Title: HSU: Those Bellagio Nights
Author: Judy
Rating: FFTG (Finally Found the General)
Timeline: After Kendra's Vegas story; probably concurrent with a lot of other stuff going on there
Archive: yes, please
Disclaimer: Wished I owned Kenobi.
Notes: Inspiration struck...sort of. The General got illegally glittered. And of course, the mayhem continues in Vegas. And should continue tomorrow once I figure some dialogue out.

****

Kendra didn't hear the light clink of metal on concrete as she resolutely chipped away at another portion of the Bellagio fountain, but she did feel the small rock that pinged off the back of her head.

"Hey!" she swung around, indignant. Tara, also working diligently on a nearby section, didn't notice the rock or Kendra's glare in her direction. "What are you doing throwing rocks at me!"

Tara raised her white dust-covered visage. "Huh..wha...?"

Kendra rubbed the back of her head. "I said 'what are you doing throwing rocks at me."

Tara shook her head. "Why would I do that? I'm trying to finish this section before the FedEx guy comes. I don't have time to throw rocks at you."

"Well, someone did." Kendra looked around, then up at the fountain's rim. It was then she noticed a silver salver placed there. She scrambled over to it. The tray held a glass pitcher filled with what appeared to be margaritas with gummy fish floating on top, two margarita glasses, a tin of salt, and a small porcelain dish containing limes.

"Hey! My master left this for us!" Kendra, recognizing Judy's work, shouted over to Tara, who had gone back to chipping away at the stone. Tara shoved her safety goggles back.

"Will you be quiet?" she hissed. "We're trying not to attract attention."

Never mind that at 3 a.m. the Las Vegas Strip was still all aglow and people still wandered down the street. Most seemed too drunk to notice much, however.

"Besides," Tara added. "We're behind schedule because you keep getting distracted."

"I do not," huffed Kendra.

"Oh yeah, what about that cute gendarme over at Paris yesterday? And the Elf sighting earlier today? Now it's booze..."

"But my master knew I was thirsty," cried Kendra.

"...and next thing you know, the General will walk up and then we..." Tara trailed off as she noticed Kendra trying not to laugh. "He's behind me, isn't he?"

Kendra nodded, giggling.

Tara turned around, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Could you not interrupt us just now, we're on a...hey, you got glittered and I wasn't there! No fair!"

"Don't get distracted or anything," teased Kendra.

"Oh, shut up."

"Don't tell me to shut up. You shut up."

"Oh yeah, well..."

"Kendrah, Tarah..." Both girls stopped bickering and looked up at Obi-Wan. He was dressed all in black and had at some point in the evening been decorated with various colors of glitter. They both stared.

Looking at the two Water Hos, Obi-Wan felt his head start to pound and it wasn't because he had imbibed too much that evening, although he had done that. They were both sitting on the semi-destructed Bellagio fountain. Pipes had been pulled up and were laying on the sidewalk. Behind him, police cars and taxis were whizzing by on the street. Horns and radios blared. People were laughing and singing off-key. And here his girls were, sitting in a fountain, both covered in white dust, wearing protective goggles and jump suits, and holding tools. They were dismantling the fountain... He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, closed it again, then shook his head. He looked at them, sighed, and gave them an adorable grin. "No, I'm sure I'm much better off not knowing. Just try not to destroy the entire casino, please."

Then he walked off, heading in the direction of the Bellagio entrance.

"Hey, what about the glitter!" Tara yelled after him as she and Kendra came out of their General-induced haze.

Kendra looked thoughtful. "Wow, Emmy was right. He does choose to ignore most of what we do."

****

The General quietly shut the door of the suite where he and his girls were encamped and slumped against it. The room was dark but his Jedi senses told him he wasn't alone.

"Hullo, Judith," he said softly.

"Long day?" the bartender cooed as she pulled him away from the door.

"Well, I wasn't intending to get caught up in that high roller baccarat game at Ballys," Obi-Wan gave a Force flicker to turn up a light. The glitter winked in the glow.

"But at least you had the decency to win," smiled Judy, glad the General had won big. "We'll need the money to bail someone out of jail at some point I'm sure."

"Kendrah and Tarah, perhaps?"

"Give 'em time," grinned Judy. "Besides, they're Ho's on a mission. I pity the poor police officer who tries to come between them and water."

"But if something were to happen..."

"Then you'll get your cute Jedi posterior in gear and do something. Until that time...I think I know of another way you can get your cute Jedi posterior in gear." Judy leered at the General, who gave her a decidedly wicked grin back.

"I do like the way you think, Judith," said Obi-Wan as he moved in to grope the willing bartender. She playfully swatted him away, her hand brushing off some of the glitter still clinging to his black shirt.

"Where did you get glittered? Tara toss it on you?"

The General glanced down at his shirt and gave a sheepish shrug. "Oh that, not important" He changed tactics. "C'mon Judith," he purred. "My cute posterior, remember?" He turned around to give her a view of said cute posterior in form-fitting black jeans.

Mysterious glitter momentarily forgotten, Judy let Obi-Wan pull her up to the penthouse suite.

***

The next morning, the Las Vegas local news had an interesting lead story.

"Two male suspects are being sought in connection with a robbery at the Liberace Museum. Around 2 a.m., two men, one dressed in lavender, the other with a scar on his face, according to a security guard who tried to apprehend them, got away with several valuable rings, a diamond-encrusted costume, and an amethyst-covered costume. Unfortunately all security videos were somehow blank, but police believe they have enough from the guards to form sketches of the suspects. More on this daring robbery later."

Dor turned off the radio in the rental car and swore.

"Damn you, Xani!" she shook her fist at the sky.

At the wheel, Emmy snorted. "You married him."

"I know! And isn't marriage supposed to be about sharing? Being partners? He stole all those diamonds. The least he could do is share them with me!" Dor shouted as she waved her Maker's bottle around. "But noooo, he's probably off with Pelham to who knows where by now. That's it! I bet he's at the airport."

"He won't get past the guards. They know him too well," Emmy cackled.

Dor made a choking noise. "Don't make me laugh when I'm drinking," she spluttered as she recapped her Maker's.

"Don't worry, Xani and LP can take care of themselves. They'll turn up. Besides, we've got more important things to worry about. Like finding Elvis." With that, the Diva hit the gas as they headed down the freeway on the mission to find the Elvis-a-Rama Museum.

Keeping a white-knuckled grip on the door handle, Dor couldn't help but be worried. Emmy was placing Elvis over diamonds? That just wasn't right, even for the BlackLeatherElvis-loving Diva. The Librarian pondered that a brief moment more, shrugged, and took another swig. Oh well, she thought, Xani would turn up and then she'd make him pay and pay and pay...She was almost giddy at the thought.

****

"Have you noticed how day turns into night here and night into day?" Remus asked Sirius as they made their way through the Forum Shops. Shoppers paid the berobbed men little heed, figuring they were part of the whole show. Never mind that the two wizards probably fit in better at Excalibur. But they had found that place laughable and left in hysterics. Trying to find others in their group, they'd eventually made their way to Caesars. They hadn't found anyone they recognized but had been fascinated by the recreation around them.

"Well, I believe the ceiling is rigged to create the illusion..." Sirius began.

The werewolf professor waved his hands. "I'm not talking about *that*. I'm talking about the casinos. You never have to set foot outside. It's rather amazing. And some of these places are more a maze than Hogwarts." He stopped abruptly causing Sirius to stop short to avoid running into him.

"Moony, what are..."

"Sirius, look at that." Remus pointed at a large poster advertising various casino shows.

"Charro at the Flamingo..." Sirius read.

"No, not that one. The one below it."

"Lance Burton, Master Magician, at the Mirage. You don't think he's an actual wizard?" Sirius looked doubtful.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to make sure, would it? Perhaps wizards are regarded differently here in America."

Sirius didn't look too sure, but in the end, curiosity won out and they went to purchase tickets.

****

Ellie's world had narrowed to three little squares with little images zooming round and round and round...over and over and over. She pressed the slots button again. The machine whirred. Damn. She pressed the button again. Whirrr....nothing. Damn. Over and over and over. Damn and damn and damn. A waitress brought her another drink that she barely noticed.

She blinked blearily. "And Kendra said the slots at the Luxor were hot," she groused as she put more quarters in the machine.

Ellie was so engrossed she didn't notice a certain archaeologist attached to HSU lugging equipment for an excavation through the casino.

****

Judy leaned over the balcony to look down on the diminishing Bellagio fountain. The dancing waters only worked in half the lake now.

"Well, my padawan is certainly making good progress," she mused. "Now, what to do today?"

Ah yes, Caesars. The fire yesterday hadn't slowed anyone down, in fact it had seemed to instill a sense of urgency in everyone. Darry had dragged a limping Cic back in on a quest for more Coach and Louis Vuitton. ("Well, I need more bags to carry all this crap back, don't I?" the Nurse had snapped out.) Judy hadn't seen Laure and Commo for the past couple of days and now Dor and Emmy were missing. "Wonder if they're tracking down Xani and LP," the bartender said to herself as she went over her latest betting accounts.

"Nope, they're after Elvis," said Julia. Judy whipped around. The media Ho had entered silently --that's kinda creepy, thought Judy, she's been hanging around that Elf too long -- and was now lounging on the couch. "Sere and I, on the other hand, have been keeping tabs on the Greysider and his lavender sidekick," said Julia, who looked back over the couch at her sister who was already examining the digital images. "They're holed up in a warehouse near here. Kinda like that one in ŒOcean's 11' except no fake vault. Police have them surrounded."

"Very boring," added Sere. She yawned. "I need a nap before we head back out."

"And my feet hurt. I think we've been over every inch of this town following them," said Julia.

As she rose to go to the bathroom, Judy stopped her. "Wait, Jules, got a question for you. You don't happen to know who glittered the General last night, do you? He won't say."

Julia grinned. "Maybe." With that, she slipped into the bathroom.

"You are evil!" Judy yelled.

"I know!" Julia yelled back.

****

"Can't a Ho get some sleep around here?" Kendra, awakened by Judy and Julia's argument, stomped out of one of the bedrooms. Her hair was askew and she was blinking furiously trying to get her eyes to work properly. "Wha' time is it anyway?"

"1 p.m." Judy crossed her arms.

"Don't look at me like that," said Kendra. "I've been working hard all night. I deserve a little sleep."

"Sure, fine, whatever," Judy flapped her hand at her padawan and opened the suite door to leave.

"Hey! That's *my* line!" Kendra yelled at her departing master. Grumbling about over-bearing masters, she scuffed back to the bedroom then stopped short of the doorway. "Crap, I forgot to give Judy that message from that Sopranos reject. Oh well!"

****

Over at the Excalibur, HSU's resident Warrior Princess, Jael, marched through the halls, a thunderous expression on her face. They called *this* a castle?! It was a disgrace. Disneyland had a better castle, she fumed. No proper moat. Fake armaments. Wimpy "guards". And *way* too many children. How could anyone hope to protect this place? They'd see. In case of attack, the people here would be defenceless. It was sad, really. After all, her fellow Ho's and Wo's were in town. Who knew what could happen?!

All of this was running through her mind when she rounded yet another corner in the vast casino labyrinth and stopped short of running into Max.

"Max! I've been looking all over for you! Can you believe how ridiculous this place is?!" Jael waved her hands about.

Max looked around and nodded, but he didn't seem to be meeting her eyes.

Then Jael noticed it. Glitter on his tunic. And what was that smell? She sniffed the air. Cheap perfume?

She took a step back, crossed her arms, and narrowed her eyes. Max swallowed hard. He knew this look. This look meant bad things were going to happen.

"So," said Jael in a deceptively quiet voice. "tell me just where you've been?"

***

Judy was a bartender on an important mission. The emergency bat she'd brought with her had split during the dismantling of that bar with the snooty hostess in the Venetian. She'd been too busy placing bets at the sports book lately to miss having a bat nearby but now her fingers were iching to feel that smooth, hard wood...

Pushing thoughts of last night and the General out of her head ("focus, focus"), Judy forged on to the FAO Schwartz in the Forum Shops. Her sensible but clunky boots clicked smartly on the tile as she passed shop after shop, not pausing at the sight of a runaway chariot headed the other way or the Mediator chasing after it. Nor was she fazed by the sight of Cic sitting in a motorized shopping cart as Darry piled more packages and bags on top of him.

She arrived at the toy store around dusk (in the mall) and passed under the giant Trojan Horse ("Hmm, that could come in handy"). Studiously avoiding a certain section with action figures of Richard Chamberlain, the bartender paused to admire the stuffed animal tigers, then found sporting goods. An array of bats, most wood, a few aluminum, were displayed in front of her. Ah good! Louisville Sluggers!

Judy hefted one, testing its weight. She looked around. Now what could she test it on?

****

"Where the *frack* is Industrial Road?" yelled Emmy in frustration. She pounded the steering wheel for extra emphasis. Dor looked at the Vegas map and took another swig of Maker's. They were on a quest for the Elvis-a-Rama Museum.

"I don't know," she said, "but I think we've passed that damned Rio hotel about fifty times."

"I know, I know!" Emmy growled. "I just want to see my Elvis. That's all! Is that too much to ask?"

Dor didn't answer.

"Wellllll...." Emmy added. "Is it?"

Again Dor didn't answer. Emmy's patience, such as it was, was at an end.

"Dor, I'm talking to you...what are you looking at?"

Dor was squinting up through the windshield at something. She pointed. "I think I found you an Elvis or several, actually. They're flying. Does that count?"

Emmy stopped the car in the street causing several cars to swerve sharply around her, the drivers honking horns and flipping her off. Emmy ignored them, she was too busy trying to see the tiny white figures floating down to earth. She stared for a bit, then sat back with a huff.

"But they're not wearing black leather."

Dor sighed and drank some more.

****

At a nondescript warehouse just a block over from the strip, Xanatos and Pelham argued over the diamond encrusted suit.

"For the last time, I'm not putting it on," said Xani as he pushed the offensive costume away.

"But I'm not the only one who can wear jewel-tones," sniffed LP, who was wearing the purply outfit he'd liberated from Liberace. "I just wish we could have taken more. So many stylish clothes."

"Uh, Pel, were you sniffing something earlier because these outfits are stupid!"

LP stomped off to pout, his footsteps echoing in the cavernous building.

"And be quiet when you pout!" Xani yelled, his voice now echoing. He sighed. He'd been too lenient on Pelham, allowing him to grab those costumes. What had marriage done to him anyway? Was he going soft? What was he going to do with those diamonds? He pulled out his pocket Gameboy. He needed time to think.

Suddenly, sirens wailed and tires screeched outside. Someone with a megaphone boomed out, "We have the place surrounded. Come out with your hands up."

Xani just smirked and continued to play. Pelham darted over to him in alarm. "Xani, what are we going to do?"

"Don't worry about it, Pel. The diamonds are safe."

"Are you sure no one will find the diamonds?" LP whispered.

"Positive."

"But you had to bury them so quickly last night..."

"Trust me. No one will find them."

"But that big statue..."

"That's enough, Pelham," Xani hissed.

The police were still out there but so far hadn't made a move.

****

Kendra was taking a break from fountain-nabbing today. Besides, working on it in broad daylight was a tad risky. The last Ellie sighting anyone had had was in the Luxor so that's where went. She passed all the cool Egyptian monument thingys and went inside the huge pyramid and immediately began to scan the slots.

It took a couple of passes but she finally found Ellie, who was napping on one of the machines, her hand since punching the button.

"All right, that's it," said Kendra, as she rapped Ellie on the head a few times.

"Hey, hey, they're my quarters, leave 'em alone..." Ellie flailed an arm to keep away would-be quarter robbers but didn't raise her head.

"El, it's me. Kendra. And I'm getting you away from the slots for awhile."

"Unh...don't wanna go to school..." Ellie slurred.

"Oh for heaven's..." Kendra reached for the nearest thing liquid she could find. It was some little blue-haired lady's gin and tonic from two slots down. Kendra grabbed it from her hand and doused Ellie, who shot straight up.

"Did I win?" she blinked.

Kendra crossed her arms. "Sure, lots, c'mon Ellie. You're taking a break."

"But..." Ellie caressed the slot machine longingly. "I'm so close...I can feel it. The next quarter..."

"Nope. We're leaving." Kendra began tugging Ellie along. "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's go see those white tigers down at the Mirage. Tigers, Ellie. Remember them?"

Ellie still stared back at the slot machine but allowed herself to be pulled away.

Nearby Indy was hard at work excavating near the base of the Sphinx. When he had started earlier, he'd hit some sort of control box but wasn't sure if it went to anything. Above him, the tram connecting the Mandalay Bay, Luxor, and Excalibur ground to a halt midway on the track.

Indy shoved away some dirt that had recently been dug up. "What the hell...?"

He sat back, stunned, as dozens of gems sparkled and winked in the hot sun. Then Indy sat stock still as a gun clicked behind him. "Don't move. Stay right where you are," said a squeaky, quavering voice. Security goon. Indy sighed. How typical. The man was attempting to call for backup on his radio, then Indy heard a thump and a whump. He slowly turned around.

Kendra stood there triumphantly. She had walloped the guard with her handbag. Judy would be so proud. Ellie, recovered now that she'd seen sunlight for the first time in days, rushed over to Indy. "Did you find something?"

"Yeah, diamonds." He pointed at the jewels.

"Oh wow!" said Kendra. "Like in our mine!" She and Ellie quickly began scooping them up.

None of them noticed more security goons converging from the pyramid but they did notice a bright yellow firetruck headed their way.

"Hey, is that...?" Ellie began, then Indy yelled, "Move it, move it!" and shoved the girls out of the way.

The firetruck rammed right into the Sphinx causing the whole structure to shake and shudder.

"Will you watch it?" Tyr yelled at Tanner, at the wheel.

"I got it stopped, didn't I?" He put the truck in reverse and pulled it out from the Sphinx, leaving a crumbled mass of material in its wake. The truck was untouched.

"I think we need to be on the move. There appear to be several armed men approaching us from the shadows," Boromir yelled from the back of the truck.

Tyr and Tanner rolled their eyes. Vas just stared blankly at the Middle Earth man. He'd understood maybe two words. Roux helped pull Indy, Ellie, and Kendra onto the truck, barely in time before Tanner took off.

****

Judy was having fun. She'd gone through every bat, all 70 of them. Stuffed animal fluff floated everywhere. Toy bits scattered the floor. Barbie heads rolled. The Richard Chamberlains and SithBrats died quick deaths. Store clerks cowered in corners.

The bartender took a deep, cleansing breath. She needed this after all her bad betting luck. She looked at the bat in her hand, a nice 2000 Slugger. Good vintage.

She held it up to a clerk, who cringed.

"I'll take this one."

****

As the firetruck barreled down the Strip, Tanner swerved suddenly to the left, then back to the right and everyone clung to whatever was handy just to stay on.

"Hey! Watch what you're grabbing!" Indy yelled out.

"It's just me!" Ellie yelled back.

"Oh! Well, that's okay, darlin'!"

"No fair!" whined Boromir who was clinging to a bar.

"I swear I wasn't groping!" shouted Kendra.

"But I eejoyed eet!" Vas shouted back.

Tanner swerved again to the left, flattening the Welcome to Las Vegas sign, and the firetruck rambled on across the street towards the executive airport.

"Tanner, stop this thing!" Tyr whacked the semi-blind man upside the head.

"I'm fookin' tryin'!" Tanner punched back at Tyr but hit the dash. "Ow! Fook, is that a carpark?" Tanner squinted as he aimed the firetrack at what he thought was a parking facility.

"No, you idiot, it's a..."

Instead...CRASH...SPLOOSH....

"...swimming pool..." finished Tyr. The big yellow firetruck was unharmed. The same couldn't be said of the poor swimming pool. It had been a cute fifties-esque pool with window holes in the side where you could see the swimmers. Now it had only one big hole--a gaping one in the middle--and water was running out on the pavement and into the street. The big splash had drenched those in the back of the truck and Ellie was fanning Kendra who had fainted under the onslaught of so many wet men.

"Is she okay?" asked a dripping Roux. "Maybe she needs..."

"CPR!" shouted Tyr triumphantly. The HSUFD men all "Yessed!" and high-fived (well, Tanner tried but missed).

But before anyone could put their training into use, Kendra coughed and sat up. "Whoa, what happened?" She looked around, blinking.

"Aww, man!" The men all turned away, disappointed. Suddenly the whine of police sirens could be heard coming closer. Indy pushed back his already-dry fedora, as he watched the approaching red-and-blue lights. "I think we're in trouble."

****

Judy proudly carried her prize bat through the Bellagio lobby, liking how the people backed away from her.

"Yes, walk softly and carry a big stick," she thought as her heels click loudly on the marble.

She took the elevator up to the suite and was whistling under her breath as she reached for the door. But it swung open before she could grab the knob.

"What the...?" she exclaimed.

"Yo, Judy," a beefy man in dark glasses and dark suit called out. He was sitting in one of the lounge chairs, cigar in his teeth. "Good stuff." He held up a glass with brown liquid in it.

Judy grit her teeth. That was Dor's bourbon. How dare he...?

"Whaddaya want, Bruno?" she tapped the bat in her hand.

"Your territory, what else, babe," he blew a smoke ring. "Gimme HSU."

"Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged. You owe me a lotta dough and I intend to collect...Now." The gangster motioned to his men.

"I don't owe you nothing," Judy snarled and raised her bat in attack position.

"Hah, you think dat'll stop me." His men pulled out guns...that suddenly were whisked away.

"No, but I will." Judy recognized that lovely, wonderful, very welcome voice.

She sighed. All would be well.

The General was dead calm, his voice low and quiet, but he was prepared to do whatever it took to protect Judith.

****

Xani listened at the door incredulously as police car after police car zoomed away from the warehouse in hot pursuit of...a firetruck? Had he heard the police radio right?

Soon, all was quiet without, and Xani chuckled quietly. The Force was with him, all right. Now, time to go collect his diamonds.

"I'm not leaving the suit," Pelham stood firm, even in the ridiculous amethyst-covered clothing.

"Fine, fine, bring it. I don't care. Let's just get out of here."

They opened a side door and crept out carefully and right into...a very pissed off looking Diva and ...."Hello, honey." Xani gave Dor a winning smile.

****

Lupin and Sirius took their seats for Lance Burton's magic show. They weren't sure what to expect, not sure if American wizards practiced their art for American muggles.

The curtain went up and they waited for the magic to begin. And waited. And waited.

Ten minutes into the performance, Remus shifted restlessly. "This is boring," he muttered.

"I haven't seen anything remotely resembling magic," said Sirius. They were shushed by those around them as the "magician" "walked" through a solid wall.

"Looks like you were right Padfoot. Standard muggle attempt to replicate spells by using sleight of hand and props."

"Well, I do admit to being a bit disappointed," whispered Sirius as everyone around them applauded loudly for Lance's latest illusion.

Remus' eyes lit up. "What say we show them what real magic is."

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Let's do it."

*****

"Don't honey me," said Dor, fixing Xani with a stare. "Where are my diamonds?"

"Your diamonds?" Xani glared back. Pelham coughed discreetly. "Uh...right...*our* diamonds are in a very safe place. I was just going to retrieve them."

"Well, then, by all means," Dor waved Xani towards the SUV. "And Pelham, why are you wearing that ridiculous get-up?"

"It is *not* ridiculous. I happen to like being covered in jewels."

"Whatever. Just get in....Hey Em, you coming?"

But Emmy didn't answer. She was staring at the building next to the warehouse.

"Found it." she said, pointing at a huge yellow sign that read "Elvis-a-Rama Museum and Giftshop." It stood out like a beacon. She'd found her Holy Grail.

Dor nodded at the Diva and climbed into the SUV.

As Dor, Xani, and LP took off to get their diamonds, Emmy marched into the place.

"I want to see a Black Leather Elvis and I want to see one yesterday," she demanded. The lady behind the counter just looked at her.

"That'll be nine bucks."

"Excuse me? Do you know how long I've been searching?"

"Yeah, you and everybody else, lady. Nine bucks."

Grumbling about the injustice of it all, that she was the Diva, and deserved to see BlackLeatherElvis, Emmy slapped the money down on the counter. "Where is he? And don't try to pawn off some old fat, balding guy in a white jumpsuit on me, either. Or I want my money back."

"Just go through those doors and wait for the show." The lady took a drag on her cigarette.

****

The General quickly disarmed all the mobsters with deft flicks of the Force and brought his lightsaber to Bruno throat.

"You threatened one of my girls. I don't like that," he growled. "I suggest you leave her alone from now on, do you understand." Obi-Wan glared at Bruno who had begun sweating profusely.

Judy had to lean against the wall to stay upright. She loved it when he got all growly and fierce and protective like that. It made him even more sexy. She hoped he would swagger too.

He'd wanted to call the police, but Judy had managed to convince him otherwise. She didn't need police involvement in this little mess. "Could you just whammy him to not remember that I owe him money?" she asked.

Obi-Wan sighed. It wasn't really a proper use of the Force, but...he looked at Judith's pleading eyes. "Please?" It was for one of his girls. He waved his hand.

****

Dor winced as Xani howled in outrage. The diamonds were gone. The Luxor entrance was a wreck. The Sphinx was listing. Flowers and plants uprooted. Huge skidmarks were burned in the pavement and a stray firehose lay twisted on the sidewalk.

The Librarian decided to do something very generous because she loved Xani and wanted to try to be a good wife. She held out her Maker's bottle to him. "Need a swig?"

Xani glared at her for a moment then grinned wickedly. "You know what. We'll just sell the diamonds off the suit," he said as he took a drink.

LP grabbed his arm. "But I'm not giving my suit up. That's final."

"Sure, Pel, sure," said Xani, linking arms with the Englishman and Dor. "All right, now, who wants sex?"

"Me!"

"Me!"

The trio took off in search of a hotel that hadn't tossed them out yet.

****

"You should have seen him, Emmy. Obi-Wan was incredible. Those muscular thighs flexing, those arms so strong yet so deft, you know how he handles his lightsaber, and he got all growly and even grunted. Damn. I thought I was gonna melt right there." Judy fanned herself as she recounted how Obi-Wan had taken care of the mobster guys.

"So, did you jump him?" Emmy asked the all-important question.

"Duh."

The Ho's high-fived, and sipped their margaritas. Having found a proper Elvis, even if she made the guy go change into the black leather costume in the museum before she'd let him sing, Emmy was back on an even keel and had even fit in time to buy a few designer handbags and some more shoes.

They were examining Emmy's purchases when Julia waltzed in carrying some photos. She looked very pleased with herself as she placed the packet on the coffee table in front of the Ho's.

Judy was still annoyed with Julia from the night before.

"What?" she asked shortly.

"You want to know who glittered the General, don't you?"

Emmy darted a look at Julia. "Excuse me? What is this? Someone besides one of us glittered the General?"

Julia grinned. "I'm afraid so."

"And no one told me?" Emmy asked.

"We didn't know where you were."

"I have a freakin' cell phone!" Emmy exclaimed as she grabbed the packet and yanked the photos out.

There, in all their four-color glory were pictures of a very inebriated General and Other General, surrounded by the topless dancers of the Folies Bergere. The men were laughing and holding beers. And they were covered in glitter and sequins, and a few feathers, from the dancers' costumes. Julia fell into a chair laughing at the expressions on Judy's and Emmy's faces.

"How could..." Emmy spluttered.

"They're topless!" Judy shouted.

"What's wrong with *our* boobs!" Emmy shouted.

"He's so dead!" Judy and Emmy said at the same time.

The General stopped before entering the suite. He'd just felt a great disturbance in the Force. Oh no, what now? He slipped in but had only taken a couple of steps when Emmy boomed "Kenobi! In here. NOW!"

He strode in and adopted the Stance. "Yes, my deah."

"Stop that," said Emmy, waving helplessly at his pose. "I'm mad at you."

"And so am I!" said Judy.

"May I ask what I did this time?" Obi-Wan sighed, running a hand through his hair. Wasn't this supposed to be a vacation?

Both girls held up a picture. Julia just giggled.

He blinked and peered closer. Then he winced. The show. He couldn't help the little smile that formed.

"Oh yes, that was a good show." He smiled winningly.

Judy and Emmy just glared. He decided to change tactics.

"Now this..." he waved at the photos, "was all quite innocent, I assure you. We just wanted to tell the dancers how much we enjoyed the performance."

They were still frowning. Okay, try something else, Kenobi.

"It was Max's idea."

"Hmph," said Emmy, shoving past him. "Well, see what Jael has to say about this."

"Oh, I imagine quite a bit," Julia called after her. Then to Obi-Wan and Judy, "Sere should be delivering photos to her right about now."

"And this doesn't bother you?" Judy asked Julia, sweeping a hand over the photos.

"Nope."

"Ugh," Judy grunted. "I'm going to the casino." She stormed out.

Obi-Wan stared after her, befuddled. "I really don't get them sometimes."

"Oh, they'll be okay once they realize it wasn't *really* an illegal glittering. That you were just acting all male and stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, please," Julia sidled up to him. "I was there. I know how drunk you and Max were. You two were acting sooo goofy. And you want to know something else?" Julia wrapped her arms around the General.

"What?"

"I've got you completely alone, don't I?"

"Why yes, Julia, yes, you do." The General grinned lasciviously.

"Well, then, I suggest you prepare for a proper glittering."

The End

The audience sat in stunned silence.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other, bemused.

"But I thought magicians always pulled rabbits out of hats?" Sirius asked innocently as he held on to a cute white bunny that was twisting madly trying to get away.

Remus scratched his head. "Yes, well, I suppose actually putting the magici= an in the hat, turning him into a rabbit, *then* pulling him out isn't usually= done."

He pointed his wand at the Lance Burton Bunny. "Put him down, Sirius. We shouldn't leave him like this. You're already a wanted man; we don't need t= he U.S. Department for Magic on us about this."

Sirius' nose twitched. "But I love rabbit, Remus."

"Put the bunny down."

"Oh, all right." Sirius carefully placed Lance Burton in bunny form on the =

magician's table. But instead of staying put, it gave a frightened squeal a= nd immediately scampered off into the crowd.

"What the…hey, where are you going? We'll change you back!" shouted Remus as he pointed his wand towards the retreating bunny. "Muggles just can't take a joke." He shook his head.

"Hold on, I'll get him."

The audience began screaming and scrambling for the door as the dark-haired man on stage suddenly transfigured into a huge black dog that took off after the rabbit.

"Sirius!" Remus called after him. "Please don't eat the magician!"

The End