Title: HSU: The Sands of Time
Author: Kendra
Archive: I guess
Rating: HAC (Haven't a Clue)
Disclaimer: Don't own the General or the Elf...Excuse me?
Notes: I stole blatantly from what I could remember of banter, thanks! This was kind of quick and hit a couple walls along the way. Forgive the misspelling and such, I've looked at it too long and its now running together. Enjoy.
Timeline: After Ellie's Pyramid Plans

~~*~~

"Well then...fine!"

"Fine!"

Grunt-squish-squeeze-groan. SLAM

SLAM

"Oh, you're back," Kendra remarked, glancing up from her 'Braids of the Universe' quarterly magazine to find the General pacing about her office. "Have fun?"

Stopping, hands on his hips, foot tapping impatiently he glanced to his secretary in disbelief. "Fun? Shopping...she...is...is...she just asked...I answered..."

Grunt-groan-squish-wiggle-open-SLAM.

"I heard that, Kenobi," Emmy glowered, stepping into the room.

"Hey! Watch my door!" Kendra exclaimed, as the Diva honed in on her target-the General, ignoring the other Ho.

"I can't believe you actually did what you did," Emmy remarked. "Did he tell you? Did he?" She asked, looking to the secretary who was trying to read.

The General raked a hand through his hair, sending it to stand on end. "I don't know what the problem is..."

"I'll tell you what the problem is...go on...you tell her, tell her..."

For the briefest of moments the General had a 'huh' moment, not quite sure if and who and what he was supposed to do. "Fine. We were shopping..."

"...Is that what you call it?" The Diva finished, arms across her chest.

"...We were shopping. Emmy went into this...shop..."

"Bargain Shoes Galore Gallery-you've been there right?" She asked Kendra, momentarily ignoring the General, Kendra glancing back up from her magazine at the mention of shoes. "They've got a great buy on spring shoes right now, you wouldn't believe the selection. It's actually a half off sale..." then she turned back to the General, eyes narrowing. "Well, I'm waiting..."

Momentarily taken off guard, the Jedi seemed to actually waiver. "...Shoes...yes...howevah...when I answered Emmy's question..."

"Can you believe it? Can you?" Emmy asked, turning to the secretary once more, not noticing the confused look in the other's eyes.

"Huh? Did I miss something?" Kendra asked, picking her magazine back up, intending to ignore the conversation again.

"...Amalfi and Dr Scholl's...He...pointed to 'them'..." Emmy's voice spoke up.

Kendra gasped out loud, the General taking a few steps back, finding himself with no way out as his back was to the corner of his secretary's office and the Diva was narrowing her eyes upon him again. "He chose the Dr Scholl's granny shoes over the clunky heeled Amalfi's...can you believe it?"

Again, much gasping from both Ho's ensued. "You've done it now," Kendra remarked, picking up her magazine and ignoring the scene before her.

The General still looked totally clueless as to his blunder. "I only said the..." Emmy raised a brow, stopping his words briefly. "...They looked more comfortable...you did say your feet were killing you..."

"Did I ask you about comfort?"

"No, but I was thinking of..."

"It's a good thing you're so damn cute, you know?" Emmy stated, now standing toe to toe with the trapped Jedi who cocked his head most naughtily and smirked that sexy smirk. Then he pounced.

"Hey! This is my office...sheesh..." Kendra groaned, slamming her magazine to the desk while standing. "...Take it in there," she ordered, pointing to the General's office door and watching as the couple groped and rolled and mumbled their way into the other room. "No respect around here..."

~~*~~

"There, that should do it," Dor grinned, wiping the palms of her hands on her black shorts. After all, the temperature had been climbing quite steadily for the past few days and winter attire was definitely out of the question.

"Do what?" Laure asked, shielding her eyes from the blazing sun with the umbrella she now carried.

"Just a little spell..." the librarian replied, raising her hands to calm the mediator who suddenly looked shocked. "It's nothing...just a little something I picked up from having translated some of the spells from that big book I found."

"What book?" Laure quizzed, paling slightly.

Dor reached behind her and picked up the huge, metallic book with an odd indention on the cover. "This book...it's missing the key, or whatever the hell you use to open it," she pointed out, the fiery looking star-like design on the cover. "So I got Xani to pick the lock...odd too..."

"Odd?"

"Yeah, now suddenly the library is infested with...beetles or such...Pelham ran out screaming like a girl too...he's probably moved in with the Nurse again..."

"Ah, Dor? Could they be scarabs?"

"They don't look like no flying chubby babies with wings to me..."

"No...not cherubs, scarabs...flesh eating beetles," Laure groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Well, didn't I say beetles?"

Laure huffed, then took a deep breath. "Just where did you find this book?"

"Around," she replied, whistling innocently while checking the sunblock on her nose.

"Do you even know what this book is?"

Dor had the good graces to look aghast. " Well no, not exactly, but I know a spell book when I see one. Besides, it's in pictures, how hard is that to decipher?"

"Nice book," Ellie remarked, strolling by, her eyes momentarily diverted to the ever-darkening sky.

Suddenly the Vet stopped in her tracks and backed up a little till she slammed into Dande who was racing back to the cottage before the storms that were suddenly and unexpectedly rolling in, came raining down. "Ooh!" They grunted at the collision, Dor reaching over to help, dropping the book to the ground.

"Nice book..." Dande commented. "Oh look, it's the 'Book of the Dead'..." she mused, handing it back to Dor and then brutally snatching it back with perfectly manicured nails.

"We're all going to die...we're all going to..." Ellie muttered, shaking her head and watching as the sun was eclipsed, and little by little the darkness edged across campus.

"Dorotea! What have you done? Have you been spelling again?" Dande asked.

"Duh," Laure sighed.

"What?" Dor demanded. "It was just a little sand spell to help decorate the area around the new pyramid going in."

"We're all going to die.... We're all going to die..." Ellie continued to chant. "Damnit, Dor, I had plans with Logan tonight, we were going to take Haldir to his first hockey game."

"What?"

"Come on, we'd better get to some shelter and quick," Dande shouted over the sudden onslaught of howling wind.

"This isn't going to be good, is it?" Laure yelled, her umbrella turning inside out. "This was brand new..."

"What? It wasn't me, it was the Nurse's fault..." Dor was heard to protest as the group slowly made their way to the cottage.

~~*~~

Stepping into the bar, shaking her clothes out, Tara winced. "It's really coming down out there," she exclaimed loudly, as Judy eyed her curiously.

Instead of rain falling from the Water Ho's clothes, sand was quickly littering the floor. "Dor, right?"

"Probably," Tara sighed. "I've put the boys at the department on full alert...who knows what can happen," she said a little excitedly.

"Hey, get a load of 'Buns of Steel' out there," Delphi shouted, pointing to the window where all could see the newest resident of HSU standing amidst the swirling sand, wind, and darkness-Imhotep. "What do you think he's doing?"

Judy shrugged her shoulders and looked to the clock. "Where is that padawan of mine? I've got inventory in fifteen minutes and she's got limes to cut..." she added, putting the butter knife to the cutting board.

"Get a load of that!" Tara shouted, pointing outside.

Just then Darry could be seen racing down the sidewalk in her scrubs. "Check it out, the Nurse left the clinic..." Delphi laughed.

"No...not that..." Judy groaned. "That..."

Moments later, Imhotep looked to be howling, chanting, and waving his arms about upon seeing Cal racing by, his little red wagon filled with bags of garbage. The next instant...a swarm of flies came spewing out at Cal who screamed at the top of his lungs and went racing off, his wagon clattering behind him on its side. Just for added measure, Darry let loose with a good strike of purple lightning that nailed the padawanabe in the ass.

"Eww...that was uncalled for...the flies...not the purple lightning..." Tara groaned sitting at the bar.

"Wonder who the Nurse is really after?" Judy mused aloud.

"Dor!" the gathered crowd in the pub answered in unison, then went back to their drinks.

"What do you think the odds are that the flies will turn back once they get close to Cal?" Delphi shot out with a laugh.

Judy, hitting the button on the bar corner, smiled triumphantly when her new, super duper, neon edged computer generated, odds-board came floating down from the ceiling. "My money's on the flies," she exclaimed, heading to the keyboard to begin the betting.

~~*~~

Indy glanced to the darkening sky, taking his hat off his head; he wiped the sweat from his brow. "I've got a bad feeling about this," he stated, earning him a raised brow from Han who was standing near by.

~~*~~

'This just in...no Orcs have been spotted...yet,' Aragorn broke in, interrupting his marathon Black Sabbath playlist.

~~*~~

"Wishpuff, what is going on?" Qui-Gon asked, walking into the room and watching as the Wench, two Wo's, and a Ho jumped in surprise at his entrance.

Ellie looked to Dor, Dor looked to Laure, and Laure looked to Dande, before all sets of eyes were on the Wench. "Oh...nothing..." the Wench replied, then muttered under her breath and crossing her fingers. "...I hope."

The Mastah just nodded his head and turned around to go back to his recliner, after all ignorance was bliss. "Would you get a look of the shoulders on that one..." Laure grinned, pointing out the window and to Imhotep.

"...Nice chest too..." Dande whispered with a giggle.

"Get a look at that butt, you could bounce rocks of those buns, " Dor added.

"Okay, I've got to agree on the ass," Ellie interjected, none of them noticing the glint in the Mastah's eyes or the way he puffed his chest, thinking all were speaking of him.

"Don't you think he would look nice in an Armani suit instead of that ragged loincloth..." Laure mused, stopping Qui-Gon in his tracks, making him turn around.

"Wishpuff, may I speak with you?" The Mastah exclaimed.

"Cookie, Mastah darling," Dande offered and from out of nowhere a dish of cookies appeared in her hand as she glided to where the perturbed Jedi stood.

~~*~~

It was early morning, or best that anyone could tell with the slight eclipse from the day before. "Where is he, I need to speak to him?" Emmy insisted, standing before Kendra's desk.

"Too late, you just missed him, it was camel riding with Laure this morning...or whatever the hell the request was," the secretary grumbled.

Emmy turned to leave. "Elf problems?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder then grinning maniacally as she left.

"No! Not unless you try dressing him up as...as...well I don't know what you could dress him up as with this whole desert deal going on now, but still..."

~~*~~

Things on campus were always a bit...odd. But this was odder than usual, the General mused, watching the sand stir on the far off dune that looked like it might possibly have been the windmill at some point in time.

Shielding his eyes from the sun with a hand, he squinted a bit while surveying what once was green and now sand covered. "Looks too much like Tatooine," the General mumbled, shivering slightly at the bad memory of the Sith-brat.

There was a bad feeling in the air; he could sense it...

~~*~~

Delphi kicked the edge of her desk while Worf just growled in agreement but keeping himself far enough away to stay out of the line of fire.

"You know, I told them that pyramid would screw things up... but no, does anyone listen to me?" Delphi demanded, turning to Worf who was oblivious to the remark as he was admiring the shine on his shoes.

"What?"

"Never mind," the IT grrl groaned, kicking the foot of her desk once more for good measure and then walking to the window to look outside to the pyramid that was slowly taking shape on the outskirts of campus. "We'll never get things working right...I'm picking up freakin' communications from Endor as is. Do you know how difficult it is to translate Ewokese when catalogue ordering online?"

Worf had the good graces to grunt and Delphi quickly turned upon hearing the leg of her desk give way and the entire thing came crashing down at her feet. "Damn..."

~~*~~

"Out! Out! Out!" Darry ordered, standing at the clinic door, holding it open and forcing everyone to leave. "If you're all too senseless to stay out of the sun and not burn, then forget it."

"Out!" She added, the purple lightning arcing off her fingertips. "Has anyone around here heard of sunscreen? I am not treating another case of sunburn."

"Love," Cic interrupted, sidling inside before the Nurse could slam the door shut. "Could yew look at my shoulders...I think I've got..."

"...Sunburn, this way...." Darry soothed, leading her husband to the bedroom. "I've just the cure too..."

~~*~~

"Would you get a load of that," Boromir remarked pointing to the lake.

Aragorn, Legolas, and Haldir glanced to where the other pointed and there they saw a massive wall of water with a rather 'upset' looking face formed in the middle. "'Tis most unnerving," Legolas remarked, shaking his head. "Kendra will me most displeased..."

"...As well as our Captn'," Boromir added, all nodding their heads in agreement, then gasping and drawing weapons as the Water Ho's stormed out to defend their water.

~~*~~

"Hey you! Yeah, you!" Tara shouted, skidding to a stop before Imhotep, Kendra right on her heels.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kendra demanded, stepping forward.

Imhotep just smiled evilly and continued to concentrate on the job at hand. "I was talking to you..." Tara continued before turning to Kendra.

"Do something," the General's secretary urged.

Tara shrugged her shoulders. "But what?"

"I don't know, just do something...he's contaminating our water."

"Well, fine..." with that Tara stomped up to the barely clad Egyptian and hauled off and kicked him soundly in the shin.

"Ooooo that had to of hurt," Kendra sympathized as Tara stumbled back, her butt hitting the ground as she clutched her rubber booted foot and howled in pain.

"I think it's broke...."

"Why did you go and do that? You know better...you were only wearing the turnout boots..."

"It's your fault, you told me to do something," Tara stated, glaring at the other Water Ho.

"No, it's not my fault...it's bound to be Darry's...some how," she corrected as Tara nodded in agreement before Boromir was at her side, the other Middle-earth inhabitants skidding to a halt as well, weapons aimed.

"Don't look in his eyes!" Aragorn shouted, Legolas furrowing a brow and giving him a look of 'yeah, I've heard that before.' Then as if on cue, Aragorn's sword went flying out of his hands, Legolas' shot went wide, and Haldir...just scowled and threw his bow down.

"Oh please," Kendra snapped, walking up to Imhotep and craning her neck back to see his face as she gave him her best Ho glower. "You! Put my water down or else!"

Imhotep turned to look down at the Ho who was steadily poking him in the chest with her finger. "I'm not playing...don't make me go all Water Ho on your butt."

The golden Egyptian laughed out loud and then unceremoniously hoisted the Ho over his shoulder to deposit her where she'd be out of his way as she screamed bloody murder and babbled incoherently.

~~*~~

"Oh damn," Laure snapped, watching events unfold from her office window, then glancing to Dande who was beside her.

"Her 'whatevers' are so going to go wild now," Dande sighed.

"But what form Imhotep had," Laura grinned.

"Nice..." Dande agreed, both slightly swaying.

~~*~~

"Wonder what's got the mad Egyptian all upset?" Judy mused, sitting a drink on the bartop, then picking it up and downing it herself instead of giving it to Indy.

Just then Sugar hopped up on the bar and meowed loudly. Running a hand absently across the soft fur, Judy ignored whatever it was the cat was trying to tell her as she scooted the animal to the ground before any damage incurred to her beloved bar.

Suddenly a loud noise of swirling sand from outside caught her attention as figures began to emerge.

"Oh hells, this don't look good," she muttered, taking a swig of tequila from the bottle.

~~*~~

Jael nearly fell over the watchtower as she looked down to the events beginning to play out before her. "Max, get my good sword!" She whooped with joy. " I think we might have...some...well they're not Orcs...but mummy butt to destroy!"

Max just raised a dark brow and looked over the tower himself then sighed deeply.

~~*~~

Meanwhile in the Vet clinic, Ellie ransacked the cabinets searching for all her books on Egypt while gathering tranquilizer darts. "Where is Indy when you need him?" She mumbled, knowing full well it was 'Passions' time in the pub.

~~*~~

Kendra sat at her desk downing gummy fish quite quickly and by the handful. Quite unexpectedly, Elven hands splayed themselves before her on the edge of her desk. Hesitantly looking up, she realized it was Legolas.

"I've come to honor the Alliance..."

"Huh?" Kendra grunted, swallowing the last of her gummy fish in a gulp. "We can't...no...not here...are you mad...what about the General... I couldn't...?"

Legolas cocked his head to the side and grinned, then quickly wiped the smirk off his face at the flustered Ho. "No...the Alliance between Elf and Men...you...your General will need our help..."

"Oh..." Kendra mouthed, getting out of her chair, still a little unsteady from that whole Imhotep shoulder thing. "He's in the pub...I think he's meeting Qui-Gon and Max there...you can..." with that, the Elf was gone.

"Damn..." Kendra snapped, gaining some of her senses back before following the Elf.

~~*~~

The wind howled, the mummies howled, the sand blew...Laure raced across campus chasing her runaway umbrella once more. Emmy turned to the Weather Channel to see what the hell was going on. All the while, Imhotep was grumping about...what could happen now...surely Dor hadn't conjured up the Scorpion King next? And maybe, just maybe, Aragorn would have a mummy army alert instead of Orc reports...well; you know what I mean.