Title: HSU - Dream a Little Dream
Author: Emmy
Rating: HA (Home Again)
Notes: Thanks to Judy and Dor for giving me ideas from my silly dream.

::klink klink klink::

"I can't believe how easy this was."

"I know, why did it take us two months to disassemble it?"

Kendra paused and looked up at Tara. "Two months?"

::klink klink klink::

"Give or take," Tara said, not shifting her eyes from her work.

"Huh," Kendra replied with a shrug, shifting her feet as the boots of her hip waders began to be sucked down by the mud at the bottom of the lake.

~*~

::klink klink klink::

"Wishpuff."

"Yes Mastah Dahling."

"What's that noise?"

Dande smiled and batted her eyelashes.

"What did they bring home from Las Vegas?"

"Shoes?"

::klink klink klink::

Da Mastah harumphed, shook his newspaper, and gave Dande the Jedi Mastah Sideways Glare of Cynicism(TM).

"I'm sure it's perfectly harmless--"

::klink klink klink SPLOOSH::

"--or not," Dande said, glancing toward the window.

"Quite," Da Mastah replied with an amused smirk.

~*~

"Did ya see that! Did ya see that!" Kendra yelled as she pointed frantically to ripples in the water where the SPLOOSH had occurred.

"It's working!" Tara exclaimed, raising her arms in victory. "Frickin' woo!"

"Hurry, we have to make it official and test it for real," Kendra said, skittering out of the water and toward the controls.

"Wait a minute," Tara said, tugging on her knee in a vain attempt to pull her mud strangled feet out of the lake.

"Hurry!" Kendra said as she bounced up and down.

"I'm coming!" Tara shouted back. She stumbled up to the shore and scurried next to Kendra.

The two Water Ho's grinned madly and held the controls in shakey hands.

"You do the honors," Tara said.

"Okay," Kendra said.

"Hey!" Tara said.

"What??"

"You were supposed to say 'Oh no, you do the honors,'" Tara said.

"Phht, underclassman," Kendra muttered and flipped the switch.

The lake began to bubble as an immeasurable glee filled them.

And then the illegally begotten Bellagio fountains launched themselves into the air like giant flying saucers, the powerful jets shooting downward causing the machinery to gain higher and higher altitude.

"OFF!! TURN IT OFF!!" Tara yelled.

~*~

"What the hell are they doing out there?" Laure asked, sipping her drink from the relative safety of the pub patio.

"Looks like they installed the Bellagio fountains upside down," Judy said nonchalantly as she marveled over how her new bat shone in the sun...after a great deal of sanding and re-buffing.

"Figures," Laure said, taking another sip. Then she choked on her drink.

"What is it?" Judy asked.

"Sometimes I think that maybe I should just go ahead and buy Caesars,!" Laure said, haphazardly kicking her chair away and taking off after Commo who was driving his golf cart toward the lake.

~*~

"But...I don't get it...why...." Kendra stammered.

"Just...well...." Tara replied. "Where are the photos?"

"Huh?"

"Photos! The photos we took of the fountains before we took it apart so we'd know how to put it together again," Tara said.

"We took photos?" Kendra asked.

"Ladies!" Commo called as his golf cart whirred into view.

"Gaaahhh," Tara replied, flinging the controls on the ground and marching back toward the lake with her wrench.

"Ladies, I believe that you require some assistance with this endeavor," Commo said, dismounting his golf court with grand fluorish.

"And you're going to help?" Kendra said dubiously, hands on her hips.

"Of course not," Commo sniffed. "However, as Emperor I might be willing to grant you the use of my slaves in return for a concession on the water rites of my golf course."

"Your golf course?" Kendra said.

Commo frowned. "It is mine!"

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No--"

"Kendra!" Tara yelled.

"Commodus!" Laure yelled.

"What??!" Kendra yelled.

"But--" Commo said.

"We have work to do!" Tara yelled.

"Get your butt in that cart," Laure yelled.

Kendra and Commodus glared at each other for a brief moment before both turned and stomped in opposite directions.

"Sweet Laure," Commodus said, "I was just--"

"I don't want to hear it," Laure said to Commo. Then she turned to Kendra and Tara, "I think you have it upside down," she said with a bitchy grin.

"Duh," Kendra mumbled under her breath.

"I think you have it upside down," Tara mimicked. "Like we don't know that!!"

Laure laughed, amused that the Water Ho's were finally creating a bigger headache for themselves than they were for anybody else.

At least at the moment.

Laure frowned. "Let's go, Commo, best to be as far away from here as possible."

"Sweet Laure," Commo said, taking her hand as they rode back toward the building. "I was thinking--"

"No."

"But--"

"Uh uh."

~*~

Emmy stomped across her flat and grabbed the TV remote.

Then she threw the remote and stood up.

Something just wasn't right.

And Lasher, knowing this, scooted out his doggie door and went to look for Draco.

Emmy frowned. Maybe the effects of playing poker with other people's foot-contaminated shoes were catching up to her.

That had to be it.

So, naturally, she needed to go shopping to buy brand new shoes of her very own.

Satisfied with this solution, Emmy grabbed her handbag and headed out door.

"Good morning, love," the General said very cheerily, flashing her a killer smile.

Emmy smiled back, feeling all warm and silly.

But then something else creeped into her mind.

"I was just coming to see you," the General continued, not yet aware of the darkness in the Diva's brain. "I thought you might like to go to lunch."

Emmy scowled.

"Wherever you'd like to go," the General said, putting his arm around the Diva and trying to walk with her down the hall.

But she shrugged him off and remained immobile.

The General's face dropped a bit. This felt like it could possibly be unpleasant. "What is it?"

Emmy pouted and crossed her arms.

The General sighed. "Is this about that cocktail waitress?"

The Diva's eyes shot wide open. "What cocktail waitress??"

The General gulped. "I...uh...."

"I said, what cocktail waitress??" Ah-ha, this had to be what had been making the Diva feel off-kilter. Somehow her whatever-ichlorians were trying to tell her about this trampy cocktail waitress she knew nothing about. It all made perfect sense now.

The General scratched his chin. "It's nothing. I just thought maybe Judy told you about the incident - teeny-tiny barely memorable incident," the General replied showing her with fingers how teeny tiny it was.

Emmy frowned again. This wasn't making any sense at all. If Judy was there it couldn't have been too terrible. All the same, with her whatevers in such an uproar, he had to have done *something* wrong that she didn't know about. "I'm going shopping," Emmy declared, turning on her heel and walking away.

The General stood befuddled. Perhaps his Force sensitivity wasn't as fully restored as he thought it was.

Then again, this was Emmy he was dealing with.

The General scratched his head.

Perhaps Max wanted to eat lunch. Yes, that would be a safe move for now.

~*~

"Shit, I need a bigger closet."

Cicero glanced from one end of the closet to the other, his arms beginning to tire under the weight of multiple handbags hanging from his limbs as Darry tried to find the proper place for each one. "Yew could just put them on the floor there."

Darry gave him a look like he'd just told her to eat ham before sundown.

"Or not," he said with a sigh.

"Arrgh," the Nurse said as the phone rang. "Stay there."

Cic blew his hair out of his eyes as Darry stepped over various pairs of shoes to reach for the closet phone. "Yeah what?"

"We need a Nurse," Jael said.

"What happened?" Darry asked, motioning for Cic to remove the Louis Vuitton medical bag from his elbow that was hanging between the Ferragamo bag on his shoulder and the Fendi bag on his wrist.

"Tara and Kendra shot the miners with their fountain," Jael said.

"We didn't do it on purpose!" Kendra could be heard yelling in the background.

"I'll be right there," Darry said as Cic appeared to dance around in a vain attempt to figure out which damn bag she was referring to.

~*~

"Did you see that guy!" Xani yelled with a cackle.

"Hmm," Dor said with disinterest, savoring Dande's welcome home cookies as she flipped through Witches Weekly magazine.

"He must have flown twenty feet in the air," Xani said. "I'm going to have to try that with my slaves."

"Those aren't slaves, they're miners," Pelham corrected.

"Whatever," Xani said, trundling down the stairs toward Dor's cookies.

"Touch 'em and die," Dor said without glancing up.

"Ooooh you're turning me on," Xani purred as he reached for the plate.

"Don't mess with my cookies, Greysider," Dor said, whipping a wand out of her pocket like a pistol.

"What the fuck?" Xani said. "I'm your husband, you're supposed to share!"

Pelham just laughed.

"Don't. Mess. With. The. Cookies."

"Oooohhh, I'm scared." Xani taunted. "Whaddya gonna do, turn me into a bunny. Or wait, I know! Turn me into a bunny with my head. Or better yet, my head on a bunny's body!" Xani laughed. And then he stopped laughing at the thought that that's precisely what might happen with yet another wayward spell.

Dor gave him a look.

"Right, who stole my X-Box?" Xani said, kicking books aside and walking the opposite direction.

~*~

Darry appeared on the scene to find a miner-shaped hole in the side wall of Jael & Max's fort. "Where's the patient?"

"He's upstairs," Jael said. "Where he landed."

"Is he conscious?" Darry said, hurring toward the fort.

"Oh sure," Jael said.

"He landed in our bathtub," Max said in hushed tone.

"Amazing how all that Redi Whip broke his fall," Jael said.

Max gave her the "Do you have to tell everyone our kinks?" look.

"C'mon," Jael said to Max, "it's Darry."

"You two weren't actually in the tub," Darry said.

"No, I'd just filled it and was looking for sprinkles. Men," Jael said with a laugh.

Max, sure that the Nurse and the Warrior Princess had everything well under control, decided to make an extremely rapid exit.

~*~

"Oh forget it, I'll just take all of them," Emmy said, unable to decide on which pair of shoes she liked best.

Not that it was unusual for the Diva to buy more than one pair, but neither was her heart leaping with excitement at the prospect of bringing home a pile of new shoes.

"This is all Kenobi's fault," she muttered.

~*~

"What are you doing?"

"Just catching up on a little work," Ellie said, quickly changing the screen as Indy strolled into her office.

"Work?"

"Yep, uh-huh," Ellie said.

"Alright, what are you up to," Indy said.

"Just working! See!" Ellie shouted, turning the monitor toward him.

"Okay okay," Indy said, furrowing his brow as Ellie appeared to twitch.

~*~

"They're going to kill us if they find out," the General said.

"Who's going to tell them?" Max said with a glint in his eye as he picked up his Hooters burger.

The General nodded, "Cheers," he said gulping down his beer.

"Cheers," Max said with a mouthful of burger, washing it down with his own beer.

They drank and chewed grotesque mouthfuls of food, the kind of messy-face stuffing they'd never get away with back at HSU.

Back and forth, they nodded at each other, amused, victorious, harbingers of bad-boy secrets.

But as the meal went on and scantilly clad waitresses blurred past them, leaned over them, continually asked them what else they wanted to spend their money on, the General and Max came to a realization.

They were still surrounded by women.

"I couldn't eat another bite," the General said, dropping his half-eaten burger on his plate.

"Me too, let's get the check," Max said, throwing down a french fry.

~*~

"Padawan, I need some more bandages," Darry said as she marched into Ellie's clinic.

"Huh? What?" Ellie responded, fumbling with her mouse.

"What are you doing?" Darry said, eyeing Ellie suspiciously.

"Working." Ellie blinked.

Darry put her hands on her hips. "I said what are you doing."

"Here, I think the bandages I use for the tigers should be big enough."

"She's gambling," Logan called in from the other room.

"Ellie!" Darry said.

"I am not!"

"I know that glazed look anywhere," Logan said.

Darry walked over to Ellie's computer and clicked on the window that immediately displayed the Online Casino page.

"Padawan," Darry said.

"I know, I know," Ellie said.

Darry held the expression of victorious Mastah.

"It's a ridiculous replica of a slot machine, and I swear I won't play it once the real slot machine arrives," Ellie said.

"Oy veh," Darry said. "Give me the damn bandages already, I have a few miners to patch up."

~*~

Dor yawned as she walked toward her bedroom.

"Dorotea?" Pelham called.

"I'm up here Pelham, I'm--"

"Just a moment," Pelham said, "I perhaps should warn--"

"--going to take a NAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

Pelham quietly cleared his throat as he arrived at Dor's side. "I said, perhaps I should warn you that your bedroom has been redecorated."

Dor stared wide eyed and mouth hanging open at her new Ethan Allen decor, complete with dust ruffle on the bed and valances on the windows.

"Who? Wha?"

"Wedding gift from Mrs. Willis and--"

"Darry is so dead!"

"No," Pelham corrected. "The *other* Mrs. Willis. Along with Mrs....Mrs. Cal."

"WHAT??"

"Yes, it worked out quite well for you," Pelham said. "First Mrs. Willis bought the Donna Karan sheets."

"I didn't register for Donna Karan sheets!"

"A matter of no consequence," Pelham said, waving his hand. "Not to be outdone, Cal's mother bought the coordinating comforter."

"Why is Cal's mom buying us gifts??"

Pelham ignored the question and continued. "And, as you know, Mrs. Willis couldn't have Cal's mother showing her up so she bought you the mahogany bed. Obviously, Cal's mother heard about this from their mutual stylist, Andre, so then Cal's mother had to buy the nighstands. When Mrs. Willis found out about this, the armoire was the only natural next step, and then--"

"Pelham."

"You're interrupting."

"How the hell do you know all this?"

Pelham gave Dor his own 18th Century "Duh!" look. "Anyway, as I was saying, when Cal's mother heard about the armoire after running into her neighbor, Diane, at Kroeger's, she was beside herself."

"I need a drink," Dor whined as she flopped down into her new chaise lounge.

~*~

"Anybody seen the General?" Judy asked as she polished her bar, so intent on removing the microscopic water spot that she hadn't noticed everyone else had left the pub.

"Who?" the General purred into her ear.

Judy gasped. "You're going to give me a heart attack!" She turned around and grabbed his chin. "Nawtay boy."

The General smiled as he led Judy into the stockroom.

This was a far better place in which to be surrounded by women.

~*~

"Well, that's taken care of," Darry said, slamming the Clinic door behind her. "Cic?" Darry glanced around but didn't see the servant. She went upstairs to their bedroom and found him asleep on a chair with a pile of handbags in his lap and a Fendi still hanging from one arm.

"Awwww," Darry said. And then she walked over to him and flung all the handbags onto the floor.

Cic awoke with a start, slightly panic-stricken at the prospect that he had dropped the handbags. When he saw Darry standing in front him he said, "I thought yew said they couldn't go on the--"

"Yeah yeah," Darry said, dragging him down to the floor as well.

~*~

"Alright, I think we've finally got it this time!" Tara declared, dragging herself back up to the shore.

"Where is everyone?" Kendra asked, scanning the field with her eyes. "I told them to come down for our test run."

"They're gonna be so sorry they missed this," Tara said as she picked up the controls.

"Hold on," Kendra said, dialing Judy on her cell phone.

"Judy's Pub, they spill 'em I kill 'em."

"Master," Kendra said, "where are you?"

"Everyone wave," Judy told all who were gathered on the patio. "See," she said to Kendra. "We're right here."

"Ah yeah, there they are," Tara said, squinting into the sunset.

"But you have to come down here to get the full effect," Kendra said.

"No, we're not coming any closer," Judy said.

"Fine," Kendra said, clicking her phone off and tossing it to the ground. "Spoil sports."

"Are you ready?" Tara asked, a slightly maniacal gleam in her eye.

"Ready," Kendra replied with equal emotion.

"Three-two-one, GO!" Tara yelled, as she flipped the switched, her entire body buzzing with anticipation.

The fountain splurted out of four random jets.

"It's working!" Kendra yelled.

And then they stared at it. And stared at it. And stared at it.

"Anytime now, it's just gonna go for broke," Tara said.

"Uh huh, uh huh," Kendra replied, excitedly nodding her head as she awaited the show.

~*~

"Yeah well," Laure said, turning away from the lake and walking back into the pub.

"That's it?" Jen Jen asked. "Just a ppfffft and that's it?"

"So anyway," Ellie said to Judy. "Wouldn't it be great to put a slot machine IN the pub."

"No."

"I think it would really add to the--"

"No."

"Hold on, it would be so cool and--"

"No."

~*~

Emmy sat on her sofa and stared at the shoes on her floor. She should be on cloud nine right about now! Instead she sighed and tossed a pillow aside.

"Are you expecting them to walk on their own?"

"Why do you sneak up on me like that??" Emmy said, shooting up like a rocket at the sound of the General's voice.

"Because it's fun," he said with an impish grin.

"Hmm," Emmy huffed as she sat back down.

"Emmyyyy," the General said, sitting down next to her.

"What?" she replied, crossing her arms in front of her.

"What are you mad about?"

"I'm not mad!" she protested.

"Of course you are. Now what is it? Did somebody tell you about Max and I having lunch today?"

The Diva narrowed her eyes. "What about you and Max having lunch today?"

Pay attention, Kenobi, the General silently said to himself. "Nothing, I just thought that you might be upset that I went to lunch with him instead of you."

"Oh please, why would I be mad about that? I turned you down, remember?"

The General sat back rather startled. This wasn't making any sense at all. "Then what is it?" he asked, stroking a lock of Emmy's hair behind her ear.

"I don't know," Emmy pouted. "But I am mad at you, I do know that," she added, crossing her arms.

The General chuckled. "You are impossible," he said as he put his arms around her.

And then something clicked in the Diva's brain. "I know what you did!" she exclaimed, abruptly turning to face him.

The General's forehead wrinkled.

"I dreamt that you and I were on this ship with all these other people, and the ship pitched to one side and you put your arms out to protect the other people from falling but you didn't try to keep me from falling, and in fact you didn't seem to care that I fell!"

The General gave Emmy a blank look.

"So I woke up mad at you." Emmy gave him a stare for a moment until she realized what she had said. "Shit."

"Hmm?" the General replied, not inclined to say anything more.

"Here I wasted a good shopping experience AND missed lunch with you all because of a stupid dream, mad at you for something you didn't even do!"

"Who are you and what have you done with Emmy?" the General said, his face very serious until he broke into a smirk.

"Stop," Emmy said, playfully pushing against his chest.

The General laughed. "You've been mad at me ALL DAY because of DREAM?" he said, grabbing hold of Emmy's wrists and pushing her backwards on the sofa.

"Yeah," Emmy said.

"You know what this means, don't you?" he said, his eyebrow arched high.

"What?" Emmy said with a giggle.

"I'm going to have to punish you now," he grinned. Then he leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers. "Because you're a baaaaaad girrrrrrllll!"

"I am not!" Emmy laughed.

"Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Making me suffer and then going out and spending all my money."

"*Your* money??" Emmy laughed louder. "What about YOU going to HOOTERS!"

The General's face dropped. "How'd you know about that?"

"I know everything."

"Then why did you ask me--"

"Just to see if you'd squirm," Emmy grinned, sitting up quickly and pushing him against the other end of the sofa. "Planning on going back," she asked as she climbed on top of him and pulled his shirt over his head.

"Well, not tonight at least," he teased, casually checking his watch.

Emmy leaned in. "You're bad," she whispered.

The General smiled with a nawtay sparkle in his eye. "Yes."

~*~

"Alright, that's it," Tara said, throwing down her wrench and wiping her hands on her pants. "That'll do it, *now* it's ready."

"I think so too," Kendra said. "Who knew you had to open each and every valve."

"Silly construction," Tara said. "Good thing we're smart enough to figure it out."

Kendra picked up the controls this time. "Quite right," she said. "Here goes nuthin'."

They both watched in horror as the fountain made a gurgle and then a loud flatulent noise.

"I give up!" Kendra yelled, throwing the control box down.

Tara just made a noise and kicked off her boots.

"What a stupid idea, I can't believe this," Kendra mumbled as she sulked back toward the Admin Building.

"Damn fountain probably has some booby trap thing attached to it," Tara said, glancing back as the fountain made more offensive noises. "I'm going to bed, I've had enough for one day."

"Me too," Kendra said. "See you tomorrow."

"NOT bright and early."

"Deal."

Just as the door to the Admin Building closed behind Kendra and the door to the dorms closed behind Tara, the fountain spit out eight screws, a rock, and one of Cal's old braids.

And the Bellagio Fountains began to silently dance at HSU.

The End