May 7,2002

Here I sit....eating Italian ice.....and bored. Sunday I got back from Baltimore. The trip was mostly cool...but it had it's downfalls.

I left Thursday at 6:15 a.m., and as per usual... There is this girl I can't stand (I'll call her "Brat"), Was really annoying....and loud at 6:15 in the morning. She did not stop talking and screaming the WHOLE trip. I wanted to kick her. What really aggrivates me is she has gotten so far in chorus when being so obnoxious and disrespectful....and I've gotten nowhere...when we have an equal amount of talent.

The ride was quick and before I knew it....we were in Baltimore's harbor. We all went shopping and got odd stares...so of coarse it was great! Then We made it to the hotel at 7:30. Everyone went swiming, and you could see the pool from our hotel room. Of coarse, stupidly, we left the curtain open and everyone saw my best friend and I changing. The funny thing was...we weren't embarrassed.

The next day was boring as hell. We went touring in Washington D.C. Monuement after monuement. BORING!!!! But some of us made it fun. Later on we went to the Hard Rock for diner. My best Friend Michelle sorta was emotional....and bitched everyone out....but the hard rock was still a blast. Later that night....while having a smoke....I picked up a bunch of guys...about seven of them. They were there for an auto durby competition. They tried to get with me and actually followed me to my room, but a chaperone sent them away.

The next day, Saturday, was our Competiton. We did well....but we were there until 3:00. Afterwards we went to Six Flags America, and screamed random things at the top of rollercoasters. At on point we were suppossed to scream out a name for farts or poop. When everyone was about to scream...I screamed out "FLUFFY!!!!" and they were all laughing to hard to scream. Then the next coaster, we flashed, even the guys.

They last day, Sunday, We drove home with a stop in Phillie. "Brat" of coarse, did not shut up the Whole ride home. When we arrived home...I was so happy....but I could kill "Brat"! A LONG A PAINFUL DEATH!!!!
Peace out!!!!
Marissa May 13, 2002 7:29 p.m.
Here I sit.......Fresh and crisp. As if I were a cookie new from the oven. My hair was just bleached blonde less than an hour ago. I look like a replica of Marilyn Monroe. I feel like a goddess. I have never been more conceited. I feel like I get prettier by the day. Ever since I lost 12 lbs. I am sooooo terrible about my looks. All I think about is....my body looks better than hers. Like I said...conceited. I really need to get a zit or something to make me be a little more balanced.

I had trouble sleeping the past couple of nights.....and it's easy to say why. My friend will kill me for saying this, but A close friend of mine and her boyfriend had happy, nakey time in my bed, Saturday. I am permanently scared. I would have been fine.....I would have flipped my mattress, and changed the sheets.....BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! She had to scream like she was being axed into pieces. Loud enough to hear all over my house. EVEN WITH HEAD PHONES ON!!! She drove me nuts. My God!!! I thought he was killing her.

So you know....of coarse I am very uncomfortable in my room now. And of coarse everyone in school knows about it. I feel like they are all saying "Look....It's the girl that sleeps in the 'magic sex' bed." You know how it is. That friend of yours just has to tell everyone how great her orgasm was and what new odd place she did it at. Wonderful....just wonderful.

So anyways.....my mother decided to scan the book I am currently reading. And she JUST HAPPENED TO OPEN TO THE DIRTY SEX PAGE. It's talked about a Ken doll strapping on a fake cock and giving Barbie many orgasms. Great. So I'm sitting there....having my private time with tetris....and she tries to give me a lecture on how 'I need to live in the world....but not be a part of it'. Can you believe this??!!! I was reading a book, not selling my body to a priest. What the heck anyways!! And I don't understand why she is so surprized! I know what's going on with her behind closed doors. I do happen to live in the same house. Right?!
Peace out!!!!
Marissa

May 22, 2002 7:29 p.m.
Unsatified and undecided I stay....staring at a lit up computer screen. I don't know what the hell to do with this dumb webpage. But since I have no life at all.....it's all I have to keep me from organizing lint.

I thought I was in love for a little while, but the guy was not at all for me. I don't think he even likes me for a while. This caused me to have several anxiety attacks. I just want a relationship again. I think I was willing to take anyone. I have to stop being so despirate. I'm not that despirate though. I think I'm just kind of bored.

But I went to the junior social on the 17th. I looked like crap....but it's not like I care. I had fun, but, i don't know. I just had this odd feeling the whole night. I felt like..."This is it....why may I ask?" It' was short, immature, and non-sentimental. It wasn't at all what junior proms are cut out to be.

A girl I knew for a short time shot herself in the head. Even though we weren't close, or even friends....it's still devistating. I can't believe that a girl, just a few months ago, I was exchanging words with, took her own life. I guess, when it's about yourself, you don't think of what it does to other people. All your thinking is "I can get away from this pain...I can end it all." You don't see the full picture. What the person that finds you dead goes through. How your friends fell guilty. What your parents learn about your from the possesions you left behind. You think your ending the pain.....but your creating more.
Don't hold your breath....
~Marissa