The Little Lost Lam..er..Chick
by Bonz-chan and Winter
Yes, yes I know you all missed my writing. x_X I
missed it too. (RIN-CHAAAAAAAN, onegai! Take the rest of my fictions down for
the LOVE OF HIEI-SAMA!! @_X Really, take 'em down or um...I'll sic the Kokuryuha
on you!!! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!) So basically, I was feeling mock-self-pity.
That pretty much says it all! o.o;; Read On!
The Little Lost Lam..er..Chick.
"BONZ POWWA MAAAKE-UP!" shouted the little Moosu Koko high-school
girl, waving her henshin stick high and proudly. Just as the pretty neon ribbons
were making up her blue Chucks, a blonde pig-tailed chick showed up with a
rather miffed look in her blue eyes.
"SHIZUKAAAAAAAAA!!!!" screamed Usagi, yelling and basically grabbing
ahold of the rest of the ribbons, immediately stopping the Magical Girl
Transformation Sequence. The one called Shizuka fell on her rump as she was
naturally floating as she transformed; getting up and rubbing her badly abused
bottom she turned to face the pink wrath of Usagi Tsukino.
"@~@ N-nani, Usagi-sama?" meeped little Shizuka, pathetically hiding
the henshin stick behind her back. Usagi crossed her arms, and looked down
scornfully at Shizuka Hitotsuboshi.
"You and the others promised ALL of us not to imitate us anymore, Shizuka-san."
reminded Usagi, eyebrow twitching with impatience.
"D-de-demo, Usagi-sama!" queried Shizuka, basically cowering in fear
of the Odango Atama. Desperately looking to and fro for an escape route, Shizuka
caught the eye of Hiei who was wandering around the lot with a cappucino.
"....HIEI-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" yelled Shizuka in a poor pleading
voice, which promptly scared the shiznitutu out of Hiei and prompted him to
spill his cappucino.
"...K'so...it had cream too..." muttered Hiei as he flitted to the
helpless little 'raven'.
"Nan desu ka, Shizuka-san?" inquired Hiei, the suddenly backing off
from the visible battle aura glimmering around Usagi.
"Hiei-chan! Shizuka-san is breaking the Rules of the Treaty!" accused
Usagi with a melodramatic finger pointing to the huddled FanChick.
"D-demoo!!!" pleaded Shizuka with her hands clasped together in
prayer-esque fashion.
Hiei sighed and and withdrew his katana, lashing it out of it's sheath with a
"schwoosh!". Usagi unhooked her ginizishou and lifted it above her
head.
"De-demo....MATTE YO!" screamed Shizuka, literally squirming with
fear.
"You broke the Treaty, Shizuka-san, we have no choice.." replied Hiei
rather icily.
"JAOU ENSATSU..."
"MOON KURAISU...."
".....LOOPHOLE!!!"
"Are?" questioned Usagi and Hiei, Hiei lowering his katana and Usagi
letting the hand that carried her ginizishou swing to her side.
"THERE'S A LOOPHOLE! I can be a sailor senshi, because Naoko-sama left a
loophole!!!" stated Shizuka rather triumphantly, now standing before Hiei
and Usagi rather defiantly.
"What loophole?" asked Hiei, already sheathing his katana and looking
back to Usagi and Shizuka.
"Ara...she's right, Hiei-chan.." sobbed Usagi, hooking her ginizinshou
to her gakko fuku.
"And I quote: Fans cannot imitate said characters without legal proof of
the creator or other means." stated Shizuka, yet again. "And
"other means" is synonymous with loophole! ^-^" finished Shizuka,
waving her henshin stick vigorously above her head again."
Usagi sobbed.
Hiei shrugged.
"There's a loophole, then there's a loophole. We can't do anything, Usagi."
said Hiei rather simply, crossing his arms in contemplation. "We just have
to leave her be."
"...DEMO! ;~; HOW?!"
"@.@ Well, remember the Sailor Wars? That pretty much says it,
Usagi-chaaaaaan" chirped Shizuka, to which Usagi shuddered harshly.
"BONZ POWWA MAAAKE-UP!" yelled Shizuka as the neon yellow ribbons
resumed wrapping her up in her fuku with the background singers: Sera Bonz!
SeraaaaaaBoooooonz! SERA BONZ!"
"VICTORY!" piped SailorBonz with the peace sign waving above her head.
Usagi grumbled, Hiei shrugged again and took off.
--- The Door Opened.
"OI! Usagi-chan! Hiei-chan! GIT YER CELLULOID ARSES AWAY FROM MAH KEYBOARD
THERE!" commanded SailorBonz as she stepped into the room.
Usagi and Hiei backed off quickly, almost eagerly.
"Now what in Osamu Tezuka-sama's name have you been doing?!" demanded
Shizuka, crossing her arms sternly and giving the both of them an authortarian
glare. Hiei held his ground giving an equally deathly glare back....Usagi broke
down, naturally.
"WE WANTED REVENGE!! JUST REVENGE!!" sobbed Usagi already filling the
room with a centimeter of tears. "BUT WE COULDN'T!!" Usagi continued
to sob.
"Baka. I told you she had an Safety System installed, there was NO way we
can take revenge against Her." deadpanned Hiei, jerking his thumb to
SailorBonz who sort of smirked mirthfully.
"But, but it was working a couple minutes ago!!!" wailed Usagi,
getting up and kicking the keyboard.
"CHOTTO!" shouted SailorBonz, man-handling Usagi away. Usagi squirmed
and turned Chibi...as well as Hiei. Hiei looked wide-eyed and shocked, Usagi
continued crying.
"KUSO! She has "The Chibifier! installed!!" wailed Chibi Hiei,
making a mad dash for the door. "NUUUUUU!" grated Usagi in that
high-octane voice of hers, absent-mindedly clinging to SailorBonz.
"Maa...-.-;;" sweatdropped SailorBonz. "All you gotta do is get
outta here and my system'll wear off, ne?" offered SailorBonz getting
rather tired of the Moon Princess clinging to her leg. Hiei made a dash, in
which Bonz's Seiyoku staff blocked his way.
"XP Didn't say YOU could leave, Hiei-kooooooi!" cooed SailorBonz,
scooping up the kawaii fire demon into her arms and basically kicking Usagi off
her leg and out the door which slammed shut.
-"G'AH!" screamed Hiei, jolting awake and sitting up in his bed.
Sweatdropping he looked at his alarm clock, which read: 7:45 AM.
"..............K'SO!!" swore Hiei throwing his pillow across the room.
And then a knock on the door was heard.
"WHO IS IT?!" demanded Hiei yelling viciously.
" IT'S MEEEE! IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY, HIEI-DAAAAARLING!" yelled an all
too familar, yellow-fuku clad female voice.
--"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"-- gasped Shiko, looking wild-eyed and sweating
profusely, quickly whipping her head to her side to where her fire demon laid,
fast asleep.
"...Saa.." sighed Shiko, just as she was going to lay down the phone
rang.
"Moshimoshi?"
"Hi this is Jerry!"
"Jerry? Who?"
"JERRY SPRINGER! YOU'RE INVITED TO MY SHOW!"
"FOR WHAT?!"
"The Topic today is:
Impossible-in-your-wildest-dreams-you-pathetic-loser-you-can-never-have-Hiei-because-he-isn't-even-REAL-so-we're-taking-pity-on-you-to-make-a-profit
Love Triangles!"
~*~ "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!" shouted Shizuka, waking up from her nap
on the couch. Sweating rather heavily, she shook her head...and layed back down
on the couch when the door opened...
"Shizuka? SHIZUKA! Wake yo' lazy-ass up!" prodded The Evil B*tch
Sister, shaking the poor girl rather harshly.
SailorBonz: Alright...what the HELL?
-----: WHAT? You wanted help, -------.
SailorBonz:...But that....SUCKS!
-----: So what? All your stories suck, -------.
SailorBonz: DO NOT!
-----: DO TOO!
SailorBonz: DO NOT! MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
-----: GOD! You're such a @*#$(*^&%(*@#^!!
SailorBonz: AM NOT!
-----: Pfft, what-ever, lo-o-sa-er!
SailorBonz: *sniffle sniffle*...am not...
*CREEEEEEEEEEEAK*
Hiei:...Crap..
Usagi:..@.@ We're gonna die now, Hiei-chan?
Hiei:....Hai.
SailorBonz: NANIYOOOOOOOO?! GET OFF THE COMPUTER!!
Utena put down the book and stretched. Yawning she walked downstairs to where
Anshi was making breakfast to which ChuChu was taking out as soon as it was put
down.
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Utena-sama!!" greeted Anshi cheerily. Setting down
the tea kettle and cups.
"...Ohayo, Anshi. Anoou, what's for breakfast?" inquired Utena as she
took a sit and carefully shoved ChuChu away from her plate.
"Oh! Just some eggs and bacon, Utena-sama" smiled Anshi, sitting
herself down and serving the eggs and bacon to Utena.
"Ne, Utena-sama, how was the book you're were reading?" asked Anshi as
she poured herself a cup of tea and then Utena.
"It's odd...it seems to be a vicious cycle, one after another. I feel sorry
for the characters even." reported Utena, chewing her bacon.
"Oh? Who's the author, Utena-sama?" queried Anshi as she politely
sipped her tea.
"...Something Bonz...she's kinda twisted, odd, abnormal, weird...the
usual." answered Utena.
"Oh." replied Anshi, setting down her cup of tea.
Elsewhere...
"A-CHOO!" sneezed SailorBonz. Rubbing her nose, SailorBonz went back
to work.
"OOH! I should make a vicious cycle fics...@.@ Sugoooooi.." murmured
SailorBonz to no one in particular and quickly got her devious plan underway.
Putting down the pre-script, Syaoran stretched and gave a look to the wriggling
girl in a high school uniform a look.
"Ara? Was it good Syaoran Li-sama?" asked Shizuka.
"It's good...but.." sighed Syaoran, rubbing his temples.
"Demo?"
"....Is this damned thing EVER going to end?" halfly grumbled Syaoran,
sliding the pre-script back to the distraught girl.
"Ara...o.o;;; I didn't think about that..."
"Oi..."
And somewhere far, far away there was maniacal laughter.
Voice #1: Y'know...that's getting old.
Voice #238: I know, but it keeps the reader occupied.
Voice #1: So IS this going to end?
Voice #238: No, not really. The reader is supposed to be feeling dispair right
now.
Voice #1: Are they?
Voice #238: Nope. They need a couple more rounds.
Voice #1: So WHEN is this gonna end?
Voice #238:...Y'know? I don't it'll EVER end.
Voice #1: Hn...I pity the reader.
Voice #238: Yup.
Voice #1: Yup, th' poor bastards.
Voice #238: I need some latte, come with?
Voice #1: Why the Hell not?
Voice #238: Starbucks?
Voice #1: Yeah! I need another cow-music-tipper!
Voice #238: To the Bat-pole!
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