Title: He's a Magic Man
Author: Judy
Rating: 2 Quaffles and a Golden Snitch
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Kenobi or Remus Lupin. More's the pity.
Archive: If I can get a file to Darry that she can actually read, yes.
Timeline: After "Point Taken" before the Alderaan trip
Notes: Wanted to fit this in before our "vacation" and it kept getting longer and longer and longer. And big thanks to Dor for letting me give her a little background story. <g> Sirius will visit from time to time, I promise! And Julia, I didn't have room for Quidditch, but next time...

"So, what happened to you?" exclaimed Kymira, holding a drink to her lips.

"Julia's little Elf boy attacked me in the forest," snarled a very disheveled bartender.

"Legolas shot at you?" gasped Kendra. "That's totally unfair! He just runs away whenever I get near him!"

Judy glared at her padawan, who had enough wisdom to start backing away slowly.

"Put down the bat, Judy! Please?" she pleaded, hands out to ward off any ensuing bat carnage.

"Look, I'm tired and I'm dirty. All I wanted to do was cut through the woods coming back from Dande's to avoid Mr. I-Need-Concubines and I wind up getting shot at by a freakin' *Elf* and nearly getting singed by that stupid *dragon*!" Judy punctuated each offense with a swish of her bat. Frosh and Sophomore Ho's, unsure of what to make of the bartender on the warpath, began edging toward the door. "I'm assuming he thought it was a cute game or something but if he tries to fry me again, he'll be the one who winds up flambeed!" Judy was shouting now, still swishing the bat in the air. Several younger Ho's ran out in a panic.

Laure, sitting at the bar, was unfazed, "Hey Judy! Your new prof is here." She casually sipped her Asti and waited for the reaction. She had been bored today what with Spike gone and Commo off with Quintus plotting his latest scheme for world domination, which to Commo meant taking over the kingdom of Arkansas. This bit of news about the new professor promised to be quite entertaining. And it was preventing her from making an appointment with Cal and whatever his latest crisis was. Damn the luck.

"Excuse me?" Judy's eyes narrowed.

 Laure took another sip. "Yep, he was asking for you."

"And?" the barkeep had gone very quiet and still.

"Well," Laure flapped her hand, "he said, ŒIs Judith here?' "

"Hey, I thought no one but the General called you that?" piped up JenJen, who was sitting at a booth with Kymira.

Judy ignored her and stared at Laure. "Did this professor say where he was going?"

"That's right," agreed Ky to JenJen's remark. "She gets pissed when anybody else says it."

"He was kinda cute," commented JenJen.

"No, didn't say, said he'd check back later," said Laure, who looked down at the sheet music for her next show.

"In a thin, pale kind of way," said Kendra, who had joined her friends' conversation. "But his ears weren't pointy enough."

"And he's in serious need of some wardrobe help," pointed out JenJen.

"Oh, who are you now? Pelham?" laughed Ky.

"Hey, I was just makin' an observation!"

Judy had had enough. She clenched her fists around her bat and yelled, "Will everyone just leave! I'm in no mood for these stupid games!"

"Geez, we were trying to be helpful," said JenJen.

"That's rightŠJudith," said Laure. She didn't often get to bait the bartender but it felt nice to get Judy back a little for all those "ogling Commo" comments and for all the bad habits he picked up in the bar. She checked her watch. Yep, she'd missed Cal's appointment. Oh well. Time to shop. She waved bye to Judy.

"Out! Out!" Judy brandished her bat once more and the bar quickly cleared out.

She stood there huffing and puffing, still covered in mud, leaves, and soot, one boot missing, jeans torn at the knees. She trudged over to the bar and carefully put her bat down on top. Bracing against the edge, she let out a deep sigh.

"Well, I daresay your wardrobe is in a sorrier state than mine for a change."

Judy whirled around.

"Remus?"

"Thank you for the forged hiring papers. Your owl dropped them off yesterday, and I flew here at once."

"Remus! You made it!" she smiled as HSU's new professor for the Defense Against the Dark Arts strolled over to the bar and stopped in front of her. His appearance hadn't differed much from the last time she saw him in Diagon Alley. His brown hair maybe had a touch more gray and he looked tired from his journey, but then he usually looked tired and pale. His blue eyes sparkled with good humor though.

"I believe my presence is evidence of that." he grinned.

"Don't start with meŠ."

"Bad day?"

"You've no idea. It's a freakin' Renaissance festival in our forest. I've been chased by elves and dragons today." Judy leaned heavily against the bar.

"Mmm-hmm. I think you could do with some chocolate," he pulled out a massive bar of milk chocolate from his patched black robes.

"Oh, you know how to treat a grrl right, Remus Lupin. Welcome to HSU," she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Gotcha," whispered Julia as the camera shutter clicked softly.

******

Loud shrieking greeted the dawnŠerŠmid-morning, drawing Hos out of their warm, cozy domiciles to see who had burned down what this time. Most figured it was Cal yelling or Tara playing her bagpipes, so didn't bother to investigate.

If Tara had known what most HSU residents thought the noise was, she most likely would have been insulted, but she didn't and so was actually attempting to do her job and was investigating the noise in case fire was the cause. The guys were getting ansty for some action. They could clean the truck only so many times. So in full fireperson's turnouts she stormed through the admin building looking for the cause of the yelling. She didn't have to go any further than Emmy's office. She could hear objects crashing against walls and the door. Lasher was lying outside the door. His big brown eyes were filled with worry and he whimpered and whined.

"What's got Emmy riled up, huh, Lasher?" Tara knelt down to pat him.

"How could she do this?" came an angry cry from within. "She can't be ungrateful! She just can't! She's one of the Chosen Few! First Julia, now this!"

Just as Tara was about to leave quietly and let Emmy's tirade run its course, the Dean's office door slammed open. Emmy stood there, breathing heavily, chocolate-brown locks astray, with rivulets of perspiration running down her face.

"Excuse me," Emmy said calmly as she stepped through the door. Her eyes glittered with purpose. Tara noticed a piece of newspaper clenched in her right fist but didn't have time to ask what it was before Emmy, without sparing the Fire Captain another glance, clomped down the hall toward the pub.

*****

The pub was in total chaos. Someone had taped up copies of the front page of the HSU Tattler all over the doors. Inside Kendra was trying to field a hundred questions at once as Hos brandished their own copies of the paper to find out if the story was true: Did Judy -- one of the most loyal, monogamous Hos on campus -- really have an EA?

The photo on the front page of Judy kissing the new professor certainly seemed pretty damning. Julia had given herself a huge byline under the headline: "BARTENDER UNGRATEFUL? Pub owner caught sharing chocolate with a man other than Kenobi"

And below this was a huge photo of Judy, taking a big hunk of chocolate from Prof. Lupin while giving him a kiss. The story went on to reveal that said professor even called the pub mistress "Judith" and was actually allowed to touch the bar without gloves on.

Of course, since Judy had yet to make an appearance that morning speculation was rife that something else had gone on between the two.

"Well, you don't have to boink your EA to keep him on hand anymore," Kymira pointed out.

"Yeah, he can be an EF," nodded JenJen.

"But what's the point in that?" shrugged Ellie. "I say it's about damn time she had another man around."

"No surprise coming from you! I think you have the most men on campus now!" said Kendra who was trying to defend her Master's reputation.

"Well, I want to know how she knows this guy," said JenJen, who was flipping distractedly through her Pink Banana catalog.

"It says in the story that he's the new professor for the Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Ky. "That sounds like he's more Dor's type to me."

"Hey, you don't think the General's seen this, do you?" asked JenJen, eyes wide.

"Nah, Julia may be a ruthless reporter, but she wouldn't leave one of these around for the General to see," pointed out Ellie.

"True," said Ky, "but what if some stupid frosh told him or one of the guys let something slip orŠ"

"Qui-Gon!" said Kendra suddenly.

"No, he wouldn't say anything," waved off Ky.

"No, I mean Qui-Gon's here," said a smiling Kendra, who was nodding at someone behind Kymira. Ellie gave a quick wave.

Ky and JenJen turned around in their chairs to look up at the Jedi Master. He was holding a paper and frowning.

"What, may I ask, is this all about?" he waved the paper at them. "Dande is beside herself about this. Mainly that no one told her about it before the story broke," the big guy conceded. "But she's also concerned that Obi-Wan will hear of this."

"That's just what we were discussing," said Ellie, who scooted closer to Kendra to let QG pull up a chair at their table.

"Well," said Kendra, "he's here for a legitimate reason."

"Yeah, but it's not like any of us would actually attend his class," said Ellie.

"But he is kinda cute," said JenJen as she gazed at the "New" products listing.

"You said that yesterday, too," said Ky.

"Well, he is!"

"Ladies," growled Qui-Gon. "This is getting us nowhere. My concern is that Judy is betraying my padawan's trust in her..." The Ho's all snorted in amusement. QG ignored them and continued, "...and I don't want to see him hurt....

QG and the others jumped when the bar doors slammed open hard.

"Where is she?" ground out Emmy as she stalked towards da Mastah and the others.

"We don't know, Emmy," said Kendra.

"I'm not speaking to you," Emmy snapped. "Where is she?" She looked up at Qui-Gon.

He sighed. Emmy was in full Diva mode. He silently wished Dande would just show up. "We don't know."

"Oh, there you all are!" trilled Dande as she swept gracefully into the bar. QG smiled at his bride, silently thanking the Force for Wench radar or whatever it was that his wife had.

Dande forestalled Emmy's rant by shoving a big chocolate chip cookie at her. "Here, dear, thought you might need this. Now, let's all sit down and discuss Judy's little professor, shall we?" She smiled brightly at everyone as she perched on one of the bar chairs.

While Dande was getting the dish in the pub, Judy was showing Remus around and more pointedly, trying to find the General in order to introduce them. She had already run into the Other General and Jael who were going over more blueprints for their fort. They had been pleased to meet another defender of the Light. Remus hadn't seem fazed by Max's and Jael's warrior garb or by the Oriental man doing katas in the sunken garden or by a dragon circling lazily overhead ("What breed is he? I don't recognize the type")...At Draco's appearance, Judy had dragged him into the nearest building, which happened to be Ellie's clinic. A couple of the tigers were in cages awaiting their shots. Remus smiled to see them.

Judy caught his gaze and grinned, "Yep, you'll have some pals to play with every month. By the way, you should know that on occasion we have a vampire here and we used to have a guy from 18th-century England whom Dor resurrected and a Greyside Jedi..." Remus stopped her recitation of the HSU populace with a gentle hand on her arm.

"Did you say Dor?" he looked anxious and hopeful at the same time. "As in Dorotea?"

"Yes..." Judy said slowly. Remus looked at the door, pursing his lips in thought.

"I wondered what became of her," he mused.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, uh...nothing, it's just...I used to be at school with Dorotea," he said, shrugging.

"You...were...at...school...with Dorotea?" Judy bit her lip to keep from laughing. "She went to Hogwart's?"

"Well, she got expelled during fifth year."

"Oh, really?" Judy chuckled. "Can't wait to rib her about that. No wonder her spells usually backfire."

"She's using magic?" Remus looked alarmed.

"Well, she tries. She's gotten pretty adept at turning Princesses into Chickens."

"Yes, Transfiguration was her best class as I recall. And she got top marks in Care of Magical Creatures. But she was horrid at Potions, I'm not much better. And Charms? Forget it," he laughed. Remus' face seemed less tired and pale as he reminisced.

"I'd say let's go find her, but we'd have to venture into the forest to do that and after yesterday..." Judy sent a silent plea that he'd wait to find Dor.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll deal with anything that comes up," he said, giving Judy a weird General vibes with his words. She shook the feeling off.

"Uh, you do know there's a jumpy Elf out there and..."

Remus looked momentarily confused. "Yes, that's right, you said you were attacked by an Elf. Did his master set him on you?"

"Huh?" It was Judy's turn to look perplexed before she remembered that Lupin's only experience with elves was with a different variety. "Ohhh...no, he's not a House Elf. And I don't think Julia considers herself his master," Judy laughed. "No, he's an Elf elf, from Middle Earth."

Remus still looked confused and shook his head.

"I'll loan you the book," Judy assured him as she patted his arm. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

They ventured back outside and into the forest. Judy noticed that the professor seemed more alert, on guard. She walked just behind him on his right, glancing this way and that for any sign of Elf or Dragon.

Remus was handsome to be sure, but in a care-worn kind of way. And his eyes held some sadness about them, like he had experienced a lot of pain. Considering his background, she wasn't surprised. And he had a quiet, but firm voice that put her at ease. He was just so likeable. And he knew the benefits of chocolate. And, she felt her gut knot, he was the first man who actually made her want to look twice. Now, I know what Julia's been going through with her Elf, thought Judy. I don't really feel an urge to boink him but when he looks at me with those sad eyes, I just get all protective.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Remus had halted, and she bumped into him, almost knocking herself down but she felt herself stop mid-fall by some unseen force...almost like the General...except he wasn't here. Remus was holding his wand out and murmuring something. Judy felt herself be lifted up and set back on the ground.

"There," he said, satisfied. "You should watch where you're going, especially with Elves and Dragons about." He winked.

Suddenly an arrow thunked into the ground on his left. Judy eeped and leapt behind a tree. Above them a voice yelled, "Will you stop it? Does he look like Kendra? Geez! You've gotten awful paranoid lately. Here, have some more Skittles."

Remus had turned around and as he listened to the unseen person, he began to smile broadly.

"Dorotea, get down here at once and say hello to old Moony, will you?"

Judy blinked as Remus yelled up at the tree.

A face appeared from among the tree limbs. Then a torso and an arm. Dor began waving madly and almost slipped but was caught by someone else in the trees. "Whoops! Thanks, Legolas. Now let go, I'm going down there if I can just...find..the..frickin' ladd...ah, there it is...do you think you could camouflage the damn thing a little more?"

A low voice answered Dor's sarcasm but the words were unintelligible.

"Yes, I know you have to do this to protect yourself from the groping girl," Dor said, her voice carrying. "Tell Aragorn I'm meeting some old friends and to join us at the pub later. And that no, he doesn't have to drink the awful brown water anymore, and no, you don't have to come with him, and no, you can't let Julia feed you all the Skittles. I might want some later."

With that, Dor clambered down the camouflaged tree house ladder, mumbling all the way, "how do I get myself into these things. maybe one of these days I'll actually have a new libr..." She reached the ground and turned to fling herself at Remus. "Remus! It's been so long! Where's Sirius?" She looked around expectantly.

Lupin rolled his eyes. "I should have known you wouldn't want to see me. Only Sirius will do."

The Wo laughed and punched him in the arm. "Yep, you got it. How are you doing? Why are you here?" She suddenly noticed Judy leaning against a tree. "Judy? Why are you with Remus? Aren't you supposed to be tending bar or something?"

"Ha ha. No, I'm showing Remus around campus. We were talking and he said he knew you from school. I didn't know you went to Hogwart's, Dor."

"Uh, well," Dor looked embarrassed, her pale features reddening slightly. "That's because I got..."

"Expelled, yes, I know," said the bartender.

Dor glared at Remus. "You didn't have to tell!"

He shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal, really."

Dor fumed. "It is to me! And it wasn't my fault, either! They never proved anything."

Remus tried to hold back a grin. "Yes, I know, Dorotea. But the headmaster didn't see it that way. As I recall, dungbombs combined with Stink Pellets and Belch Powder, magically enhanced, and set off in the headmaster's quarters was the offence--never proven,"he quickly added as Dor began to protest. Judy clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. "The odor spread throughout the whole school and lasted for at least six weeks. We all eventually got used to it, though. But Snape--he teaches at Hogwart's now--told the headmaster that Dorotea was behind the stinkbombs and..."

"They kicked me out! I didn't even get to take my N.E.W.T.s."

"So that's why you can only do spells halfway," said Judy.

"I'm just rusty is all," said Dor, a tad defensively. "There's wasn't much call for that sort of magic at the Wench Academy--don't ask," Dor put in at Remus' questioning look. "So what are you here for?" She looked at Judy before suddenly grinning. "You're showing him around, are you? Duh. You finally got an EA! Welcome to Ungrateful Land. I'd give you a map, but I don't think you'll really need one," Dor leered.

The barkeep sighed. Remus looked befuddled. Great, she thought, he does Œbefuddled' well, too.

"No, Dor, Remus is not my EA. Maybe an EF, but definitely not EA. He's here to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. So he can help you defend the campus against Princesses, orcs, and other odd and sundry Dark creatures."

"Well, that's cool, but I'm not buying the no-EA thing. You'll end up boinking him."

Remus cleared his throat and the Ho and the Wo turned to look at him. "Excuse me? Remember me? I haven't the foggiest what you two are talking about and am fairly certain I don't want to know, but I do know that I would like something to drink. How about I escort you ladies back to the pub for a pint? And Dor, you can tell me why you're living in trees when I know for a fact that living things repulse you."

"And so do you know what *else* she made me do last week? Bus the tables! That was *after* I had to wipe out *allll* the glasses and actually put them up. *Then* I had to refill *allll* the peanut bowls. All that after slaving *alllll* day at a desk! It's Kendra, do this! Kendra, do that! Kendra, don't touch that! It's always Kendra, Kendra, Kendra! I get no respect, *no* respect!"

Kendra continued her rather inebriated rant, stopping occasionally to pop gummy fish in her mouth. Having long given up listening to her, Ky, JenJen, and Ellie were all snoozing soundly in the booth, empty margarita glasses and beer bottles littering the table.

Emmy sat at the bar, staring into space and impatiently drumming her fingers on the shiny surface and creating little fingerprint marks. A rolled up newspaper lay on the bar next to her. Qui-Gon also was at the bar. He and Indy were playing "football" with a straw bent in triangle shape while keeping an eye on the football playoff game on the TV above the bar. Dande was on the stool next to him looking on in her best attentive Wench way while inwardly hoping something would happen soon so she wouldn't die of boredom.

"You know, you'll probably get tossed out for marring the bar," said Laure as she eased onto the bar stool next to Emmy. She and Shana had just gotten back from a very productive shoe shopping excursion.

"Go away," said Emmy, not looking at the mediator/chanteuse. She did, however, stop the finger-drumming and tried to smooth the marks out but only succeeded in causing bigger smears.

"Looks like another one turned ungrateful," teased Laure as she reached over the bar to grab a bottle of Perrier. "First Julia fell, and Kendra can't keep her hands off anything male that moves, and now Judy." She twisted the cap off and took a swig.

"I've decided I don't care anymore," said the Diva, turning finally to glare at Laure. "They can do whatever they want. They can hurt the General. They can unlove him all they want. Just more for me."

"Whatever, Diva. It's the same old song with you," said Laure, flapping her hand.

Dande, sensing a cat fight in the making, peered around da Mastah's broad shoulders and crossed her fingers--as a Wench, she was experienced in handling such matters, plus it'd much more entertaining than yet another football game. The big guy and Dr. Jones were beginning to notice the tension in the air, too, their attention being drawn toward the two Ho's.

But before Laure and Emmy could launch another verbal barrage, Judy, Dor, and the mysterious Prof. Lupin walked in. Their appearance seemed to galvanize everyone into action, and they all began talking at once.

"Aren't you going to introduce him to us?"

"Judy! How could you do this?"

"I'm not going to take it anymore, Master!"

"Uh-wha...zzzzz"

"More beer!"

"Can we get some drinks over here?"

"Better watch out. Kendra might want to grope him!"

"I do not! I said his ears were pointy enough!"

"Turn up the volume! I can't hear the game over this noise."

"Oh, look Dor's with the new guy, too. Guess one *wasn't* enough."

Dor grinned at that. "Nope, he's all Judy's!" Judy scowled at her. Dor didn't see this, however, she was too busy dragging Lupin further into the pub. "Hey everybody!" She waved to try and quiet everyone down. A shrill whistle silenced the crowd. Dor nodded thanks to Dande. "I'd like you to meet Prof. Remus Lupin, late of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He's a really cool guy, can actually perform spells that work, and oh yeah, he's a werewolf." Dor said this like it was a good thing but Remus looked horrified at his secret being revealed so casually.

"Dorotea," he hissed. "Why did you...?"

"Oh relax, like anybody cares here," she swatted his arm. "See?"

Remus looked around and was getting various greetings. Some smiles and nods, some "welcome to HSUs," some "hiyas," and one "Cool!" from Ellie, who had finally woken up with all the ruckus and caught Dor's introduction. She shoved Ky out of the booth and came up to Lupin. "You're actually a werewolf? Wow! I can't believe I'm finally meeting a real live one. I'm the resident vet, by the way. I can't wait for you to meet Logan. You two can talk shop. He's not really a werewolf, but pretty damn close." She struck a thoughtful pose. "I'll bet you're as good in bed as he is, too. How 'bout it, Judy?"

Remus turned bright red as Judy flipped off the vet/archaeologist. Ellie grinned.

Feeling a bit unsure of the situation, the barkeep had held back as Dor introduced the new professor. Emmy took this opportunity to march over and shove a newspaper under Judy's nose.

"Explain this."

Judy scanned the headline and article, her expression growing darker and darker.

"So," said Emmy, hands on hips. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Julia is so dead."

"Uh-huh. Not good enough."

Judy sighed. "He's my *EF*, Emmy. That's all. He lost his job at Hogwart's because they don't like werewolfs there. Something about them being dangerous. He needed a new job and we need help fighting dark creatures. Remus can help."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever." The Diva flipped her hair and headed back to the bar.

Dor had managed to drag Remus away from Ellie and up to the bar.

"And we have Maker's here..." she was saying in an excited tone. "Hey, could you make Chocolate Frogs for us? And what about..! Did you bring Quidditch balls? Can we play?"

Remus looked amused at Dor's excitement. "Down, Dorotea. No, I don't have any Quidditch supplies with me, however, on my next trip to Diagon Alley..."

"Where's that?" piped up Kendra, who had sidled up next to Remus. She was brushing her fingers over his robes.

"In London," said Judy sharply as she smacked Kendra's hand away from Remus. "Get away from him...geez!" She pushed her padawan aside ("See?! No respect!) and tapped Lupin on the shoulder. "Actually, speaking of Diagon Alley, we probably should go there soon. You need to get the ingredients for your special potion...unless you have them, Dor."

"Huh?" Dor looked confused.

"There's a potion I can take that keeps me Œaware' while I'm in my werewolf state. That way I won't go on a violent rampage."

Dor snorted. "Like that'd be a first around here. Ever see the Diva when she's pissed." Several people nearby chuckled, then quickly shut up when Emmy glared at them.

"You know, when I think about it, if Zima cuts off the Force from the Jedi, it might work to curb your violent tendencies in werewolf form. It's pretty potent stuff," said Judy.

Dor shrugged. "It'd be worth a shot." Remus looked between them. "If you think this Zima will help me..."

"Well, try it the first month. If it doesn't work, well...maybe you could hole up in the Library. It's in a constant state of disrepair anyway, right Dor?"

"Ha. Ha. It might actually get fixed this time, you know."

"Why don't you just visit Wizards' DIY in Diagon Alley and pick out a new library?" asked Remus, who was perplexed that Dor wouldn't use wizarding housing.

"Crap!" Dor smacked her forehead. "I forgot about that place!"

"Dorotea, there you are!" Dor turned at the new voice. It was Aragorn, followed by a wary Legolas.

"Time to return to the trees?" Dor grinned as she hopped down from the bar stool. "Gotta go commune with nature." She winked at Remus and headed out of the pub, pulling Aragorn with her. Legolas stood there looking very uncomfortable. He seemed to be searching for someone. "Excuse me? Has anyone seen Julia?"

Kendra was about to answer but Judy clapped her hand over her padawan's mouth. "No, we haven't," the barkeep replied. "But if you find her, give her this message. Tell her to be afraid, very afraid." Her eyes narrowed. "And you, Elf boy. Shoot at me again...and well, I'll personally hold you down and let Kendra have a go at those pointy ears of yours. Got it?" Kendra issued a muffled "hey!"

Legolas seemed rather alarmed at this threat because although he knew that this bartender woman could not possibly be fast enough to catch him or strong enough to hold him down in the unlikely event that she did catch him, he had learned enough in his short time here to know not to take these women for granted. For any reason. Julia was a perfect example.

Judy released Kendra who immediately made for her gummy fish bowl. Legolas quickly slipped out of the pub, and Judy, who had grabbed a towel to wipe her hand off, suddenly noticed scuff marks on the bar. "All right! Who put these here?"

"Don wuff at meh," said Kendra with her mouth full, her whatevers all abuzz with the recent proximity to the Elf.

"It was Emmy," said Laure helpfully as she headed off to find out what new mischief Commo had gotten into today and to perhaps model some of her new shoes for him. "And have fun with the new EA."

"Bite. Me," said Emmy and Judy simultaneously.

Judy examined the marks again. "No, I see where the fingerprint smudges are but these are consistent with.....oh, for crying out loud, Qui-Gon! I told you not to play straw football on the bartop anymore. The booth tables are long enough for that." Qui-Gon raised his hands in mock surrender earning him a scowl. "Dande! Why didn't you put a stop to this?"

"Well, actually I...so, tell me about the new man? What are you going to tell Obi-Wan?" Dande decided to do a classic avoid-and-change-topic, topped with bribery. "I brought the new professor cookies." She thrust a Tupperware container at Judy. "I wasn't sure which kind he liked so I brought an assortment. Just let me know which he prefers." She smiled her brightest Wench smile. Qui-Gon put an arm around his wife. "Well, Judy, be sure and let us know how things work out...oh, I'll have some bets for you in the morning. Need to double check some speed figures first. Come, Wishpuff, let's go check on our daughter."

Dande batted her eyelashes at da Mastah and waved bye to everyone.

Emmy stared glumly at the Tupperware container Judy had placed on the bar. "She only brought me one cookie," she grumbled.

"Emmy, would it help to know I have an inventory appointment with Obi- Wan this evening," said Judy.

"You're really not going to unlove the General?" Emmy sounded hopeful. This was her Veep.

"Of course not! I can't believe you'd even think that of me," replied Judy testily.

"Well, okay then," said Emmy who inched her hand toward the cookie container only to have it smacked by the barkeep.

"Get your own...Sir," said Judy as she shoved the container out of arm's reach.

"Well, maybe I'll just do...hey!"

And with that, things returned to normal in the pub.

****

Before bidding Remus good night, Judy had him put a spill-repellant spell and a no-smudge spell on the bartop ("Think of all the money I'll save in polishing supplies!").

"Just set your tent up on the edge of the forest, near Ellie's clinic. Here's your cookies. And take this Zima with you. I think it's a full moon soon."

"Yes, it is," said Remus, his voice ringing with certainty. "And thank you for taking me in here. It should prove...interesting." He grinned and saluted her with the Zima bottle before heading off to set up his wizard tent.

Judy was happily testing the spells by spilling various liquids on the surface and watching them immediately dry up when the General slipped into the now-quiet pub.

"Having fun, Judith?"

Startled, Judy dropped the bottle of cheap domestic beer she was testing on the bar. The spilled liquid dried up and the bottle automatically righted itself.

"Well, that's a neat trick," said Kenobi as he leaned against Judy from behind.

"Um...courtesy of our newest professor," said Judy shakily. Kenobi always had that affect on her, especially when he started nuzzling her neck just so.... "Uhh....he's teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, so...you...uh...oooh, like that...uh...should have a lot to...uh...talk about."

"Mmm-hmm," murmured the General as he turned the bartender around. "I'll be happy to meet this professor....?"

"Lupin. Remus Lupin."

"Lupin. Tomorrow."

"Okay," whispered Judy as she stared into the General's beautiful bluey-greeny eyes. She also somehow took in that he was wearing all black. "Storeroom. Now."

"Yes," said the General, who laughed delightedly as Judy pulled him quickly into the storeroom and slammed the door.

*****

"So, I hear you want to kill me," said Julia, as she sighted the target with her arrow and took careful aim.

Judy snorted as she stopped behind the reporter. It was the next morning and it had dawned clear and crisp, almost fall-like rather than winter. Remus had sent his owl with a note saying his tent was set up and he would start investigating the area for Dark creatures. Judy had replied saying if he ran across a pathetic-looking excuse for a human to ignore it because it was just Cal and it wasn't Dark just stupid.

"No, Julia, I wanted to kill you yesterday, true, but not anymore."

"Good General boinking last night?"

"You got it."

Julia let the arrow fly and it zoomed right into the bull's eye with a twang.

"Wow, you've gotten pretty good at this. Guess Elf boy is a good teacher."

Julia notched another arrow. "Yes, *Legolas* is very good."

"Oh really?" Judy raised an eyebrow.

Julia blushed and turned to glance at the bartender. "No, I didn't mean *that* way."

Judy smirked. "Well, if you don't like having to put up with all the double entendres and insinuating remarks, then why did you write that article about me and Remus when you know I would get the same. I would never stray from the General, any more than you would."

"Because I'm a reporter," said Julia. "And because if I had to go through it, you were going to, too."

"Oh, thanks ever so much," Judy grumbled.

"Anytime," said Julia. She let the other arrow fly. Thunk.

***** That night, a full moon peeked out from behind the clouds.

Off in the distance, a werewolf howled. Soon the dogs started barking, tigers growling, Draco bellowing, chickens cackling, Cal screaming...

"Oh for fuck's sake," groused Darry from atop her servant husband. "What's with all the freakin' noise? People are trying to boink here! So just SHUT THE HELL UP!"

It suddenly got very, very quiet.

"There. That's more like it."

the end. (see? I actually finished a story!)