Title: HSU - It's Not Easy Being Dean
Author: Emmy
Rating: DMS (Diva Mary Sue)
Notes: You know when you have one of those days at work? Well,
here's the result of mine.

Emmy marched back to the admin building from the Wench Cottage, wrinkling her nose at the sound of men barking orders to one another as they unloaded lumber and powertools from Qui-Gon's Jeep and one of the HSU Suburbans.

She had no idea who had all gone on the manly shopping trip, or, moreimportantly, who had driven the Suburban.

And she didn't care.

The Diva glared at the firetruck-sized hole in the formerly pristine hedges and glared once again at the other group of gathered men barking orders at each other about how to fix it.

Again, it didn't matter who, and she didn't care.

She hurried her way to the front door of the Admin Building as she narrowly missed being skewered by an arrow.

She stopped.

She turned on her heel.

She emitted the Look of Death over a 100-yard radius.

"Sorry!" In the distance, Kendra meekly waved as Julia wrestled a bow and arrows away from her.

Emmy turned around and continued her march into the building.

"Oh good, there you are," the General said, standing in the hallway outside her office. "We need to discuss what to do about--" The General stopped talking as Emmy held a hand up, gave him a look, walked past him, and proceeded into her office, slamming the door behind her.

The General, no novice at this business, decided now would be a good time to remove himself from the premises. "I'm sure Qui-Gon could use some help with his deck," he muttered to himself as he wandered down the hall.

~*~

With an exhausted sigh, Emmy collapsed in her chair. If she'd been smart she would have just gone straight to bed, but she wasn't entirely certainly she could have walked that far without killing anybody.

She glanced at her computer and groaned when she saw an entire screen of new mail.

All twenty of the notes asking who was going to run the PR Department now that Pelham had ditched his job.

"Hell if I know," Emmy mumbled.

And then her phone buzzed.

"What?" she said, pushing the speaker button.

"So who's going to replace the Lavender Lolita?" asked Servo, trying in vain to sound witty.

"I don't know!"

"I'm just asking!"

"Don't you have something to type?" Emmy asked.

"I type?"

"Goodbye."

"No wait!" Servo said. "I could do the job! I'd be a very successful Public Relations Director. I have a way with parents, just ask Mike. And in fact--"

"You're a *gumball machine*."

Servo gasped. "Oh, that's it, I'm filing a complaint with--"

Emmy hung up before she had to listen to any further Bot ramblings.

She glanced out the window and saw nothing but men hauling wood and saws around. Rolling her eyes with a huff she turned back to her computer screen.

"Well, how about we do this the old fashioned way and place an ad on the school job board and in the Tattler?"

Lasher, finally sure that his Mommy wasn't going to throw anything, stretched and crawled out from his spot under the table against the far wall.

Emmy looked over upon hearing his tags clink together. "There's my baby."

Lasher happily trotted over for some love and attention.

"You're probably bored without Xani to chew on anymore, aren't you?"

Lasher barked.

"Well, don't worry, baby, I'm sure somebody else around here will deserve it sooner or later," Emmy cooed.

And then she growled when the sharp screech of a powersaw caused all her windows to vibrate.

"These men!" she groused, standing up and looking outside the window. "What the hell do they think this is??" she said, watching sawdust fly over the front driveway.

Emmy turned around and looked at Lasher. "Alright, time to crack some skulls."

Lasher barked and followed happily behind.

~*~

By the time Emmy got downstairs and out the door, she was happy to find Jael berating the hapless miner who was trying to be manly right in front of the Admin Building.

"Powersaws? POWERSAWS??" Jael said incredulously. "We do it THIS way!" she yelled, whipping out her sword and slicing a 2-by-4 clean in half. "And we do it IN the construction zone!"

The hapless miner blinked at her.

"Now clean this mess up!"

In the meantime, Max had sprinted up to the scene after seeing Jael wielding her sword that close to one of his soldier's heads. "Is there trouble here?" he asked calmly.

"Oh, there's gonna be," Jael said, glaring at the miner as he tried to pack up the saw.

"Excellent," the Diva said, "I'll leave you to it." She smiled at Jael and Max and decided to retreat as far away from all the noise as possible.

It was time to hide in the Conservatory.

It was her own brilliant idea, actually. A place for escaping from the insanity of HSU. Hidden in the trees and away from most of the other buildings, it was her space. A space she happily shared with the other grrls, but still, it was her own creation.

The Conservatory was a place for reading, for napping, for dishing, and for all around vegging out.

Of course, to the parents it was presented as a true conservatory, hosting ensemble concerts and poetry readings.

But for the Diva, it was simply a quiet zone.

She took a deep breath and smiled as the noise from the center of campus began to fade out, replaced by the sound of gravel crunching under her shoes and Lasher's jingling tags as he walked along with her. She walked up the path to the modest white building and hurried up the front step to the door.

An air of tranquility immediately soothed her frazzled nerves the instant she walked inside, the coziness of the interior wrapping around her as soon as she shut the door behind her.

She made her way to one of the big cushy sofas and collapsed, kicking her shoes off and laying down for a nice nap, sighing as she closed her eyes.

She smiled as she sensed Lasher sitting down next to the sofa and staring right at her. Emmy reached out with her hand and patted him on the hand. "Sleepy time," she said, and he plunked down on the floor and took a nap himself.

~*~

Emmy sensed some movement in the room but was not quite yet awake enough to register it.

As her senses began to return to her, she heard pages being turned.

Emmy yawned and stretched, not thinking much of the noises since it wasn't uncommon for any of the other grrls to hang out there and read.

Slowly, Emmy blinked her eyes and looked across the room.

"Sir! You have awakened. This pleases me."

And then she shot up like rocket.

"What the HELL are you doing in MY CONSERVATORY!"

King Mongkut quickly stood as well. "I will tolerate that Sir will not place her forehead to the ground. As First Wife of Young Warrior, I grant you this."

"What??" the Diva replied with frustration.

"But you must never allow your head to be higher than King's," he scolded, wagging his finger at her.

Emmy arched an eyebrow at Mongkut.

Mongkut arched an eyebrow at Emmy.

Emmy slipped her feet into her clunky shoes and stepped up on the coffee table in front of her, placing her hands on her hips and staring down at Mongkut.

Mongkut stared up at Emmy. Then, with as much emotion as one would move furniture, he took hold of Emmy's arms, lifted her slightly, pivoted, placed her on the floor, and then put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Building." the Diva snarled very low in her throat.

Lasher whimpered, lowered his head, and covered his eyes with his front paws.

"Do not be troubled, English woman. I come to you on important business," Mongkut said. "I need concubines. First Wife of Wizard tell me you provide this."

"She. What." the Diva seethed again.

"She say that you are overseer of Young Warrior's land. In Siam, First Wife oversees only children and household. Your power, it troubles me. I must discuss this with Young Warrior. To do so, I require palace, wife, concubines, a new elephant, servants--"

"OUT!" the Diva snapped, pointing toward the door.

"But King will settle for concubine at this time," he said with a nod. "You are dismissed."

Fire burned in the Diva's eyes. "You want a concubine?" she asked in a very even and measured tone that would have sent any other man on campus straight out the door and as far away from her as possible.

"Yes! Two is preferred, but King will start with one."

Emmy smiled demonically. "Your concubines await you in the small shack next to our garage."

"Excellent! I shall go there at once and take them to my garden."

"You do that."

Mongkut reached down and picked up the book he'd dropped on the sofa. "This book, it interests me. I shall take it."

Emmy jumped forward. "Give me *that*," she said as she ripped the book out of his hands.

Mongkut turned and gave the Diva a stern look. "King respect Young Warrior and will overlook Sir's behavior." Then he raised his hand and pointed at her. "*This* time." And then he turned and exited the Conservatory.

"What!" Emmy stomped. "Is wrong!!" She spun around and waved her arms. "With these MEN!!!"

~*~

The Diva plowed through the doorway that led to Kendra's office. "He in?"

"Yeah."

"He alone?"

"Yeah."

"You know, finding a hobby *besides* staples might be helpful," Emmy said.

Kendra slammed her stapler, letter opener, and pliers down on her desk. "Why does everybody give me such a hard time about the stapler?? What did staples EVER do to ANYBODY??"

Emmy shook her head and turned toward the General's closed door, swinging the door wide open.

She was met by a pair of surprised blue eyes and a spoon hanging off the end of his nose.

Emmy paused she watched the spoon slide off his nose and plunk onto his desk.

The General sat up quickly. "I was just…uh…."

"There is WAY too much testosterone around here," Emmy said, slamming the door behind her and collapsing into one of the leather chairs that faced his desk.

The General quietly tapped a finger on his desk and scratched his head. "What do you mean, love?"

Emmy sighed, slumping down in the chair and leaning her head back as she kicked her shoes off, her arms dangling over the sides of the chair. "This place is a mess. There are sawdust piles and buttcracks all over the place."

The General leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "We have two big projects underway," he said. "I'm sure that once the construction crews get organized, everything will be fine. I will talk to Max, he will keep everything under control"

"Just a big freaking mess," Emmy sighed. "And before we know it, we'll be inundated with tour requests for prospective Fall students. And we have no PR Director, which means I have to cover until we find someone suitable."

"We'll find someone," he said. "And I will help you. I quite enjoy talking to young girls."

Emmy raised her head and gave him The Look.

The General, of course, could only grin.

"Smart ass," Emmy said.

"Come here," he said, standing up.

Emmy stuck her lower lip out.

"Come on," he said, walking around his desk and standing in front of her, arm extended.

Emmy took hold of his hand, slowly stood up, and followed him to his executive leather sofa, pouting the whole way.

The General sat down on the sofa and then pulled her into his lap. "There now," he said as she snuggled against him. "All better?"

"No," she whined, smiling just a little bit as his chest shook with a chuckle.

"You're impossible, love," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Don't make me list all my troubles for you," she said, feeling him smile against her forehead.

"You just stay right here, and I will distract you from them."

Emmy looked up with a devilish glint in her eyes. "Promise?"

The General moved quickly, tossing her across the length of the sofa and tackling her. "I shall prove my worth and valor, m'lady," he purred with a naughty grin.

~*~

The next day, the Diva sat at her computer, surprised to find so many applicants for the PR Director job after the job ad had only posted for half a day.

Although upon further investigation of the applicants, it didn't surprise her that they had nothing else to do but sit at their computers all day waiting for an update to the campus intranet.

Suddenly her door flew open and in walked the born-again Mediator.

"I have a complaint."

"Get in line," Emmy said.

Ignoring the Diva's token snark, Laure sat down in front of her. "What the hell is all this about you being First Wife?"

Emmy sighed and slumped her head forward.

"You didn't even *want* to be married to him, and now you're going around calling yourself First Wife. You who claim that we are all equals here."

Emmy looked up at Laure's impatient and expectant expression. "Tell me something," Emmy said. "Just *who* said that I was First Wife."

"You--"

"*Beyond* that marriage debacle, which was well over a couple months ago. I am quite happy to be annulled, so I'm just curious where this resurgence has come from. Please do enlighten me," Emmy said, slapping her hand to her cheek and thunking her elbow on the desk.

"It's just like you to try and hog him," Laure said.

"*Who* said I was First Wife."

Laure sat up in her chair. "The King of Siam," she said quite smartly.

Emmy leaned her head to the side. "The King of Siam," she repeated, her voice very flat.

Laure looked at the Diva for a moment and chewed on her lip. "Right okay," Laure said with a quick nod. "But I have another complaint."

"Yes, of course you do."

"Somebody needs to do something about Kendra. She shot an arrow at Commo's golf cart while he was driving by her lake. Blew out a tire."

Emmy leaned back in her chair. "Well, he did shoot her in the butt."

"Not on purpose! She could have seriously injured him," Laure protested. "I *know* you don't care what happens to--"

"Fine, fine, I'll take of it."

Laure paused. Then she eyed the Diva suspiciously. "*How*?"

"I'll think of something."

Laure held her skeptical gaze.

"Hey, she shot at me today, too! I'm not going to let that one pass."

Laure stood up. "Alright, but I'm not mediating whatever it is that you end up doing," she said as she walked out the door.

"Yeah yeah," Emmy said, turning back to her computer. "Servo!"

"What?"

"What time is my first interview for the PR job?"

Then her phone buzzed.

She stared at it.

It buzzed again.

She heard Servo slam his phone down and yell back. "One o'clock!"

"Okay, good, got time for lunch and some Wench harassment," she said as she checked her watch.

"Wishpuff!!"

Dande hurried out the front door to find Qui-Gon and Emmy staring at her, both standing with their hands on their hips. "Yes dear? Dears?"

"Why did you tell Kendra Siam to get shooting at concubines in the Koi pond garden?" Qui-Gon and Emmy seemed to ask at the same time.

The Wench smiled. "Mastah dahling, I will talk to Kendra about not shooting arrows at the fish in the Koi pond and explain to her that the fish need her waters and that they are not her enemy."

"Diva girl, I did not tell the King of Siam that you could get him some concubines for his garden. I simply told him that you were the Dean. He didn't understand what that meant, so I told him that the Dean oversees the running of the university. The subsequent leaps in logic he made all on his own."

Qui-Gon and Emmy both "Hmmph"d.

"Anything else I can help you both with?" Dande said, simultaneously giving Da Mastah doe eyes and the Diva a clever smile.

"Nah," Emmy said, wandering away.

"That will be all for now," Da Mastah said, going back to his deck.

"Okiday!" Dande said cheerily, strutting back into the cottage.

~*~

"What are you doing?" Emmy asked, marching up to Cic who was helping Max with the construction of the new fort.

"General Maximus asked me tew help him with--"

"Are you crazy? You can't leave the Nurse alone all day!" Emmy said, trying to yank him by the shirt away from his hammering.

 From the far window of the Clinic, a purple lightning bolt snapped at the Diva's feet, singeing the grass around her.

"Hey! You know me better than that!" Emmy yelled toward the window. Then she turned to Cic. "You see!"

Cic ignored the Diva and kept on hammering.

Emmy grabbed the hammer away from him and tossed it on the ground. "The Nurse is terribly ill. She needs chocolate sauce NOW! Move!!" Emmy sighed as Cic took off running for the Clinic. "Do I have to do *everything* around here?"

"Ah! Sir! I have found you!"

Emmy groaned and took off running for the Admin Building herself.

~*~

"Your first interview is here, Madame Diva."

"Who is it?" Emmy asked into her speakerphone.

"Ross Tanner."

Emmy stared at her phone and shook her head.

"Shall I send him in, Your Excellency?"

"Yeah, yeah," the Diva replied, hanging up the phone. She watched as Ross opened the door and proceeded to walk into her office and then past her desk.

"Thank you for meeting with me, I look forward to discussing this position," Ross told the window.

Emmy whistled and snapped her fingers. "Over here, babe."

"Oh," Ross said, turning around and walking into her desk.

Emmy stood up, "Thanks so much for stopping by," she said, guiding him toward the door. "I'm very impressed with your credentials and will contact you by the end of the week with my decision."

"But--"

"Thanks," Emmy said, guiding him to the outer office and whisking him out the door. "Bye bye." She shut the outer door on turned on Servo. "How the hell is a blind man supposed to give campus tours and drive to high schools for college fairs?"

"Well, he's awfully handsome, isn't he?" Servo said.

Emmy huffed. "You were supposed to *screen* the applicants!"

"I did screen them! I told Cal to go get bent, what more do you want from me?" Servo replied.

"*Cal* applied for the PR job?" Emmy asked.

"Yep. And I berated him until he cried."

"Well good," Emmy said, walking back into her office.

"Can I have a raise?" Servo asked as Emmy slammed the door on him.

~*~

"And would you know a Princess if you saw one?"

"I'm sure I would," Tyr replied, crossing his arms.

"And does Tara know that you've applied for this position?" Emmy asked.

Tyr glanced around a bit hesitantly and then tried for a dazzling smile.

"And who is going to cover for you in the fire department?"

Tyr continued to smile.

"Right," Emmy said as she stood. "Thanks for stopping by. I'm very impressed with your credentials and will contact you by the end of the week with my decision."

"Cool," Tyr said, lumbering out of the office.

The Diva turned on Servo the moment he was gone. "*Why* is the entire fire department applying for this job?"

"Not enough fires, I guess."

"Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?" Emmy declared before marching back into her office.

And then Kendra came flying through the door.

Emmy collapsed into her chair. "Don't tell me that *you* want this PR job."

"First Wife? *First Wife*??" Kendra charged, swinging her gummy fish bag around.

"Oh, let me guess!" Emmy said, throwing her hands in the air. "The King of Siam!"

"Yes!" Kendra said with an affirmative stomp of her foot.

"The guy who rides an elephant around campus."

"Yes!"

"The guy who wants every woman to put their forehead to the ground."

"Yes!" Kendra replied, although with a little less confidence.

"The guy who expects me to provide him with a palace, wives, concubines, and servants. *This* is your source for all this supposed First Wife business," Emmy said, looking at the ceiling while she twirled her chair around.

Kendra chomped on another gummy fish. "Oh," she said. "I get it."

"Uh huh," Emmy said, still twirling her chair around. And then she stopped and sat up. "But while you're here, what the HELL were you doing shooting at me yesterday??"

"It was an accident! Sheesh, everybody needs to lighten up. 'Kendra, stop shooting at my EA!' 'Kendra, stop shooting at my car!' 'Kendra, stop shooting at the fish!' Doesn't anyone have a sense of humor??"

"Alright, that's it! You are on arrow restriction," Emmy said.

Kendra gasped, "You can't do that to me!!"

"I just did," Emmy said. "From now on, NO pointy arrows for you, only the kind with the rubber suction cups on the end."

"This is *so* not fair!"

Emmy cocked her head to the side. "You need professional help."

Kendra stomped again and then turned around and walked away. "'Kendra, you need professional help.' 'Kendra, are you insane?' 'Kendra, have you lost you mind?' 'Kendra, if you go nuts and lose the General's schedule, I'll be forced to kill you. 'Kendra, Kendra, Kendra,'" she continued on, her voice fading as she disappeared across the hall into her own office.

Emmy kicked her feet up onto her desk and rubbed her eyes. This day was going just as successfully as she knew it wouldn't.

"Your two thirty is here," Servo yelled.

"Oh great, now who?" Emmy said, swinging her legs down.

"Hello," said a perky blonde in the doorway.

Emmy became very, very suspicious. "Hello?"

"I must say, it's such an honor to meet you. I've heard *so* much about you," the woman said as she marched into the Dean's office and extended her hand.

Emmy briefly shook her hand and sat back down in her chair. "And you are?"

"Mariella Marina," she replied. "Here is my resume detailing my extensive experience."

Emmy took a deep breath and exhaled loudly as she tossed the resume onto her desk. "And how did you hear about the position."

"A friend of mine told me about the position," Mariella said, sitting down and folding her hands in her lap.

"Which friend? This position was only advertised on campus," Emmy replied, noting how Mariella squeezed her hands tighter.

"A friend on campus, of course," she replied with a casual laugh as though such a thing could throw Emmy off track.

The Diva gave her a hard stare. "And your friend's name is?"

Mariella crunched her hands together as her cheeks reddened. "My friend's name?"

"Yeeeessss."

"Obi-Wan! It's Obi-Wan," Mariella said, trying to flip her hair around.

Emmy rolled her eyes. "Okay, time's up."

"Where is he? I demand to see him! I will be treated fairly!" Mariella yelled as she jumped up.

"Mm-hmm," Emmy replied, picking up the phone. "Just a minute, I'm calling over to make sure he's ready for you."

"Of course," Mariella sniffed, crossing her arms and jutting her head around like a Valley Girl on crack.

Emmy tapped her foot, waiting for Dor to answer the phone.

"Hello, you've reached the HSU Library. We're not answering the phone for any variety of reasons, first of all--"

"Fine!" Emmy growled, slamming the phone down.

Mariella stumbled and then tried to recollect herself.

"Alright, time for you to fuck off. Here you go now," Emmy said, swatting at the princess infiltrator.

"No! I demand to see General Kenobi! Obi-Wan!! Obi-Wan!! Help! Help!" Mariella began to shriek.

The Diva grabbed the princess by her shirt. "Don't make me hurt you," Emmy said, barely above a whisper.

"I am not afraid of you," Mariella boasted, wobbling on her cheap clunky shoes.

Emmy let go of the princess and put her hands on her hips. "Oh really?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

The princess stuck her chin out and attempted to go toe-to-toe with Emmy, her face twitching as she tried to maintain a tough expression.

"Boo," Emmy said.

The princess shrieked and tripped over her feet as she ran out the door.

"Good work, boss," Servo said.

"There's more where that one came from," Emmy said. "And I'm sick of it." The Diva walked past Servo and out into the hallway.

"Can I have a raise?" Servo called out after her.

Within seconds Emmy had caught up with the princess, who was stumbling down the stairs in her cheap clunky shoes. "Oh no, I'm not done with you yet," the Diva said, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her out of the building.

"Let me gooooooo!" the princess wailed as Emmy continued to drag her across the campus, receiving several glances from onlookers, but, obviously, no one bothering to interfere.

The princess screamed as an arrow thwacked into a tree right in front of her head. Emmy glanced back to see Julia giving Legolas a high five.

"You should be careful around here, you know," Emmy said, yanking the screeching princess away from the tree.

"Where are you taking meeeeeeee??"

"You'll see soon enough," Emmy said calmly, showing no mercy as the princess tripped on the path toward the Siamese gardens.

The Diva smiled as she entered the gardens, seeing Mongkut practicing with his sword.

Suddenly, Emmy felt really happy about the idea of so many people wielding sharp objects on campus.

"Yo, King!" the Diva called out, still dragging the whimpering princess behind her.

"Sir! King grows impatient for his concubines! Avoid me, you must not," he said, striding over to her. He crossed his arms as he looked down on the princess, who was spastically trying to scratch and claw at the Diva who held her at arm's length. "She does not please me," Mongkut frowned.

"Yeah, you and me both," Emmy said. "Listen, here's the deal. Your concubines shipped in today, but *this* one here thought she was better than them. She told them she was your wife and that you loved her best."

"I don't even knoooooow hiiiiimmm!!" the princess wailed.

"And look, now she lies to the King about this crime," Emmy said.

"This is a serious crime," Mongkut said.

"Yes, she upset them so much that they ran off into the woods." Emmy sighed dramatically. "I haven't been able to find them since. Looked all day, don'tcha know."

"This does not please me," Mongkut said, shaking his head.

"So, uh, what's the punishment in Siam for this sorta thing?" Emmy asked, shaking the princess by her hair to shut her up from screeching.

King Mongkut stroked his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "She should be caned. Yes, I think this would be best. Mahout!!"

"I was hoping you'd say that," Emmy said with a grin.

~*~

"So let me get this straight, you want to take out a restraining order on the *entire* Princess Academy," Lindsey said.

"Yeah," Emmy said with a nod.

"Students, Staff, everyone?"

"Is there a problem?" Shana said, turning on Lindsey with slightly bared teeth.

Lindsey shrugged. "Not a problem. Just making sure."

"So how long will this take?" Emmy asked.

Lindsey smiled. He stood up from the sitting area of Shana's office and walked over to her computer and began to type.

"Will this need to be signed by a judge or something?" Emmy asked.

"Nah, he's good with the forgery," Shana said. "Coffee?" she asked, reaching for the pot.

"No thanks."

"Alright, here you go," Lindsey said, scrawling a signature on the piece of paper he just printed.

"Wow, that was quick," Emmy said, taking it from him.

"Ah ah ah," Shana interrupted, snatching the restraining order from Emmy's hand and walking over to the copy machine. "Even illegal paperwork is still paperwork. Triplicates, people!"

~*~

The General huffed on the metal spoon and then balanced it on his nose.

"Not that again," Emmy said, swinging the door wide open.

The General looked up, shoving the spoon into his desk. Then he smiled quite wolfishly upon seeing the Diva dressed in her midnight blue Calvin Klein suit, white blouse unbuttoned appropriately enough, bare stockings, and Diva pumps. Her hair was coiffed in long, smooth waves, her lips and nails painted blood red.

She swung her Coach briefcase into one of his chairs. "Dress to kill, baby, we're on a mission."

A curious smile spread across his lips as he picked up her full Diva power. "What's going on?"

"We're off to kick ass at Princess Academy," she replied with a killer smile.

~*~

"Shall we take my car?" the General asked as they walked out to the garage after he'd changed into his black, black, and black with lightsabre on his hip.

"No, let's take mine," Emmy said, slipping her Chanel sunglasses on. "Nothing says 'Who do the fuck you think you are?' like a Mercedes CLK."

"Very well," the General said, catching the keys as she tossed them to him.

~*~

"Here we are," the General said, pulling the Mercedes to a stop right in front of the Princess Academy main entrance. He glanced around a bit nervously as a few princesses began pounding on the windows.

"Are those bitches touching my car?" Emmy asked pointedly.

"Yes dear, I believe they are," the General replied.

"Oh, I don't think so," Emmy said, swinging the passenger side door open and knocking two princesses down to the ground. Swinging her legs out, she stepped out of the car and slammed the door, swinging her briefcase around to thwack another princess upside the head.

She swiftly turned her head when princesses began to squeal when the General stepped out. The Diva removed her sunglasses and flipped her hair, staring at the princesses with a challenging gaze.

The General slipped away from the princesses and walked over to Emmy. As princesses began to follow him, the Diva took two steps forward. Before the heel of her Diva pump hit the ground on the second step, the princess scattered, retreating to the fence.

The Diva smiled, replaced her sunglasses, flipped her hair, and turned to walk up the steps. She paused when she realized that the General was still standing at the car. She looked over her shoulder and pushed her sunglasses down so she could peek at him. "What are you doing?"

A smirk spread across the General's face. "Just standing here leering at you, love."

Emmy flashed him a smile and then pushed her glasses back up. "Good," she quipped, swinging her hips just for him as she walked up the rest of the stairs.

The General darted up to follow her. "And all sorts of naughty thoughts about this short skirt of yours."

Emmy arched her eyebrow at him. "This should only take a few minutes," she replied.

"I hope so," the General said, sliding his arm around her waist as he opened the door for her.

~*~

"Excuse me! Do you have an appointment??" the secretary to the Dean of Princess Academy screeched as Emmy walked straight past her, never giving her a glance. "Oooohh, General," the princess slobbered upon seeing him.

And the princess suddenly found herself with a face full of Diva. "Um. No," the Diva said pointedly. "Got it?"

The princess, of course, cowered, as all princesses do.

"Love, you're robbing me of all the fun," the General said with a slight pout.

Emmy turned to face him right before barging into the Princess Dean's office. "I'll show you fun," she whispered in his ear, giving his earlobe a playful tug with her teeth before turning around again.

"Do we have to do this," he asked, pressing up again her. "Why can't we just go be lewd in the car on their parking lot?"

Emmy laughed. "In due time," she said, grabbing the doorknob.

"Tease," the General said as she opened the door.

"Alright, listen up sister," Emmy said, marching into the Princess Dean's office.

The Princess Dean gasped, jumping up from her chair and shaking out her overprocessed red hair. "Get out of my office immediately, you…you…."

The General stepped in front of Emmy and right into the Princess Dean's path. "You had bettah think very long and hard before you call her *anathing*."

The Princess Dean twitched. "Oooohh, General," she preened.

Emmy grabbed the paperwork out of her briefcase and stepped around the General. "Sit down and shut up," she said, shoving the Princess Dean into a chair.

"You can't treat me like this! General! Did you see what she just did to me?!"

"Yes," he said, crossing his arms and giving the Princess Dean a haughty look.

"Here, I have a restraining order against your entire school," Emmy said, tossing the order in the Princess' face. "If you don't stay away from my campus, we are empowered by law to subject any and all princesses to sorcery and/or injury of our choosing."

"You can't do THAT!" the Princess Dean screeched, grabbing the paper and scanning it with her violet eyes.

"Read it and weep," Emmy said.

Unfortunately for the Princess Dean, one of her violet contact lenses popped out while she was madly scanning.

"And here as an added bonus is a royal decree from the King of Siam ordering that all members of your organization be caned at His Majesty's discretion," the Diva smirked.

The General looked a tad befuddled, but then again, his grrls always had surprises up their sleeves.

"I can't READ THIS!!" the Princess Dean screeched, turning the paper upside down in a vain attempt to read the Chinese calligraphy.

"Furthermore, here is a bill for our expenses incurred from fighting off and cleaning up your princess orcs."

"Those orcs weren't ours!" the Princess Dean screeched.

"And if you don't pay, we will be placing a lien on your property in seven days."

"Okay, okay, but they weren't *my* idea! They were our chancellor's idea, I swear! I didn't have anything to do with it!" Then she tried batting her eyes at the General but only managed to lose her other violet contact lens.

The General shuddered. "Let's go, love."

"Yes," Emmy said. "We're done here."

"WAIT!" the Princess Dean shrieked. "You can't gooooo!!"

The General grabbed Emmy's hand and led her out of the office.

"What about meeeeeeeeee??"

"Let's save that lewd behavior for our parking lot, shall we?" the General asked, picking up his pace as the screeching increased in volume.

"Take me with yooooooouuu!!!!"

"Agreed," Emmy said.

"Obi-Waaaaaaaaann!!!"

"This is really insufferable," the General remarked, causing Emmy to laugh at his frustrated tone.

"I'll love you better than ALL OF THEEEEMMMMM!!"

With that, Emmy threw her briefcase down, turned around, and punched the Princess Dean with a sharp right hook.

The General blinked and watched the Princess Dean crumple to the ground.

"Damn, that felt good," Emmy said, picking up her briefcase and getting into the car.

~*~

"Oh, it's lovely!"

Emmy smiled. "Yes, we're quite proud of it. It's a wonderful addition to our new Asian Studies program."

"Ooh! Who is that handsome man in the silk pajamas?" another mother asked.

"Sir!" Mongkut called out as he strode toward the Diva and her tour group.

"Oh, he's just an actor. We're producing Madame Butterfly this year. Let's all hurry along now," Emmy said, swiftly herding the group away from the garden.

"Sir!"

"Would you put a lid on it, please?" Emmy shushed him. "I'm doing important work here."

"Ah! Yes, I understand! First Wife duties for Young Warrior. Entertaining his nobility," Mongkut said, his fists on his hips.

Emmy sighed and rolled her eyes, "Listen…." She glanced at her tour group who were milling around by the partially constructed fort. "I'll send a Wench over to walk on your back, okay?"

"Very good," Mongkut nodded. "*This* time," he added, pointing at her like he always did.

"Yeah yeah," the Diva said, flapping her hand and hurrying toward her tour group. "And this," she said, gesturing toward the fort, "is our newest historical reenactment project."

~*~

Emmy gratefully kicked her shoes off as Lasher happily trotted around their home. "I think I need a vacation," she said, pulling off her suit jacket and tossing it on the sofa.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a nice iced tea.

And then the phone rang.

"Oh no, I'm not answering another call," she said, walking over to the couch, plopping herself down, and putting her feet up on the coffee table.

She listened to the answering machine pick up the call.

"Are you there, love? Please pick up the phone."

"This better be good," Emmy said with a smirk as she answered the phone.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I know you've had a long day," the General said.

"I sense a but," Emmy replied.

"Yes well….we have a slight….incident in the pool."

"Oh, what did Kendra do now??" Emmy asked.

"No, it wasn't Kendra," the General said. "But I think you'd better come take a look at this."

"What's wrong, is anyone hurt?" she asked, getting concerned at his serious tone.

"Please, just hurry," he said, it's better if you see it yourself.

"Right, I'm on my way." Emmy hung up the phone and grumbled, wondering what could possibly happen next.

Although she had learned by now never to ask that sort of question. She set her tea down and hurriedly put her shoes on.

"No, no, you stay here, baby," she told Lasher as he tried to follow her out the front door.

Emmy hurried down the long hallway, cutting through the café beyond the Staff lounge on her way toward the indoor pool at the other end of the building. She tried not to imagine too much after the last week on campus. God only knew what was waiting for her.

She finally made it to the door, and opened it quickly.

Emmy stopped in her tracks as soon as she made it inside.

Wide-eyed, she looked around the room. What seemed like hundreds of floating candles lulled across the surface of the pool.

"I thought you could use a bit of a vacation," the General said in a husky voice as he stepped up behind her.

Emmy grinned when she saw the candlelight dinner set at a table next to the pool, and she turned around and gave him a big hug and a smooch.

"It still smells a bit like pool in here," he said with a silly grin. "But I thought--"

"It's perfect," she said, relaxing against him and kicking her shoes off yet again.

The General wrapped his arm around her waist and took her right hand in his left and began to slowly dance with her as music suddenly filled the room. Emmy giggled, recognizing the music from their last vacation to the beach on Alderaan.

"But wait!" he said quite playfully, taking a step back. "There's more!"

"Oh?" she said with a grin.

Stepping around her, he made his way to another table and presented her with flowers, all sweet-smelling tropical blooms.

"You have really outdone yourself," she said with a warm smile.

"And you are worth every bit of it," he replied, wrapping her in his embrace.

"Wait, let me put these down," she said, scooting over with a laugh and placing the flowers on the table. "There," she said, leaning back against his arm. "My, my, you are just full of surprises tonight."

The General waggled his eyebrows. "I've only just begun," he grinned.

The End