Title: A Wassailing? What the Heck's a Wassail?
Author: Laure
Disclaimer: Really not mine, so not George's et al's either. We're ours.
Rating: WW (Wassailing Whatevers)
Distribution: Sure
Feedback: Adored

"Beloved?" Commo strolled into Laure's office fresh from the golf course, having played nine holes in the unseasonably warm weather.

Laure looked up, saw that he was perturbed, and rubbed her temples.

It's only ten in the morning, she silently whined.

"Why is your bodyguard adorned in red and green velvet, striped hosiery, and bells?"

A jingle came from the outer office, where Legolas stood stoically doing his duty.

Once he'd been convinced that this was his duty.

Not that, technically, it was his duty anymore since technically Commo no longer owned him.

Technically.

"It's festive." Foregoing more rubbing of her temples, she took a sip of Irish Coffee.

"He's not exactly menacing anymore."

"He was never menacing," Spike piped up from where he was splayed out on the leather couch, reading the newspaper.

"Why is *he* here?" Commo asked, scowling.

Spike opened his mouth to say something snarky--he had that look in his eye--but Laure shot him a nasty look to shut him up.

"I'm working. Have you done all your Christmas shopping?"

Commo looked at her blankly.

"Christmas. Shopping. Presents for *me*," she said through gritted teeth.

"But, I did that last year."

Spike snorted loudly and rustled the newspaper conspicuously.

"And how about you, bleached boy?"

That got the vampire's attention, and he sat up. "Presents? I'm evil!"

"So?" Laure reached in her desk and pulled out a large stack of her hard-earned--well, given thrice over for the elf that she hadn't paid for in the first place--money and then walked over to Spike and dumped it in his lap. "Guess what? You two get to spend the day together in the Mall buying me lots of pretty things."

Both men gaped at her, then the loud protests began. Smiling evilly, Laure tuned them out and reseated herself, making a mental note to rustle up the Ranger while her other two men were fighting the crowds at the Estrogen County Plaza Mall.

*****

"You know you'll never go through with any of this, and you shouldn't even try. Especially after last night's disaster," Ellie pointed out as Kendra muttered and rearranged the index cards, crumpled receipts, half torn napkins and other bits and pieces of paper that were stapled to the extra-large bulletin board and, in many cases, the wall. Front and center was a picture of Laure in feathers sitting on her swing.

"I paid her eleven thousand dollars of my hard-earned money for an elf that I can't bear to look at since he's wearing jingle bells."

"Bet he has a nice set of bells." Ellie grinned wolfishly.

"I don't want him for that," Kendra replied, scandalized, before turning back to the board and stapling a copy of the lay-out of the Estrogen County Plaza Mall to the board. Good thing she'd found all that discarded bugging equipment. "I just want to fondle his braids and ogle him a bit, but I can't do that when he has a Christmas hat on his head."

"Your whatevers have whatevers, you know that, right?"

"I need to see Dande," the wilting Water Ho whimpered.

*****

Dande looked up from expertly frosting the lightsabers of her Gingerbread Jedi, and sighed softly. Trouble was coming. "Mastah darling, perhaps you might want to go to Home Depot and purchase the lights for the gazebo you were talking about this morning."

Qui-Gon looked up quizzically from his morning coffee break and coloring with Cara. His head still felt muzzy and he was grumpy. All he wanted was a relaxing morning.

The door burst open and a flurry of flustered Ho entered the kitchen.

Alarm and dread wiped out the last of the muzziness. "Yes. Good idea." Scooping Cara up, Da Mastah brushed a kiss over his wife's perfectly reddened lips and headed out of the kitchen. "You'll like Home Depot, Cara. It's got lots of fun things to play with."

Kendra slumped unhappily at the table and buried her face in her crossed arms.

Realizing a long session was overdue, Dande put on the extra- strength coffee.

*****

"We don't need any more lights, and, anyway, I'm Jewish."

Cicero nodded distractedly and held up one pair of work pants and a second pair. "Which should I wear?"

"Neither."

"I need sturdy ones. We'll be climbing on roofs."

"Neither." With the second negative, Darry rolled her shoulder, sending the half-buttoned silk shirt sliding down her arm.

The Servant swallowed heavily and made to toss both pairs of pants over his shoulder, when the Clinic alarm went off.

"Damn it," Darry muttered and shoved herself out of bed. "This had better be an emergency." Flipping on the monitor, she managed not to smile at the sight of Boromir looking dazed and lost, one finger dripping the occasional drop of blood onto her clean floor. "Gotta go to work." She tugged Cicero's head down for a hearty kiss. "You be back in one hour. I've got plans. Ever learn any geometry?"

*****

Standing in front of the new and improved--and slightly smaller-- Library Christmas tree, Dorotea contemplated the placement of black glass ball number fourteen, this one with a black velvet bow attached, on the branches. Pelham plugged in the lights and lavender glittered through the evergreen.

He'd nixed the black lights.

He'd also nixed the cobwebs as unsanitary.

Spoil-sport.

A loud crow came from the Greysider who was casually slumped on the couch with his laptop on his lap. "A hidden level. Your ass is *so* mine, fat boy."

Rolling her eyes, Dorotea reached for one of Dande's famous cookies with one hand and hung the ornament with the other. The ball promptly fell off and shattered on the floor, which was littered with the remnants of the deaths of several other ornaments.

"What the frack is wrong with this tree?" She stamped her foot and glared at the innocent looking foliage.

"It's cursed?" Pelham offered helpfully.

Dorotea snorted inelegantly. "What else is new."

*****

"And what is this Christmas?"

"It's a holiday." At Aragorn's blank look, Laure tried again. "A celebration. We all decorate the house, dress up, bake cookies, and give presents." Sitting on the edge of the radio console she casually crossed one leg over the other and smiled as his eyes followed the movement. "More importantly, well, not more importantly than the presents, but pretty importantly, we play Christmas music."

Out of her new Kate Spade red purse, she pulled several holiday cds and handed them to the Ranger.

His brow furrowed as he read, "'Little Drummer Boy', 'Jingle Bell Rock'?"

"Just play them and cut out the reports of Orcs a'coming."

"Vigilance..."

His lecture was interrupted by a soft Wo on his lap and hot lips pressed to his.

*****

Kendra had been talking for an hour. Dande patted hands, poured coffee, nodded, hummed, and smiled.

"And I'm really, really sorry about shooting Da Mastah. I have no idea how he got in front of the dart," the Ho wrapped up in a rush.

"These things happen, and there's no permanent injury. Plus, I got to kiss the wound and make it better."

"GAH."

Dande chuckled. "Now, having a hobby is all well and good, Kendra, but you don't really want to hurt anyone."

"...No." Kendra glowered into her coffee mug and reached for a peanut butter Hershey kiss combo to munch on. "But, I get so frustrated."

"We all do. It's a part of life. But revenge isn't the answer, even if the planning stage is enjoyable. Whether Commo won Legolas fairly, he did win. Laure accepting money from three sources was perhaps a tad...well, her Hochlorians were undoubtedly in control. You would have done the same thing. I'm sure she will let you fondle the elf anytime you want."

"He's all Christmasy!"

Dande smiled. "He looks charming. And, Kendra, jingle bell hats can always be removed."

"...Huh."

The Water Ho hadn't actually thought of that.

"Or you could ask Emmy to let you have him un-decorated for a while each day."

That one either.

*****

"Am I to guard your body now, my lady?"

"Emmy."

"My lady Emmy?"

"No, just Emmy. I don't go in for all that royalty crap. And, no, I don't need a bodyguard," the Dean replied as she positioned Legolas next to the Christmas tree in her outer office. She ignored the scandalized looks the elf was giving the tinsel. "Just stand here and hand out candy canes to anyone who comes in."

The scandalized look continued to the cheery Santa mug full of red and white striped candy that reminded him dismally of his new leggings.

Where was an Orc attack when you needed one?

*****

"See? No Orcs," Jael stressed as she, Max, Aragorn, and a complaining Laure--stiletto ankle boots weren't made for tromping--finished their patrol of the outer defenses.

Aragorn tested the wooden wall with the hilt of his sword. "Have you thought of sharp spikes atop the walls?"

"They're on order."

As Jael joined the Ranger in rapping against the walls, Maximus leaned down to Laure and murmured, "This Aragorn is a good and noble man. Worthy of the love of any good woman."

"Yeah, he's great." Then she caught where Max was going with this and gave him a pointed look. "I have Commo under control. He's not a threat to you. He's not a threat to anything but my sanity, and that's my business."

Maximus frowned. "He is not a good man."

"Yeah, I know." Laure smiled. "But we can't control the heart, Max." She watched his eyes fall lovingly on Jael who had swapped swords with Aragorn, and was admiring the sharp steel.

"Very true."

*****

'Jin. Gle. ...'

*BELCH*

Tara stared in dismay at the fountain, then stomped her feet in the lake, drenching herself and her men. Two perfect tones, then a horribly burping noise.

"Didn't sound quite right, Captain," Roux pointed out helpfully, then ducked behind Tyr at the murderous look she gave him.

The Nietzschean sighed and glanced at his water-proof watch. His eyes lit up. "Lunch."

There was a mad scramble from the lake and a peeling off of wetsuits, which Tara quite admired, despite her disappointment in the fountains.

"Be back in one hour."

"After Passions, we promise."

As the firemen dashed off, Tara slogged out of the water, shaking her head.

"Still no luck, love?"

The sultry sound of the General shook her out of her despair and she smiled. "Getting there."

He opened his arms and she sank into them.

*****

"Now, how did you get this horrible wound?"

Boromir gave his now splinted and bandaged to three times its normal size finger a look of dismay, then sighed happily as the Nurse began to massage his shoulders. "It was just a small prick."

"Doubt it."

"Hm?"

"Oh, nothing. Even the smallest wound can become gangrene. You could have lost your whole hand. You did the right thing in coming to me." As she spoke, she pulled him back onto the exam table so his head rested on her lap, and began to massage his temples.

"Really, I should rejoin my companions," Boromir protested weakly.

"Nope. Rest. It could still go septic. Nurse's orders."

"Ah..."

"Plus, it's lunch time and you can just as easily watch Passions here." She clicked on the remote and zoomed from QVC to NBC.

*****

After an impromptu inventory session with the General right before lunch, Judy was smiling happily and only occasionally shooting the evil eye at elbows on the bar. Pulling another round of drafts for the damp firefighters, she eyed her Padawan who sat at one end of the bar morosely drawing on a napkin.

"It can't be that bad, Kendra."

"What?"

"Life." Judy dug a new, holiday bag of gummy fish from the receipt drawer and handed them over. Kendra perked up slightly.

"Why do my plans for revenge always go horribly wrong?" She stuffed a fish in her mouth.

"How long have you been at HSU? Our plans *always* go horribly wrong," Judy laughed. "It's part of the fun."

Ellie and her harem came in for lunch. The Ho sent the boys to their table while she headed to the bar to order.

"So, did Dande get you straightened out?" she asked after ordering four sandwiches and beers.

Kendra shrugged and stuffed more gummy fish in her mouth. "Maybe I just need a vacation."

"Sounds good. How about after Christmas we head out to Vegas."

"I think were personas non gratis there."

"Monte Carlo, then. Maybe you can win back the money you lost to Laure."

"I didn't *lose* my money," Kendra replied through clenched teeth.

"It's gone," Ellie shrugged cheerfully. "Might as well have lost it."

"You're not helping," Judy murmured.

"Come on, Ken. We'll get all dressed up, mingle with royalty, and gamble to our hearts' content. Just the two of us. No men."

Kendra gave her friend a surprised look. "Can we do that?"

Ellie grinned back. "We're Ho's. We can do anything. For at least two days, anyway. Think about the reception the General will give you on your return."

All three Ho's drifted away to a happy place for a moment.

"Order up," Jamie 'Nekkid Chef' Oliver yelled from the kitchen.

*****

"This sucks."

Commo silently agreed as he glared at the tight crowd in Abercrombie & Fitch. This was the fifth jam-packed store they'd been in and they still hadn't found anything fit for Laure. "Really, they should recognize their better and make way."

"Betters," Spike stressed.

Commo snorted and squeezed his way to a rack of leather coats.

"Ooh," the Vampire perked up, as the Emperor disdainfully fingered the leather.

"Fur. She needs be wrapped in fur."

"Yeah, that's gonna go over well."

Spike expertly and silently broke the chain holding a leather jacket in his size to the rack, and stuffed said jacket under his duster.

Sure, he had money, but he was *evil*.

*****

Carrying a tray with five steaming mugs of cocoa topped with whipped cream and a plate of oatmeal crispies, Dande approached the Gazebo, admiring the three men--the General had joined her husband and Cicero--decorating the roofline.

Obi-Wan was on the ladder, lights wrapped around his shoulders. Cicero was hanging upside down off the roof nailing up the clips.

Qui-Gon was directing like the General he should have been while helping Cara set up an adorable set of wooden snowpeople.

The sound of Christmas music--Lynard Skynard, Dande believed- -filled the air from the portable radio..

It was all very festive except that it was at least 60 degrees out with the sun brightly shining.

Still, no one could refuse cocoa and cookies.

"Looking good." She held up the tray and found it quickly denuded, even her daughter plopping down by the snowpeople with her sippy cup and a handful of cookies.

"We decided to go with simple white garland lights so as not to detract from the stained cedar."

Dande beamed up at her husband.

"I can make sandwiches if anyone's hungry."

"How late is it?" Qui-Gon asked, sipping his cocoa.

Dande glanced at her watch. "Half past twelve."

Cicero nearly spit out his cocoa, mumbled some excuse and dashed off.

"I believe he's late for a medical appointment," the General drawled, making everyone chuckle.

*****

Clenching and unclenching his stiff fingers, Xani peeked his head into the Dean's office and burst out laughing. Walking past the stoic elf and the blind secretary who had stapled his tie to a file folder, he squeezed into the inner office.

"Why is the fairy dressed up like, well, a fairy?" he laughed.

"Go away. I'm busy," answered the Dean, as she lounged in her chair sipping a Chai and making up grades for the students with clicks of her mouse.

"Are you being Ungrateful?" he teased, and ducked the first clunky shoe thrown his way.

"What do you want?"

"I'm bored. I figured out how to cheat at Elf Bowling 3 and now it's no fun."

"Well, wasn't that stupid of you?"

Xani rolled his eyes as impressively as any Ho.

"I'm working here," Emmy stressed.

"Uh huh. Let's go shopping. I haven't bought Dor anything yet, and she's not going to be happy if there's nothing under tree number two."

Emmy thought about it, then said succinctly, "No."

"I'll buy you some shoes," he wheedled.

"...You keep your hands to yourself, Gray Boy."

"I'm a happily married man," he protested, grinning, then tossed her back her shoe.

"Just you stay that way."

*****

The Servant skidded to a halt at the sight of the dozing Boromir in the one recovery bed in the Clinic. His wife rose from checking the warrior's temperature, and smirked.

"You're late," she murmured, soto voce.

He smirked back. "What chew going to do about it?"

Taking her stethoscope, she wrapped it around the back of his head and used it to tug him down for a kiss. "Oh, I'm thinking remedial lessons. And, you know, we must be very thorough." As she scolded, she backed them towards the stairs.

As the married couple disappeared with a giggle and a moan, Boromir opened one eye then winced at the sound of bed springs squeaking above him. Careful of his finger, he slipped from the bed and made a hurried exit from the Clinic.

*****

"It's very festive in here."

The General opened his mouth for another skittle before answering the Librarian curled platonically on his lap. "Well, the grrls have been busy." His office was festooned--tastefully--in garlands and lights and poinsettias and holly and the few odd things like ornaments made from tongue depressors and snowflakes cut out of love letters from princesses.

"I think my tree is cursed." Dorotea popped a few skittles in her own mouth.

Grinning, Obi-Wan relaxed and eagerly accepted more candy. "I've missed our talks, Dorotea. We have to do this more often."

"Plus Xani'll get all jealous," she added with a mischievous smile.

"I suppose I better be on guard during our work-out tomorrow morning," he replied with mock concern, making her giggle.

"I'll wear him out just for you."

*****

Girding her loins, Kendra walked into the Dean's office to have a chat with Emmy about time-sharing the elf, only to be driven away by the sight of Legolas looking bored and overly bedecked, his beautiful braids hidden beneath fake fur and huge jingle bells.

Changing her tack, she headed for the mediator's office. This was all Laure's fault, after all.

Or the Nurse's, but getting an appointment with Darry unless you were bleeding like a stuck pig was nigh on to impossible.

Kymira was sitting at her desk playing Elf Bowling and aiming for the frog. "Oh, hey, I was going to message you. Can I get a cuddling before the fire appointment sometime tonight?"

Kendra tried to mentally review the General's appointment schedule, then gave up. "I'll check when I get back to my office. I need an appointment with the mediator."

"Uh huh." Kymira glanced down at the post it stuck to her desk with 'No Kendra' written in large, block letters. "Sure, for what? You know she only mediates between people. Your whatever issues are Dande's realm."

"I need her to bring Emmy in so that we can discuss sharing the elf."

The other Ho snickered. "Can't wait to transcribe the notes of *that* session. And shouldn't it be a three-way mediation? What about the Nurse?"

"Like I have time to worry about her elf needs. So, can you set it up? Sometime today?"

"Laure's only going to meet with you if she's convinced you're not going to try to kill her and/or the idiot."

Kendra rolled her eyes. "I was never going to kill anyone."

"Maim, maul, mangle, aggravate previous injuries, harass, harm, hassle," the other Ho ticked off on her fingers.

"Fine, fine, I agree already. Just set up the appointment so I can get to fondling non-decorated elf ears!"

*****

Jael sat before the cold fireplace in her tower sharpening her sword. Max came in with Haken, who was carrying the Yule log all by himself.

"Where does this tree go, Jael?"

She pointed to the fireplace with the tip of her sword. As Haken placed the log with ease on the grate, Max popped a piece of praline in his mouth and settled next to his warrior princess.

"I talked with Aragorn after you went to train the men. He is very concerned about these Orcs, but I believe is concern is due to the fact that they have nearly overrun his lands. We were able to repel them with little hardship last year. If they return, we shall do so again."

"I just don't like the thought of us being under attack. If it's not damn chickens, it's nasty Orcs," Jael growled.

Max grinned. "Well, if it's Orcs we will certainly smell them coming."

Jael slowly began to chuckle and relaxed her grip on her sword.

*****

"Sugar, honey, you have to stop getting into the wrapping paper," Judy said to the irate and howling kitty as she peeled tape and bows from the poor thing's fur. "You're going to end up bald if you keep this up."

A loud sneeze came from the doorway and Judy turned around from the large table in the Rec Room that she'd been wrapping presents on.

"Look, isn't Sugar cute?"

Emmy glowered at the cat and rubbed her nose. "I have cat hair up my nose."

Judy grinned and nuzzled her face against Sugar's head, making the cat purr loudly. "She keeps getting bows stuck to her."

"Silly creature. I'm bored. Want to catch a flick?"

"What's on at the multiplex?"

"Harry Potter's in five theaters. Something about towers is in seven. And then there's Bond."

"I'll see Harry Potter again. Let me just finish debowing the cat."

"Meet me at my office when you're ready. My decorations are adorable." Emmy left with another sneeze.

*****

"I'm mediating what?"

Kymira explained it again, more slowly, as her Master rubbed her temples.

"And it's been such a peaceful day," Laure muttered, then glanced at her watch, wondering if she had time for a quick toddy.

*****

"Any messages?" Emmy asked, scanning her mail while she sucked on a candy cane handed her by her elf.

Ross fumbled his way across the desk and found a slip of pink paper which he handed to the computer monitor. Emmy intercepted it, then scowled. Glancing at her watch, she weighed the consequences of skipping the session and going to the 4:15 flick or attending the session and dealing with Kendra and going to the 4:30 flick.

"When Judy gets her, tell her to wait."

"Sure thing." In bright pink highlighter Ross wrote a note to himself on something that looked pretty darn official from the Estrogen County Tax Department.

*****

'And so this is Christmas...' played from the Veterinary Clinic's stereo system as Ellie worked feverishly on her latest batch of anti-cat allergy system, Indy oiled his whip, Han polished his gun, and Logan sharpened his claws.

"Geez, you'd think we were coming under attack," the Ho muttered as she watched her men working their weapons. "At least Aragorn's got the message."

'War is over...'

"We're bored," the three men said in unison, Logan spearing a chocolate truffle of a tray with one claw.

"Have you bought my Christmas presents?"

They all looked at each other, then reddened and mumbled something about the Mall as they jumped to their feet.

"Idiots," Ellie replied affectionately as they dashed from the office.

A few minutes after they'd left, Jen Jen popped her head in. "Wanna head over to Wangers for Happy Hour? Judy's off to a movie so the Pub is closed."

Ellie shed her lab coat at the speed of light. "Sure, I'm not getting anywhere with this latest batch any way."

"You're not going to turn the General purple are you?"

"Nah. Green spots are a possibility, though," Ellie replied, giggling.

"Probably not a hot idea. Might get you lynched."

"Maybe I could test it on some chickens first."

Jen Jen nodded and held the door open. "I think there are some lurking in the North Woods. Personally, I'm hoping the Orcs eat them."

"What Orcs? I thought that was a myth!"

*****

Dorotea was nearly run down by the UPS man who barreled into the Library behind a dolly stacked to the ceiling with precariously balanced boxes.

"PELHAM!"

"Sign here," the harassed looking Brown man said, holding out a computer thingie. Dorotea glanced at it, then turned and yelled again.

"In a minute," the Lord replied, his usually dulcet tones a bit stressed. "Yes, one dozen of the cordless curling irons," could be heard growing louder as he made his way from the far corner of the Library. "Could you hold a moment?" he asked into his headset, then reached for the pad to sign.

The UPS guy took it back and glanced at the name. "Lord?"

Pelham cocked one sculpted eyebrow and nodded at the obvious Temp, who started to unload the boxes, muttering, "What a nutty place."

"What is all this crap?"

"I believe it is my order of Vornado heaters. This Library can be quite drafty in places."

"We need...," Dorotea quickly counted the boxes. "Sixteen of them?"

"There was a deal," he shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and wondered which electrical circuit would be the next to blow, and if it would set the tree on fire.

*****

"Okay, I'm here. Let's get this over with," Emmy pronounced, clomping into Laure's office.

Laure pointed to one of the two empty chairs across from her. "Kendra's running late. Something to do with water."

"Of course."

"All she's asking is that you dedecorate the elf for a few hours each day."

"You really took eleven thou from each of us?"

Laure smirked.

"You planning to refund the Nurse?"

More smirking.

"Ballsy."

"Apparently she's torn between fondling Legolas and coddling Boromir. She probably won't even remember the money." Emmy cocked an eyebrow at that. "Okay, she'll remember the money, but it's not like it was hers. God forbid we actually spend our own money on anything."

The Diva chuckled. "True. My eleven thousand came out of discretionary funds, the paper trail of which leads eventually to Xani."

"Very wicked." Laure giggled and Kendra entered the office.

"I want the elf free of Christmas decor for three hours each night till Christmas... please"

"Fine," Emmy said, rising to her feet. "Seven to ten work for you?"

"Um...sure," Kendra stammered, surprised that went so well.

"I'll send him to your office bare," the Diva snickered as she headed to the door.

"Um, not bare!" The General's Secretary gave the Mediator a frantic look. "He'll be clothed, right? I'm not Ungrateful!"

Laure rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Ken, come on. We're going to be late for the hockey game over at Wanker," Kymira yelled from the outer office.

"Just a sec," Kendra yelled back. "So, what do I do with him at ten?"

"Send him to me," Laure said. "Commo still thinks he's my bodyguard."

The Water Ho snickered as she left the room.

"Speaking of..." Laure said to herself, glancing at her watch. Her guys had been gone for nearly six hours. As she was pondering their lengthy absence--and wondering if they'd killed each other- -Tara poked her head in the office.

"I heard that the General is giving an impromptu reading of 'The Gift of the Magi'. Want to go?"

Laure jumped up and turned off her desk lamp. "Hell yes. So, what trouble have you been up to today?"

"I now have the fountain doing 'Jingle Bells'. Well, the first two lines, at least, then it just moans and belches," Tara sighed as they headed down the hall.

"Why didn't you have that engineer fix it?"

"He said it was easy. Obviously you need a couple PhDs in advanced physics and structural engineering or something. But, we'll get 'em fixed, or die trying."

"Isn't that the fire station's motto?" Laure laughed.

"Something like that. They've been real troopers. Okay, they complain incessantly and Boromir seems to be hieing off to the Clinic every hour with some boo boo or other, but they're trying." "Sort of," Tara finished with a laugh. "But, they look good all wet."

"Hm, might have to come watch them in action. Bet Tyr's braids look yummy all damp and tangly."

"Don't you have enough men?" Tara teased.

Laure burst out laughing. "No such thing!"

*****

Much later Laure returned to her darkened suite and frowned that it was dark. She'd listened to the General read, then sang some carols, then had a leisurely dinner. It was nearly eight p.m.

Where the frack were they?

As she flipped on the light, she noticed the answering machine blinking, and walked over to push the playback button.

"Hallo, luv. We're in jail. Come get us."

*click*

Laure stared blankly at the phone for a long minute, then sighed heavily and reached for the receiver to dial the cottage.

Time for a tiny bit of doe eyes.

End