It
Was Never Meant to Be
by Macy
“Damnit! Why’d it have to be this way?!”
“Why did he do this?!”
I closed my eyes feeling a surge of emptiness dwelling inside of me. Why indeed? The question roamed through my head for a time. He married a damn useless bitch! It’s been two long years since we have last met.
Has he forgotten me?
Has everyone forgotten me?
The antisocial fire demon with a temper like hellfire?!
Perhaps, perhaps not. Screw the damn bastard! He wouldn’t even care a shittin thing about me if I kill myself, if I walked along a steep dirty cliff overlooking Makai throwing myself to the very death, to the end of my existence, to my very END. But my life had already ended when he said those painful words. Those words that had taunted him time to time replaying the vivid memory of Kurama opening his lips to speak
“I’m sorry, I don’t love you”
I look up into the heavens a grim smile on my face. It wouldn’t be too bad an idea for me. If I could just lash out onto myself, my painful existence will end. But maybe I exaggerated, he would have cared, he would. I was his friend and his confidante but I wanted more, I needed more, much more. I wanted him to feel more for me not only as a friend or a best friend but… his lover. But I knew in his emerald green gaze that he wouldn’t care for me, not in the way I wanted him to. For him, I was just a friend, a mere goddamn friend… just a friend. A surge of hurt hit me hard like a knife stabbing at my heart, maybe even more painful. He’s got too many a friends. He wouldn’t remember me. Hell! Everyone loves him.
“How could they not?”
With his great pools of emerald, his long red silky hair, his calm composure, his open arms to others, his sweet wonderful lips. There was more but I can’t really describe them anyway, I could just feel them. A foreboding question seeps into my mind as I held myself tighter, my knuckles already white from the nervous wreck I was becoming.
“How could I not love him?”
I stumble on the question, not being able to find the answer right away I sigh out loud. I had loved him. Sure I had. I still did. But… I never knew I could feel like this.
“When had I developed such pitiful emotions?”
“When had I learned how to love?”
“When have I become so weak, especially to him?”
“Why Him?”
“How?”
“Why?”
“When?”
A million thoughts plagued me as I continued to ponder on what has become. Feelings can be manipulated to hurt. I had chosen to have none of those ever! But the day I met him… I began to wonder, were feelings meant to weaken or did they make a person stronger. There were times in many battles before when I wanted to give up on life, to allow death to simply claim me. But I chose not to. I fought with bravery. I had with ferocity. I had fought for love. I had fought for him, simply him. But… he had gone. He had left me. He had left me all alone. I’m trying so hard to keep up but I can’t. Every second of every minute my mind has only memories of him, only him.
“Kurama…”
I’ve never felt so lonely. He had blatantly denied my love when I came to him. He seemed to deny my very heart, my very soul. He refused me. From all the wounds that I have bravely taken this was the worst of all and the impact was the greatest. He had denied me, he had refused me and now he was leaving me and he wasn’t coming back, not now, not ever. I squeezed myself hard holding my knees closer to my chest my breathing coming out in short shaky gasps. Love, he felt it but he didn’t know what it was. When he found it, it was swiftly taken from him with those two simple words.
“I’m sorry”
A soft tear-gem trickled down my eyes. I have never cried but I’m crying now. Love was just a living hell! Couldn’t he just love me!
“Just to fuckin damn love me!”
That’s all I ever wanted. That’s all I ever asked. But he had broken my heart with those words. Those damn fuckin irritating words!
“It was never meant to be. I’m sorry”
Like hell he was! Was he really sorry? Truly really sorry?! No! That was the simple plain truth. No! I brushed away another tear that slipped from my eyes. Was it never meant to be? Kurama? Bullshit! Don’t think I’ll give up that easily on you. If you think I’ll be giving up that easily on you then you don’t really know me the way I know you. I won’t give up! I can’t and I won’t. So what if you’d call me a stubborn idiot? I don’t give a damn! I’ll wait forever till you can accept me, to come to me and to love me. I sighed drawing a deep breath into my lungs. No, Kurama, you are wrong. When you said it wasn’t meant to be, you were wrong. I saw that helpless torn flicker in your eyes when I asked you and when you gave me a damn lie. We were meant to be and you know that, we always were and always will be. No matter how long it takes, even if it will take me forever I’ll be there.
“I’ll be there for you, waiting silently, only for you”
“Because we WERE meant to be.”
I gazed at the abundant trees surrounding, me enveloping me, a soft breeze whirling silently whispering words of encouragement. I whispered in the air.
“My love”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OWARI
urk did i write this anyway what do you think?