winter
Author: Kendra
Rating: SW (So What)
Archive: Okay
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, so don't even try.
Note: I was struck by the banter of late and stole blatantly. Thanks! For some reason, I woke up with the sun today, which is so not right since it's the first free day I've had in ages. So, I made myself useful and wrote a little silliness.
Timeline: After Laure's 'Time Travelers, Tesseracts, and a Typical Tuesday

~~*~~

"It's really nice to see the Mastah so relaxed and into this new hobby of his," Laure sighed, sipping her tea.

"Yeah, what she said," Dor agreed, reaching across the immaculately set tea table sitting by the big bay window to snatch another handful of cookies.

Dande sighed contently, brushing back an invisible strand of hair from her forehead as she glanced out the window to her hubby working in the front lawn. "Yes, he takes his gardening quite seriously," the Wench agreed, taking the small serving plate beside her and passing it around.

Laure eyed the contents of the plate most critically before looking back up to the Wench. "What's this?"

Dor quickly reached for what sat upon the plate and grinned. "Trust me, you'll love it. But really, you should do as Dande suggests," the Wo tried to convince, nodding to the plate.

Shrugging her shoulders, Laure figured it was best to join them as she reached for her pair of earplugs and quickly inserted them. "Just what's going to happen?" she asked quite loudly.

"What?" Dor shouted.

"What's going to happen?" The mediator quizzed once again, but only received a warm smile from Dande in return as she and Dor both stared out the window.

"What?" Dor again loudly asked, making Laure groan.

Just then, even through the earplugs a loud, very, very loud engine could be heard revving up. Currents of dust, leaves, and grass began to billow about the Mastah as his high velocity leaf blower powered up.

Of course, there was the myriad of various men standing by ohhhing and ahhing at the sight of such manly gardening equipment. As the gathered group of males nodded and grunted their appreciation while slapping one another on the back, the female populace were waiting for the real show to start.

Without further disappointment, a nonsuspecting chicken crossed paths with the Mastah approximately twenty feet ahead and was promptly blown clear across campus. As the annoying fowl clucked and squawked, feathers reigned down from the heavens.

Right about then, Dande looked at Dor and they high-fived one another as Laure watched the scene outdoors with rapt attention.

~~*~~

Emmy sat in her Galactic Domination chair and surveyed her cramped office. Something would have to be done, and done quickly. After all, she had a new secretary to ogle and it was quite difficult to do such when she could barely open her door to see into the outer office much less shimmy out into the hallway by the side door.

"Please hold. I will transfer you to the Dean momentarily," an elegant male voice smoothly inclined.

~~*~~

"Judy's pub, we serve 'em, you...what was that?" Judy questioned in exasperation, automatically reaching beneath the bar for her trusty bat.

"Look, take it up with the Dean. I don't care what you are calling to complain about, but obviously I'm not the one to complain to," the barkeep uttered, slamming down the phone.

Easing back from her bat, Judy sighed tiredly. "Annoying parental complaints...Emmy needs to talk to her secretary. That's the fifth time today he's transferred a call to me..."

~~*~~

The bright, blaring light overhead made it quite difficult for the sooty, slightly singed man to see who and what was happening to him. So once again, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and was quickly shoved back down by a well-manicured hand.

"Don't squirm," the Nurse ordered, examining the blister upon Boromir's thumb.

"But..."

"Do you want this blister to go septic, man?"

"Huh? But..."

With that last remark, Boromir tried to sit back up but was forcefully pushed back down to the exam table once more. This time with feeling.

"Now quit, I've got to do this just...so..." Darry replied with great concentration, peering down to the injured digit as Boromir winced in pain.

"There! Good as new," the Nurse remarked after successfully wrapping the finger in a smiley face Band-Aid.

Reaching up to turn off the light, Boromir blinked madly while looking at this odd contraption encasing his finger. "'Tis not permanent, is it? The other's will make fun and jest at..."

Darry gruffly swatted the man back down to the exam table before running her finger across his brow, making him squirm while glancing about looking for this husband-servant he knew that was the Nurse's. "Forget the others. Now, to avoid any further complications you're ordered to bed rest...here, in the clinic where I can...keep an eye on you."

"But...you are betrothed..."

"I might be married, but I'm not dead," Darry muttered.

Raising an elegant brow that brooked no more arguments, Boromir slumped back on the exam table. "I'll write you a note. Now rest, don't make me purple lightning your ass, either."

Boromir had the good graces to not say a word. "Now about this Horn of Gondor..." the Nurse began, of course she was speaking in the most professional way as she watched the man from Middle Earth struggle to sit back up before she once again had to push him back to the table.

~~*~~

Striding back into his office, the General sighed contently as he pondered the possibilities of purchasing one of those high-powered leaf blowers for himself. After the chicken demonstration from his former Mastah, he had to admit he was itching to purchase a new play toy for himself.

With a quick glance to his secretary's desk, he found it empty which was odd. Wasn't it time for the Dr Phil show he mused before an unexpected shudder raced down his spine.

Shaking the momentary feeling off, the General heard the slight mumblings of his secretary emanating from behind the partially open door of his office. He knew exactly what the Water Ho was up to now.

Arms crossed over his chest, stance just so, the General stopped beside his desk letting just enough of his booted feet come into eyesight before he began tapping his toe. Quickly remember his smile of amusement at the sight of his secretary scouring the floor on all fours under his desk, he quirked his lips and tried his best to look stern and menacing.

"You will not find what you are looking for undah there," Obi-Wan casually remarked, making the Ho stop from crawling about to instantly try to stand.

The loud thump of Kendra's head slamming into the desk as she tried to stand upon being caught made even the Jedi wince before he helped her unsteadily to her feet. "Damn...that hurt..." Kendra mumbled, blinking to get rid of the flash of lights behind her eyes and to figure out which of the two General's was the real one.

The General gently ran his hand over the quickly forming lump on the back of her head. "Blahst, must you do that every time I catch you snooping for your Christmas gift," he remarked as the Ho groaned, then indignantly stepped away.

"I was not snooping," she insisted. "I was...was..."

"Snooping," the General offered helpfully, receiving a glare from his secretary before it turned into a wince.

"I was trying to retrieve a...I dropped something...that's all," she corrected.

Nodding his head, the General sighed. "Love, I told you that you would not find your present," he insisted, thinking to himself that it was mostly because he had not bought anything for his grrls of yet. But he would dare not utter that aloud.

Swaying as she walked to the office door, Kendra quickly stopped in her tracks. "Hey, why are you back so soon. You were supposed to be gathering the troops, planning the plan...oh hells," she moaned, clutching her head. "You were supposed to begin the holiday light stringing..."

Obi-Wan raised his brow and quickly went to steady his swaying secretary. "It is in the works. Now to get you to the clinic. Surely you must have a concussion..."

"Are you mad?" Kendra exclaimed, trying to shirk out of his grasp but failing. "Darry will not like me just dropping in with a concussion...."

The General furrowed his brow and watched as the Water Ho quickly clutched the doorframe for dear life so as to keep herself from being taken to the clinic.

~~*~~

"What the hell is going on over there?" Ellie quizzed with a shrug to the General's office, stopping before Emmy's office door.

Emmy scooted her chair as close to the door as possible to see what the commotion across the hall was all about this time. "Oh, same old same old," the Diva remarked, scooting her chair back behind her desk and thumbing through the shoe clearance catalogues once again.

Ellie looked at Kendra grasping the doorframe across the hall as the General tried to pry her from it's clutches and then to Emmy. "Again I ask, what the hell is going on? Has Ken been hanging out with Xani and Dor again? That tough love shit is nothing to play with."

Rolling her eyes, Emmy sat the catalogue to the gleaming surface of her overly large GDD. "Obi-Wan is just trying to drag Kendra to the clinic again," the Dean explained as Ellie nodded her head in understanding.

"Oh...I see," El thought, before trudging into the General's office, stopping both General and secretary in mid scrimmage.

"This should be fun to watch," Emmy considered, scooting her chair as far to the door as it would go. After all, there wasn't anything to do, she hadn't had an irate call from a parent in days and days and frankly she was bored.

"Kenobi, let her go. I can handle this. I am a vet after all..." Ellie began as the Water Ho shimmied out of the General's grip and promptly slammed the door in his face, locking herself in his office.

"Bloody hell," the General muttered, raking a hand through his hair.

Ellie snorted and then huffed. "Why does everyone act that way when I offer to help? See if I ask again," she grumbled, turning on her heel and leaving.

~~*~~

"Okay, that should do it!" Tara shouted, waving her fire company back to shore from where she had sent them to fine tune the fountains. After all, the lecture and stolen...err borrowed plans that just happened to fall out of the man's briefcase after his chat about the Bellagio fountains insisted that only fine tuning was needed when certain problems occurred.

Today should be the day when all finally fell into place. "Where the hell is Kendra?" The Water Ho muttered, then shrugged her shoulders.

Tyr growled while passing by his Captain, he was not a happy camper after getting his braids wet when Vas slipped under the water, splashing him.

"Nice..." Tara remarked, noticing a very wet and very clean Vassili trudging to shore. "You clean up real well," she mused, receiving a green-eyed glare from the grouchy Russian.

"Alright boys, gather round! Time for the real show to begin," she insisted, picking up the switch and with great ceremony depressing the button. After all, the fountains had to be in good working order for the upcoming holidays.

A low rumbling could be heard emanating from the lake. That was soon followed by a mass of bubbles, which caused the Water Ho to giggle with anticipation. Things were going just as planned, after all, the fountain expert said to expect this before the big show.

But just as Tara's thrill began to build even more, there was a mass hissing from the far end of the lake and suddenly the little docking pier that rested before the love shack, flew through the air in the library's direction.

"Check that out!" Roux said with awe, watching the pier sail overhead.

"Damnit!" Tara muttered, throwing the switch box to the sand and promptly stomping it with her rubber booted foot.

Cursing and stomping the Water Ho snatched the oversized wrench from Tyr's hand and began to storm her way into the lake. In what best could be described as speaking in tongues, she promptly began pounding and kicking the pipes of her once beloved fountain.

"Think we should go get the Captain before she hurts herself?" Plunkett questioned as the fire crew stood on the shore, their jaws dropped to their chest in amazement.

"Probably," Roux agreed, shoving a reluctant Tyr in the back, sending him stumbling in the irate Ho's direction.

~~*~~

Judy stood behind the bar polishing the margarita glass in her hand. "Back so soon?"

"I've been thinking...." Emmy replied with a sigh.

"That's dangerous," Laure remarked, walking into the pub and taking a seat beside the Diva.

Emmy just gave the Wo a 'ha ha' glare and went back to her thoughts. "We have a lot to do before the holidays and frankly, we need and elf to play an elf."

"What?" Jen asked, reaching for the basket of pretzels.

"We need an elf to play an elf. You know, pointy ears, curly shoes, jingle bells, red and white striped leggings..."

"Oh, good luck," Jen mused, sidling back to the table in hopes of wrestling the remote to the TV away from Commo.

Judy eyed the Dean curiously. "Just what do you have in mind? Not to mention my padawan would be most distressed at the idea of doing such to the elf. Her whatever issues will probably go through the roof. Which brings me to my next question. How do we go about bringing back the elf and making him of the North Pole variety?"

Laure quickly waved her hand in front of the two Ho's. "Don't forget the Ranger," she interjected.

"Ranger?" Dor asked, walking to the bar where she was automatically greeted with a cool bottle of Maker's which Judy handed her.

"Yeah, we need an elf to play an elf and Laure here wants the grungy Ranger to boink senseless," Jen shot back from the far table where she was trying to pry the remote from Commo's hands. Hey, it was cold out, this was 'soap opera' season since it was too chilly to golf, the fallen emperor had to have some hobby to keep him out of Laure's hair for a few hours.

Dor quirked a brow and then quickly pulled her black knit hat down to stave off the slight chill at the motion. "Oh, why didn't you say so. Xani spotted Legolas and Aragorn returning this morning, they're hiding out in the treehouse."

Emmy and Judy grinned at one another. "I think we have our Christmas elf," Emmy smiled with accomplishment.

"...and a Ranger to...visit," Laure replied, glancing over her shoulder at Commo to make sure he was still in one piece before she quickly wrapped her sweater about her shoulders and went in search of Aragorn. "I hope he's still grungy, I could use a good hot bubble bath," she was heard to remark before disappearing from the pub.

~~*~~

Emmy sat in her cramped office. Why she came back so late in the day she hadn't a clue. Oh yeah, she did have a clue, it was to listen to her sexy new secretary answer the phone and try to transfer calls.

Sighing heavily, the Diva rested her chin in her palm and began to lean upon her desk doodling on her calendar. After a few minutes of that, an idea like no other struck like a lightning bolt. Reaching for the phone she began to dial.

~~*~~

"Pub, Judy speaking," the bartender answered while wiping down the bartop.

"This is a service check of the Fridgidaire 2000002. Is your refrigerator running?" A female, muffled voice was heard to question.

"Yeah..."

"Well, maybe you'd better go out and catch it," the voice replied with amusement.

"Why you....Emmy?" Judy asked, narrowing her eyes at the receiver before the line went dead.

~~*~~

"Damn," Emmy muttered, before picking up the phone once more and dialing in boredom.

~~*~~

"Yeah, yeah, General's office," Kendra answered, sitting on the edge of his desk. The General standing outside the locked door pounding on the door and threatening to use the Force if she didn't open it immediately.

"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" The muffled voice could be heard asking.

"Hold on a second. I can't hear a thing with the General beating down the door," Kendra stated, placing her hand over the mouthpiece. "Hey Gen, could you keep it down. I'm on the phone!"

With that remark, the General groaned loudly before using the Force to unlock the door and stride into his office where he promptly cornered the wayward secretary before taking the phone from her hand. "We're busy right now, can you leave a message...."

"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" The voice asked once again, as the General raised his brow and looked at the Water Ho before him.

"Possibleh. Prince Albert? What the blazes is this all about?" He demanded, leaning back to see out his office door while keeping his secretary trapped. "Emmy? Is that you?"

Click

~~*~~

Dor stood before the menacing Barbarian and stared him down. "Let me pass," she ordered.

"Grrrr," he replied, raising his big sword.

"This is 'MY' library. Don't make me spell you!" The librarian threatened with a wave of her hand.

"Grrrr, grrrr..." was the sinister answer.

"Look, you're not supposed to keep me out. Just the frosh and everyone else," Dor insisted, as his sword came dangerously close to her chest.

"Xani! Shred him!" The Wo shouted, but there was no reply.

~~*~~

"Did you hear something?" LP asked, placing his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone while he was on hold to QVC.

Xani arched a dark brow but didn't look up from the computer. "Huh?"

"I thought I heard lady Dorotea bellowing for you," the lavender lord explained before the sales rep came back on the line. "Yes, that is correct. I wish to procure a dozen of the Ronco Pasta Makers...they'll make most excellent gifts..."

"What?" Xani grunted before he shouted in determination as finally, he broke the password and could now download Elf Bowling 3 before it was due to be released. "Elf, elf me now baby," he grinned.

~~*~~

"Just wait till I get my hands on Xani," Dor exclaimed, wrapping her black woolen scarf tightly about her neck, only managing to choke momentarily at wrapping it too tight.

"Alrighty big boy, time to call in the Wench. Dande!"

~~*~~

"Did you hear something, Wishpuff?" Qui-Gon asked, glancing momentarily up from the hockey game he was now watching to see the Wench quickly reaching for her coat as she scurried to the front door.

Dande stopped momentarily to smooch the big guy before racing out once again. "It's just Dor, a Barbarian alert," she insisted, earning her a furrowed brow from the Mastah. "Oh, if I'm not back before the timer dings, would you remove the casserole from the oven?"

Qui-Gon quickly turned back to the TV with a grunt as he picked up the remote.

~~*~~

"What happened to you?" Judy asked, watching her bandaged and bruised padawan walk into the bar and sulk while taking a seat.

If Judy's eyes were not wide enough, they nearly popped out at the sight of the General limping and his bandaged hand as he followed his secretary into the pub and plopped down beside the Ho.

"Again, I ask. What happened to you both?" Judy quizzed.

"She did...he did...the Nurse," they answered in unison, each nodding in the other's direction.

"I see," the barkeep muttered. "You didn't damage any valuable parts on him, did you padawan?"

"Hey!" Kendra snapped.

"I need a drink," the General and his secretary both insisted at the same time, earning them a suspicious look from Judy.

~~*~~