-----DISCLAIMER-----

I own somethings. Compared to some, I own quite a lot.
But not, unfortunately, Trigun. Therefore this is a fan based writing
and you can't sue me!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! **points and laughs**

-----AUTHOR'S NOTES-----

Lynda: I suppose I should start writing in some of Wolfwood's lessons, eh? So Vash doesn't get stuck in anymore windows? -_-;; I TOLD you I would be updating slower. Gomengomengomen...

Kuroneko: Mya~

-----*+*-----

'Um... Ok... I spy... I spy with my little eye, something beginning with... S.'

'Sand.'

'You got it again and on the first try! Hey, your pretty good at this!'

'Tongari?'

'Yeah?'

'Shut up.'

'... Hey, Wolfwood.'

'What?'

'I'm bored.'

4 people; two bored insurance workers and two bored Guardian Angels were sitting in a bored manner in a boring medium sized room. It was an 2nd class Sand Steamer room; a tiny, dirty little box of cold walls and metal bunks. They were somewhere between Jindivich and December, which, if any of them had a map and could read it, they would find could be anywhere in the Boonies. Out the small porthole the heat radiating off the sand was warping the endless horizon like a corkscrew. And the twin suns had only just set. The only good thing about their room, apparently, was the fact that it was cool. Sand, sand and even more sand stretched toward infinity, occasionally cut short by a high dune. Staring out the window while Meryl typed and Milly dissassembled her stun gun was Wolfwood and Vash who were trying to pass the time. They were failing miserably. The lack of interesting scenery had destroyed whatever patience the dark haired priest had managed to save from the morning of bad 'knock knock' jokes and stupid games. Vash was suffering from terminal boredom. Meryl and Milly had fallen silent about an hour ago, doldrums having stolen any inclination to waste breath talking.

Wolfwood ignored Vash's comment. Vash continued anyway.

'Hey, why don't you teach me something? It's your job right?' he suggested.

'Who said?!' Wolfwood snapped.

'Ange, Lina and Geli.' came the reply.

'@#$%.'

'I got a question. How come I got stuck in the window? It passed right through me when it shut, but I couldn't get out later.' Vash asked, wincing in unpleasant recollection. There was silence. Boredom overruled annoyance in the end, however.

'We are Wingers, Tongari. Substance is for the living. If you keep thinkin' your solid, you're gonna be solid. Now it's my turn. How the hell did you end up that way?'

'I was leaning out and my Guard slammed it shut on me.'

'Why didn't you move before she did?!'

'Hey, I'm not used to people ignoring my existance! People don't usually walk up and slam windows on your back. Well, there was that time in Inepril, but I was drunk!'

'Ok. Lesson 1: You Are Very Dead. Not invisible, not a god; Dead.'

'I thought Lesson 1 was: 'The Meta Kard Does Not Lie'.'

'That lesson went out the window when your Kard did!' snapped Wolfwood. Vash cringed but rallied.

'Ok, I'm dead. Got it. That doesn't explain why I initially passed through the glass.' he pointed out.

'Yes it does.' replied the priest. 'You weren't prepared for it, you didn't believe it was happening, so you passed through. It was only after you realized what happened that you got stuck. Think about it this way: We are timeless, simple things like windows are not.'

'Ohhh.' The gunman nodded in comprehension. 'Is that why I could stuff around with the typewriter? Because I thought I was solid enough to touch it?'

'I suppose so... Ok, so I don't know what happened there. Normally as a rule we can't touch the living or their plane. We can walk through 'em... Hell, in a desperate enough situation we can manipulate stuff, but I don't know how you did that so easily. It takes training to touch the Solid.' Wolfwood said, frowning in contemplation. Vash blinked.

'Can you do it?' he asked earnestly.

'Yeah, but it took me a couple month's practice. Even then it's dangerous to do. You can't have stuff floating around for the living to see. They'll exorcise you.' Wolfwood replied seriously.

'What? Push ups and stuff?' asked Vash, raising his eyebrows innocently.

'EXORCISE you idiot!! Drag you to Neutral Territory where you simply fade away!!' snapped the priest. Vash blanched. He had been to this place called Neutral Territory. It wasn't pleasant, and he had only been there for a few minutes with the company of two immortals. Alone would have been worse than anything Hell could've dish up.

'Ok, that makes sense. You can't touch inanimate objects.' he said, frowning in determination.

'You can, but you have to be careful. It's your Guard you can't touch.' Wolfwood corrected, motioning to Milly and Meryl.

'Why not?'

'I dunno. It's impossible. I think Arch Angels can if they concentrate hard enough, but there aren't any of them left nowadays.'

'Why not?'

'I dunno! Damn, stop asking stupid questions! Things are as they are!'

'Gotcha. Hey, this is easy! What's next?' Vash asked cheerily. Wolfwood scowled.

'Ok, Rule 0-' he started, only to be interrupted.

'Zero?' Vash inquired, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

'This is so damn important it doesn't need a number.'

'Ok, shoot.'

'Rule 0: You're MY apprentice. My Aide De friggin' Camp. Do what I tell you to, when I tell you to. No pissing me off. No talking back. You bow to my every whim. If I say 'Jump', you say 'From Which Cliff?'. If I say 'Strip butt naked and bark like a dog', you say 'Chihuahua or Great Dane?'. Got it?'

'Um...'

'I ain't gonna teach you, otherwise.'

'Oh all right! But I'm trusting your compassion as a priest, here.'

'Fair enough. Shine the buckles on my Cross, slave.' Wolfwood said airily, handing over his huge biblical symbol. Vash blinked.

'Wha?!' he managed, raising an eyebrow. The priest glared. Vash hastily retrieved the clothe wrapped shape.

'Man, this is heavy! Why do you lug it around all the time?!' he exclaimed, grimacing initially under the load.

'Things are gonna get rough, my Guard will need some kind of protection.'

'You're going to defend your Guard with a cross?' Vash asked skeptically.

'What else am I gonna use? Angels don't carry guns.' the priest retorted sharply. The blonde faultered, then feverishly searched the holster hanging from his hip. It was very empty.

'MY GUN!!' he shouted in horror, clutching his head and looking close to weeping.

'You didn't think that they'd let you keep it, did you?' Wolfwood asked, grinning.

'I feel naked without it!' Vash complained.

'They check guns when you graduate, so the Angelinas probably have it. No guns allowed when you're the epitome of holiness.' the priest replied. Vash blinked and tried not to look down at his left arm. Guess they missed it. It felt pretty bad not having his Colt hanging from his hip, but if push came to shove, at least he wasn't defenseless. Unlike Wolfwood, who only had a giant cross to hit people with.

'Ok. I think I'm getting this. No touching Solid things or Guards, no talking back or pissing you off, and no guns. Is that it?' the gunman asked, shining up the strap buckles that held the white sheet in place.

'I think we should stick with that until you've got the Solid thing down pat. Try it out.' Wolfwood suggested, lighting himself a cigerette. Vash shrugged, dropped his task and made his way across the small room to where Meryl sat, typing. Experimentally he reached out to pat her on the shoulder. His hand passed through. It felt cold. Hunched over the portable typewriter, Meryl herself shivered slightly, frowning at the unknown chill then dismissing it when Vash took his hand away. Ok, that works. No touching Guards. Now... For the rest of the solid world.
With slight trepidation, the blonde gunman turned to Milly's stungun. He would've tried this out on the typewriter, but he already knew how he'd fair with that, so the stungun it was... Not to worry, it was just like Wolfwood said. It was solid, he was not... Or was it the other way around?! He was solid and the rest of the world was not? He felt substancial. And that gun looked pretty damn real. Maybe if he just closed his eyes it would work.

Something inside Vash's mind wondered why it was an effort for him to not touch the Solid, while it took others weeks of practice to do so. It couldn't be that hard. He was just thinking about it the wrong way. Screwing his eyes shut, Vash took a single breath, expelled it then kicked the huge hunk of metal with all the strength he could muster. Insubstancial, Insubstancial, Insub-

That stun gun was very solid. Vash yelped and clutched his toe as the gun went off and send a round flying into the roof. The metal duct above them burst it's bolts and came crashing down, the grate falling to join the chaotic detritus below. Vash blinked as the room fell into silence when the last of the ventillation duct had fallen to rest ontop of Milly, then very slowly turned to Wolfwood. The priest was on his feet, eye twitching with a deadly emotional compilation of rage and shock. Thankfully the shock had rendered him momentarily speechless and catatonic. Milly emerged from the small mountain of duct parts and pulled a stray bolt from her hair, rubbing a bump on her head. Meryl, who had dropped the typewriter from her knees in shock, was gaping at the scene, mouth and eyes wide.

'Mi- Milly!' she managed, jumping up and hauling away some of the metal duct. 'How did that happen?!' Milly stumbled to her feet and brushed herself off. Apparently one of her traits was her risilience.

'I'm not sure Sempai. My gun just went off, and I didn't even touch the trigger!' she exclaimed, helping to clear the mess.

'You really should be more careful...' Meryl murmured, grimacing as she pried the grate loose from the Stun Gun. Back on a more spectral plane, Wolfwood had just gained the ability to speak, or, in this case, swear.

'@#%^#$#*%&$^!!!' he swore, striding forward and pulling Vash into a very painful strangle hold. 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!?'

'MERCY, MERCY UNCLE!!! I don't -OW- know!! It just went off!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!'

'Why did you have to KICK it?!?! A push would've sufficed!!' Wolfwood ceased his incessant maiming to let Vash think about this.

'... Oh yeah. I don't know, I guess I just jumped in the deep end, y'know? AHAHAHAHAH-OW-OW MERCY!!!'

'And why the @#$%in' STUNGUN for god's sake?!?! All you had to do was shove your fist through the wall for practice!!'

'OW, OW, OW... Oh yeah, I didn't think of th- OW, OW, OW, OW!!'

'I hope we don't have to pay for this.' Milly noted cheerfully, beginning, despite the latest turn of events, to put her gun back together. Meryl winced.

'I'm pretty sure we will, Milly.' she replied snappishly, looking at the wreckage angrilly.

'Well, at least the company will cover expenses!' the taller of the pair declared, standing and shuffling away from the mess, strapping her gun to the inside of her cover-coat.

'...Just be more careful next time.' Meryl scolded, making for the port hole and opening it slightly to clear the dust. She walked through the tangled forms of Vash and Wolfwood to reach the window and they both shivered from the chill, the priest relinquishing his strangle-hold-of-death.

'@#$%#...' he swore as a parting warning, glaring intensly at his spectorial partner. Vash flinched.

'At least it broke the boredom, right?' he offered, shrugging and grinning apologetically. The glare he recieved effectively silenced the gunman; one mega-watt short of combustive. Meryl shivered again as she passed through the pair, hurriedly putting on her cloak for warmth and looking behind her to locate the chilly draft.

'We always have such eventful Sand Steamer trips, don't we Sempai?' Milly chirped, resolutely pushing away the remains of the ventillation duct to a corner and dusting herself off.

'What was it last time? A group of hijackers?' Meryl asked, smiling grimly at the memory.

'That's right. But things turned out ok in the end. As my big big sister always says, "You Must Always Look On The Bright Side.". At least we weren't in any danger this ti-'

The door to their modest room burst open and what was most obviously a bandit stumbled in and waved a gun at them.

'Reach for the Sky!' he declared, loving every moment spent in the cheesy land of Cliche Heaven.

'What amazing timing.' Milly noted as she and Meryl exchanged a look, slowly raising their hands. Wolfwood swore and immediately stepped forward, placing himself beside the assailant, finger poised on the barrel of the gun. Vash followed quickly, shooting nervous glances between the bandit and Guards.

'Keep an eye out, Tongari. Looks like you're gonna test out your abilities sooner than I thought.' the priest noted, still resting a single digit on the barrel. 'This happened last time too. Luckily for us it sorted itself out, but you never know what will happen.'

'Do you want me to grab the gun?' Vash asked, reaching out to take the weapon. With his free hand, Wolfwood slapped Vash's palm away.

'Don't be an idiot! Pull a stunt like that and you'll be up for Plane Interference and be exorcised!' he snapped, pushing the blonde slightly away. 'We don't take destiny in our hands, we protect our Guards and make sure they don't get hurt before their time. It's our one and only job!'

'Then what are you doing?' Vash asked, rubbing the back of his hand in a sulky manner.

'Tweakin' his aim.' Wolfwood replied, very, very gently pushing the gun slightly to the left. The hijacker didn't even notice.

'Come on ladies, this way unless you want a belly full o' lead!' the bandit shouted, though considering the size of the room, there was really no need to do so. Milly and Meryl stepped forward slowly and Vash realized that they had both very obviously been through this kind of situation before. What the hell kind of job was Insurance Claim Investigator anyway?! Following the highwayman as he stepped aside from the door, Wolfwood mentioned for Vash to follow. The blonde gladly complied, slipping past Milly and posting himself expectantly behind his priest companion.

'Ok, listen up Tongari. Don't touch anything. We all know how you and solid things get along, so no trying to throw chairs around and stuff. These folks seem touchy enough as it is without being freaked out by a 'poltergiest'. Just might make their trigger fingers itchier if you know what I mean.' Wolfwood said quietly, finger still pressing against the gun.

'Gotcha.' Vash replied, frowning. 'Need any help?' he added as the group began moving through the Steamer corridors. Meryl and Milly had their hands resting on the back of their heads and were being thankfully pacific, not a blink out of place warning the assailant of the enormous Stungun hiding in Milly's cover-coat. Vash was near desperate for his Colt, but knew it wouldn't have done him any good anyway. Wolfwood seemed in control of the situation.

'Not yet. If things go quietly, we may not have to do anything at all. But if these people are the troublesome type, I'll tell you what to do.' the priest said evenly, matching pace with the bandit. Vash grinned at his friend's concern. The dark-haired man noted the expression.

'I'm not doin' this to help you, y'know. I don't WANT to be exorcised, so wipe that stupid smirk off your face!' Wolfwood snapped, switching his glare ahead. Vash saluted.

'Yes sir!'

-----*+*-----

The main Common Room of the Sand Steamer was very crowded. Apparently the small band of heavily armed bandits had gathered the more prosperous of the passengers into the room and had begun to take what valuables they could. They weren't very well organized. In fact, one could go so far as to say it was a pathetic excuse for a hi-jacking. For veteran hostages like Meryl and Milly, this was a casual, if not interesting stroll through the daisies. They were waiting quietly in a ragged line of fellow Steamer passengers, watching while a pair of robbers filched what valuables they could from the poor captives. Wolfwood was leaning casually against the wall behind Milly, smoking his cigerette and watching the thieves with a contemplative and measuring proficiency. Vash was a little more tense however.

'Are you sure we can't do anything?!' he asked Wolfwood again, moving to walk up the line then stopping himself when his partner shook his head.

'Don't interfere.' the priest said again, slowly losing his patience.

'But we can't let these innocent people be robbed!' Vash retorted, wringing his hands in anxiety. 'We could at least do something!'

'How many times do I have to tell you, Tongari!?' Wolfwood snapped, flicking his cigerette in his vehemence. 'Don't involve yourself in anything other than your Guard's saftey!' Vash scowled and began pacing, flinching when a woman began to sob further up the line. Meryl was strangely distant, her eyes seemingly looking into space, hands holding her knees loosely. They were next to a roulette table and the chips were scattered across the floor when the bench space had been hastilly shoved aside. It was quite a nice room. Thick red carpets and chandeliers above.
The bandits inched further down the line.

'But these people don't need to lose their belongings!' Vash complained, his righteous heart refusing to grasp the priest's logic.

'Think of it this way. If they get what they want, they'll leave without a confrontation. If not, someone might get hurt. Just ride it out and hope like hell someone doesn't stuff up. We haven't got licence to interfere with these things.' Wolfwood replied, shifting in his slouch, flicking the end of his sad, limp little cigerette. Vash's mouth made a thin and stubborn line and he returned to pacing, shooting glares at the bandits and Wolfwood alike. The priest straightened.

'Heads up Tongari, here we go.' he noted, watching the pair of hijackers stop in front of the two insurance workers. Vash glared at them, fists clenched, eyebrow twitching in justice deprived aggravation.

'Hey sweethearts,' the bigger of the two thieves drawled, grinning. 'On your feet if you please.' Meryl and Milly stood readily, the taller of the two tugging on her fingers in worry. Meryl's focus snapped back into the present. She regarded the pair stoically.

'Yes?' she asked calmly, hands on hips. One of the bandits smirked.

'Money of your life, honey. Be quick and we might not Play.' he said, grin broadening, Meryl's gaze hardening severly. Wolfwood winced.

'Great. They are those kind of bandit. Pay attention, this is going to be messy.' he said evenly, stepping clear of Milly and facing the two thieves. Vash blinked and took a step closer.

'Play? Play what?' Milly asked in all innocence, blinking in mild confusion while Meryl flinched at her partner's words. Wolfwood, as if expecting this response from his Guard, had positioned himself between the tall woman and bandit, hands suddenly wavering on each.

'The trick,' he began slowly, smoky blue eyes narrowing, 'is to be as subtle as possible...' The thief grinned.

'Would you like a demonstration?' he asked lasciviously. The priest very slowly laid a hand on the gun, fingers closing over the metal gently.

'We don't interfere... We manipulate...' Wolfwood continued, speech slowed due to concentration. 'Make the best of each situation. Play with circumstance...'

'No she would not!' Meryl snapped, stepping forward only to be pushed back by a rough hand on her shoulder.

'You'll get your turn.' the smaller of the bandits said evilly to the dark haired insurance worker as his counterpart stepped closer to a still uncomprehending Milly.

'Now.' Wolfwood said suddenly. He pushed a hand through the material of Milly's cover-coat, other hand still holding the gun gently. Something snapped, barely audible, and the StunGun fell onto the bandit's foot with a loud clang and equally painful sounding crunch. He barely had time to gurgle before the gun toppled to connect heavilly with his kneecap, Wolfwood pushing the gun upward about the same time as the bandit pulled the trigger. The bullets hit the chandelier above them which wavered, creaked, then fell, landing directly on the assailant's head. He toppled unconscious onto the roulette table. The bandits up the other end of the room stumbled to their feet, the few guarding the door glancing over their shoulder.

'See? It's all about finding the most indirect way of saving your Guard.' Wolfwood said simply, grinning and taking a drag of his cigerette. 'It takes a keen eye and loads of practice. We are masters of circumstance. Artful and skilled. Which is why being a Guardian Angel is such a prestigious job. We have to fi-' The smaller and still conscious of the thieves in front of Meryl and Milly glared.

'What the !@#$?!' he shouted in rage, shoving Meryl harder against the wall. Vash's mind clicked into 'Auto' again. He promptly punched the bandit across the jaw, the small man spinning from the blow and toppling to the carpet, unconsious. Meryl and Milly gaped at the apparent illogical faint of the man in front of them. Wolfwood stuttered to a halt in shock.

'Wha- WHAT?!?!?' the priest shouted, hitting Vash across the back of the head. The blonde yelped. 'WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!'

'He was going to hurt my Guard!' Vash whined, rubbing the back of his head.

'DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID?!?!?!' Wolfwood continued to shout in rage, once again hitting the blonde across the back of the head.

'My guard doesn't carry around a stungun.' Vash pointed out in his defense, motioning to the huge hunk of metal Milly was hastily retrieving.

'What happened here?!' a bandit demanded angrily, running up to the scene. Meryl and Milly hurriedly held up their hands.

'We don't know!' Meryl said quickly, turning to Milly and raising an eyebrow. The taller of the insurance ladies nodded hastily.

'It must've been a ghost!' Milly said shortly, nodding again in affirmation. A murmur ran up the crowd of passengers.

'Ghost?! Don't screw with me!!' snapped the bandit, gun wavering. The crowd began speaking louder. Someone cleared their throat.

'It might-' the passenger began, blanching at the glare of the thief but continuing, '-be a ghost, sir.'

'What?!'

'It might be. There was a man killed on this Steamer ten years ago by hijackers. They say he haunts the Steamer, looking for revenge...' the passenger continued in a hushed and dramatic whisper, managing to be heard by everyone in the room. The bandit smirked.

'That's the stupidest damn thing I've ever-' He began, but was cut off, however, by a scream. Turning around, colour drained hastily from the face of the hijacker. To everyone mortal in the room, the roulette wheel floated eerily off the ground, wavering all by itself over the unconscious pair. To Vash, Wolfwood was holding the wheel above his head, grimacing slightly in agitation, swaying the board around in what must've been a supernatural manner.

'I thought you said not to meddle.' the blonde pointed out, frowning. Wolfwood glared back.

'I said to make the most of situations. Besides this whole mess is your fault Tongari!!' he snapped, then angrily threw the wheel down the room, venting some of his vehemence in the process. It spun like a discus, slamming with pinpoint accuracy into the forehead of one of the bigger bandits all the way up the other end of the large room. He fell to the ground unconscious, roulette wheel clattering to rest ontop of him. Most of the crowd screamed. 'I'm going to be in sooo much trouble...' mourned Wolfwood, raising his eyes to the heavens and sighing heavily. Vash quickly turned to the thief behind him but found that Meryl had already kicked him squarely in the groin; Milly bringing her gun down on his head. Another out-cold hijacker. The two bandits guarding the door had freaked and ran, leaving only 3 left; those quickly dropping their guns and raising their hands in defeat. You can't fight ghosts.

There was a strange silence. Then,

'WE ARE SAVED!!!' someone shouted, cheering. The rest of the passengers joined in. Wolfwood stalked over to Vash and hit him over the head again.

'Don't EVER pull a stunt like that again you idiot!! It'll be trouble for us if Upstairs finds out about this!!' he shouted, raising his fist again. Vash dodged and rubbed the back of his head ruefully.

'But everything turned out ok, right? And would you STOP HITTING ME?!?!' he demanded.

'What happened, Sempai?' Milly asked quietly as the passengers retrieved their belongings and began cheering about life-saving ghosts. Meryl could only shake her head slowly.

'I have no idea...' she managed, looking down at the recumbent hijackers at their feet. 'I suppose we should tie them up. We get into December tomorrow.'

'I'm glad Mr. Ghost helped out.' Milly said cheerfully, proceeding to drag the unconscious men to the center of the room. 'Things would've been awful otherwise!'

'I wonder what really happened...' Meryl murmured, squinting at the roulette table suspisciously.

Neither of the woman saw two Guardian Angels wrestling each other to the ground, exchanging blows, occassionally and vindictively ramming poker chips down each others throats. They probably wouldn't have believed it if that had seen it.

-----*+*-----

-----AUTHOR'S NOTES-----

Lynda: Arg. Thank god. Another really hard chapter to write! And, surprise surprise, it is a SILLY chapter! Like usual! Sorry I took my time. I truly have ran out of my own spare hobby hours now, but I tend to write when I do have them. Mwe heh. It doesn't help that I didn't know how to build this chapter -_-;; Arg. Damn writers block with the fire of a thousand monkeys.
Gomen, CardMistress Sakura! I'm trying to devise a way to strip Wolfwood, but I can't think of any yet! I'll get around to it eventually.... SIGH.

Kuroneko: Mya mya!

Lynda: Oh yeah! Next chapter is going to be something different! Something totally un-'Gossamer Wings and Sweet Tasting Things'!! Should be fun >:) **evil diabolical laugh** MWA HA HA HA HA HA...

Anywho, thanks for reading!!