Made from Scratch

Title: Made From Scratch
Author: NurseDarry
Disclaimer: No one remotely involved in the movies we like would want any part of this turkey.
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Kendra surveyed the collection of shi--er-- stuff that had been left in her “donations” box overnight. She had already collected quite a lot from the previous night. One more haul and she´d have enough for the General's birthday party.

Since she didn´t want to ask Emmy to find any money in the HSU coffers (Emmy´s shoe collection was understandably eating up the majority of the university funding), Kendra´s options for a birthday party budget were limited to DIY (Do-It-Yourself) or VTA (Vito the Axe). Having said that, Emmy had volunteered Haldir´s army as wait staff and toilet attendants.

Dumping out the contents of the box, she began rifling through it all.

A dead bat, a sticky scrunchie, ten torn up Skittle bags (which at least were a festive colour), a paisley cravat and a broken shoelace from a Doc Marten. Ah, the Library´s effort. Kendra shoved most of into the “use” pile. She´d sterilise it all first, though.

She continued with the next lot: three empty blood wine bottles, two empty Lagavulin bottles, half a dozen empty Michelob Light cans, a phial that had contained hemlock and nine empty baked bean tins. Ah, it seemed that the IT Department had mistaken this box for the one at the HSU Recycling Centre. God knows what they had “donated” to the HRC. Still, the cans would jingle nicely and she could stick candles in the bottles since no one ever ordered Chianti.

Judy was planning to cover one entire wall with coasters in an artistic and slightly risqué motif.

The Ombudswoman and her posse had kindly donated a dozen stale blueberry muffins, a rusty suit of armour, Cal´s braid and a tacky Elvish necklace. How generous.

The Clinic had pulled out all the stops: an arrowhead, a broken red lightsabre and a tube of Preparation H.

Ellie and the menagerie had thoughtfully given mismatched poker chips, a back issue of “Scoundrel Today” and an adamantium nail file. And Ellie had promised to have all the tigers lounge about on the pub floor for that added Swiss chalet look.

Max and Jael had donated one of Space Dog´s old quad dog bandanas.

Tara and the fire department had contributed twenty plastic neon-coloured squirt guns. Kendra resisted the temptation to test one out on her boss as Judy stood on a ladder HANGING up nekkid Jedi coasters.

Dande and QuiGon had sent over a roll of chintz and a potted plastic plant. Dande had also promised to come to the party with chocolate chip cookies and a dish of Dish.

Finally Kendra went behind the bar to add her contribution. Although he didn´t know it, Captain Jack was donating half of his rum and Legolas was kindly offering to help with a party game: pin the beard back on the Dwarf.

Kendra nodded. Yup, that should do it. With all that crap, a good time was sure to be had by all. And maybe this year, the General´s birthday party might not end in unfortunate circumstances.

Yeah, right.

The end.