Title: The Effects of Bad Chocolate and the Rising of the Tide
Author: Kendra
Rating: LOCM (Loopy on cold meds)
Archive: Err...okay
Disclaimer: Don't own Obi, but I'd sure know what to do with him if I did.
Note: This was so quickly written it was scary. I had a sudden Obi moment and couldn't resist. Forgive the mess, and yes, I stole a little from everyone of late.
Special Note: The Jedi have Zima as their crippling drug...what if the Ho's had a crippling drug...like cheap chocolate?

~~*~~

After a long morning of mediating between Cal and the fake rubber bat that seemed to attack him unprovoked like, Laure sighed deeply and trudged to her flat seeking solitude. Closing the door behind her, she leaned heavily against it and then quickly turned around to lock the thing.

"Mmmmm...chocolate," she smiled to herself, catching the faint scent drifting through the apartment.

It was as she walked on autopilot seeking it's sweet reward when it occurred to her that she 'was' smelling chocolate. And not the good stuff either, and that was dangerous. Who knew what could happen if nasty chocolate was brought on campus.

"Commo?"

"Beloved, just in time," the fallen emperor exclaimed as he sat amidst a pile of coin bags. "Come see what was just delivered."

"I have a bad feeling about this," the mediator mumbled, almost too horror stricken to stride across the den and see what was within the hundreds of bags about the room.

With an excitement that only a fallen emperor could have, Commo upended one of the large coin bags so that its golden contents rained down to the floor about his feet. "See, it is done, I have my own coins once more," he smiled, sweeping his arms in a most regal gesture to all the bags littered across chairs, couch, floor, anywhere they could be stacked.

"What have you done?" Laure shouted, picking up a bag, and landing on her butt as the contents weighed next to nothing, surprising her for she was hefting it as if it were heavy. Untying the bag, she quickly dumped the contents to her lap as gold coins spilled forth to litter the floor and the overwhelming scent of chocolate ---cheap chocolate at that---assaulted her senses.

"Is it not most grand?" Commo beamed, dumping another bag of coins to the floor and then he began rolling about in them.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Laure picked up one of the coins. Sure enough it had a Roman image...not Commo's but like he'd really notice at this point. But that's when things really began to go down hill as she sniffed the coin and then peeled back the foil edges to reveal nothing but a small, thin chocolate wafer.

"Oh hells," she snapped, picking up another, and another, and another and finding only chocolate coins. "Commo, stop that rolling about immediately," she ordered, noticing that he was now dotted with melted chocolate.

"What are we going to do with all...all...this? It's crap chocolate!"

"Beloved, I assure you it's..."

"Chocolate! I am a Wo, I know my chocolate, and this is most assuredly cheap, nasty chocolate! What are we going to do with it? Correction...what are you going to do with it?" Laure demanded while standing, momentarily slipping on the coins as they crushed beneath her well-heeled feet.

Commo looked perplexed. "Spend it?"

"I need a drink," Laure groaned, feeling slightly dizzy from the cheap chocolate fumes before turning to leave. Normally her chocolate covered Emperor would have pinged her big time, but this after all was that cheap waxy chocolate nobody could stand.

~~*~~

"Love, you need something?" The General asked, stepping out of his office and into his secretary's outer office.

Kendra glanced up from the myriad of Halloween catalogues and scrunched her nose. "I need some help. This trying to decide what to be on Halloween is difficult. What should I go as?"

Obi-Wan's keen Jedi senses told him to tread lightly, very lightly in deed. "What would you like to go as?"

Raising an eyebrow in a most perturbed manor, Kendra huffed. "I don't know, that's why I asked you," she replied a little testily.

"Watah issues, love?" The General blurted out before he could stop the question from rolling off his lips.

"Why is it when I'm just having a normal, boring, bad day, it's always 'watah issues' with you? Sheesh, can't I just have a bad day? I ask one simple question. One. I need help trying to decide what to wear to the Halloween party..."

"Squirtle!" Emmy shouted from her office, her chair rolled to the door to hear the commotion coming from the General's office.

"Uh?" Kendra and the General both grunted in unison.

"You can go as that Pokemon character...Squirtle!" The Diva reiterated, as the General had the good graces to look shocked, while his secretary reached for her stapler. With Jedi reflexes, he managed to wrestle the stapler from Kendra's hand before any shots could be fired.

"Emmy, you are not helping the mattah," the General sighed, raking a hand through his hair while trying to block his secretary from leaping from behind her desk to find some other manner of destructiveness.

"She asked," Emmy replied.

"I haven't a clue what this...Squirtle is, but I sense it is not complimentary," he remarked as Kendra finally quit fidgeting.

"Fine then, here's another suggestion. Spongebob Squarepants...I'm sure you'll both know that one," Emmy loudly suggested, smiling rather triumphantly to herself.

With that, Kendra leaped from her chair and dove across her desk, running into the General's office to use his stapler. Just as she was storming back into the outer office she heard a stifled laugh, and the laugh was coming from the General who was doing his best to wipe the smirk off his face.

Kendra narrowed her eyes on the Jedi and forgot all about the Diva for a moment as she stomped her way to her desk. "It wasn't funny," she corrected, jabbing a well manicured finger at his chest, sending him to slowly back up and fall into her chair as the back of his knees hit the seat.

"Be that way, see if I care," the secretary huffed, reaching into the bottom drawer of her desk to retrieve her bag of gummy fish, not caring if she slammed the drawer into the General's shins. With that remark, the Water Ho promptly turned in a blur of blonde hair and left.

"Kendrah! I didn't mean to laugh..." the General shouted, rubbing his abused shins, of all days for him not to wear his boots he thought miserably.

"What's wrong with her?" Emmy questioned from the doorway, motioning her thumb in the direction of the retreating Ho. "Water issues again?"

"Emmy," the General groaned, leaning back in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel it was going to be one of those days again.

"Do you smell chocolate? Cheap crap chocolate?" The Diva mused aloud before heading back to her office.

~~*~~

One last grunt and groan, and it was done. "Finally," Dor huffed, sliding down the balcony wall to sit down, as she wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"Yes, I would say that," Xani winced, looking over the edge of the balcony to the sidewalk below. "You really should have warned them."

Dor raised an eyebrow and slowly got to her feet to peer over the edge as well. "It's not my fault if they couldn't see some frilly frou-frou linens and the bedroom set coming at them."

Xani nodded his head in agreement as he watched the HSU fire truck come to a screeching halt below. "True," he agreed. Noticing the high fives and shouts of joy from the firemen as they broke out the jaws-of-life to free Cal from beneath the tossed away dresser. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"I don't know. I was thinking it's about time to break out the coffins again," the librarian thought aloud, leaving Xani still standing on the balcony watching the rescue.

"What? You know what those damned coffins do to my back," he suddenly shouted, following Dor back into the room.

"Blah, blah, blah," Dor muttered before stopping in her tracks. "Do you smell cheap chocolate?"

Xani sniffed the air. "No, I smell Dande's cookies," he mused before Dor turned to him. "Don't look at me, I didn't get the mail."

"Pelham!" They shouted in unison, both realizing that the lavender lord must have intercepted a care package of cookies sent to them by the Wench.

~~*~~

"No," Judy replied, continuing to pour vodka into the ice tray. She was hoping to start preparations for the Halloween bash, so frozen vodka bats were the order for the day.

"Oh, come on..."

"N-O!" Judy slowly said, watching, as Ellie still didn't get the hint.

"The slot machine would look so good in here..."

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?"

"It should be arriving any day, I can't keep it in the vet clinic," El replied, ignoring the bartender.

Judy shook her head in exasperation while placing the bat ice tray of vodka into the freezer. "Why not? Does my pub look like the place a slot machine should be located? And you'd better think twice before you reply," she remarked, eyeing her baseball bat so that Ellie got the picture.

"Fine, I don't have the outlets I need to run the thing in my clinic..."

"Have you heard of an extension cord? Generator? Maybe you could run it from the Nurse's clinic or something," Judy suggested, pulling another bat tray from under the counter and began to fill that with rum.

"Hmmm....you know, I bet that might work," Ellie mused before stumbling out of the pub while she tried to figure out where she'd get all the heavy duty extension cords.

"Do you smell waxy chocolate?" Judy asked, but nobody answered, then a feeling of crankiness swept over her. "Hey! Didn't anybody hear me? I 'said' does anybody smell crappy, waxy chocolate?" She demanded, picking up her bat in a threatening manner.

"Where did that come from?" Jen asked Shana, as the two sat in a corner booth drinking.

"Don't know?" Shana shrugged. "But I tell you what, it seems like everyone is a bit snippy suddenly."

"Go figure..." Jen sighed, ignoring the rising ire.

~~*~~

"Yeah? Well what are you going to do about it?" Emmy demanded, shouting into the phone.

"Fine, whatever," she snapped, slamming the phone down.

"What was that all about?" Laure asked from the doorway.

The Diva flapped her hand dismissively at the phone. "Just some silly cop. He's looking into the disappearance of the Bellagio fountains and some stupid shoe assault on that half dressed cocktail waitress."

"Oh," Laure mused, nodding her head in understanding. "Well? When is he getting here to arrest Tara, Kendra, and you?"

"What?'

"You're the one who tried to kill the waitress with your clunky shoe," the mediator commented casually.

"She deserved it," Emmy insisted.

"Be that as it may, just prior to the Vegas assault you nearly tried to kill the General. There's a pattern here," Laure insisted. "Probable cause and all that crap or whatever they say."

"It is not," Emmy objected. "They have no evidence that I did anything...now Tara and Kendra, well that's another story...but..."

"Tell Bertha I said hi," Laure smirked before walking to meet the General for her appointment.

"That wasn't funny!"

~~*~~

"You did send out the memo, right?" Tara asked, wading back to shore after putting the last minute adjustment on the fountain to give it more power.

"Memo? What memo?" Kendra asked.

"The memo telling everyone about the fountain tests. That memo," Tara reminded as they stepped ashore.

"Oh, that memo...yeah, sure, I sent it..."

Tara looked at the other Water Ho and shook her head. "You didn't send it, did you?"

"Hey, I resent that accusation. What's the matter with everyone? Can't I just have one of those days without being accused of everything?"

"Like all the other memos, you didn't send it out," Tara sighed, grabbing the switch box from the other Ho's hand.

"Well, no...fine then, I can't do everything. Do you know how much pressure it is to choose a Halloween costume? Let me tell you, lots..." Kendra continued, stomping her booted foot for good measure but only managing to get it stuck in the sand.

"Are you having water issues again?" Tara asked, eyeing the other suspiciously.

"For the last time no!"

"Fine then, you don't have to be so snarky about it...." Tara snapped. "You've been hanging around the General while he's in one of those moods a little too long," she muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," Tara replied, hitting the 'on' switch.

"Do you smell cheap chocolate?" Kendra asked, before her voice was drowned out by the rush of water.

~~*~~

"What the...?" The General exclaimed, stopping mid shampoo as the water in his shower suddenly died while he was trying to rinse the suds from his hair.

~~*~~

"Okay! What happened to the water?" Darry shouted, stopped mid frolic with Cic as the two had set about filling up the tub.

"Yew know..." Cic began to explain but Darry quickly stepped out of the huge tub, grabbing her robe, a look of murder in her eyes.

"Yeah, I know all right. Water Ho's...." She said with contempt, stomping out of the bathroom on a mission.

~~*~~

Jael frowned as she watched the water in her moat quickly get slurped up only leaving mud in its wake. "Max! Get my sword!" She shouted, knowing where the problem would more than likely lay.

~~*~~

"You will not believe what just happened!" Julia exclaimed, stepping into the pub in a rain slicker, her camera carefully protected beneath a big plastic bag.

"What?" Jen asked.

Judy rubbed her temples and groaned. "Don't tell me, my padawan," she sighed, putting the empty glass back down to the counter after trying to fill it with water but only managing to get air from the tap.

"Well...yeah," Julia gleamed. "Wait till I get the pictures developed. By the way, do you guys smell cheap chocolate?" With that last remark, she tightened her rain gear about her and headed out into the pouring rain...err...fountain water.

"When did it start raining?" Judy asked with alarm.

Before another question could be answered Tara burst through the pub door. She was breathing heavily and drenched from head to toe...and not in a good way. "Everyone remain seated. Let's not panic. Everyone stay calm!" The Water Ho tried to suggest as she kept glancing out the pub door. "Damnit, does anybody have a life raft?"

"Anybody else smell that cheap candy chocolate that nobody eats?" Tara asked, then turned.

With that remark, the Water Ho ran out of the pub in a slight panic.

~~*~~

The General came skidding to a halt as he rushed into the pub, a towel draped lowly upon his hips as he tried to wipe the shampoo suds from his eyes.

"Blahst! What happened to the watah?" He demanded as moments later the Nurse cam sliding to a halt beside him, bubbles still clinging to her legs and arms as she pulled the belt of her robe tighter about her.

"You think those two were...?" Judy questioned before shaking her head in the negative.

"Nah..." Emmy agreed. " Purely coincidence, like my shoe actually nearly killing that waitress in Vegas," she added, as the General looked at the Diva, confusion clearly evident in his eyes.

"What happened to the watah? Where is Kendrah and Tarah?" The General questioned; he was clearly getting annoyed with being bombarded by shampoo and not to mention it was a little drafty as well.

"Nice view," Jen remarked, watching as the General kept one hand on the towel at all times.

"Tara just ran out of here in a panic, Kendra...no idea...but my best guess is that where one of the Water Ho's is, the other will sure to follow," Emmy mused.

"Panic? What's going on?" The General asked as Jael came charging into the pub, Max at her heels.

"Where are they?" Jael demanded. "If I have to go through every one of you to find those two I will," she promised, as Max had to strategically duck so as not to be beheaded by her flailing sword. Both noticeably wet.

"Wonder if the bra will rust?" Ellie mused, nodding to Jael.

"Everybody just calm down, I'll handle this," the General insisted in that way of his that made all the Ho's get a little giddy. With that, he clutched his towel tighter and headed to the door leading outside.

"Err...maybe you should get dressed first," Laure suggested while sipping her drink.

The General glanced down and grunted. "Possibleh..." he snapped, turning back the other way and to the other entrance in order to go get some clothes on. It was always prudent to be prepared no matter the circumstances on campus.

~~*~~

"It wasn't my fault," Kendra hissed, pulling the blanket around her to stop the shivering.

"Don't look at me, I just flipped the switch," Tara shot back, her teeth chattering as they sat in the General's office and watched as he started a fire in the fireplace, his ownself drenched from head to toe after having to jump in and rescue the two of them after Tara's failed raft rescue of Kendra.

"Ha! You said turn it up a notch," the General's secretary corrected.

"No I didn't. I said look at my watch...I needed to know what time it was since I had an appointment with the General," Tara insisted.

"No...you did not..."

"Did to..."

"Did not...

"Did to, did to, did to..."

"Enough!" The General loudly bellowed making both Water Ho's stop their bickering.

"What?" They said in unison.