HSU Fic: Ahoy, Me Mateys
Authors: Dynamic Duo (Ellie and Kendra)
Rating: SF: Swashbuckling Fun
Disclaimer: If it resembles something from a motion picture, comic book,
etc., then we don't own it, they do. Capiche?
Summary: Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner come to campus.
Notes: A couple of the ideas for this fic were bantered about the
pool…remember summer weather? Yeah, I borrowed them. So…thanks! Kinda
wish we were back around that pool and warm, right about now! lol
~~*~~
Two men stood outside the main gates to HSU. Both dark-haired and tanned from long days in the sun while at sea. Both looked completely out of place.
The younger man stepped forward and grabbed one of the many sticky notes fluttering in the breeze on the iron gates.
NO WANKERS ALLOWED
He looked at his companion, perplexed.
"What's a "wanker"?" He asked his friend.
"You know what a wanker is; it's fools like Norrington. He's a wanker. Good thing we're good honest sailors." The two men smirked.
They made their way up the drive, taking in the surroundings. The admin building towered in front of them, to the side of that one with a wall that looked conspicuously like it had fallen down and been put back up over and over. Off in the distance was a field with many large men ambling about. They would have to check that out later, maybe start a brawl for fun.
And then they saw it. The inviting, enchanting crystal blue water of the lake. Albeit, a very small lake, they could clearly see the other side. Yet, there seemed to be tides in the little body of water, they were lapping gently at the shore closest to them. They looked closer and saw something odd in the center of the lake, it was gurgling and sending up bubbles. This was what was causing the waves. But what was it? A sea creature? A monster? Davy Jones himself beckoning to them? Or perhaps a buried treasure. It would have to be investigated further.
'But first a vessel. Will and I will need a ship,' The dark Captain thought.
"Aha!" Jack exclaimed as he eyed his prize. "A passenger boat."
Will looked where Jack was pointing, then scrunched up his face and looked at his friend.
"That?" He said. "A little small isn't it?"
"Ah, but it's a pretty boat."
"Don't you mean ship?"
"Nah, that's a boat. Some kind of luxury, passenger carrier by the looks of it," the Captain said matter-of-factly.
Will didn't look convinced.
"So, I s'pose you want to commandeer it."
"No, I'm just going to steal it."
Will shook his head, but Jack broke into a wild-eyed grin.
*~*
Kendra twirled around in her mirror, checking out her new bikini. She was going to go out on her yacht and see if the General could join her later.
She'd see if Ellie could join her till then. They could work on their tans and have some margaritas and girl talk.
The Ho rang her friend.
"'Lo," answered the Vet, slightly out of breath.
"El, you busy?"
"As a matter of fact, we just finished with eh - well, with this procedure we were working on."
"Um, right, whatever. Would you like to join me on my yacht for drinks, sun and gabbing?"
"Sounds great, meet ya there in ten."
*~*
Kendra was humming happily to herself as she walked out onto the dock and onto her boat. She wouldn't have noticed the two men who were emerging from the water and scaling the other side.
She went down into the cabin and began to mix the margaritas and hook up the blender. She put out strawberry for Ellie and plain for herself, then opened a large bottle of the best tequila.
Judy always kept the bar fully stocked. She was a top-notch bartender after all.
She was just pouring the frozen treats into large, orange, plastic glasses when she heard a strange noise and the boat lurched slightly then fell still again.
"That's strange, she's still tied to the dock." They hardly ever actually went *out*, seeing as neither she nor Ellie actually knew how to sail.
"Kendra," Ellie's voice called from above deck. "You might want to come up here."
The General's Secretary grabbed the drinks and climbed the stairs.
Kendra almost dropped the drinks as the glare from the midday sun subsided and she could see the view in front of her.
Two men, dressed in full pirate garb, were standing on her deck. Both dark, with long hair still dripping from their watery entry.
"Don't waste good drink, luv," said the one with the longest hair, parts of which were braided and bejeweled and jangled as he moved to restrain Ellie better.
That's when it fully hit her (she'd been distracted, they were wet after all) he was holding Ellie with her arms behind her back. The younger man looked a bit reluctant at placing his sword near her skin, so he was simply pointing it in her general direction.
"Jack Sparrow," Kendra whispered.
"CAPTAIN, it's Captain Jack Sparrow," the pirate replied, shaking his head.
"And Will Turner," she turned her gaze on the younger pirate and started to lose her grip on the cups again, slurping frozen margarita onto the deck.
"But I sent for you." Kendra explained, beginning to regain her composure.
"That's what I've been trying to tell them. They're invited, there's no need to steal the boat or tie me up (well, maybe later)."
Will lowered his sword, still looking a little confused.
Jack put his mouth just next to Ellie's ear and whispered, "Well, it was fun for a bit, luv." She shivered and almost didn't notice he'd let her go and she could move away.
The two Ho's looked at the two pirates.
The two pirates looked at the two Ho's.
"Well, it was good to meet you. We'll just be getting on with the stealing," and Jack walked right over to the helm.
"Hey, wait just a minute," Kendra yelled, taking a few steps toward him.
"It's *my* ship!"
"Your ship?"
"MY SHIP!"
"Your ship, you say. Hmm," he placed one hand to his chin and seemed to be pondering this.
Then to everyone's surprise.
"You can borrow it," Kendra said smiling.
"Borrow?"
"Yes, but you have to take us along."
"Aye, a crew! Yes. You know how to sail?"
Kendra looked at her feet. Ellie looked up and watched a heron fly lazily by overheard.
"Well, no, not exactly." Kendra said sheepishly.
Jack sighed and looked up into the sky and mouthed, "Why me?"
He quickly recovered and smiled at the girls.
"Welcome aboard, let's make ready to sail."
Will, seemingly satisfied with the agreements returned his sword to its sheath.
Ellie and Kendra didn't know which way to go or what to do and collided with one another. Jack was quick though, grabbing for one of the glasses as Kendra dumped the other frozen beverage all over Ellie.
"AGH!" The Vet screamed and began flittering about.
"Mmm, rum?" Jack queried after taking a sip.
Will rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself, "Oh great, more rum."
While Ellie was still hopping around shrieking, Kendra answered Jack.
"No, it's tequila."
Jack was licking his lips and making yummy noises, then drained the glass.
"Any more?"
Kendra was just starting to shake her head yes when a show came from the dock.
"Yoo-hoo, girls. What are y'all doing up there?" The Wench called up.
She and Laure had been taking a stroll around the lake, parasols in hand, and heard Ellie's screams.
Kendra leaned over the side of the boat and yelled, "We're just about to go sailing, wanna come?"
The Wo and the Wench looked at each other. They knew the level of Kendra's sailing ability and were just about to decline when two more faces peered over to look at them.
Laure and Dande stared at the dark pirates.
Laure recovered first. "It is a fine day for sailing." And the two women walked up the ramp and onto the boat.
~*~
Laure and Dande sat in deck chairs sipping frozen drinks as the two pirates took turns instructing Ellie and Kendra in what ropes to pull and where to tie them. It was very difficult as both girls were still clad only in their bikinis and every time one of the men would lean over her or touch her skin she would completely lose focus.
They'd only gone a few inches from the dock.
"Help us hoist the rigging, you scalawags," Jack yelled at the two lounging women.
"Oh dear, he is new isn't he?" Dande said. "Dear, we don't *do* manual labor."
Laure was nodding her head in agreement as she sipped her pina colada through a curly straw.
"We have barbarians for that," the Wench explained.
"And gladiators," Laure piped in.
Ellie was leaning on a rope, gasping for breath and glistening with sweat as she glared at them. But she was soon distracted by Will's low cut pirate blouse and *his* chest glistening with sweat.
She became so distracted that she didn't notice just how hard she was pulling on the rope till part of the rigging swung loose and narrowly missed crashing into Jack's head.
He cursed under his breath and grabbed Laure's drink and finished it.
"Rum?" Jack asked after wiping his dripping mouth with his sleeve.
Laure nodded.
Jack grinned maniacally, " Any more?"
~~*~~
Stepping into the hall, figuring to grab Emmy for a quick coffee, Obi-Wan reached forward and was just about to open her office door when something-the Force more than likely, made him instantly stop.
Glancing to his left, he noted the neon orange and black sign tapped to the wall-Help Wanted.
Cocking his head to the side, he listened intently to the loud, but brief conversation inside the Dean's office and couldn't help but rub his hands over his face.
Seconds later, Cal came crashing out of the office door, stumbling and whirling for his life. It was only the act of supreme Jedi reflexes that saved the General in the following instance from being impaled by a clunky boot as it came whizzing out the door and in the retreating handyman's direction.
Straightening, rubbing his forehead once more-where the Diva had bashed him with a clunky shoe months earlier, the General then raked his hands through his hair and put on his most charming smile.
"Emmy, would you care to…"
It was pure 'Cal' reflex as the Dean hurled her other clunky boot at the door…in the General's approximate direction.
Momentarily thinking of igniting his lightsaber and slicing the offending, deadly weapon in two as it hurled towards his face, the General thought better of it. It was after all, Emmy's clunky shoe, destroying it could only lead to…issues and arguments. Instead, he dropped to the floor.
"I suppose this means you're too busy to join me for a quick coffee?" the General sighed.
~~*~~
After about the tenth time Ellie or Kendra had dropped, smashed, sent flying, or in some other way endangered the pirates or a piece of the ship, Jack had finally had enough.
"Enough!" The dark pirate yelled, surprising every one else on board.
Kendra tripped over some rope and stumbled into Will, who almost fell overboard. Ellie dropped a hand crank and in her move to save her toes from the heavy tool, she bumped into Jack, who bumped into Will who was still regaining his balance and this time went over the rail, only saved by grasping some rigging, swinging out then back in, then landing on the deck in a crunch. Jack screamed again.
Dande and Laure were fighting back giggles. "It'll be alright dear, they're getting a little better, " Dande crooned in her best Wenchly counselor voice. Laure nodded in agreement but kept her mouth around her straw. This was her day off (wasn't everyday?) and she was in no mood to mediate between the Gen's Secretary, the Vet and two pirates.
Jack turned to the lounging grrls to make a smart remark then smiled his most charming smile instead. But when he turned to face the other two, his smile was gone, "Now normally I would never get angry at a woman, but you two have just about killed me one too many times."
Ellie huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Well, we're only trying to help you. Where would you even be without Kendra's yacht?"
"Yeah, " Kendra piped in as she helped Will up from the deck and absently started brushing him off, until his look of unease and she stopped and looked away guiltily. Jack was pondering Ellie's statement.
"You're right," he said finally.
Ellie sat down on the deck panting, nodding her head. "See, I knew you'd see reason."
"Back to the original plan, Will!"
"What?" Ellie said in surprise.
"We're taking this boat and you'll walk the plank!"
"What!"" Kendra and Ellie both cried in unison.
Ellie recovered first and patted Kendra's arm, who had sat down next to her. "There isn't a plank on this yacht. He's just joking."
Kendra didn't look convinced and her eyes kept darting from Will to Jack and back. Dande and Laure were now both sitting upright, drinks forgotten. Both were eager to see their friends get out of this hilarious predicament.
Will looked uncertain, but Jack goaded him until he drew his sword and pointed it towards the shocked Ho's. His eyes said sorry but when he spoke he sounded firm, "Up."
The grrls scrambled up and backed away from the sword till they were standing next to the rail.
"Just wait one second, " Kendra began. Laure and Dande were giggling loudly now.
"Aw, come on, Kendra, it's just like jumping off a diving board," Laure joked.
Kendra glared at her while Ellie was looking over the side, trying to gauge the depth of the water. The lake as a whole was pretty shallow, being termed a lake more out of love. It sounded so much prouder than "wading pool". They were coming up on the small island that perched awkwardly in the center of the body of water. The sometimes-working fountains were gurgling nearby. Jack seemed very curious about them. Meanwhile, Jack had found a piece of plywood from somewhere and was anchoring it to the side of the boat.
"No one puts my life in danger but me," he mumbled, jerking his thumb towards himself. Kendra was fuming. Ellie was trying to think of some way out the whole thing. The problem was, there didn't seem to be a way. She didn't really think Will would harm them, but he was still holding a sharp object at them in any case.
"Look," Kendra went on arguing, as the two grrls were led over to the makeshift ramp. "No one uses my yacht without me. I can't believe I actually was letting you use it with me here. There's no way I'm getting off." She folded her arms defiantly across her chest as they were being shuffled out together onto the small length of wood.
"Hey, the water isn't even that deep out here. This isn't safe!" Ellie complained as she eyed the murky water warily.
"Better tuck in then," Jack said mockingly and stepped onto the end of the board suddenly, sending the two Ho's flailing into the cool water below.
Laure and Dande stood up cheering and yelling "Bravo, well done!" Jack turned around and bowed like it was all some bad play performance. Will sighed as he watched the two grrls resurface safely below then made their way towards shore. Much of the lake was shallow enough to simply walk across and soon they were arguing to each other as they waded to shore.
~~*~~
"Urrgh!" Ellie grunted, struggling to the sand after stubbing her toe on one of Commo's drowned golf carts that were littering the lakebed.
"I tried to warn you," Kendra sputtered, pushing her hair from her eyes and then turning to stare at her commandeered yacht.
"Blah, blah, blah…" the Nurse's padawan mumbled, following the other's gaze. "So, any ideas?"
"Duh! If I did, would we have just been forced to walk the plank?" the other snapped. Placing her hands on her hips, Kendra watched while off in the distance Jack Sparrow waved to the two wayward Ho's.
Ellie only growled. "Damn him…but he does have cool hair." Both grrls nodded their head in agreement as they watched the scoundrel pirate toast them with their own margaritas.
"…And that Will Turner is…fine eye candy," Kendra added, Ellie nodded in agreement again, both noticing that the would-be pirate/former blacksmith, was shrugging helplessly in their direction. "But, I want my yacht back!"
"How long do you think Dande and Laure are going to stay stranded on the lake's island?" Ellie found herself asking, noticing the Wo and Wench now settled comfortably in the shade where they'd been abandoned, both still refusing to cross the lake and head back to campus.
Kendra shrugged. "Probably till the Mastah rescues them." Cupping her hands to her mouth she once again shouted to the pirate. "I want my yacht!"
Whoosh
Thwap
"Huh?" Ellie wondered, looking from side to side.
Whoosh
Thwap
"What?" the Water Ho groaned.
It was right about then that Legolas, still on skateboard, came into view, cresting the slight rise behind them. He was determined. He was focused. He was damn sexy in that intense Elf way and he had bow and arrow in hand and was taking deadly, accurate aim-at the yacht.
Turning swiftly, the Ho's spotted the master archer's approach…that is, after the General's secretary wobbled momentarily in Elf lust, being supported by Ellie till the other gained her wits.
"Hey! You, Elf boy!" Ellie shouted. "Good shot!"
"Are you mad?" Kendra rounded on her ex-roomie before turning back to see her punctured yacht.
Waving her hands in surrender, Ellie sighed. "Well, I only call it like I see it. The Elf is good. Besides, he's coming to your aid, so I don't know what the big problem is."
"My big problem?" The secretary gasped, watching two more arrows whiz by their heads and impact into the side of the gleaming white yacht.
"Yeah, 'your' problem. The Elf is distracted, go grope him or something," the Vet suggested, watching as the other contemplated the idea momentarily.
Suddenly, stomping her foot, Kendra fisted her hands at her sides and bellowed to the Elf and anyone within a one mile radius. "Stop shooting arrows into my…BOAT!"
A few yards away, leaning over the side of the vessel to assess the damage, Jack Sparrow shouted back. "…Ship, luv, SHIP!" He corrected, then instantly began flailing his arms about as if swatting flies, all the while stumbling backwards as an arrow dislodged his worn hat.
"…YACHT!" Ellie loudly exclaimed, correcting both Ho and pirate. "I need a cigarette," she groaned, plopping to the sand, sighing loudly, as the yacht was fast resembling a large pincushion.
Kendra continued to shout. The Elf continued to shoot. Jack continued to duck. Will continued to dodge arrows while looking gallant. And Ellie still sat in the sand mumbling.
"…All we need now is Aragorn aiding in the yacht attack," the Vet muttered, digging her toes in the warm sand.
"ORCS!" Aragorn could be heard shouting with glee in the distance.
Then the Vet cringed.
~~*~~
Deeply focused, leaning forward, pen tapping her bottom lip, the Dean narrowed her eyes.
"So…Mister…" she glanced down to the application on her desk, "…Elrond, is it?" What makes you think you're qualified to be my secretary?"
Frowning sharply, the Elf lord raised a dark brow. "I did, after all, practically run Imladris single handedly for many, 'many' years."
Not impressed, the Dean leaned back in her chair, hands steepled before her chin. "That was merely an Elf Haven. This…" she now swept her arms in a wide gesture of the room, "…is my office, my Haven. No comparison."
Elrond furrowed his brows till the lines on his forehead were near comic proportion. "Sorry, don't call me. I'll call you with my decision," Emmy spoke up, urging the Elf lord to the door with a dismissive wave of her hand.
Standing, straightening his deep blue tunic, Elrond huffed before leaving the Dean's office.
~~*~~
Sharpie in hand, Judy slowly stepped back from the wall and admired her handiwork.
"There, I think that covers it," she announced to nobody in particular as she looked at her sign.
POSTED
Bar Rules By order of Judith. Enforced by Judith's bat.
No guns allowed No lightsabers allowed (except for Obi-Wan and maybe the Mastah on a good day) No whips allowed-that means you Indy No swords allowed No Andúril allowed No bows allowed No arrows allowed No adimantium claws allowed No Cal allowed No wands allowed (except for Lupin) No coaster, no service
"I know something you forgot," Dor remarked, downing the last of her Maker's.
Heading back to the bar, Judy looked at the librarian quizzically."What?" she asked in alarm.
"No Xani allowed," she supplied with a smirk, making Judy roll her eyes.
"Well, that might come later," Judy added, glancing once more to her never ending sign which was now being enlarged to writing in permanent marker on the wall as items were added. "It just seems like I'm forgetting something…"
Dor shrugged, then tipped her bottle for a new one.
~~*~~
Walking about her office, hands clasped firmly behind her back, clunky shoes muffled in the plush carpeting, Emmy circled the blonde Elf.
"So, tell me…Mr. Haldir, can you answer the phone?"
Haldir looked to the far wall behind the Dean's desk and raised a brow quite haughtily.
"Hmmm…do you type?"
Once again, an Elf eyebrow arched, accompanied by an Elven 'look'.
"I see," Emmy murmured, narrowing her eyes on the Elf. "How about filing?"
The golden haired Elf cocked his head to the side while looking down his nose, while still looking to the wall.
"Don't call me, I'll call you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, either," the Diva offered, watching as the Elf silently stood, bowed his head and turned to leave her office.
Once in the corridor, the Marchwarden leaned heavily against the wall, sighing deeply in relief.
"Yo, dude! How did it go?" Legolas shouted, skateboard flung over his shoulder.
"'Twas well," Haldir replied with a cocky grin that quickly faded and was replaced by a puzzled look. "I think…" he suddenly mused.
"What did the Master Clunky Shoe Woman want?"
Squinching his nose, Haldir thought hard. "Nay, no clue, I was just stopping by to speak of the injustice of the Elves by…well…I've seen your attire…and then…"
"Then what?" Legolas asked, shrugging off the remark about his costumed attire, his blue eyes narrowing in worry. "Were you acting all overly, snobbishly Elvenly again?"
Haldir snorted, then choked. " I am almost certain something most major has just occurred, but know not what," the Marchwarden thought aloud. "Dwelling with the Lady of the Wood was never this perplexing."
Legolas clasped the other Elf on the shoulder then shrugged.
~~*~~
Meanwhile, back at the lake:
"So what exactly happened?" the General asked, wiping the water from his face.
Staring blankly, Kendra never heard a word as a wet General stood before her.
"You'll have to speak up…or something," Ellie urged, sighing at her ex-roomie's actions. That is after she too appreciated a very wet, very appealing General standing on the sand. After all, he had just swam to the yacht, taken control from Will and Jack and made the pirates return the ship to dock.
Granted, there was still the little matter of Dande and Laure shouting from the island.
Waving a hand before his secretary, hoping to get her to answer but losing the battle as a droplet of water eased slowly down his chest, quite in view of the Water Ho, he turned his gaze to Ellie.
"Would you like to explain?"
Taking a deep breath, Ellie recounted the events-leaving out just a few minor ogling instances. "…So you see, they stole Kendra's yacht," she explained, looking first to Will who seemed repentant for what happened by looking forlornly to the Water Ho and the Vet. Then Ellie turned her gaze to Jack, who suddenly began whistling and looking about innocently.
"I see," Obi-Wan nodded, turning his gaze to the pirates.
Will held his hands to his sides and apologized before pointing to the pirate beside him. "I'm new to this whole pirating deal…it was his fault…I am just a…"
"Padawan?" The General spoke up, feeling a sudden kinship to the dark haired one called Turner.
Will scrunched up his face, not understanding. "…A learner?" the Jedi supplied.
Dark brown eyes lit up. "Yes, exactly!" Jack just huffed and he too rolled his eyes at the other's remark.
Nodding in understanding, the General then focused on Jack who held his hands up in surrender. "You stole her ship?" Obi-Wan asked, his eyes narrowing.
"Stole is such a harsh word..." Jack supplied with a shrug.
"Commandeered," Ellie and Will both said in unison.
Jack winced. "I prefer to call it, borrow without permission," the pirate stated firmly, watching as the Jedi raised that glowing light thingy he held in his hand, closer to his neck.
Without thought, Jack clasped his hands together and held them out before him, waiting to be tied. "You caught me," he sighed.
Just then Ellie stepped between Jedi and pirate, barely missing getting singed before the General thumbed off the lightsaber. "Don't turn him in…make him do community service or something," the Vet spoke up, startling both Jedi and pirate, not to mention herself. "He really didn't mean any thing, he just wanted to…what did you want to do?" Ellie asked Jack, who smiled.
"No idea, luv. Just wanted to take the ship out for a spin…such a lovely ship at that," he offered, the General not quite sure what to make of it.
"You got me solemn promise, I will not steal the lass' boat…"
"…Ship," Will spoke up.
"…Yacht," the General corrected.
"…Again," Jack vowed, fingers crossed behind his back.
"He promised not to do it again…community service…" Ellie urged, noting the General's hesitation.
"Fine…we'll think of some sort of community service then, I'm sure there's something on campus for them to do to make up for the whole episode," he relented with a smile to the Ho.
Wrapping an arm about Ellie's shoulder, he led her towards the Admin building, Will and Jack in tow, both in awe of their surroundings.
"Hey! He stole my boat!" Kendra suddenly shouted once the General was out of eyesight.
~~*~~
~~*~~
"Hey! What about us?" Laure yelled, watching the General, the pirates, and the Ho's leave the lake.
Laure stomped a foot, only managing to get sand in her pumps and in her frustration, tossed the parasol she held into the lake.
Dande relaxed upon the deck chair. After all, the misguided pirates had been nice enough to leave them stranded on the little island with all their belongings and comforts. Not to mention the one seemingly in charge, made the nice young pirate carry the Wo and Wench ashore. This all after Dande and Laure had refused to budge from 'said' chairs on the yacht.
"They were nice young pirates, weren't they?" Dande sighed, sipping her drink. "Sit down, relax," the Wench suggested to the Wo.
Turning abruptly, the mediator looked to the Wench as if she'd gone mad…the Wench, not the Wo. "We're stranded. We could be here for days…weeks…months. We could waste away out here and nobody would know. We could die of thirst…get sober, die of hunger, our shoes could become scuffed, and you want me to relax? They left us here to die!"
With a non-worried look, the Wench let out a Wenchly sigh then smiled. "Are you losing touch with your Wench side, dear?"
"Huh?" Laure questioned, before Commo's shouts from across the small lake caught her attention.
"Beloved! Buttercup! Are you stuck?" Commo loudly questioned, golf club resting jauntily upon his shoulder.
"What does it look like? We're not on holiday," the mediator shot back. "We're stranded out here in the middle of nowhere! So yes, I'd say we were in trouble!"
"Oh," Commo quietly mused. "I would rescue you myself, but that is beneath me. I shall go fetch the dirty man with the big sword. Do not fear, Buttercup. Stay put."
With those words, a scream of frustration from the mediator, and Commo quickly disappeared.
"You really should calm down. Stress is so bad for the complexion," Dande suggested, humming quietly to herself. "Cookie?"
Spinning about, Laure looked slightly perplexed upon seeing the Wench's ever-trusty cookie container full of cookies just suddenly…appeared. (Wench secret and all that) Finally, the Wo returned to her deck chair and sat down heavily, accepting an offered cookie.
"We must get you more in touch with your inner Wench or you'll be off balance, and then who knows what will happen," Dande thought aloud. "You've forgotten the most important thing…the Mastah is always available for a Jedi rescue. All we have to do is call."
"Oh? Oh…Oh! It's all coming back to me now," the Wo sighed with relief, relaxing, daintily nibbling on her cookie.
"Mastah dahling!" Dande said, her voice just barely above her normal register.
~~*~~
"Puff? Wishpuff?" Qui-Gon exclaimed, pushing the mute button on the remote while quickly putting his recliner in the upright position.
"I will be right there, just hold on," he answered in his normal voice.
In one fluid motion, the Jedi Master grabbed his lightsaber from the table beside his recliner and then scooped Cara up with his other hand. In seconds, he was off for a rescue mission.
~~*~~
Emmy stared down to the two remaining applications sitting upon her desk.
Closing her eyes, the Dean shuffled the papers and pulled one from the small stack. This surely would be her new secretary.
With a sigh, the Diva opened her eyes and read who the application belonged to and promptly tossed it over her shoulder to land in the floor behind her with the others.
"Let's try this again," she stated, then realized there was only one application left. "Fine then…Elrond gets the job. At least he can scowl good."
Picking up her purse, Emmy then headed to the pub.
~~*~~
The pub was crowded with the usual sort, Dor was drinking, Jack was still drinking, Emmy was polishing her nails while waiting on the General to finish hanging lights in the bar-don't ask, it's just good spectator sport for a slow night. Judy was polishing her bat, the gleam coming from it near blinding, Kendra was slicing limes, Ellie was sitting at the end of the bar trying to get Lupin to 'magic' some dice, Darry was scurrying out with a tray of martinis, and Delphi was growling with Worf while Laure sat in the back moaning from too much sun exposure.
The door slammed soundly against the wall as a patron rushed inside in quite a dither-which honestly wasn't anything new so nobody glanced up to see who it was.
That's when it happened.
Will Turner, hair slightly damp from the evening air, shirt open to reveal a tanned chest, hatchet in hand. "This is not acceptable!" the blacksmith/pirate raged, all eyes turning in his direction. Watching as if in slo-mo, he brought the hatchet down to the bar top, intending to bury it deep but instead, because of quick thinking from Lupin and his spell, the weapon stopped a mere centimeter from Judy's beloved bartop.
There was a combined gasp of all pub patrons that could have been heard clear across the galaxy.
Judy's eyes widened in shocked disbelief, as she noticed the hatchet near her beautiful bar and she slowly began to take possession of herself-or not, depends on how you look at it. Eyes narrowing, the Ho glared at the pirate before her, not noticing his surprised look as well.
"He's dead," Emmy commented casually, between puffs to dry her nails a little bit faster since the General was now walking to the back room to put up the ladder.
"Just don't get any blood on me," Dor snapped. "I'm wearing my best black."
Jack Sparrow looked from Ho to Ho to Wo and then downed his glass of rum in one swallow before turning his eyes on his friend. "Nice to have sailed with ye, mate," he saluted, Will slightly confused, but quickly getting the picture as Judy, who had temporarily dropped her bat, was quickly picking it up.
"Dove, the common folk are going to stone that…that…nobody to death," Commo remarked to Laure, who was sitting at a back booth, nursing her severe sunburn with a pitcher of margaritas.
Glancing up through bleary eyes, which Laure suspected were sunburned as well, the mediator sighed. "Well, I'm off for the day, let Judy beat the cute pirate to death…just make sure she doesn't touch the one with the interesting hair," she suggested, making Commo raise a brow hoitily while toying with his own hair.
Just as Judy was winding up to swing her bat at the blacksmith/pirate before her, Kendra screeched a very loud and very boisterous 'no' while flinging herself between Master and cute pirate.
"You should do something," Ellie suggested to Lupin. "Wand one of them," she added, as the wizard furrowed his brows and held his wand in the general direction while muttering something low under his breath.
In the same instant, the General returning, sensed an impending bashing so he raised his hand and used the Force.
Right about the time Kendra uttered, 'don't kill him,' Legolas and Aragorn stepped into the pub, reaching for weapons, but searching in vain as they had to leave them just outside in the umbrella stand.
Between the General and Lupin, they successfully stopped Judy's bat from coming down and clobbering anybody or anything. Though don't think that Judy didn't try. Try she did as she hefted, heaved, jump up and down and sought any way to make her beloved bat move from mid air-but between the Force and Lupin's spell, nothing would make that bat move.
"Judith, what is the problem?" The General asked, still not releasing the bat from overhead as he nodded to Lupin, the two exchanged a look of knowing and the wizard set his wand to the bar before him, leaving the Jedi in charge.
"Got chocolate?" Ellie whispered, nudging the wizard who smiled naughtily, then handed her a piece.
Judy, still holding on to her bat with one hand, pointed the other at Will who looked very much like a deer in headlights. "He tried to hatchet my bar, that's what's wrong, Kenobi," Judy growled. "You know what the means?"
The General nodded his agreement and began to move his hand just a bit, enough for Judy to move the bat a few inches closer as Kendra was now pushed backwards, leaning back across the bartop, hatchet near her ear.
"Don't kill him," the Water Ho protested. "He doesn't know the rules. Besides, it's just as much a crime to waste good eye candy as it is to bash someone upside the head till dead," she insisted, the Gen pretending not to hear but half that sentence as he winked at Emmy.
"Well, you've got a point," Judy mumbled, eyeing the pirate, then her bat. "But he did try to hatchet my bar," she quickly spoke up.
"Ahh, but he didn't," Dor broke in, "Lupin's spell worked. Which reminds me," she mused, turning to look at Remus. "Can you spell up a never emptying bottle of Maker's?"
At this, Jack Sparrow grinned broadly at his twin-err the librarian and looked expectantly at the one called Lupin as well.
"Excuse me, we can talk about liquor later," Laure loudly interrupted, letting Commo slather her cheeks in Noxzema, "we have a bartender going ballistic and wanting to kill someone…what part of kill don't you understand? This is way better than watching reruns on television."
Dor gave the mediator a most disgruntled look, one very much resembling the one Jack Sparrow was giving her as well.
"Move along, I've got a General to debauch," the Diva urged, still waving her hands about to dry the nail polish.
Clearing his throat, the General smiled at Emmy, before turning his gaze to the scene before him. "Judith, do you really want to…look at it this way…" the Jedi shifted slightly, trying to find the correct path to take. "Judith darling, you might get blood on the bahtop," there, that was it, he was most assured of it by the accomplished grin that now fell upon his face.
Debating his words, Judy wavered. "He did break the rules…"
Still sprawled across the bar, Will Turner smiling down at her, the Water Ho, grunted and pointed to the bar sign of do's and don'ts. "No, no he's not. There is no 'hatchets not allowed' on the pub rules," Kendra added as all eyes turned and the mumbling of agreement began.
Judy squinted and tried to read all the rules that were crammed together and then huffed. "We'll see about that," she snapped, forgetting the bat, reaching for her trusty Sharpie, and stomping over to the wall of rules.
The squeaking of the marker on wall made everyone cringe. "There, all done," the bartender smiled, wiping her hands, looking at her handy work. "No hatchets allowed-this means you William Turner."
Chocolate colored eyes widened in objection for one brief moment. "I'd suggest ye quit while yer ahead, lad," Jack whispered, making a slashing motion across his neck, then nodding in the direction of Judy, the meaning well clear that he'd never survive the bartender's wrath if he didn't.
"Acceptable," Will spoke up, as the bat floated to the General, Kendra winced while standing upright, and Judy poured herself a good stiff drink and downed it in one gulp. "About the…incident, apologies, I was upset."
Judy smiled sweetly as the General walked over to her and was about to give her the bat back but waited a moment upon seeing the Ho's eyes flicker in alarm. "You'll pay for the mistake, Mister Turner…you can mop and sweep the floors in the pub from now on till I say it's enough," with that, the blacksmith shrugged his shoulders in defeat, Judy smiled brightly at the Gen, got her bat back…and all was well.
"Turner, lad, just what was it that got ye all upset?" Jack quizzed, leaning closer.
Looking about, Will made sure they weren't overheard by too many. "Ye know how the General is makin' us patrol the grounds pickin' up litter and such for our com…commu…service…punishment? Well I draw the line at a bloody tower that keeps blowin' up and littering the lawn-the library I believe it's called."
Dor, having overheard, winced, then quickly hopped off her barstool, storming out the door shouting. "Xani! LP! You are so going to get it if my library is in pieces again…"
~~*~~
*Cough* Hack * Cough*
"What type of spell are you cooking up this time?" Xani gasped, rounding the corner and finding Dor standing at the grill, caldron simmering on top. After all, she still hadn't found where the kitchen was located in the library.
"Ha, ha," Dor mocked, using an oversized ladle to stir up the yellowish mix after adding more ingredients.
"Really, what is it?" Xani dared to ask, cautiously peering over the edge of the caldron, hand at his lightsaber, other hand over his nose and mouth.
"Soup." Swatting him soundly on the forehead with the ladle, making the greysider stagger back, Dor searched about her scattered ingredients once more. "For your information…it's…"
Just then, right about the same time she was adding something from an unmarked Tupperware container that had dust on it; Dor spotted something odd near the lake. "…Pirates. Pirates?" She gasped, noticing the skull and crossbones flag now draped over the stern of Kendra's yacht.
"Huh?" Xani asked, hand still on his forehead where a perfect impression of Dor's ladle was now turning bright red, he spun about to see, then shrugged.
"Not more riff-raff and rabble," LP remarked in exasperation, squinching his nose at the stench as he walked by, heading into the library.
Xani shrugged his shoulders once more before turning back to Dor. "So, what are you really fixing?"
"Soup…I told you," Dor insisted, threatening him with the ladle once more. "Vegetable soup…I think."
It was in those fleeting moments that the winds began to pick up, moving in from the south, a chill descended upon the air, and a bank of fog so thick that it looked to be impenetrable started rolling in.
"Dorotea, did you just conjure up more dead people?" Xani demanded, waving his hand before his face to help see the two feet before him where Dor was last standing.
"No…maybe…don't look at me, I was cooking…then again, I have no clue as to what I put in the soup…and then I did say pirates…" the Wo muttered. "It's the Nurse's fault," Dor exclaimed, bumping into her caldron and sending the contents to rain down upon Xani who howled a torturous scream. But hey, at least it wasn't some girlie scream.
~~*~~
The Nurse hummed softly to herself as she walked back to the clinic with refreshments for her and Cic. They had had quite a strenuous day. Cic had struggled with his cursive z's and they'd gone through a case of Hershey syrup, among other things.
She hardly noticed the battered ship with black sails that was making dock on the lake. She was so preoccupied thinking of her husband that she didn't even completely notice the crew of skeletons tying up the boat.
The Nurse didn't even notice when she absently began to sing to herself. "The thigh bone's connected to the knee bone, the knee bone's connected to the shin bone, the shin bone's connected to the ankle bone, the ankle bone's connected to the…"
End