Title: HSU: Bat Lights and Bat'liths (1/1)
Author: Judy
Rating: BAW (bored at work)
Timeline: After whatever the last HSU fic was. This is set just before Halloween 2003.
Summary: Just a typical afternoon at the Pub. Lots of silliness, of course.
Notes: I kind of envision Dor as the "Norm!" of the Pub. *G* And I stole from the recent list talk, so there you go. lol

"Kendra! Watch out for the...!" Judy cringed as the ladder Kendra was carrying scraped along the gleaming brass light fixtures lining the wall.

"...lights."

"Wha?" Kendra looked around, causing those around her to scramble and duck as the ladder swung with her and almost toppling her as she became overbalanced. Letting the ladder fall to the floor with a clang, she finally glanced up and saw the damage. "Oh! Oops! Well, here's the ladder. Tara said she'd be by later if she doesn't get pulled into another strip poker game with her crew. She really cleaned up last time!" She pulled the ladder over to the far side of the bar and set it up against the wall. The ladder was of the metal extendable variety and had HSUFD stenciled in black paint down each side.

"So, where the Gen?" She smiled expectantly at Judy, her grin fading as she took in the bartender's scowl and crossed arms. Judy jerked her head in the direction of the scratched up light fixtures.

"Um..." Kendra began.

"You..." Judy began, pointing a finger at her padawan. Neither got to finish because they were interrupted by Delphi, who burst into the pub hefting a large crescent-shaped weapon over one shoulder.

"Yo, Ho's!" shouted Delphi. "I've got the bat'lith. Where do ya want it?"

Judy and Kendra, mouths still agape, stared at Delphi, then at each other, then back at Delphi.

"Excuse me?" asked Judy.

"A bat-what?" asked Kendra.

"A bat'lith. For the Halloween decorations. Although I'm not sure how hanging..." Delphi gave a small chuckle, then continued. "a bat'lith in here is really going to contribute to the Halloween spirit. Although it *is* sharp..." she mused. "Maybe it could represent slasher movies?"

"I didn't ask for a bat'lith," Judy said flatly, turning her patented scowl-and-crossed arms combo on the HSU tech goddess.

"We are hangŠer, putting up these, though." Kendra held up a string of plastic black bat lights. "If the General would ever get here..." she glared at the door.

"Well, the memo said bat'lith."

"What memo?" snorted Judy.

"Memo? When did I write a memo? But you actually got a memo from me and you actually read it?" asked Kendra, who looked stunned. No one ever read her memos.

"Welll, Worf did. And he isn't too pleased about loaning his precious weapon but said he'd do it since hanging weapons around a room as part of a celebration of the dead sounded like part of a similar Klingon ceremony." Delphi rolled her eyes. "Anyway, here it is." She held it up.

"It *would* look good next to my bats," said Judy, giving the bat'lith a speculative glance, then examining her precious bat collection displayed behind the bar in custom-made shadow boxes.

"I really wrote a memo telling people to bring bat lit thingys to the pub?" Kendra asked, her brow furrowed in a good imitation of the General's. "But I'm sure I'd remember...Oh wait! The other day I was typing something about the pub decorations when Emmy started parading the Elf around the hall in a bunch of different Halloween costumes! And, let me tell you, she has some verrry nice outfits picked out. Like this leather-armor-warrior thing...woo!...and this wood sprite thing where he's not wearing much of anything except some well-place twigs and leaves...and I hope that wasn't poison ivy Emmy gave him to wear, but I guess he's an Elf so it won't bother him, but still...and there was that awful Great Pumpkin outfit, but I don't think even the Dean would be that mean." Kendra stopped her rambling long enough to give Judy and Delphi a hopeful look, but the Ho and Wo refused to meet her gaze.

"So, where is he?" a new voice demanded from the pub entrance. Emmy stood there tapping one clunky-shoed foot. "I'm ready to each chocolate and ogle cute General butt." She stared meaningfully at Kendra.

"Why are you looking at me?" yelled Kendra.

"Shouldn't you know where he is?"

"Oh sure, I have to keep up with his glasses, his keys, and all sorts of other things. I can't be expected to keep track of the man, too!"

"You're his secretary," Emmy pointed out.

"So?" Kendra huffed.

Emmy threw up her hands. "I need a margarita." As she walked up to the bar, she gave Delphi a curious glance. "Why do you have Worf's bat'lith?"

"Halloween decoration," said Judy as she pushed the blend button on the industrial-sized blender. It whirred loudly for a couple of seconds before Judy shut it off.

"Excuse me? A what?" asked Emmy, looking at Delphi and the bat'lith again, then she shrugged.

"Yeah, it kinda fits here, though, doesn't it?" said Judy as she poured up a mega-rita for the Dean. She glanced at her watch. "Hmm...it's almost time for..."

"Maker's," Dor signaled as she headed over to the bar and plopped onto her personal bar stool. Judy put a bottle in front of the Librarian. "Thanks." She ripped the wax seal off and took a swig. "Much better. Today has been very stressful. Between the action in the Clinic -- did anyone else notice the "closed" sign?" Everyone snickered. "...and setting up cameras, yelling at Xani for...something or other..." she waved her hand dismissively, "...and having to listen to Pelham ramble on about how Œgauche¹ orange and black are..." She sighed heavily and took another swig. She finally noticed that Emmy and the others were ignoring her and watching something else. Bringing her bottle with her, she swung around on her bar stool to see Delphi twirling the bat¹lith in a demo for some of the miners. "Hey, that'd be cool for the library."

"Watch it with that thing!" Judy yelled at Delphi over the men's cheers and shouts of encouragement. "Go do that in the cabaret!"

"Speaking of which, where's Laure? She'd never miss the hang...er, putting up of the lights," said Kendra.

"Think she had a Cal session," said Emmy with a smirk. The others groaned.

"At least that's what Dande said," continued Emmy as she sipped her 'rita.

"Well, I'd better go get some extra bottles of cab from the wine cellar, just in case," said Judy, wiping her hands on a towel and heading off to retrieve the necessary vintages.

Judy had just left when Laure barged into the clinic, her designer mules clicking smartly on the hardwood floor. "Why do I do this to myself?! I swear, that boy is not going to live for much longer, Œcause I¹m going to kill him! Where's Judy? I need booze. Now." She noticed Kendra behind the bar where she was doodling on an order pad. Feeling the weight of a stare, she looked up.

"What?"

"Booze. Anything. Here. Now." Laure jabbed at the coaster she had positioned in front of herself.

"Okay. Sure. Hold your horses." Kendra looked with mild panic at all the bottles with the spouts attached. She picked one up at random and poured some brownish-amber liquid into a tumbler glass.

"Here you go." She gingerly set in front of Laure, who grabbed the glass and downed it. And immediately began coughing.

"What was that?!" she gasped. Kendra looked at the bottle she had picked.

"It says 'Wild Turkey'."

Laure grimaced. "Bourbon!"

"Hey!" shouted Dor, affronted. But Laure just shook her head. "Don't care. Gimme another."

Judy returned soon after to see Kendra pouring the drink. "Why are you serving Laure bourbon?"

"That's what she wants."

Judy looked at the frazzled Mediator and nodded. "Yeah, go ahead. I'll bring out the wine later."

"So, where's Ellie?" asked Dor, as she nursed her bottle of Maker's. "I wouldn't expect her to miss this."

"She and her men are off on some adventure or other," said Kendra. "She said they'd be back soon."

"You sure it's not a casino," said Emmy.

"Why, when she's got one here?" asked Kendra.

"Yeah, but she never wins anything at the one here," Judy pointed out. "You know, it's sure quiet in here without them around. And Commo's been out playing golf all day," the Bartender looked at Laure for confirmation. The Mediator drained her glass then signaled for another drink.

"Yes, he had a two o'clock tee time with Lucius and Palpatine. I'm sure they've convinced him to caddy for them," said Laure with a sigh. She quickly drained her glass again.

A cheer from the rear of the pub got the Ho's and Wo's attention and they turned around to see what was going on. Laure swayed a bit on her seat, but Dor steadied her, accustomed to being un-sober on a moving bar stool. Delphi had finished her demonstration and was taking her bows. A few chairs and one table lay in pieces but the place was otherwise unscathed. Among those applauding was Dande who had come in from the patio during the performance and stopped to watch.

"Very good, dear," she said, patting Delphi's arm. "Worf would be so proud."

"Guess it's all that sparing," Delphi said with a wicked grin.

"Hey Dande! Where's Qui?" yelled Dor as the Wench glided over to the rest of the grrls. "Is he helping decorate in here tonight?"

"There's only the one ladder," said Kendra quickly.

"They can stake turnss," slurred Laure, who had traded in the bourbon for red wine.

"Oh, I think he'd be delighted to help," said Dande brightly. She set a large plate of cookies on the bar. The bottom of the plate was thoughtfully covered in felt so as not to scratch the bartop. The cookies quickly dwindled as various Hos and Wos grabbed them and scarfed them down. "I'll ask him when he and Obi-Wan get back," she added calmly.

"What??" exclaimed Judy, turning from helping Delphi lean the bat'lith in a corner.

"Someone's in trouble..." chuckled Delphi.

"Get back from where?" asked Emmy, her eyes narrowed.

"What about the bat lights?" asked Kendra forlornly, holding up the string for everyone to see.

"They were going to the motorcycle show over in Testosterone County. I believe Maximus was going with them," Dande said, puzzled at the Ho's reaction. "You didn't know?"

"Obviously not," said Emmy.

"Maybe that's why he was talking about a motorcycle trip," mused Judy.

Kendra perked up at that. "Oh yeah, I think he mentioned something about taking a tripŠbut then I got distracted when he swaggered past my desk. And he was wearing his glasses..." She giggled.

"Well, I put some very important work on hold for this," said Emmy.

Judy raised an eyebrow. "Where's the shoe sale?"

"Nordstrom's."

"Dammit. Where are you, Kenobi?" Judy growled, angrily wiping a glass.

"I'm right heah," said a low, cultured voice that sent shivers of delight through every Ho there. Even the Wo's felt the full effect of that voice. Dande just smiled and waved as Qui-Gon joined his former padawan at the doorway.

"Sorry, we're late," said Qui-Gon as he gave his wife a hug. "Lost track of time."

"That's okay, dear. Did you have fun looking at all the pretty motorcycles? Did it put you in the mood to go for a ride?" Dande purred in his ear.

"Yes, I...er...I'll tell you all about it at home. Let's go there. Right now," said Qui-Gon, who began hurrying Dande out of the pub.

"I think we'll have to pass on helping tonight," called Dande from the door. "Have fun, grrls! I know I will!"

Kenobi grinned at the departing couple, but his grin quickly faded as he took in the glowering faces of his grrls.

"You lost track of time?" asked Emmy, frowning.

"This is tradition. How could you forget?" asked Judy, trying not to give in too easily.

"It wasn't deliberate. But it was nice doing guy stuff for an afternoon. Besides, I found a very lovely new motorcycle that I think I will have to add to my collection."

"Can we help you test drive it?" asked Kendra, hopping up from her bar stool.

"Of course."

"Okay," said Judy. "I think we'll forgive you this time." She gave him a wink.

"Emmy?" the General queried the Diva softly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she said, giving him a mock pout.

"I'll do annathing to make it up to all of you," the General said, giving them the Look. The Ho's who were standing had to quickly grab hold of the bar to stay upright. Laure nearly slid off her chair, all the drinks she had consumed notwithstanding. Dor even wavered in her seat.

The General grinned wickedly. He still had it, all right.

"Now, where are those decorations?" he asked, clapping his hands together. "What should we start withŠ" his voice trailed off as he noticed the bat'lith in the corner. "Why is thereŠ?" he pointed at it.

"Worf's bat'lith? Oh, that's part of the Halloween decorations this year," said Emmy.

"All right,² said the General, not really surprised at anything he saw around campus anymore. ³But I'm rather surprised Mr. Worf would part with it for long."

"He just wanted to do his part for our 'celebration of the dead,' after he saw the request on the memo," said Delphi with a grin.

"What memo?" asked Kenobi, totally perplexed.

"See, he doesn't read them either," said Judy to Delphi.

"Worf actually read one of Kendra's memos. This one was about the Halloween decorating in here. Apparently she instructed everyone to bring bat liths to the pub as part of the decorations," the Bartender explained.

"I said I got distracted!" said Kendra. "Bat lights. Bat liths. What? I'm supposed to be an expert typist too? Geez!" She tossed up her hands.

"Now, now, Kendra deah," Kenobi placated. "I'm sure the bat'lith will make a wonderful addition to the bat lights." He kissed her gently on the forehead. "Now, give me a string and let's get started."

He set the ladder up as Kendra stood by to hand him the lights. The Ho¹s and Wo¹s settled down to watch and ogle.

"Okay, ladies," announced Judy. "Let the show begin!"

Kenobi gave his grrls a wicked grin, then slowly started up the ladder.

The end (hee hee!)