Title: HSU – Karaoke Night
Author: Ellie
Rating: NWTDI – No words to describe it
Archive: Of course
Timeline: After Delphi´s arrival
Disclaimer: Just borrowing from George, Tolkien, and a million other fandoms. Don´t get any cash so no worries. All lyrics from their respective artists/writers.
Summary: Ho, Wo´s, Wench and the gang take a go at some karaoke in the Lounge.
Author´s Note: I hope this comes out as funny as it was in my head. Sorry I couldn´t get everyone a song, but I ran out of imagination juice. Please forgive any mistakes. Words inside asterisks * and quotes " is singing.

**~**
The sound of music wafted from the Lounge into the Pub and ears began to twitch and feet to uncontrollably begin to tap to the beat. Lorne´s melodic voice drifted on musical wings and invited the lot of grrls, EA´s, the General(s) and even Barbarians into the smoky, dark Lounge.

“Exactly what is up with all the smoke anyway?” Emmy snorted and waved her hand back and forth in front of her face. “I mean, really, it´s such a cliché. And no one even smokes around here anyway.” Emmy felt a nudge at her side and watched as Ellie slid by, (“Oh, excuse me, Em”) taking a drag off a Marlboro cigarette. “Oh, well, except *her*,” she added, rolling up her nose and taking a seat upwind of the vet.

“All right, all right, settle down everyone,” Lorne instructed from the stage, his green demon skin almost glowing in the bright stage lights. “Welcome to Karaoke Night.” A small, muffled applause ensued and the demon continued. “Of course, Mistress Laure will possibly be gracing us with a song,” he gestured to the cabaret/Mediator Ho who grinned snobbishly, “and there are plenty of holiday song choices to celebrate these special times, but the floor is open to anyone and the equipment enchanted to provide any song you could possibly think of.” He nodded a thanks to the table at which sat Remus and Sirius, and a rather delighted Dor. Xani and LP were also there, LP looked utterly smitten with the idea of getting up in front of the crowd and being extremely stylish and Xani was scowling no doubt because he was somehow being swindled into getting up for a song as well.

“And who is the first brave soul?” Lorne prodded to his somewhat captivated audience, some who genuinely wanted to give it a go, and Ho´s who just wanted to watch other Ho´s make horribly funny fools of themselves.

“Oh, bloody hell, I´ll do it,” the Nurse bellowed and the rest of the Ho´s gaped in shock. “I want to sing a ditty to my loving husband.” Cicero kissed his wife´s hand and she took the stage. The song cued and she began to sing.

*Get out of my dreams, get into my car. Get out of my dreams, get in the back seat baby, get into my car, ooh, ooh, ooh, I said hey, hey, you, you, get into my car!*

“She does realize that her car is full of candy canes and fruitcakes, right?” Dor asked her Padawan sitting at the table beside her. They both giggled and started making funny faces at Darry trying to make her screw up.

“I don´t think Billy Ocean ever had that in mind when he sang that song,” Jael mused, stroking the hilt of her sword absentmindedly. Max stifled a laugh. He may not be up to date on the entertainment of this century, but he did know his servant and his woman well enough to get the joke.

Pelham was the first to dart towards the stage after the Nurse´s number, grabbing Cicero as he went, exchanging some words with the Nurse who didn´t seem to want to give up her date. She had after all just spent two minutes apart from him already as she sang. Eventually she conceded to the idea of the potential foreplay watching her servant sing on stage could entail. The room was quiet but for the sound of drink glasses clinking as Judy´s barhelp served drinks. She eyed them warily with her glasses as she sat with her Padawan, Emmy and the General.

“Coasters, gentlemen, coasters!” She yelped. This may not be the Pub but she still had her standards. The barbarian waiters winced and dug in their aprons for coasters, which were emblazoned with ‘Judy´s Pub – Use this Coaster or Die´.

Then music erupted from the suped up sound system (thanks mostly to the gadget loving Qui-Gon) and a dark Depeche Mode tune crept into the dark room. Pelham´s elegant voice mixed pleasantly with the simple baritone of the servant´s as they sang.

*We´re the horniest boys, with the corniest ploys, who take the easiest girls to our sleaziest worlds…We´re are the dead of night, we´re in the zombie room, we´re twilight´s parasites, with self-inflicted wounds…With our decadent minds, and our innocent lines, you´ll be playing our games, with your bodies in flames…when delirious fun has seriously begun, you´ll be down on your knees, you´ll be begging us please…*

Most of the room began to snicker as they listened to the words and the not exactly subtle meaning they held for the singers. Darry didn´t seem to notice as she rested her head in her hands and sat in the front row watching her husband and her, er, occasional guest sing together on stage. She mentally undressed Cic (and LP, but don´t tell) as she watched.

“You know, they wouldn´t even be the undead around here without me,” Dor began to gloat. “It was my spell—,” she cut off as she saw the two wizards give her a look.

When the duo were through the Nurse nearly attacked Cicero and drug him from the Lounge and back to the Clinic. The Ho´s who noticed their departure just rolled their eyes.

Lorne turned his mic back on and spoke, “Kendra, Tara, I think I´ve got something here that would be perfect for you two.”

Kendra gaped and Tara looked slightly nervous. “Oh, no, I just couldn´t,” Kendra stuttered. “I mean, think of my whatevers, that´ll surely trigger them.”

“Kendra, love,” the General purred. “I´d love to here you sing to me. It couldn´t be too terribleh bad.” The secretary melted and put up no resistance to Tara who was a little uncertain but already standing beside her.

“Oh, come on, don´t be chicken, er, cowards. Even I plan on doing a song,” Emmy baited. Lowering her voice, “Just think how the elf might like a little sweet song.”

“What was that, Emmy dear?” The General asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Emmy recovered and flashed him her best smile. He took her hand and kissed it then turned to watch the two Water Ho´s stumble tensely onto the bright stage. Kendra put her hand to her eyes to block the light and catch her breath. ‘For the General, for the General´ she chanted to herself. Tara looked at the monitor in front of her as Lorne cued up the words and music. The two looked at the title and grinned, realizing why Lorne thought he was so clever.

“*Tomorrow´s another day, and I´m thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain…*” Kendra´s voice cracked a little and she pulled the microphone back and made a terrified face. Tara tried to take up her slack but without the added support of her fellow water empress she was starting to feel a little silly.

“I´m sorry, I´m just not cut out for the stage,” Kendra dropped the mic and it shrieked through the speakers. She ran out of the Lounge and hid in a back booth of the bar, pulling out a bag of gummy fish from her pocket.

“I don´t think they realized that song was about overcoming emotional battles anyway,” Judy said and patted the General´s arm as he watched her fleeing form flit past.

On stage Tara whispered something to Lorne and a new song came up. “This is for all the men in my fire department. Couldn´t do it without you.” A couple of tables pushed together at the back erupted in hoots and hollers.

“Thanks, Cap´n,” Roux yelled. “You go, Captain,” urged Plunkett and Macleane. Boromir just sat there looking conflicted.

Tara began to sing. “*Crazy as I may make my way through this world, Oh, it´s for no one but me to say, what direction should I turn in now. Cause I am the captain of this ship, wanting eyes and kissing lips…*” She turned and winked at the General, “*The same as it was, and will remain until I´m done and gone…*”

“And give her a round of applause for originality,” Lorne bellowed when she was done, cocking his head slightly to the side as if clearing the memory of a slightly off key voice. “Now how about one of the men out there?”

“I will sing a tale,” came Legolas´ voice suddenly.

“And I as well,” added Aragorn, “when my comrade is through.”

Lorne snapped his fingers and two songs appeared on the screen, one ready to play. As soon as Emmy saw the first title she sniffed loudly.

“Good thing Kendra left, eh?” She said to Laure and Judy.

“*Freedom, freedom…you gotta give for what you take…*” Legolas´ fair Elven voice drifted out over the audience. It was almost hypnotic.

“You don´t think he means Kendra, do you?” Judy whispered to Emmy.

“Nah, I still think he´s really just playing hard to get,” Emmy replied. But it was still pretty funny listening to him sing George Michael.

Everyone in the room groaned when Aragorn´s song cued up and Led Zeppelin popped onto the screen. He seemed quite distressed as he was booed off stage. At Laure´s table she was scolding Commo for standing up and giving him a thumb´s down.

“Now we´ve had a couple of men up here, how about another lady?” Lorne prodded the crowd.

“Ah, hell, I´ll go,” Emmy said. The General gave her a lofty smile and watched her take the stage, pausing momentarily to adjust a strap on her stylish strappy heels.

“*God knows you´re lookin´ good enough, but you´re so smooth and the world´s so rough. You might have somethin´ to loose. Oh, no, pretty mama, what you gonna do in those shoes?*” Emmy sent a seductive little grin at the General and ignored the giggles from the rest of the room and continued. “*Got those pretty little straps around your ankles, got those shiny little chains around your heart…*”

“You know, when I decided to head out here, I definitely never envisioned Darry´s shoe Diva friend to be onstage singing an Eagles song with some green demon guy singing back up,” Delphi stated flatly to her dark warrior companion.

“Yes, it really is quite crass. I mean couldn´t they afford live, original entertainment?” Her blonde elitist companion added. Delphi hushed him with a quick kiss and the trio applauded the Ho as she finished.

Emmy crashed into the assembling throng of men on the steps of the stage as she tried to resume her place with the General. Barbarians, gladiators, firemen, Haken and other random men of the campus were gathering for a song. They all politely moved for the Diva, usually just bouncing her into the next large body. Finally she emerged from the group her hair a little out of place with a few stray curls falling in front of her face.

“Well, I mean, really!” Emmy huffed as she finally got back to her table. She coughed as some smoke found its way up from the back. She turned and glared at Ellie who was stealing a kiss from Han and eying a table way in the back. Emmy tried to make out the two figures seated at the far table but couldn´t.

Way in the back, so deep in the shadows of the dark Lounge that it was almost invisible to the normal eye, two figures sat in bewilderment. One fair and just and the other dark and twisted. Not only were they thoroughly confused as to where and why they were where they were, but they were not entirely amused at being there together. Wormtongue sneered at Haldir. Haldir looked about the room for any sign of an ally.

Now on the stage the gaggle of men had their song cued up and were swaying to the sounds of another Depeche Mode song. Deep voices mixed together, some out of tune, some rich and pleasant. Surprisingly, there was even the sound of a soprano or two.

“*And I´m only here to bring you free love. Let´s make it clear, that this is free love. No hidden catch, no strings attached, just free love…*”

The room erupted into girly screams while Dande fanned herself.

After the commotion had died down the room was surprised to find Xanatos was the next individual to sing. Apparently, Dor had threatened him with bodily harm. Well, he would have enjoyed that so it was probably actually harm to his Elf Bowling game. Even more surprising was the sensuously evil, yet enjoyable, sound of his voice as he began to sing.

“*There´s a loneliness inside her and she´ll do anything to fill it in. And though it´s red blood bleeding from her now, it feels like cold blue ice in her heart. When all the colors mix together – to Grey…There´s a crazy man that´s creeping outside my door, I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world…*”

Dor sighed and watched her husband serenade her in a most unusual way, but then in return she took the stage to sing an even odder tune to him.

“*Wish I was too dead to cry, my self-affliction fades, stones to throw at my creator, masochists to which I cater. You don't need to bother, I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther. But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds.*”

“You noticed both their songs talked about bleeding, right?” Judy whispered to Kendra who just shivered.

“Yeah, but that´s romantic to them,” Emmy added lightly, used to the dark Librarian´s tastes by now. The other grrls shrugged it off, knowing their spell casting friend just as well. The morbid married couple snuck off after their numbers, leaving a few members of the audience thoroughly confused.

“Next I believe we have a dedication to our vet from a few men of her employ,” Lorne introduced Ellie´s harem and they huddled around a single microphone to sing her Kenny Roger´s classic, The Gambler.

“*You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you´re sittin´ at the table. There´ll be time enough for countin´ when the dealin´s done.*”

Ellie rolled her eyes at her harem´s sarcasm. They simply did not understand what she was trying to do with her gaming. It was an art. Why didn´t anyone understand?

“You´d think if she was going to listen to anyone she´d listen to the men she screws the most,” Emmy snarked. “I mean, she obviously won´t listen to the General either, so who will she listen to?” Judy and Kendra just laughed.

The night beginning to be later than it was earlier Lorne announced that the next song was last number. The General took the stage, all remaining Ho´s preparing to swoon.

“This is to all my grrls, you all mean so much to me.” Obi- Wan´s soothing voice melted into the music as he began to sing Dave Matthews Band´s song, Crush. “*Lovely lady, I will treat you sweetly. Adore you, I mean, you crush me. It´s times like these, when my faith I feel, and I know how I love you…You know, I mean to tell you all the things I´ve been thinking deep inside. My friend, with each moment the more I love you. Crush me, come on…*”

The room was silent but for the beating hearts of all the smitten grrls, and the respect of many men. And everything just was.

**~**

Ellie