Hello! I'm 28yo and my dh, Mark is 34. We've been married for 3yrs now. We met at a church that we were both attending at the time. Mark's dad is a pastor and we had him perform our ceremony. :)
Once I figured out the whole ovulation/conception thing! we got pregnant right away. I was sick for almost 5 months, never wanted to be too far away from my bed!! I then developed pre-e and hellp syndrome and had to be induced at 33wks. Kaela was born Thursday, September 17, 1998 at 4:28pm. She weighed 3# 8oz, 18in long. The whole labor/delivery thing was a nightmare for us. My body was dying yet my cervix wouldn't ripen for anything!! Then during delivery her heart rate dropped (cord around her neck) and she wasn't even engaged in the pelvis so he did a MAJOR episiotomy to use forceps to get her out cuz her heart rate had been down too long, caused a major bruise to her head and a uterine abrasion in me. If that all hadn't been enough to deal with, I was never put on antibiotics during labor and lo and behold I'm a GroupBStrep carrier. So Kaela was born with a groupbstrep infection that almost took her from us. The nicu staff later told us they weren't sure she was going to make it those first 2days. She had pulmonary hypertension, meningitis, weak heart, had 8 blood transfusions. Amazingly, God's Grace, she only spent a wk on the vent and a total of 3wks in nicu. We know now that even then her h/n personality was working for her, it gave her an extra added stubborness to fight to live.
We noticed within the first few days she came home that she just could not be put down! The only way she was consoled was by us WALKING and WALKING and WALKING. We were never "allowed" to sit down. I learned real quick how to pee and hold her at the same time since puttin her down was NOT an option unless I wanted WW3 in my house! Feeding her was a chore. It wouldn't be until she was 4mo old before she could breastfeed because she was too weak. It would take an hour to hour and a half each feeding (bf, pump, bottle-feed, supplement) and she ate every two hours so I would only get 30-60min to eat, pee, and sleep. She would scream like she was in pain and we could never, ever figure out what was wrong. We had her in to the dr so much that I think he was ready to refer Mark and I for psychiatric treatment! One dr finally said that he thought it could be reflux and to keep her upright after each feeding for 20min. I just stared at him. That's when I started propping myself up in bed, surrounded by pillows and put Kaela tummy to tummy. Boy did that help!! The first night she slept 3hrs in a row for the first time since coming home and she was 3mo old! ('Course she didn't do it again until around 6mo but wow that sure helped me feel so much better!) And at 5mo she decided, for herself, that she didn't want to sleep ON mommy anymore, but NEXT to me. And that's where she's been until this week!
I stumbled upon Dr.Sears' book when she was about 2mo. I started reading it and just started to cry knowing that I wasn't alone sure helped. It was still hard though since everyone around me kept saying that I was setting her up for bad habits and that I just needed to let her cry it out.
I had to hold her for all her naps. I started to nurse her on a pillow when she was around 6 month old and after she was asleep I could lay the pillow down and have about 30min to eat and pee before she woke up. Around 8mo we learned to bf laying down and that's when I started to be able to sneak away. It was only for 40min (her first sleep cycle) but I could lay down with her and get her back to sleep for her second sleep cycle. Most times I just layed down with her and she would sleep the whole two hours then. It was about 8mo when she started to come up with her own routine as well.
At 11mo I went ahead and tried the cry it out under pressure from others. Totally back-fired. After 1 week I quit. The first night had been only 20min but at the end of the wk we were up to over an hour. And she would have just this sheer look of panic and fear on her face when I would go to put her in her crib. I knew that wasn't right. I didn't want her to learn to be fearful of sleeping. I wanted her to know that sleeping was a peaceful time. It took TWO months of holding her for her naps again before we had regained her trust. Major steps backward in the ground we had already covered. It was also around this time that I had to wean her, reluctantly, my milk supply had dried up and Kaela was waking every hour at night to nurse but there was nothing there!! She could go 6-7hrs (during the day!) with a dry diaper, she was getting too dehydrated so I had to start giving her a bottle. :(
Kaela didn't crawl until 14mo and I think only then because she was ticked off because she couldn't keep up with her little friend. Kaela would have much prefered to SKIP crawling and go straight to walking! And then when her little friend started to walk, Kaela was right behind her and walking at 16mo. Around 16-17mo is when she started to take 2hr naps and not waking after her first sleep cycle. Then around 18/19mo she was down to just one nap a day. It was also around this time that she was waking frequently at night and of 'course everyone said it was because WE were disturbing her sleep. But one night I stayed awake to watch her to try to figure out what was up. The problem was that she was having 8-10 sleep apnea's in an hour. She couldn't breath. She ended up having surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids at 19mo because they were so huge.
Kaela's vocabulary didn't really take off until around 20mo and it has really made a difference in being able to talk with her. We are now up to 2 and 3 word sentences. She has been showing interest in the potty chair and has gone several times. Her latest big-girl achievement is sleeping in her big-girl bed. Mommy misses her but it's great to see her choosing for herself what is right for her. Also around 20mo is when I was able to interest in her in the tv, which meant, mommy could go potty by HERSELF! :)
It has NOT been easy. Many of my choices have been challenged by friends and family. But Kaela has taught me that no two babies are alike. There is no one right way for every family. Every family has to make decisions that are right for THEM, no one else. I wish I could say that I never raised my voice at Kaela and yelled at her to just shut up and be quiet for two seconds. (I think that will haunt me forever!) There were days upon days of sitting on the couch wondering when we'd have a life again. Days of me crying on Kaela's shoulder and SHE was patting MY back to comfort ME!! Mark and I tried very hard not to begrudge the time we had to hold her or walk her. We knew that SOMEDAY she probably wouldn't want us to hold her as much (some days we thought she'd be 18 by then!) that she won't need us as much, so we really did try to cherish each moment and not regret the time spent on her. And look at her now! All that time invested is paying off!! She's a beautiful, healthy girl. Who is walking, talking, learning to use the potty, sleeping in a big bed. She has such compassion for others and sympathy. She loves to share, to give her toys to the other kids and surprisingly never gets upset when a toy is taken from her, she just goes and gets another toy. But I think that's because that's what was shown to her. We were sympathetic to her, we were compassionate to her. She still has "moments" but that's what they are, just moments.
Mark and I have decided to go ahead and try to give Kaela a little brother or sister. She just LOVES babies!!! We would love NOT to have another h/n baby but if that's what God thinks we need I think this time we're a little more ahead of the game than last time. We are more secure in who we are as parents and we know that each child is different and that they are born this way. And we have learned a few tricks along the way! And now I have all of you that I can come crying to, right??!!! :)
Dawn and Kaela 24mo