HSU: Best Laid Plans of Ho´s and Elves

Author: Julia

Timeline: Follows D&D´s "No Miracles Happened"

Rating: OMG

Disclaimer: Legolas is Tolkien´s. Obi-Wan is Lucas´. HSU is ours.

Here be Mary Sue….turn back, turn away! I stole *blatantly* from onlist posts, so credit yourselves for your own words, stolen and placed here. They were too good to pass up! Shakespeare penned the quotes. It got long, I´m sorry! Written today on a whim, so if it´s full of mistakes, loopy or choppy or any other "py", that´s why. Tara, Dor…bring on the other two, please!

~*~*~*~

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Hamlet. Act i. Sc. 5

~*~*~*~

"I´m telling you…there is something odd at that upper lake!" Tara insisted. "I felt like I was being watched." She entered the Pub with Kendra, setting her bagpipes on a nearby table. The instrument made one last moaning noise as it sank flat.

Julia choked, explosively coughing up the ‘rita she had inhaled in her surprise into a napkin.

"Probably just Cal," Judy advised, wiping down the bar and giving Julia a stern look. "If you can´t handle drinking don´t waste the booze."

"Cal is NOT allowed to go to the upper lake," Kendra huffed. She sat on the other side of Julia, helpfully thumping her back as the other Ho wheezed from inhaling the strong tequila. "Maybe you should do like I do, and start on gummy fish." As if on cue, Judy put her Padawan´s customary bowl of Swedish Gummy Fish on the bar. Kendra pulled it in front of her, guarding it protectively. "But not these."

"Maybe we have our own Nessie!" Tara hopped up on a stool and turned to Julia. "You go up there sometimes. Have you seen anything odd at the upper lake? No one goes up there except a handful of us willing to make the hike."

"Uh…" Julia traced a swirl in the wood of the mahogany bartop, ignoring Judy´s scowl. "Maybe something wandered in and got lost." She jumped up suddenly. "Think I´ll hike up there and take a look. I´ll take my camera. With your permission?" The grrl grinned at the two Water Ho´s.

Kendra gave a regal nod of assent.

One did not lightly trespass on the Domain of the Water Empress.

"It was snowing," Tara warned. "Judy, this is beyond brilliant!" She cradled the hot spiced rum between her hands.

The Bartender smiled proudly. "The General and I worked that up in one night of …experimentation." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"TMI," Kendra muttered.

Julia winked at Kendra, knowing the other Ho had….Wanger Whatevers.

"If you see something," Kendra popped a handful of gummy fish in her mouth. "Shoof ig."

Patting her camera, Julia nodded. "You got it."

The Water Empress nodded her dismissal.

"I was up there for about an hour." Tara sipped the spiced rum. "Practicing for the Highland Games All Piper Competition next month."

"Oh?" Julia tried not to laugh at Judy´s dismayed expression. Tara would be a Great Piper. Everyone knew it.

Someday.

Right now…well, beginning instrumentalists never sounded like more than the wails of a dying cat, right?

"Yep. I´m going to play Dark Lochnagar. It´s one of the General´s favorites."

"Be sure to tell him," Julia suggested. She waved, "See you later."

"Watch out for Nessie!" Tara gave Judy a serious look as Julia exited the Pub. "You never know who might be in league with the Slug Empire."

Judy nodded sagely, in the wise ways of barkeeps everywhere, and smoothed away the smudged fingerprints Julia had left on her beautiful bartop.

~*~*~*~

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.

The Merry Wives of Windsor. Act i. Sc. 3.

~*~*~*~

"No, you can´t come with me!"

"SNORT!"

Waving away the stench of smoke and dragon breath, Julia shook her head. "Draco, you can´t come with me to the lake. Go find Dor! I´m sure she needs help with a spell…or something. Go chase chickens! Or Cal!"

She´d never seen a dragon pout. Hunched down, lower lip and fangs jutting out, Draco gave the distinct air of a put out dragon.

Draco loved going up to the lake. It was a good, long flight, even if he had to continually circle back to wait for his friend who had Much Shorter Legs and No Wings. There were things to chase up there. Logs to chew on, though not as tasty as say…a good boot, but they made a nice crunchy sound that he liked.

He´d always been allowed to go before. His Human always told him to Get Lost.

"BELLOW! SNORT!"

Julia reached forward to scratch that spot right…between…his…eyes…. She smiled fondly as the dragon´s eyes slowly closed. "Not this time, Draco. Next time, I promise." Leaning forward, she whispered, "Bet Xani left his boots just laying around again…why don´t you go see?"

It was a shameless ploy, and the dragon knew it. Rolling his eyes, he whuffed in resignation and butted his head into the girl gently – a dragon´s way of being affectionate.

It knocked her down, but she laughed and scrambled to her feet, slapping his shoulder. "Later, dragon breath."

Grousing, grumbling, generally complaining about all things Dragons Cannot Do, Draco watched her walk off, then spread his wings and pumped his body aloft, circling the Admin Building once for good measure. It was always a good place to spot a Potential Victim.

First, boots.

Then….well, if he just happened to catch a strong wind that blew him towards the lake…she couldn´t fault him for that, could she?

~*~*~*~

Like an arrow shot
From a well-experienc´d archer hits the mark
His eye doth level at.

Pericles. Act. i. Sc. 1.

~*~*~*~

Usually Julia plunked along the winding, narrow path that lead to the upper falls and lake, enjoying the river splashing through the gorge, the colors of the leaves, the wind whispering through the trees.

Not today. Today she had a mission.

She ran most of the way, almost falling into the gorge at one point in her haste.

Arriving at the lake, she leaned against a boulder, gasping, pushing strands of hair off her sweating face.

The lake was partially hidden by a heavy grey mist, floating like some great curtain pulled across the surface to shield the waters from view. The mist rose up, thickening, so that even the trees across the lake were hidden. Snow blanketed the ground, showing no footprints.

It had snowed since Tara had been there then.

Pulling off her coat, Julia looked around. Where the hell was he? Not that he was ever easy to find. An Elf, determined to not be found, could hide right under your nose and you most likely would never notice.

"Crap." Julia wandered into the forest, touching the huge, ancient trees as she always did. They were wonders, those trees. Wide enough around that six people, standing fingertip-to-fingertip, could ring them. She loved coming up here, sometimes camping for days.

That was how she´d found him, several weeks past. She´d been sitting on a boulder staring out at the lake, thinking, when she´d noticed a faint splashing sound. Wondering who the hell would be out in that cold, foggy soup in the middle of winter, Julia had jumped down and watched. At first she´d thought it was Cal, up to some stupid stunt.

Cal never could have brought the slim boat so neatly to shore, jumped nimbly to the beach, and pulled it ashore. The Padawanabe would probably have slipped and hit his head, polluting the waters of the lake with his blood.

No, it hadn´t been Cal…or anyone else from HSU.

Snow crunching under her feet, Julia walked through the trees, looking for any sign that another person was there.

No footprints. No sounds.

Nothing.

"Are you looking for me?" a soft voice asked.

With a yelp, Julia whirled, startled and angry at the same time. "You are going to kill me, sneaking up that way!" She huffed as an amused grin curved his mouth.

"I was not certain at first it was you." Sweeping the blonde braid behind his leaf-shaped ear, the elf gave the girl a solemn look. "There was another here earlier. She was torturing some poor creature. The wails were horrible! I thought to intervene, but you told me that other humans would be here, sometimes doing strange things."

"Legolas…" Julia chuckled. "That was Tara. She´s learning to play an instrument called the bagpipes. It was not a living thing."

"Ah." Though he looked doubtful, the elf nodded. He wore blue-green sueded leggings, a silver undershirt, a dark green jerkin over that, belted at his waist, and a grey-green cloak. Nothing, save his ears, really set him apart from a human. His hair was blonde, worn loose, past his shoulders, apart from several braided sections tucked behind his ears. He wore it pulled off his face, the tail braided also. "You still have not told them about me?"

With a sigh, Julia turned and walked over to sit on a log clear of snow. "No."

Legolas followed, kneeling in front of her. "I cannot stay as an intruder to these lands. You said your school has a regent of sorts. A man you look to as a leader?"

"Well…" The grrl smiled. "The General is…sort of our leader, though only because we …." Another sigh. "It´s complicated, Legolas." She met the Elves blue-eyed gaze, wondering how to explain HSU to him. Maybe it would just be better for him to see for himself? Certainly he had seen plenty…and was no naïve youngling.

She still didn´t understand how or why he was there, but… One learned not to ask too many questions at HSU, especially of good happenings. "All right. I´ll take you down to the campus. BUT." Julia held up a hand. "I really think you´ll want to give some serious thought about staying in the woods as your home. We live in a brick building with four walls and ceilings. We have heating in the winter and cooling in the summer and it gets stale sometimes."

Legolas smiled, a much different, softer smile than before, though there was a teasing curl to his lips. "You do not plan on letting me stay with you then."

Damn him. Julia fought not to flush, and looked away. "No." She twisted her fingers together. "I told you…it´s complicated." Looking up, she met his gaze, earnest now. "If you don´t want to stay, now would be a good time to say so."

"Trying to be rid of me?"

His voice had a strange lilt, an accent she couldn´t place. Lovely voice, and he could sing…it sounded almost otherworldly. That could be because when he sang it was in the Elven tongue. Altogether, he was far too appealing. The graceful, athletic walk, his wit, his kindness, his amazing ability as an archer.

She was truly asking for a headache by letting him stay.

A smile came to her, quirking her lips. "No." Said simply…and for a moment the tension between them was almost touchable.

Julia jumped to her feet. "So. Gather your things, and…we´ll go."

The look Legolas gave her said he knew what that was all about, but with a wry smile, he turned and swarmed nimbly up a tree to a structure she hadn´t even noticed.

"When did you built a tree fort?" Julia grinned, admiring the view from her vantage below. The fort was nice also.

Legolas laughed, and the sound rang through the forest. "Tree fort? A simple shelter is all this is."

"Right," Julia muttered. Give him a month he would probably have a whole city built out here.

He climbed down to a branch before leaping lightly to the ground, swinging his quiver over his shoulder and settling his bow. "I am ready."

"Geez, you don´t believe in packing much, do you?" Shaking her head, Julia led him towards the trail.

As they approached the edge of the forest Legolas grabbed her, shoving her behind a tree, and pressing himself up next to her.

"Hey –"

"Hush!"

The look he shot at her silenced her, but she frowned.

"Something is out there."

Tara´s Nessie? Curious, Julia tried to peer around the elf´s shoulder. Before she could, he stepped out from behind the tree, drawing his bow and stringing an arrow to it faster than she could follow.

Then she caught sight of what he was aiming for. "NO!" Jumping out, she threw herself at him, fouling his shot and sending the arrow thwanging into a tree.

"What –"

"That´s Draco! Don´t shoot!"

Scowling, Legolas watched in disbelief as she ran for the beach.

Towards the beast.

"That is a –"

"Dragon, I know!" Julia ran out on the beach to glare at the dragon. "Draco! I told you not to follow! You almost got shot, you bloody idiot!"

Doing a lazy barrel-roll, Draco roared a welcome and swooped down to land on the beach, sending snow flying everywhere. "SNORT!" He preened, well-pleased with himself.

Legolas followed warily, not quite believing that the girl was standing before the beast…berating him?

"Damnit, Draco, what would Dor have done if you´d been shot? I´d be a chicken!!"

Words of love to the dragon. He heard them often from His Human. She yelled because she loved him. Draco cooed, leaning down to bump her off her feet.

"Go get a log, you goofy dragon." She couldn´t stay mad at him. Turning to face the elf, she saw him watching the dragon with wide eyes.

"You were right about one thing, Vanwaantoiel…this is, indeed, a strange land."

"You ain´t seen nothing yet." Julia grinned and gestured. "Follow me to Never Never Land."

~*~*~*~

A dish fit for the gods.

Julius Cæsar. Act ii. Sc. 1

~*~*~*~

Kendra gave the Ho an odd look. "He´s in, and alone, but –"

"Ken, honest, it´s important!" Julia hurried past the General´s Secretary to the closed door and pushed it open. Stepping in, she closed it then stood there, feeling like the kid caught red-handed.

"Julia," Obi-Wan looked up in surprise. He should be used to grrls barging in, it happened often enough. Removing the gold-rimmed glasses he´d been wearing, he smiled warmly, standing. "What brings you in to my office in such a rush, hmm?"

The smile curling his lips, warming his eyes almost made the Ho groan. If that wasn´t an invitation…

His hair was ruffled as though he´d been running his hands through it. He did that often while thinking. "I…" She bit her lip and stepped forward to hug him tightly.

Strong arms wrapped around her waist, fitting her against him, and she felt his cheek rest against her hair. "Love, what is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Julia pushed herself back a bit. "I hired an Archery Instructor."

Obi-Wan arched one eyebrow. That was causing all the distress he sensed from her? "I see. Without the Board´s Approval?"

"Pfft." Julia rolled her eyes. "They won´t mind, trust me." She played with a button on his shirt for a moment. "There are probably other positions he can fill; he knows a lot about strategy and history and…stuff."

"That sounds good." Obi-Wan tipped her chin up. "Why so distraught then?"

"He´s …um…" Words failed and she grabbed his hand. "Just come meet him, okay? He´ll be staying in the woods and I didn´t want you to run across him and think he was an intruder or something, and…"

"Staying in the woods?" Obi-Wan´s eyebrows shot upwards as he followed Julia from his office, past Kendra and out into the halls of the Admin Building. "Have we run out of accommodations?"

Kendra, dying of curiosity now, having only been able to pick up a word here and there from behind the door, ran to her computer and IM´d everyone.

"Doubt it, but you´ll understand when you meet him."

Obi-Wan was slightly amused by this unusual behaviour, and allowed himself to be led out of the Admin Building, down the quad, and into the lightly forested area at the edge of the rugby field.

Julia stopped and turned. "I´ll…stay here?"

The General nodded, very curious now as to just what sort of person, or being, they were getting. His past career as a Jedi Knight and diplomat stood him in good stead as Julia came towards him with…an Elf following?

He´d seen drawings of them in earth story books. There were other beings in the universe who resembled this one, but none he´d ever met face-to-face.

"General Obi-Wan Kenobi, this is Legolas of Mirkwood, our new Archery Instructor."

~*~*~*~

A lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing.

A Midsummer Night´s Dream. Act iii. Sc. 1.

~*~*~*~

Called to the Dean´s Office. As if she was a recalcitrant student! Julia inhaled deeply, squared her shoulders and stepped into the arena…office.

As usual, Emmy cut right to the heart of what was on her mind. "I´ve heard you have a man up at the lake."

"No." Julia answered in total honesty. "I don´t."

The Diva narrowed her eyes, scenting something…amiss. Something…elusive. "Whatever *it* is…make sure you don´t hurt the General with it." With a sniff she went back to her paperwork. "He trusts you."

Head bowed, Julia nodded. "I won´t." She grinned suddenly, and Emmy looked up.

"What?"

"You´re busy. I´ll come back later."

"No, you won´t." The Diva stood, pointing imperiously. "Sit. Dish."

Chuckling, Julia shook her head. "No dish, Diva-girl. Just…" She dropped a fat manila envelope on Emmy´s desk. "For that new brochure you´re working on." With a wink, she turned. "Enjoy…"

Emmy ripped open the envelope as the door to her office shut. "WOO!" She sat and pressed the lock to her door, flipping through shot after shot of new glossy pics of Obi-Wan. "Oh…baby!"

~*~*~*~

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ´em.

Twelfth Night. Act ii. Sc. 5.

~*~*~*~

Legolas settled in better than she would have ever hoped, building a home in one of the huge trees in the forest not far from the lower lake.

"Add architecture and carpentry to your lists of talents," Julia said, looking at what he´d created. It was like something out of a storybook. Simple, but multi-level with architecture that reminded her somewhat of Art Nuveau. "This is a far cry from a tree fort."

"I did have help." Legolas ran a hand over a graceful arch. "When that young man, Cic, saw what I was doing, he volunteered to help. He does very good woodwork."

Julia grinned. "I´m surprised Darry let him out of the Clinic that long!" She turned to look at the Elf. "You´re sure you won´t be cold? It´s supposed to snow again."

Logolas smiled, blue eyes bright. "In Mirkwood we lived in hollows under the ground, but once I saw Lothlorien and the homes they had created within the trees…I knew that was what I wanted." He looked around. "To see the sky and stars, the trees…"

"Don´t tell me." Julia shook her head in amusement. "Elves don´t feel the cold."

"Not really, no." He took her hand. "But, because my human visitors do, come see what Cic and I built."

He led her to a circular room where a large clay firepot stood. "The tree and structure will be safe, but my visitors will stay warm." The Elf pointed. "There are even windows in this room. And a door." He grinned ruefully. "I cannot say that I will use it much apart from when friends visit."

Julia smiled, amazed that he had thought of this. "It´s wonderful." She faced him. "If you ever begin to regret this…"

"I will tell you," Legolas assured her quietly.

She grinned. "Good, because your archery class begins tomorrow."

~*~*~*~

They say, best men are moulded out of faults,
And, for the most, become much more the better
For being a little bad.

Measure for Measure. Act v. Sc. 1.

~*~*~*~

"Move, Xani." Julia started to push past Xani, but he stopped her.

"Rumour has it you´re playing Kenobi for a fool." He smirked. "You, one of his Untouchable Faithfuls…."

"Did Dor kick you out again for playing with the Xbox more than her?"

"Oooh…" Xani clutched his chest dramatically. "You wound me."

"Ah, a grrl can dream." Julia crossed her arms, staring steadily at the Greysider.

"Tease." Xani leaned closer, leering. "I´ve heard your new boy likes sharp objects and is quite talented with them."

Julia´s grin widened, teasingly. "Do you know what I´ve heard?" She leaned forward to whisper in Xani´s ear, straightening as he tensed and glared at her.

"You´re bluffing."

"Right." Winking, Julia brushed past him to enter the darkroom. She turned to smile sweetly. "Just like I did about stealing your spaceship."

"DORRRRRR!" Xani stormed off down the hall, for once not hurrying back to his beloved Xbox or Elf Bowling.

~*~*~*~

"So so" is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so so.

As You Like It. Act v. Sc. 1.

~*~*~*~

"Come here for a moment." Darry grabbed Julia, startling the Ho as she pulled her into the Clinic. "You need some advice from a seasoned pro about Ungratefulness."

"So this is what it looks like." Julia gazed in wonder around the Clinic. "I´ve only seen the outside for so long…"

"Don´t be a smart-ass." Darry crossed her arms. "You´re in new ranks now, missy. Far from the elevated air of the Untouchables. You´re right down with the rest of us who are boinking another man."

"I´m not boin-"

"Yeah, right. Whatever." Darry rolled her eyes. "Denial isn´t healthy. Look, you´ve got an exotic import on your hands. He´s different from your run-of-the-mill miner. You might run into problems with him, and I am here to help you."

"Import?" Julia wrinkled her nose. "Legolas isn´t a car."

Giving the Ho a dark look, the Nurse looked behind her to see if Cic had entered the room.

No sign of the man.

"No, he´s an Elf. A damn fine one." Darry shot another look over her shoulder, leaning closer. "Look, just bring him in here for an examination. Let me clear him as healthy and boinkable and you´ll be set. Elves tend to have problems with their ears, you know." The Nurse nodded at Julia´s skeptical look. "They do. It´s all that inbreeding."

"Inbreeding?" When the hell did the Nurse become an expert on Elves?

Darry nodded, giving a shrewd look. "Bring him to me. I´ll take care of him."

"Who are yew going tew take care of?" Cic stalked in, looking around suspiciously as if expecting to see Xanatos lurking in the room.

Julia managed not to snicker. "Hello, Cic. Later, Darry. I´ll leave you two…" The Ho beat a hasty exit out of the Clinic.

~*~*~*~

Tell me where is fancy bred,
Or in the heart or in the head?
How begot, how nourished?
Reply, reply.

The Merchant of Venice. Act iii. Sc. 2.

~*~*~*~

Rumor flew faster than the Concorde around HSU, thanks in some part to the General´s Secretary.

That there was a new instructor. That he was not quite human. That he lived in a tree.

Tarzan? Or had George of the Jungle come back?

The Archery class announcement was posted in the Pub since all of the student body and faculty filed through there eventually.

The first day of class came and the curious finally met the new instructor.

"Er…Julia? May I speak with you a moment?" Dande gently took the Ho´s arm and led her aside. She glanced back at the group standing near her rose garden, then at the grrl. "Isn´t he a bit….young?"

Julia´s grin was rife with mischief. "How old do you think he is, Dande?"

Shrewd eyes assessed the young Elf standing in the midst of the group, surrounded by adoring Frosh. "Not more than his early twenties, if that." The Wench, ever tactful, gave the grrl a concerned look. "I know you Ho´s and your guilt tendencies. Are you going to be able to handle this?"

"Dande!" Chuckling, Julia shook her head. "He´s an EF. He showed up, was too irresistible to resist, and so I kept him." She eye´d the grrls surrounding him, noting the increasing frown on the elf´s face.

"Like a pet?" The Wench arched an eyebrow.

"No." Julia sighed. "He´s a friend. Someone to talk to and learn from, take walks with…" She smiled. "He´s going to be teaching archery if you want to sign up for the lessons?"

"Really?" Dande looked thoughtful. "I did take archery in high school, but I bruised my arms black and blue." A sly look graced her face. "The Mastah wouldn´t like that."

"Might get all growly and protectivy?" The Ho grinned. "Legolas will show you how to hold your arm so you don´t hit yourself with the bowstring…but I´m sure you´ll have sore arms and the muscles in your back that will need a great deal of hands-on Masterly attention."

"Mmmm…," Dande purred thoughtfully. But she wasn´t The Wench for nothing. "He´s still very young, dear."

With a rather naughty grin, Julia winked. "He´s around three thousand years old, Dande. If anyone is too young…it´s me." With that, she left to make her way back to the admiring circle gathered around Legolas.

"Three thous…." Dande sighed. "And he looks like such a nice young…elf."

By the next class, all slots were filled. A second class was opened and filled. It seemed the new instructor was quite popular with the students…especially the younger ones.

Some of the staff showed up too. "You signed up for this?" Kendra looked at the Wench in surprise. "You just don´t strike me as the bow and arrows kind."

Dande laughed, striking a dramatic, heroic pose. "Wonder Woman!"

Tara grinned and waved as Julia and Sere went past, shooting pictures of the group.

"We´ll see how good this Elf is." Ky flexed her fingers, limbering her hands up. "I´m not called the CrossBow Ho for nothing."

"He´s younger than I thought he´d be," JenJen mused. "Wonder how good he is."

Ellie smirked. "I suppose that depends on what you´re talking about, huh?"

Even Dor showed up. She grinned at Julia´s surprised expression. "Hey, I loved this stuff back in school!"

Emmy, standing on the sidelines, shook her head as Obi-Wan came up to stand next to her. "I hope you can force deflect the arrows. I think we´re going to need it."

Jael gestured to her arm. "I have my shield."

~*~*~*~

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

A Midsummer Night´s Dream. Act iii. Sc. 2.

~*~*~*~

"Wanna talk about it?" Julia had to walk fast to keep up with the elf who walked soundlessly through the woods.

The frown increased, but still no words. The trees ended and there was the beach, and the lower lake. Legolas stalked down the beach.

"Did Xani taunt you about your ears again? Call you names?" Julia stopped and shook her head. "Oookay." With a shrug she turned towards the water, picking up a rock to skip it over the lake. "Be mad." Under her breath she muttered, "Stubborn Elf."

"Crazy Human."

Julia jumped at the quiet voice spoken right behind her, whirling. "Damnit! We just got the General out of doing that and now you do it!"

Legolas gave a strained smile. "I am unused to being around so many humans for so long a time." He looked out across the water. "Everywhere I go, there are people. And they follow me."

Biting her lip to keep from smiling at his dismayed tone, Julia nodded. "You´re new. The Frosh think you´re the best thing since IM." He still looked cranky. "It´s bothering you."

"Yes."

Taking his hand, she pulled him to sit next to her on the sand. "Talk to me."

Legolas smiled faintly at her. "Someone new will come along and distract them. Right?"

Julia shrugged. "Usually."

The elf nodded, still rather grumpy. "Must they touch me? They touch my hair, my clothing, …everything!"

"Growl at ‘em." Julia grinned at his speculative look. "You´re being too polite. Give them a dose of that arrogantly cool Prince of Mirkwood stuff, growl at them a little and they´ll back off." She shrugged. "They can run to the General to be comforted and that…" Julia winked. "Is the way it should be."

The two sat in companionable silence, watching the waves and the light on the water.

Julia looked over as he squeezed her hand. "You know I do not mean you." It was a sincere look the elf gave the grrl. "I do not mind your touch."

"Now see, this is why they go gah-gah over you." Julia reached over and gently tugged one of Legolas´ braids, trailing her fingers down the silky hair. "You´re too attractive for your own good."

Legolas frowned slightly, thinking. He leaned closer. "Grrrr?"

Laughing in delight, Julia squeezed his hand. "C´mon, Romeo, you have a class in less than ten minutes."

"Romeo?"

"Yeah, another good looking guy who wore tights and ran around with a sword."

"You are mocking me now."

"Yep."

"Good."

~*~*~*~

All impediments in fancy´s course
Are motives of more fancy.

All ´s Well that Ends Well. Act v. Sc. 3.

~*~*~*~

"Just his ears."

"No."

"C´mon…just one quick grope! They´re so tempting…so nicely shaped, with that graceful line." Kendra gazed longingly at the bearer of those very ears who was carving arrow shafts. "I wonder how hard he is."

"Kendra," Julia growled warningly.

"His ears! I meant I wonder how hard his ears are!" Kendra grinned unrepentantly. "Because elves might be different, you know. They…hear better, right?" She continued blithely on as Julia crossed her arms, not buying one bit of the story. "Since I already have these bouncing/wanger issues, and I wouldn´t want you to get all guilty and angsty over the General for exploring other wangers, I mean ears. Ears!"

Julia stared long and hard at the other Ho for a long moment before nodding. "Ken, touch his ears and you´ll never see your sweet little gummy fish again. Clear enough?"

"How about his hair? Just a braid?" Kendra smiled hopefully.

Throwing her hands in the air, Julia whirled and stalked over to Legolas.

"Geez, you try to save a friend from getting debilitating bouncing/wanger issues, spare her some agony and you get threats!" The Water Ho sighed, casting one last look at the elf who was now standing. "What is the world coming to when you can´t even admire an ear." Under her breath she added, "Or a wanger or a braid…"

~*~*~*~

For aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth.

A Midsummer Night´s Dream. Act i. Sc. 1.

~*~*~*~

The Pub was full of the usual evening crowd. The men were crowded around tables watching ESPN and the Ho´s were at the bar. Laure, dressed in a silky number with sequins and feathers, just waiting for her number to start in the Cabaret, was sipping a drink.

Talk ranged from the latest Wanker attack on the campus, the incoming Frosh, possible appointments of professors in several vacancies, Tara´s building of a firehouse and everyone else´s opinions on other´s business.

In other words, gossip.

Emmy shook her head as talk turned to the newest batch of men on campus. "You´ll see." A thought occurred to her and she motioned to Judy. "The absinthe *is* locked up tight, right? We don´t need another episode of the Great Slug Attack, the General singing in the woods, or any other Guiltfest Insanity."

"So tight even Xani would have trouble getting it open." Judy grinned.

Leaning on the bar, the Diva sighed. "What is this campus coming to, Judy? It used to be us and the General. Now…" She waved her drink at the men crowding the tables. "I think we´re outnumbered by men!"

Pouring the Diva another drink, Judy didn´t meet the Diva´s eyes. She was one of the Faithfuls, that was true, but the idea of taking an External Flirtation had occurred to her. There was this rather lonely professor named Lupin that she´d met who would be perfect for a Defense of the Dark Arts Instructor. God knew with Dor and her spells gone awry they could use defense of some sort. "We all still love Obi-Wan, Em. Nothing about that has changed."

Emmy nodded rather glumly, slugging down her drink. "We´ve got it all here. Gladiators from ancient Rome, a deranged Emperor, Vampires, a spy, a once-dead Lord, Jedi… You name it, we´ve got it!" She flapped a hand as Judy filled her glass. "And now…now we have some…pointy-eared Elf that isn´t even human luring away one of the formerly Gratefuls!"

Julia, sitting down several chairs, sighed. "He´s just here to teach archery." Maybe she could make up a sign and stop repeating herself over and over?

"Uh-huh." Emmy shook her head. "Are we confident that Elves have normal wangers? Those funny
ears have me concerned."

Laure chuckled. "Only one way to find that out." She waggled her eyebrows at Julia who flushed crimson. "I can tell you Vampires are perfectly normal."

"If a bit colder than room temp," Tara added. She grinned. "NOT that I know from experience…."

"I volunteered to find out and Julia threatened me," Kendra said and shot a look at the guilty Ho.

"Oh really?" Laure pinned Julia with a look. "You´ve flirted with Spike plenty."

"And you threatened me with dire things!" Julia crossed her arms and glared at the gathered grrls.

"Threaten to turn them into something," Dor advised. "Works for me. Or…" She grinned wickedly. "You can threaten to cut your EA´s wanger off. Also very effective."

"He´s an EF," Tara pointed out. "No wanger touching."

"What a waste, poor boy," Laure sighed. "He´s quite cute, and Commo is all excited about archery lessons." She grinned. "He wanted to know if I could learn to be a warrior woman. Legolas does use those two blades he carries, right? Or are they just for show?"

Julia sighed. Not again. "He fights quite effectively and could probably be talked into doing a demo if anyone wants."

"Commo would love that!" Laure grinned wryly. "That´s about as close as he gets anymore to the gladiator days." She shrugged. "That and WWF."

Music floated in from the cabaret and the chanteuse stood. "Avoir, mes amies."

Dor swatted at a feather wafting past her nose and watched as the miners and some of the other men filed into the cabaret. "Hope she remembered to replace the ropes on the swing."

"Why?" Judy had a bad feeling about this.

Shrugging, Dor stood, drink in hand. "Draco was in there and got curious about what rope tasted like."

"I need another drink," Julia muttered. At this rate she was going to be catching up to Dor!

Tara scootched closer. "I saw blades like that in a movie once. You think Legolas can do that two handed fighting style? This guy in the movie did this cross arms in front of self, then scissor the blades apart, gutting your opponent by nearly cutting them in half thingie. Think he could teach us that too?
Never know when that might come in handy."

Julia grinned at the Ho. "I´ll make sure to ask, but I don´t think anyone is going to be volunteering to be the victim."

Emmy´s voice floated down the bar. "…just hope the guilt doesn´t drive you insane."

Grinning, Tara shook her head. "She´s making sure they locked the absinthe away from us." The Water Ho shrugged. "I like elves, always had a soft spot for them. And as for this EF thing… Besides being darn tasty, eye-candy is non-fattening, and isn't known to cause tooth decay, heart disease or cancer in laboratory rats."

Accepting a last drink, Julia slammed it down then grimaced as it burned. Eyes watering, she grinned at Tara. "See you at archery lessons?"

"Definitely!" Glancing at her watch, Tara let out a yelp. "I have a jacuzzi appointment in five minutes! Gottagobyeseeyoualllater!"

"You do still have appointments, right?" Emmy asked Julia as the Ho walked past, slightly wavering in her steps. "You´re not like the Nurse who is Completely Ungrateful."

With great dignity, Julia nodded. "I have appointments still." She grinned, suddenly finding the whole situation hilarious. "I boink the General at every opportunity. He´s like…the grains at the top of the food pyramid; you need at least five servings a day." Nodding at her own sage words, the Ho turned and staggered out of the Pub.

Judy shook her head. "I´ll go make sure the absinthe is secure."

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Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war.

Julius Cæsar. Act iii. Sc. 1

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FINIS