I'm Ellina, a working mom, and my daughter is Anna, age 11 mos (dob 2/9/00).
I had a relatively easy pregnancy until 29 weeks, when I went into premature labor, and was put on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. Anna was born at 39 weeks, only 5 days before her "official" due date of Valentine's day. Just as well -- I wouldn't want to celebrate her birthday in competition with the holiday!
Anna's size/weight were fine (6 lbs 10 oz, 19") at birth, and I was determined to breastfeed. The problem was, the baby wasn't physically able to latch on, because of the dramatic difference in size of her tiny mouth and my large nipple. It was horrible. She would scream from hunger and frustration, I would cry from pain and frustration, but I insisted on "no formula". So, for the first few days at home, I pumped all the time, and we fed Anna through a medicine dropper, and then, a tiny nipple. Then, a lactation consultant came to my house, and gave me a $6 solution, for which I would have been ready to pay hundreds of dollars -- a silicone nipple shield!!! This simple gadget enabled Anna to latch on perfectly, and I used it exclusively, until she was about 3 months old, and could comfortably latch on without it. As a result, I had no nipple discomfort, ever. I did have an overabundance of milk (due to my aggressive pumping, because I was so paranoid that I wouldn't have enough milk), but that's better than a low supply!
I realized that Anna's behavior is different from other kids', when I started to describe her to my friends, and they'd just act as if I was making things up... There was one day, in particular (there were MANY days like this, but one stands out), when Anna was about 5 weeks old. I carried her non-stop from about 6 am to about 7 pm. She napped twice, for 20 minutes each time, in my arms. When awake, she would scream every time I stopped moving or sat down. I had no opportunity to eat/drink much at all, I was completely exhausted, and as a result, when I sat down to breastfeed her that afternoon, I had barely any milk. This made me totally break down, so it was a pitiful sight -- she was crying from hunger, I was crying from exhaustion... Luckily, my mother came in at that moment, and was able to relieve me so I could eat/drink/calm down.
There are so many examples of Anna's high-neediness (noun?), that I can't possibly describe them all. I would say that she's a "textbook" high-needs baby. The only childcare book that has been of any use has been Dr. Sears' "The Fussy Baby" -- I was never more thrilled to find a book when I found that one. Finally, someone who UNDERSTOOD!!!
We practice attachment parenting with Anna, and it's the only way that works. We console her when she's crying, we never let her CIO, I take her to sleep with me on the futon in her room (DH and I have tried to take her into our bed to sleep, but she wouldn't -- too distracted. Being in her own room makes her more calm and mellow.), on a regular basis.
She's always been a highly emotional and ultra-sensitive baby (typical traits of HN), and it took us a little while to figure out how easily it is to set her off, and how hyper-aware she is of her surroundings. One day, when she was about 3 mos (on my first Mother's Day, of all days!), she started screaming when DH picked her up. She got so worked up, that she became hysterical and hyperventilative. When I held her, she gradually mellowed out. We thought it was just random. Then, it happened again, a few minutes later -- she began screaming. We had no idea why (now, I'm guessing that it was simply because she didn't want anyone but me to hold her, not even Dad would do). Her screaming was so hysterical, we actually ended up going to the Children's Hospital ER. After spending 6 hours there (she screamed, intermittenly, for about 4 of them), we ended up going home, because she calmed down and seemed fine (and the ER was a MESS that day -- more sick kids in one room than I EVER want to see in my life). The next morning, I was the first one at our pediatrician's office, where I was told that she was perfectly healthy, and that the episode was probably emotional.
From that point on, we learned quickly to read her signs, and take her away from situations that were making her uncomfortable. We couldn't take her to family gatherings, because one look at a large group of people (or, any group larger than 2-4) would send her into screaming fits. We couldn't have friends visit, because it would set Anna off. We constantly warned people not to make direct eye contact with her when they entered the room, until enough time had passed and she was used to them being in her viscinity...
My MIL would initially give me advice such as "let her cry a little", "don't carry her so much", "be careful not to spoil her!", etc. It took her one afternoon of babysitting, when Anna was about 4 mos old, to realize that this is not a child "like other children". Anna had one of her screaming episodes while in my MIL's care, which actually made my MIL break into a cold sweat, and she never suggested I let her CIO, again. :-)
I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that Anna is a textbook HN baby, we've learned how to make her be happy and comfortable (which makes US happy and comfortable), and we adore her more and more every minute of every day. However, the last 11 mos have been so hard for me, I've told DH (and he's ok with this!) that Anna is going to be our only child. I simply don't have it in me to do this again, ever... MIL keeps pushing us for baby #2, but I just smile and say "we're happy with Anna, and she's happy with us -- we don't need anyone else to make us a happy family."
Ellina and Anna (2/9/00)
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