Title: Adventures at DQ
Author: Emmy
Rating: TIAJF (This is all Judy's fault.)

"A Death...Star?"

"Oh yes, it's quite remarkable really," Palpatine said, swooping a spoonfull of Peanut Buster Parfait.

"Hm," Lucius replied. "And how precisely does it work?" he asked, eyebrow arching with interest, smiling slyly as he found a large chunk of Oreo in his Blizzard.

"Well, it is a ship - spherical, mind you - that can conquer the farthest reaches of space, hence the name Star," Palpatine said.

"It...*flies*?" Lucius inquired, tilting his head slightly and giving Palpatine a look of disbelief.

"Oh, it not only flies, it orbits and causes massive, cataclysmic destruction. Hence the name Death," Palpatine responded quite enthusiastically.

"Is that so," Lucius drawled thoughtfully. "And how does it work?"

"An ingenious thermal core," Palpatine replied. "Virtually impenetrable." He picked up his DQ paper napkin and dabbed the corner of his mouth. "And the core affords the Death Star enough firepower to destroy an entire planet with one shot."

Lucius' eyes opened wide with surprise. "An *entire* planet?"

Palpatine beamed. "Yes, it's *quite* something."

Lucius' eyes glazed over at the thought of how many Muggles he could kill with this floating ball. "And how big is this Death Star?"

"Oh, the size of a moon, I'd say."

"Reeeally," Lucius drawled.

"But enough about me," Palpatine said. "Tell me about this Voldemort fellow, sounds like a fascinating chap."

"Hm," Lucius replied again, still mulling over the math of Muggle destruction with this Death Star. "No, not really," Lucius finally said. "He can actually be quite the...headache," he smirked, amused by his own wit.

"Oh, I *do* understand," Palpatine said. "It is so hard to find a good apprentice these days."

Lucius smirked at the suggestion that Voldemort worked for him since he, in fact, had always seen it that way. "Too true," Lucius quipped.

"Oh, you seem to have dropped some hot fudge on your arm," Palpatine said, pointing with his red plastic spoon.

Lucius quickly looked down and grabbed his napkin, perturbed that he may have sullied himself. "Ah," he said. "No, that is my Dark Mark." He tossed the paper napkin aside, a tad offended that the DQ didn't carry cloth, but the Muggle behind the counter in the strange red hat didn't seem impressed at all by his presence and had refused to even look for a cloth napkin. But he would deal with her later.

"Dark Mark," Palpatine said, very intrigued.

"Yes, every Death Eater has the Dark Mark," Lucius said, scraping the bottom of his Blizzard cup.

"Death Eater? Fascinating!" Palpatine gushed. "You must tell me more!"

~*~

Two hours later, strolling the back nine of the Estrogen County Country Club golfcourse, purple and black cloaks flowing in the gentle breeze, Palpatine's and Lucius' conversation continued.

"My dear Mister Malfoy, your anecdotes regarding the Dark Arts are truly inspiring," Palpatine said. "How fortuitous for both of us."

"Indeed," Lucius said, knocking his golfball into the 17th hole with his cane. "It would appear that we have much in common."

Palpatine raised his hand and purple lightening'd his golfball toward the 18th hole. "Your Unforgiveable Curses, in particular, are quite impressive."

Lucius propped his cane on his shoulder as he Windgardium Leviosa'd his golfball out of the hole. "You will have to tell me more about this spell for impressing your thoughts upon others. What sort of incantation is that?"

"Oh, there's no incantation," Palpatine said. "But I believe it is colloquially known as a *mind whammy*," he quipped.

"Interesting," Lucius replied.

"Like yourself, my - how shall we say - *basic* abilities are of no use on those of my own kind, Jedi and the like," Palpatine said, with a flap of his hand.

"Yes, I am afraid there are do-gooder wizards no matter where one goes," Lucius grumbled.

"But these skills are quite effective on civilians, so to speak."

"Muggles," Lucius growled.

"Except, of course, for the women of HSU," Palpatine said, hold up his hand. "They are immune."

"Immune?" Lucius replied, sounding somewhat offended.

"Oh yes," Palpatine said with a pleasant chuckle. "And I wouldn't recommend actually testing this notion on them. The results could be quite...disastrous."

Lucius harumphed. "Muggles who are immune to wizardry? Impossible."

"Remarkable," Palpatine corrected. "But not impossible."

"Ludicrous," Lucius grumbled again. "They *do* have a resident witch," he replied, making a mental note to watch this witch more closely and determine what sort of protection spell she had placed on the campus.

Palpatine purple lightening'd his golfball into the 18th hole. "And you might want to be wary of the one with the shoes."

Lucius raised a brow. "Don't they all have shoes?"

"No, I mean the one with the *shoes*."

"Ah," Lucius said, with a quick nod of his head. "That one. Reminds me of my wife," he snarled.

"Oh, my poor man," Palpatine said with a shake of his head.

"I'd thought I was rid of Narcissa for good," Lucius said. "And then I arrive here and find her darker and meaner."

"Tragic," Palpatine replied.

"It was quite startling until I realized that this dark woman was actually not Narcissa but a different woman entirely." Lucius swung his cane and cracked at the ball with the snakehead. "Which, come to think of it, is even more startling."

Palpatine nodded. "But Kenobi keeps her in line, so you mustn't harm him, do-gooder or not."

Lucius arched a brow. "He's not a mudblood, is he?"

"Sorry?"

"Is he pure wizard?" Lucius asked.

"Oh, he's quite pure," Palpatine said. "Annoyingly so." Then he scratched his head. "At least, he used to be pure." He glanced down the fairway. "I'm actually not quite sure what he is now."

"Hm," came Lucius' curt reply, tapping the ball into the hole.

"Well, that was sporting," Palpatine said jovially. "Come," Palpatine said, striding toward the clubhouse. "The first round is on me. And you can tell me about these forbidden runes of yours."

"A pleasure," Lucius drawled as they made their way off the green.

The End