Disclaimer: Not mine. I’m not in the mood for anything "witty" right now.
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Somewhere in time, there is a circle.
Somewhere in time, this circle will be complete.
Somewhere in time, love is forever.

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Nicholai tends to think that I overreact to certain things involving my brother. I tend to think that he’s a smart-ass, presuming that he knows me and understands what I do and why I do it. This little disagreement of ours, having begun on the way to the hospital, could easily lead to a fight, were it to be allowed. I suppose that’s why I’m here now, lying on the roof of the water refinement plant in the arid heat of the dual suns. It’s the tallest building in this town, so I have a good view of the landscape around me. I suppose I should appreciate it right now, but honestly, I don’t. I have far too much on my mind to sit back and sigh to myself, thinking of how beautiful the world has become. Nicholai’s probably mad at me, my relationship with him already treading upon rocky, jagged, unsure ground. Knives is unpredictably furious, his temper seeming to come into being more often than not and it’s usually me who has to deal with it. In fact, it’s always me.

That Nicholai and Knives thing is upsetting me the most, actually. Their small disagreement on how I should be treated should not have gone so far as to have Nicholai pull a gun on my brother. Honestly, I don’t understand why he did that. I also don’t understand why he seemed confused and unstable afterwards. Asking him what happened probably upset him and lead to our disagreement. In the end, though, I won the argument. That is, of course, if you can call walking away and leaving him standing in the small lobby of the hospital, "winning." I wouldn’t really want to be around him right now, anyway, what with the choice words he used to describe my brother and my relationship with my brother. Imagine him saying that we acted like a married couple. An abusive married couple! The very idea is not only absurd and unfounded, but also unsettling.

I have tried to explain to him that my brother simply has a temper. A temper that tends to show itself wholly when goaded. I’m surprised he reacted to Nicholai as calmly as he did. Despite myself, I tended to expect the worst, in that situation. Mainly because I know how my brother can be... especially to people other than myself. Either way, I’m glad that things turned out as well as they did. I do know, however, that nothing good can come from the two of them being around one another. It’s depressing me to think this way, but what would happen, were I required to make a decision regarding this? What would I do if I were forced to choose between Nicholai and my brother? Who would I stay with?

My brother’s not a bad man. Neither is Nicholai. They both have their good qualities. Knives can be extremely protective of me, sometimes overly so. That over-protective nature, though, lets me know that he cares a great deal about me, despite his anger. I know that Knives is not angry at me. Despite all that he’s learned to accept, he’s still angry at the world. And Nicholai... Nicholai’s a wonderful person. Just being around him makes me feel relaxed and comfortable. He makes me smile and laugh like I haven’t done in years, now. Only thing is, though, he reminds me of Wolfwood...

Pulling myself into a sitting position, I cast a glance towards the horizon in the direction of the suns. They’re already near setting. I didn’t realize it was so late already. I suppose I can just blame it on being caught up in my thoughts. A light wind gusts from behind my position, blowing my hair, which remains unbound, into my eyes. I sigh and brush what I can behind my ears before glancing upwards. The sunset to my right causes illuminating pinks and yellows and reds to obscure the normally blue sky. It would be peaceful, in a way, were I not so stressed right now. I’m too upset to care about the pretty colors in the sky.

I wonder where Nicholai is right now. He didn’t seem to care about my dilemma, casually crossing his arms and turning his head away from me in apparent frustration when I made the statement that I should stay with my brother and that he should continue on to the room above the bar that we had previously rented for an extra night. That’s when Nicholai began berating me for my actions towards my brother, and Knives began yelling at me from the other room that he didn’t want me there. After a moment of putting up with that, I left. I couldn’t very well stay there with Nicholai breathing down my neck and Knives screaming at me to, "get the hell out." I suppose it was a good choice to just walk away from it all. I’m not much for arguing with others; never have been. Still, though, I wonder why Nicholai has been so odd lately. I suppose it’s pointless to just sit here thinking about it. I’ll just have to get to the root of the problem, and ask him the next time I see him.

I also don’t know what Nicholai’s attachment to me is. It’s confusing. He’s only known me for two days, now, and he’s already trying to become my protector. It’s flattering, I suppose, but that fails to make it any less unnerving. That’s another thing I’m going to have to ask him about. Hell, maybe I should just make a list of things to ask people, these days. So many questions continue to swim around in my head, and their answers have yet to appear.

Knives... can’t hate humans as much as he appears to. He was with Legato and Midvalley and Dominique and all of those others for so long, he had to have formed some sort of bond or connection with at least one of them. Legato, at least. They may have had a strange, twisted, sinuous relationship, but that doesn’t mean that Knives felt nothing when he looked at Legato. He can’t be completely dead inside. Thinking back, I know that Knives loved Rem just as much as I did. He tried to deny it, to himself and to me, but it was futile. I could tell when he looked at her, then looked at me and the way that Rem would seem to pay me special attention. I now know that I enjoyed the fact that Rem seemed to like me more. Knives was jealous of me, and I was jealous of Knives, so we were constantly at each others’ throats, despite our all-inclusive love for one another. It’s only natural, I suppose. How can you develop your own individuality when you look across the room and see someone exactly identical to yourself staring back at you? The only way would be to constantly compete with one another. What an idiot I was.

Rem was such a nice person. I’m sure she loved us both equally. She had to have. She would be unable to love one person, and not another... right? Why don’t I ever get answers to my questions?

Dammit... I give up...

"So... on the first celestial evening..." The first sun is gone, disappeared below the horizon. The pinks and yellows and reds of the sky are slowly dissipating, lessening, due to the fact that only one sun remains. Stars are slowly appearing through the cool hues of evening. I’m gradually becoming less stressed, now that the sky is darker. I suddenly realize that I have spent nearly the entire day up here, on the roof. Once more, I give thanks to the fact that I’m a plant, and cannot be sunburned. I’ve seen people suffer from that affliction. It’s not very pleasant.

Taking a moment to once more brush the free strands of hair that lightly tickle my cheek behind my ear, I release a tense sigh, slumping my shoulders with the action. I wonder if Nicholai’s still mad at me... if he was ever mad at me, to begin with. Maybe there was no reason for me to run away from him, like I did. Even so, I think I needed this time alone to collect my thoughts and think through some things. I’m sure that I probably have more of a reason to be upset than Nicholai does. I mean, he shot my brother, after all. But still, he was only trying to protect me. He may have gone a bit overboard with his actions, but I’m sure he meant no wrong by it.

I lie back on the rooftop once more, stretching out my arms and legs, sprawling really, as I look up at the sky. The stars leisurely wink at me and greet the slow smile that begins to form upon my features. Then, I begin to hear a light tune, the sound of someone’s voice humming in a peculiar melody that sounds faintly familiar. For the moment, I simply cast the thoughts and notions aside, believing the source of the song to be nothing more than a resident of the town taking a leisurely stroll in the evening, and fair myself a few more moments of peace and solitude before I decide to go back and find Nicholai... or Knives. Yet when the source stops below my position atop the water refinement plant, still humming casually, I pay a bit more attention to the song... so familiar...

"So... on the second celestial evening..." Hurriedly, I sit up, crawling to the edge of the rooftop to peer over to the ground, the majority of my hair falling forward in front of my face before I brush it back behind my ears. Nicholai stands there, looking back up at me, a smile lighting his tanned features that seem even more obscured in the darkness. Hands in his pockets and a cigarette stuffed between his lips, he’s the most striking, welcome sight I could hope for right now. He casually waves a hand toward me in greeting, and my smile broadens. "What’re you doing up there?" he inquires, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His voice resonates, echoes off of the buildings nearby.

"Just sitting," I state flatly. "Are you coming up, or should I come down?"

"I’m coming up," he answers immediately, and then disappears out of sight. I take the given moment to turn myself around, sitting down once more and drawing my knees up to my chest to wrap my arms around them. His footsteps, clanking against the iron rungs of the ladder, fill my ears and a moment later, his head and body appear. Cigarette still clamped tightly between his teeth, he walks to me as I stretch out my legs and lean back onto my hands.

"I didn’t expect you to find me," I say offhandedly, brushing more locks of hair behind my ear. Damn, I need to find a new hair tie.

"Eh, I used to hide out on rooftops, when I was a kid. Just felt like taking a break, huh?" he nearly sighs, sitting down next to me. His arm immediately finds its way to my back, hand resting upon my shoulder. Despite myself, I lean into the slack, casual embrace.

"Yeah, I guess so." I lower my gaze, hesitant for a moment. "I’m sorry about earlier. You know, leaving you like that."

"Oh, that’s okay. I should be the one apologizing. Shouldn’t have said those things." I nod in agreement with that, forgiving him immediately, before silence descends heavily.

Surprisingly, Nicholai is the one to break it. "I... talked to Knives."

Turning to grin at him, I lean into his embrace a bit more, feeling proud that Nicholai could do something like that. A weight feels like it’s been lifted from my shoulders, knowing that the problems between the two of them are so quickly resolving themselves. "What did he have to say?"

Nicholai looks away at that, and for a moment I wonder why. Deciding that letting him explain himself would be the best possible action to take, I do just that and wait patiently for him to begin. I refuse to allow the doubts and suspicions to creep into my mind, forcefully shoving them aside so that I can deal with whatever he has to say with a rational consciousness. "We decided that I would stay out of his way, and he would stay out of mine."

Nearly instantaneous relief washes over me, and my smile returns. Was that the only thing he had to say? Did he think I would be upset about that? Of course not. It’s a bit disappointing that they can’t come up with a more reasonable solution, but for the time being, and to resolve any problems that could result due to idle grudges, I’m willing to fully accept it. "That’s good to hear, I guess. I mean, it’s good that you two can talk without trying to hurt each other, now."

His hand removes itself from my shoulder and he leans forward, clasping his hands together in his lap. I know that can’t be good... A bit foolish of me to think that my problems could be so easily resolved. I mean, this is me.

"Well, you see, Vash... the thing is... I told Knives I would agree to staying out of his way, if he stayed out of yours." I don’t like where this is headed. "I think he took what I said the wrong way." I really don’t like where this is headed. "He says he doesn’t want to see you again... ever..."

My head spins for one quick moment and I leap to my feet, wondering to myself what I’m going to do now that I’m standing. I settle for simply yelling at him. "Nicholai, how could you? How could you be so presumptuous and spiteful? He’s my brother! He’s really the only family I’ve got!"

Nicholai slowly pulls himself to his feet, eyes downcast and hands on his hips. He shakes his head at me and sighs. "I knew you were going to get mad. I was only trying to help, you know."

"Help? Trying to help?" For some reason, the fact that he would refer to destroying my relationship with my brother as helping makes me even more angry than I had been. The very idea that this man, whom I’ve only known for three days, now, is trying to help me is beyond my comprehension. It’s also confusing to me that every time he tries to help, he just causes more problems. I’m reminded of myself, suddenly, and that just makes it worse. I step forward, grabbing onto the front of his white shirt, noticing for the first time that he seems to have discarded the black jacket, and pull him towards myself. "Nicholai, you never help. All you ever do is cause more problems!"

He immediately grabs onto my wrist, raising his gaze to meet mine, and I notice that he is not, as I had expected him to be, angry with me. His eyes do not convey vehemence or bitterness at the fact that I would willingly raise a hand to him in anger. Instead, he looks hurt and forlorn, barren and out of ideas. A million emotions swim through the surface of his eyes, and I find myself releasing his shirt and stepping back. Yet, he still holds my wrist, his thumb beginning a relaxing massage of my hand. "Vash, please try to understand where I was coming from when I said that to your brother."

"Where? Where were you coming from? Help me to understand why you would say things like that about someone you barely know to someone you know even less."

"It’s only natural to want to protect the people you love when they’re unable to do it for themselves."

For a moment, I simply stare at him, the weight of his words melting into some semblance of understanding. I realize then that he’s trying to sugar-coat and barely veil the insult lying within his statement and my anger rises once again. I jerk my hand away from his and take a step back, fists clenched at my side. "You’re saying I can’t defend myself? I fought my brother, Nicholai, and I won. When it’s important to fight, I do it, and I never fail. Those arguments you’ve seen, though... they’re unimportant. They mean nothing. There would be no point in fighting him over those simple disputes. Don’t you understand that?"

Nicholai seems to falter for a moment, his eyes quickly scanning the surroundings and then returning to me. "I... dammit, I was only trying to help. It hurts me to see him hurt you. Don’t you understand that? Vash, your relationship with your brother is not good. It’s not right to have someone do the things that he does to you. It can’t feel good, and I think that you know it’s not right."

I turn from him quickly and practically stomp towards the ladder, fully intent upon getting away from him before he throws the truth in my face again. Of course I know it’s not right. Of course it doesn’t feel good to have your own brother be so cruel. He must think I’m a masochist, enjoying the hurt that he causes. "I don’t enjoy it," I continually tell myself as I step down the rungs of the ladder, "but it’s my problem, and mine alone."

As I step onto the ground and begin walking away, I hear Nicholai’s footfalls as he jogs to the ladder and then hurriedly lowers himself down it. The sudden, solid clanking sound alerts me that he has jumped from the ladder and the sound of rushed footsteps that he is trying to catch me. I don’t want to deal with him now. Not right now. I close my eyes tightly for a moment, take a deep breath, and continue walking, turning a corner into an alleyway that leads to the main street. Before I know it, there is one arm around my waist and another around my throat. Of course, my natural reaction is to defend myself from some sort of attack, despite the fact that I don’t believe Nicholai would do something like that. My body tenses in anticipation.

We remain silent for a moment, him holding me from behind, his cheek resting against the back of my head. Then, I realize that holding me is exactly what he’s doing and I relax a bit, my hand finding its way to his at my stomach. "Vash, please listen to me for a minute."

I slowly sigh to myself and pull away, trying to turn around. He stops me, tightening his grip just a bit. "No, don’t turn around. Just listen." I lower my head in acceptance. "Knives is angry right now. If you go talk to him, you’re just going to make it worse. All I’m asking is that you give it some time, let him cool down." He loosens his grip and turns me around, my eyes still downcast. "Please?"

I look up to him, realizing that he’s slightly taller than I am. Gazing into his eyes, the smoky blue changed into near black due to the absence of light, I think for a moment that I can see the stars reflecting in them, and searching them, I find that I believe him. I once more put my trust in him and give him a weak, sad smile. "Okay. Alright, I’ll wait a while."

He smiles back at me, his hand coming up to my face to gently caress my cheek with his fingertips before he leans forward, placing a light kiss on my lips. Despite the fact that it only lasts a moment, the absolute feeling of the moment is conveyed, the loose, trusting embrace, the ethereal feel of flesh to flesh and breath to breath and despite myself, I nearly shiver with the action, overcome by the saccharine-engulfed performance.

Smirking at my own mawkish behavior, I take a step away from him, never relinquishing the grip on his hand, and walk out onto the street. Under the dimly glowing street lamps, I pull him up to my side and begin a casual stroll through the town, not yet knowing where I’m heading.

"Well, we’ve got some time. Just me and you." I fair him a glance as he walks, free hand in his pocket and eyes downcast, a slight frown marring his features. It really doesn’t suit him. "So, what would you like to do, Nicky?"

His mouth twitches a bit, seeming as if he’s processing the ideas in his head. Then, he says one of the best things he could say, making me ecstatic despite the previous day’s depressive happenings. "Let’s go back to our room at the bar."

Music to my ears...