HSU Fic: "The Best Laid Plans"
Author: Donna
Beta: Self
Summary: The Wench/Watcher wedding is called due to trouble outside Estrogen County. Partially inspired by the two hour season finale of Buffy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A figure sat curled up in Rupert Giles' favorite chair in front of the Old House's fire place, a hot buttered rum with a sprig of clove the only comfort offered.... well, outside Rupert's favorite bathrobe and recordings his Wench had made of him singing so many of their favorite songs. "Come What May" from "Moulin Rouge" was playing now:

Donna finished her rum, feeling more than just a bit tipsy and considerably bluer than she'd prefer. Blast that little magic brat back in Sunnydale... what she was doing wasn't good grief management. The fact that Rupert had to go and try to talk some sense into her didn't help matters.

She looked down at her simple yet beautiful diamond solitaire, remembering the last time they'd spoken.

"If I don't come back..."

"Rupert, don't say that," she had protested. "You'll come back. I *know* you'll come back."

"Your faith in me is a beautiful thing," he'd smiled sadly, tears welling in his eyes. "But hear me, Donna." He blinked the tears from his eyes. "If I don't come back, remember..." He kissed his Wench soundly, stealing her breath away before smoothing her tears away. "I love you... beyond life, beyond death... I'm your stalwart standing fast."

"Then leave your glasses," Donna challenged, gripping him closer. "And your onyx ring... That will ensure your return."

"Love..."

"Please, Ripper?" Donna turned her doe eyes up to the highest notch possible. "Leave the glasses and ring, or take me with you."

"But the danger..." He paused. This was a Wench from the Emma Peel Academy. Danger wasn't an object to Wenches from that school if it meant they could be with their Alphas. He glared at her... his finest alpha glare... his patented Ripper glare (TM) and put down his glasses. "Very well..." Then he removed his onyx pinkie ring and placed it in the palm of her hand. "Insufferable Wench...."

"Tight-assed Watcher..."

"Oh, my dear..."

"Ripper..."

A wild thirty minutes of boinkage later, he had gone, and Donna had taken a hot shower, wrapped up in Rupert's bathrobe, and sat down before the roaring fire with the first of her hot buttered rums.

This was the 6th she'd just finished, and she her tears were flowing freely as the song played on. She wore his onyx ring like a prize on her left index finger, holding it close to her just above her where her knees pressed to her chest.

"Come what may.... come what may.... I will love you until my dying day."

The phone rang; although inebriated, Donna fumbled and picked up the phone without bothering to look at the caller id.

"Rupert?" Her voice sounded small and helpless. "Is.... is that you?"

"Donna? What's wrong?" Dande's voice crackled through from the other end. "Don't worry, doll... I'm on my way over."

"'Kay," the redhead murmured in a drunken complacence. "Buh-bye." A moment later, she was passed out on the floor before the fire place looking very limp indeed.

====

"Black and red," Dor confirmed, fighting to hide the smirk as Xani fidgeted nervously and continued to try to ignore her and play his Xbox. "Oh, hell... I don't care what kind of flowers you use. Come up with a few sample bouquets and bring 'em by. Use your imagination. The more outrageously expensive the better!"

A spray of beer shot from the Greysider's mouth, soaking the carpet. He spouted a stream of unintelligible oaths and motioned for the Servant to clean the mess up.

Serious or not, Dor was enjoying the planning a great deal, if not just because of Xani's reactions and how nervous the other men on the HSU campus were becoming.

Yeah, life was good...

===

Dande had let herself into the Old House and helped Donna back on to the couch. Then she'd gone into Giles' kitchen and loaded a tray with a pitcher of orange juice, a pitcher of water, a glass and packet of Alka-Seltzer.

"Rupert?" Donna cracked an eye, then immediately shielded her eyes against the light. "Owwwwww... Who died and made me a vampire? Was it one of those things from Wanker-U?"

"You're not a vampire, silly," Dande chuckled as she handed Donna a tall glass of orange juice. "Here... drink this."

The sound of the front door banging open sent a thorn of pain through Donna's head. However, she still managed to snatch up the miniature cross bow Rupert kept behind the couch and level it at the pair entering the living room.

One was a petite blonde with pale blue eyes, the other a lion of a man in jeans and a denim shirt. Lion man blinked a little cluelessly before murmuring a greeting.

"Um... honey, I'm home."

"Dia duit, y'all," the blonde woman giggled, then hurried over to hug Dande and Donna in turn. "Muy, muy, I missed you grrls!"

"MEE-BAH!"

"Uh, Maevey," Donna hesitated, "still a little painful."

"Now drink your orange juice!" Dande entered mommy mode. "You don't want a monster hangover to spoil your fun when Giles gets back."

"Hopefully he *will* be back," Donna sighed, then chugged the whole glass before starting to pour seconds. She stopped as a splitting pain hit her behind the eyes but blinked it away with only a muted growl. "What time is it?"

"Uh, it's 10:30," Maevey answered casually.

"Holy crap!" The redheaded Wench scrambled for her watch, noticing Rupert's onyx ring on her index finger. "I missed my lecture on Hitchcock and the use of suspense in cinema!"

"10:30pm, doll," Dande assured. "No worries." She paused, then considered her next question very carefully. "Donna baby, could you tell me why you were consciously trying to get drunk?"

"Rupert's gone," Donna sighed.

"What?!?" Lion man's hands started clenching and unclenching "He walked out on you? Let me at him. LET me at him!"

"Gone on business," the red-headed wench clarifies indignantly. "He said it was dangerous, but he'll be back.." She petted the onyx pinkie ring she wore on her left thumb. "He's *got* to come back..."

====

The figure of a man teleported into the middle of the Estrogen County Cemetery. He looked like a rock star on a midnight shoot in his black jeans, black crew neck sweater and black trench coat. The only thing that marred that illusion was the cut on his forehead, which was surrounded by caked blood and dirt.

"Damn. Clem's always had a dreadful sense of direction." He gazed up at the stars, then shambled off passed a moseleum. "Home and the waiting arms of my Wench should be that way..."

"Crikey, Rupert. You look like Hell."

Only creature could sound so detached and yet so smug.

"Good evening Spike. I'm very pleased to see you, too." Giles struggled forward. "Now if you'll excuse me, Donna's waiting..." He slipped and almost ended face down on the ground.

Spike did a somersault over Giles head to land in front of him and take hold of his arm.

"Show off," Rupert muttered with mock sourness.

"Your little spit-fire Wench'd stake me if I didn't see you home, and where'd that leave Big not-so-Bad?" Spike snorted as he led Giles toward the old stone house which used to be a priory. "Dusted and gettin' none while the Watcher's boinkin' like a mad bunny!"

"I'd have said a mad bunny on speed," Rupert smirked, "but point taken."

"Bugger off ya bleedin' Nancy," the vamp parried. "I told you I don't swing that way..."

===

"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is..." Dande crooned softly as she prepared an Alka-Selsor for Donna, who had rallied and gotten snacks for her guests. Tollhouse cookies, IBC Rootbeer, tea for Dande, and vegetarian Nachos. They had been joined by Kendra, who had been out for a late night dip in a little river that runs through the property the Old House was built on.

"So, are ya gonna live here or in your Hobbit Hole?" Kendra was pulling her swim fins off and hanging them up on the coat rack near the front door.

"Here," Donna giggled. "Rupert said there are priest holes and secret passages... next best thing to closets!"

"Oh, gorsh," Maevey giggled. "Do ya still have a closet fetish, Donna grrrrrl?"

"Whatever made you guess?" She winked.

The door banged open again, and Donna instinctively sprang for the crossbow again. Her reflexes were much better this time, and she held it trained on a nose attached to a pale face topped with bleached platinum blond hair.

"Oh, will you let it rest, Red?" Spike snorted in disdain. "That's gratitude for you. You ordered a case of Watcher boinkage, and then train the dart gun on me?" He helps Giles around the corner, and Donna dropped the crossbow onto the coffee table.

"Rupert..." She carefully embraced him as she led him to the chaise lounge.

"There was some damage in shipping," Spike quipped.

"Thank you, Spike," Donna murmured, her full concern on the Watcher.

"Aren't you going to settle out the shipping charges?"

"THANK you, Spike." The couple chorused.

Dande handed Donna the pitcher of water and a cloth napkin and she started cleaning Rupert's head wound.

"Ripper, how did this happen?"

"You might say I brought the house down..." He winced. "With a little help from my friends."

"You're not going back," Donna murmured calmly. The two Wenches and the Ho fell silent at the insistence in her voice.

"Anya's made a dopleganger of me," Rupert assured. "It's there, and I'm here.... where I belong."

"Hey, I hate to break it to ya," Ken shrugged, "but I doubt if you'll be doin' the wedding thing any time soon, especially if you want dancing."

"I'm sorry," Giles murmured. "I know how you were looking forward to a June wedding."

"Give me a healthy groom any day." Donna took the onyx pinkie ring from her index finger and returned it to his hand. "I kept it warm for you, Ripper."

"Oooh, I think that's our cue to leave," Maevey whispered. "Sssshhhh, I think they're gonna get into some smoochies!" She took her towering Lion man by the arm and started leading him away. "Did I show ya the hot tub yet, m'darlin'?"

"I'd better get home to the Mastah and Cara." Dande smiled. "I'm glad you got home safe, Rupert.

"Thank you, Dandelow," Giles smiled, wrapping an arm around Donna's waist.

"Oh! Look at the time!" Kendra hurried to the coat tree and took her flippers down. "I've got an appointment with the General. We're... um... gonna swim laps together! Yeah, that's it..."

"Have fun," Donna giggled.

Donna and Rupert looked at each other and she inched down to kiss him, when an insistent *harrumph!* interrupted them.

Spike...

"Haven't you got somewhere to go, Spike?" The Watcher turned his patented Ripper stare toward the neutered vamp.

"Like maybe to Laure's to practice the songs for Dor and Xani's wedding?"

"Cor, we don't even know they *are* gonna get hitched," Spike muttered. "An' if you want some privacy, why don't you just say so?" The vampire wandered off, continuing his sour monologue. "Not as if I'm a bleedin' voyeur..."

The door closed, and Ripper looked up at his Wench.

"I *am* sorry," he whispered. "I've spoiled our plans"

"It's a set back, not a cancellation, silly Watcher," she chided gently. "Besides, you came back - that's the main thing."

"What kind of a stalwart would I be if I didn't? Hmm?"

Ripper pulled Donna closer, and the lighting very conveniently faded to black.

<end>