“Drink it,” she told him, as he stared at the green concoction. “As soon as you’re groggy, I’ll begin.” It was night, and with the lamp light Vanessa’s eyes could finally focus, although the tiny veins spread across them were horribly inflamed.
Vash held his nose and downed the gross stuff. “Oh, man, that’s nasty,” he murmured, lying back onto the couch.
Vanessa smiled slightly. “It’s better than being fully conscious when you’re having stitches.” She brought out a needle and thin metal thread, and a stack of towels.
Vash pulled his arm onto his chest, flinching from the motion.
“You’re taking this pretty well,” Vanessa observed. “But I guess you’ve had worse, right?”
“Yeah, maybe,” he replied, distant. “What should I tell Knives? He’ll look for you…”
She dropped into the chair beside him, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know…Tell him…Tell him I’m dead. That the humans had nothing to do with any of this...That…I killed myself.”
Vash shuddered. “Suicide…I wouldn’t believe it; you think he would?”
“How good a liar are you?” she asked, and shook her head. “No, I don’t know.”
“At least…At least give me some advice,” he asked. “I just can’t connect with him. Tell me if it’s best to…to…kill him.”
He saw her smirk. “Not you,” she replied surely.
“It’s not safe,” Vash commented, “Having Knives in a town. There’s too many people here to hurt.”
“My advice to you, Vash, is to take him as far from civilization as you can. Find some of that lost technology you love and fly him the hell away from it all.”
“Easier said than done,” Vash replied. He closed his eyes. “Yeah, I’m feeling woozy now…”
Vanessa carefully cut away his bandages and exposed the bloody laceration. His flesh was sliced so perfectly, it would be simple to stitch.
“Oh, man!” Vash whined in his daze. “I can’t cut a break! I don’t know how to deal with him, I don’t know where to take him, what if I lead him into a big city on accident…What if he heals and goes off and…”
“Damn it!” Vanessa interrupted, squeezing the needle between her fingertips. “You talk like it’s already lost! Figure it out like a mature adult!”
Vash turned his face away as it began to pucker into weeping.
No, he’s hardly more than a child, she thought. He can’t see things on the global scale that Knives considers…The questions of evolution and ethics are so simple and unquestionable to him. He didn’t know what it was like to feel inhuman, because he hadn’t meant to cause all that suffering.
Vanessa touched her book, checking it to be sure it was secured safely to her belt. Who do I apologize to? she wondered. Am I really sorry?
A tear fell from Vash’s cheek, his face fully relaxed.
She began to stitch, gritting her teeth with grief at each dive of the needle.
Vash couldn’t feel a thing, but she felt anguish from her work as though she was actually hurting him.
Vanessa went out to the market on a windy, hot day. Her hair was pinned up and her cloak was wound around her. She carried her backpack, empty from selling her goods, and filled it with sacks of dried fruit, nuts, and dried bread (zwieback toast). All her purchases were obviously those she would soon need as she would leave for the desert.
A man approached her and became furious.
“Hey, what’s the matter, sir?” Vash asked pleasantly as he walked towards the angry man in the marketplace
Vanessa stepped towards Vash, hiding fear with calm. “He’s mistaken me for someone else,” she explained softly.
Vash put his hand up in an innocent gesture and smiled, but was cut off before he could speak.
“She killed my best friends!” the man screamed, his face red with rage. “That witch, she’s evil, I’d recognize her anywhere!”
Several other villagers approached to hold the man back and speak calmly to him. “Not her, she’s a God-send,” they assured him.
“Damn it!” the man yelled, spitting mad but realizing his position, alone and unarmed. “I’ll be back, you bitch! I’ll kill you for what you did to them…Mick, and Boris and Jones…I’ll kill you!” With that, he dashed to his jeep and sped out of town.
The villagers chalked the event up to sunstroke, and went about their day.
“Huh?” Vash wondered, confused yet relieved. He rushed after Vanessa as she walked away.
Vanessa readjusted the strap of her pack but didn’t turn to face him. “Hi.”
“What was that about?” he asked quietly.
Vanessa’s voice became low and serious. “Back when he and his buddies were teens, they locked me in a filthy cellar for weeks…I haven’t seen them since, but he said they became horribly sick and died right after I left, and…”
”He thinks you caused it?” Vash finished. “Well that’s weird, how could you have? Boy, he seems convinced though…”
“Further reason for me to get the hell out of here,” Vanessa muttered.
Vash became silent as he watched her eye a cart of survival supplies. He grabbed a bag of jerky and murmured, “You should try this. You’ll need your protein.”
Wordlessly, she bought the dried meat and stuffed it into her bag.
“It’s so easy for you to up and go,” Vash murmured as he hurried alongside her. “I wish I could be like that, then I wouldn’t have such a hard time carting Knives off into the sunset.”
Vanessa kept her voice at an excited whisper. “Easy? You think it’s easy to have to abandon all the relationships I make? And when the people you have to leave are the ones you prayed existed your whole life…”
“Can I ask you something then? I really hate to put you on the spot like this, but…You don’t have to be alone,” Vash offered. “You can go with us.”
He paused for an answer, but she stood silent. “See, I’m really being selfish; I’m so tempted to take it the easy way out, but I just can’t come up with another solution. And you stopped Knives from…you know… Well, nobody can do that!”
“Nobody else?” she asked, hushed.
Vash shook his head.
Vanessa grabbed his wrist and headed towards the main town toma stable. “We can’t carry him; we’ll need a toma-drawn cart.”
“But tomas hate me! Can’t we use a car?” Vash whined, stumbling behind her.
“No, it’d leave a smoke trail,” Vanessa replied.
Suddenly, his face lit up,. “You’re really going with us!?” he happily exclaimed. “But are you sure, I mean I can hardly ask you to deal with a guy like him…Things could get real ugly real quick…”
They arrived at the stable entrance and awaited the approaching toma keeper. “I’ve made my decision. We’ll use my cave until he’s able to travel on his own legs.”
Vash pleasantly purchased two tomas and a crude cart with a wad of double dollars. They’d come back for them soon.
On the way back to the house, Vash leaned in to continue his inquiry. “So you live in a cave?”
Vanessa nodded. “If anything chaotic occurs, we’d be too far from civilization to cause any real problems. But in such a place it’s not impossible that we’d end up destroying each other…”
Vash frowned. “Hey, now, that’s not the way to think…”
Vanessa turned to him, abruptly. “It’s nothing to dwell on, but it’s realistic. And, worst case scenario, we’ll have a humane alternative. We may, after all, only reach the conclusion that we have no place amongst them.” She sped her pace and rushed into the house.
Vash felt himself at the edge of tears once more, but choked it away as he followed, assisting her as she assembled the purchases they would need to survive their trek across the sand.

Upon arriving at Vanessa’s cave home, it was night, and all were weary from the journey.
Vanessa led Vash into the cave’s narrow entrance, through a passageway that wound strangely for a moment, until reaching the main chamber. This first main chamber of the cave was dark, and Vanessa asked Vash to stay put as she scurried deeper into the cave. Vash stood on the slippery stone, breathing in an unfamiliar cool, musty air as he heard her climb onto something and wipe at surfaces that sounded like glass. After a time, a soft light began to glow from the rear of the chamber. The moonlight was reflected from the mirrors she had cleaned, coming from a tiny crack in the roof of the cave.
Vash looked up to see a huge tarp fixed to the ceiling, forming a canopy onto which the constantly dripping water was caught. This water ran from the tarp edges and dripped around the foot-high wooden platform in the center of the chamber. Atop the platform, Vanessa lifted a tarp from the various supplies and containers piled onto it. Vash helped her set these things aside, and with everything piled away, she took out an armful of woven mats. “I’ll lay these out; you start unloading the cart. We’ll need to set up the beds before we can bring him in.”
Vash nodded, and began to carry the various cloths and food bags into the cave. He unrolled foam mats and placed them at the edges of the platform. Meeting Vanessa at the cart, they carefully picked up Knives, still wrapped in his bed sheets.
Knives cursed them hoarsely as they carried him into the cave and lay him onto a mat.
“Do you need anything?” Vanessa asked, as she tucked him in for the night.
Knives ran a hand lazily through her hair. “I want to sleep. Will you be beside me as I do?”
Vanessa shivered and stood. “No, everyone sleeps separately here.” She took the food bags deeper into the cave, where the pool of cool water and odd fish was. She stocked the food in a secure cabinet by a carving table as Vash squatted by the pond, amazed at the sight. “Fish…How deep is this?”
Vanessa shrugged. “Really deep. But the water’s salty, so I filter it through this,” she added, gesturing towards a large homemade water filtration device.
Vash followed Vanessa outside the cave. They hitched the tomas to a post and rolled the cart to the cave edge.
Vanessa rubbed her hands together. “Done. But I’m not really sleepy.”
“Me neither.”
“Oh, you should see the view from up there," Vanessa said, pointing up to the cave top. They climbed up to the flat platform of rock. Vash lay on the cool rock and stared up with his arms cushioning his head, exhausted. Vanessa lay away from him, and sighed. “Pretty, huh?”
“Yep.”
Vanessa paused meditatively. “I feel like I have a family now. A really dysfunctional family.”
Vash wanted to chuckle, but couldn’t. “A real one.”
“Hey Vash? How serious is Knives about…” Vanessa struggled for the right words. “How set is he in wanting to expand the family?”
“I don’t know,” Vash replied, frowning. “But don’t worry, I won’t let him…”
“Knives has told you what he knows about our species, right? So from what he knows, we can reproduce…” She tried to speak in a medical fashion out of modesty. “Have either of you tried to have children? With humans?”
Vash blushed. “Gosh…no. I love little kids, but a guy like me would make a terrible dad…having to leave all the time so people won’t get suspicious of me, when I don’t age and all…Have you…?”
“No, no,” Vanessa answered quickly. “Who knows what a half-human half-plant would turn out like…”
“We don’t even know if us plant children can have kids between us,” Vash offered.
“I’m pretty sure we can. Human women have a way of knowing if they can have children; I know I can by the same method. But don’t tell Knives, okay?” Vanessa requested, rising and holding her arms close about her. “I don’t want him to think that raping me would make him a father.”
“I…I won’t…” Vash stammered, standing and moving towards her. “I’m sorry…” he tried, lifting his arms to encircle her in a comforting hug.
She pushed him away gently, and moved to climb back down. “We need to rest now.”
The next day, Vanessa prepared meals of fish and rice, with dried fruit for dessert, and began to fill the washtub as the men finished their breakfast. This was a large, deep, metal basin, in which a grown adult could fit with enough water to bathe in. Vash helped her carry the bucketfuls of water from the cave pond, and once it was full they waited for the sun to heat the cool water, laying out a large woven mat and towels.
“It’d take all day if we refill it each time; we’ll have to share the bathwater,” Vanessa reasoned. “Does that sound nasty to you?”
Vash shook his head. “It’s okay. You go first.”
Vanessa smiled. “Thanks. Go sit inside with Knives; I’ll get you when I’m done. In the meantime, could you gather all the dirty sheets and such in that big empty basket? I usually do the wash in the bathwater, too.” She looked up to Vash questioningly. “That’s not disgusting, is it?”
Vash laughed and shook his head again. “No, we’re not that dirty, are we?” He left for the cave and brushed aside his brother’s various disturbing comments as he worked.
Vanessa entered the cave later, hair wet, wearing a long, tan sundress as she waited for her usual purple dress to dry.
“Now will you keep me company?” Knives asked her, grinning, as he sat on the platform.
She took the basket from Vash and walked with him outside the cave, calling behind her, “No, I’ve got work to do.”
Vash helped her wash some of the cloths before she left to wring and hang them on a clothesline around the corner. When she was safely out of sight, Vash undressed and bathed. The water was still cool and salty, stinging his old wounds.
After he had finished and changed, Vanessa tossed the remaining cloths into the basin and washed these as well. Vash went into the cave to retrieve his brother. They hobbled along together, Knives dangling from Vash’s shoulder much like a rag doll.
“Use your damn legs,” Vash muttered.
“They’re full of bullet holes thanks to you,” Knives replied tragically. He gazed disgustedly at the approaching washtub. “So primitive. And dirty water? You must be joking.”
“Wanna take a cold bath instead?” Vash grumbled. He pulled the stinky clothing from his brother as Knives sat on the mat, unyielding. He again lifted his brother on his shoulder and dropped him into the water.
“AAAH!” Knives yelled through gritted teeth. “That…that hurts!” he added, as the salt stung his wounds.
“The salt makes wounds heal faster,” Vanessa called from around the corner.
Knives relaxed and took on a more refined countenance. He washed himself, his brother sitting away from him.
Vash was amazed at Knives’ growing regard for Vanessa.
“How could you let the humans do such things to you!?” Knives asked, horrified, towards both his brother and Vanessa.
“They didn’t know any better,” Vash answered. “They were misleading themselves.”
“But you shot them back, did you not?”
Vash nodded. “But we can’t kill them, we shouldn’t. I never meant to kill anyone…”
“And yet you destroyed them by the thousands,” Knives reminded with a smirk. “And justly so…”
Vash frowned, holding back tears and anger. “That wasn’t my fault! You made me…Just look at Vanessa – her angel arm has never been used, and she managed to survive without killing the humans!”
Knives interrupted, looking to an obviously uncomfortable Vanessa. “Wouldn’t you have used your angel arm, if you had known to? They covered you in scars, and you bore them…”
“No…I…no…” Vanessa stammered.
“Huh?” Vash asked, perplexed. “What did you do, then?”
“I’ve done…terrible things…” Vanessa said sadly, her face drawn into her knees. “There are ways to kill a person….through medical manipulation…I should never have…”
“That man in the marketplace,” Vash reminded seriously. “He was telling the truth. You killed his friends.”
Vanessa nodded slightly. “I couldn’t get away from them…They were so cruel…”
“You see? Killing the spider to save the butterfly,” Knives offered. “Perfect example. They earned their punishment.”
“Knives, do you know what cancer is?” Vanessa asked in an emotional, shaking voice. “Sickle-cell anemia? Diseases I could manifest in them with such a simple formula, a tiny tweak of the cell…and they died so slowly, so painfully…”
Vash’s own eyes filled with tears. “And you lied about it?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Vanessa mumbled, “I think I’m sorry, I was desperate…”
Knives moved to her, holding her gently and cooing reassurance into her pointed ear. “Don’t cry; don’t apologize. You did what you had to do.”
Vanessa made no move to shove him away, perhaps because she had lost the will to protect herself in her deep grief. “No! No! I was wrong! My brain hurts from it…I was wrong…” She lifted her head and turned to Vash with a face twisted in anguish. “Please don’t hate me…”
Vash frowned. “I can’t hate you for it. We’re all guilty.”
“Shut up!” Knives yelled at his brother, clutching Vanessa closer into his chest, his words almost catching in a tightening throat. “Don’t say that! Vanessa, you were right, you were right…” He held back his own tears; seeing Vanessa in such a state ripped his heart in an entirely foreign direction.
Vash grabbed Knives around the chest and pulled him from her. “Let her go,” he asked in broken words as well, “Leave her alone, it’s hers to deal with.” It hurt him to say it, but he remembered his own realizations and the utter isolation that the horror had given him. Vanessa seemed in need of comfort, but as Knives was proving, this support was unfounded. “She was wrong. Let it sink in for her.” He wrenched Knives away with great effort, and ushered a reluctant Knives from the cave top.
As he descended, he glanced at Vanessa.
She was laying on her side, curled up in fetal style. She squinted through her tears, voice broken with sobs. “Vash…Vash…” she stammered plaintively.
But with all his will, he turned from her and left her to know the wrongs she had committed. It would be too easy for her to see comfort as forgiveness at this state, and such an error could lead to her not fully taking the responsibility. The pain of grief was heartbreaking, but necessary.
As he dropped into the sand, he found Knives, fist raised, glaring angrily. “You’ve become heartless to your race. You only seem to give compassion to the humans these days, you fool…”
Vash’s face betrayed his desolation. “Whatever you want to think, Knives. Go ahead; hit me, if you think that’ll fix everything. I doubt it, though.”
Knives growled and stamped off into the depths of the cave, muttering about loyalty and superiority of the race.
Vash wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned against the cool rock. He closed his eyes in contemplation as he listened to the muffled sobs above.
Night came, and Vanessa still had not joined them in the cave. Vash donned a warm coat and carried a bundle of thick blankets to the cave top.
There he found her, still curled into a tight ball, shivering. The weeping had subsided and Vash took her for sleeping. He knelt behind her and draped the blankets about her, patting them close around her.
As he smoothed the cover around her chin, she suddenly grabbed hold of his hand in both of hers, icy cold as they were. She gripped him fiercely, tucking her face behind his palm.
“I’m sorry, I am,” she muttered desperately.
“That’s good. It’s better than denying it.”
They remained in a long pause, until Vash felt hot tears fall onto the hand she held. He leaned forward to see her sullen expression.
“They were right; I’m a demon…I am repulsive, a horrendous creature,” she hissed, releasing his hand and sitting up, still balled up tightly. “You were right; I don’t deserve your kindness,” she stated, holding her hand over her face. She made no move to catch the blankets as they fell from her.
Vash frowned. Picking up the blankets from around her, he encircled her with them and his arms. He held his hand over hers, trying to warm the icy fingers. Her chin and nose were so cold, too… “I never said that, I just wanted to let you think things through alone,” he replied, dropping himself to lay behind her, wrapping his arm about her for warmth.
“You know there were other options,” Vash murmured softly as he clasped her. “You didn’t have to kill them, you just didn’t try hard enough to escape them.”
“I was weak,” she whispered hoarsely. “How can I atone for this?”
“You should do all the good you can for the humans. Of course, you’re going to lose the hermit lifestyle. Cure their diseases, invent plant theories – something you can apply your talents to. I’m no good at the scholarly stuff, so I try to keep peace and protect people; that’s my penance.”
Vanessa cringed and gritted her teeth in frustration. “You’re above me, though…I did this on purpose, you didn’t mean to…”
“You can’t compare yourself to me, or anyone, really,” Vash offered. “You make your own decisions, walk your own path.”
A strong shiver coursed through her. “Yes, like she told you…”
“You’re going to make yourself sick, it’s so cold out tonight,” Vash said in a more cheery tone. “Let’s get inside, okay?”
Vanessa continued in an awed tone. “Do you think there could be an Eden for our kind? Could we deserve to live in peace?”
“I think so. We just have to try harder than most,” he replied, lifting her in his arms and bringing her slowly to her feet. “We were born with a great capacity to inflict agony and also to benefit everyone. If we were meant to just destroy, we wouldn’t be so intelligent or loving, you know?”
Vanessa reached up and tousled his hair. “How’d you get so clever all the sudden?”
Vash chuckled as he gradually led her down to the sand and into the somber cave. “Hey, I’ve always been perceptive! Nobody ever seems to notice, though…” he murmured softly, laying her on her mat. He ignored Knives’ snicker, and retired to his own bed with a pained smile.