The campus is abuzz with rumors that the Lord of Rivendell, Elrond Half-Elven is poised to arrive on campus and take over the long vacant P.R. position recently vacated by Sir DivaDean. No confirmation on that as yet, though his daughter did repeatedly remind these reporters that she wanted *her* Ranger returned to her, pronto or the waters would rise up and smite us in our sleep.

We referred the Princess Elf to Kendra for further water issues.

Speaking of wacks, all HSU residents should be on the look-out for the now mentally-deranged Admin Secretary. She has been spotted in a biohazard suit, armed with Nerf arrows, and groping every male who comes in contact with her. We don't think Arwen is responsible for this.

We have confirmed rumors that Lady Galadriel, formerly of Lorien, is poised to assume the Dean's now empty office. The Eldar Elf said, "It is boring here in the West, and ever since *someone* let that Dwarf in, all he does is stare at me! I cannot believe they let a Dwarf in here. And Hobbits! What is it coming to when the Eternal Lands of the Elves opens to all the other races."

In anticipation of Galadriel's arrival, Julia and Sere have set up a special stepstool with a bucket full of water for the rather mental elf to gaze into. The Bucket of Fate may yet come under Kendra's ownership, however. In that event, these reporters place the better odds in a rumble on Galadriel. She's been around longer, has that ring and Ken is loopy lately.

Tara would like to remind everyone that, yes, eventually we all pay the piper and *she* is the Piping Ho. Tara accepts Master Card, American Express and Visa as well as cash. No COD or IOU's allowed.

The OSA Director, Shana, who doesn't seem to know the difference between an EA and an EF, would like to remind all students to clearly state their affiliation on all papers submitted to her office. She reminds you that the classifications are HO, WO and WENCH. Princess is an unacceptable answer and grounds for immediate termination/dismissal.

END