I'm Melissa (26), and my husband is Jeff (25). We were married in 1998-we were high school sweethearts and have been together since 1992. We didn't really plan on starting a family right away-in fact I don't think we had thought about it much at all. That changed in January 1999 when I found out I was 11 weeks pregnant, and then miscarried the next day. It was rough for us-I was in a state of shock for a long time, then I was furious at myself for having such a cavalier attitude towards becoming pregnant in the first place. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself and put it all into God's hands.
In October 1999, we decided we were ready to try again. After the first try, I got a major case of cold feet and wanted to chicken out, but as we found out a few weeks later, I was too late! I found out in mid- November that I was pregnant.
The pregnancy was pretty easy, even with 6 months of non-stop morning sickness and my constant paranoia that I would lose this baby too. It became evident right away, though, that this little one had every intention of sticking around. She got so comfortable, in fact, that she stayed 2 weeks past her due date and had to be induced. The labor went surprisingly well-even with those nasty Pitocin-induced contractions I didn't need any pain meds.
After about 7 hours I was told I could push. I had pushed twice when all heck broke loose. Without any word to me at all, three nurses ran in the room, flipped me over on my knees, shoved my face into the pillow, and screamed, "Don't push!" Within seconds I was being wheeled out of the room while my poor husband and mother stood there dumbfounded. It took what seemed like hours (but was really just minutes) before someone was kind enough to explain to me that the baby's heart rate had suddenly dropped from 150 to 60 and, although the heart rate had eventually gone back up, she was still positioned up pretty high and delivery might take a long time, and with the drastic drop in heart rate, a c-section was the safest route.
At that point I wasn't going to argue with anyone-I just wanted my baby. I got my anesthesia, the doctors got started, and husband was brought in just in time to see Clio Jayne born. She came out screaming and thrashing- she managed to smack two nurses and the OB in just the few minutes after her birth. We never did find out why her heart rate dropped-they were sure she was tangled in her umbilical cord, but when she came out, she wasn't tangled at all, and subsequent testing indicated that her heart was fine. I guess we'll never know.
In the hospital, I think I realized right away what I had in store for me. From the very beginning, Clio made it very clear what her preferences were. She would howl if anyone besides me tried to hold her. She took to nursing immediately, but she wanted to do it her way. I would try to position her a certain way, and she would squirm and kick and hit me with her little fist until she was in the position she liked. When we got home, the all-day crying started-and didn't slow down until about 8 weeks later. At first I assumed all new babies were like this. When I finally had the opportunity to see other babies her age, I realized she was not like them at all. They slept contently in their car seats- I couldn't get Clio to stay in there without a huge battle and once she was in it, she would arch her back and twist around, trying to find a way out.
I started to fear that I would be trapped in my house forever with a screaming baby, and out of desperation I took her in to see her doctor. I was expecting to hear some horrible, exotic diagnosis, or at least colic, so the last thing I expected him to say was, "She's fine. A little sensitive to her environment, perhaps, but she's extremely alert and perceptive and she's very healthy." Then he started telling me about his experiences with his own daughter. She sounded just like Clio-fussy, needed constantly changing entertainment, very vocal about what she needed and very easily upset if she didn't get it immediately. He told me about Dr. Sears, gave me a list with a couple of books to look into, and wished me luck.
Since then, it's been a roller-coaster ride but at least now I have a better idea why. Clio is 5 1/2 months old now. She is trying hard to be mobile but isn't quite there yet and this is a constant source of frustration for her. She seems to be in a huge hurry to be a big girl-she has hit all of her major milestones early. She has been actively fighting having to be a helpless baby since the day she was born. We've come a long way from those endless nightime crying marathons, but we've still got a long way to go. She has mellowed out enough for me to be able to make the occasional trip to the grocery store without fearing a five-alarm episode, but I have also learned that I have to watch the signs she gives me very carefully in order to prevent as many bad situations as I can. Sometimes I feel as I have a lit stick of dynamite instead of a baby.
Even with all this, I can honestly say I would not trade Clio for an easier, less intense child. I think it's that intensity that I love most about her. When she's happy, it's this wonderful infectious kind of joy that makes everyone around her smile. She squeals in delight at the tiniest things-sunlight on the ceiling, a pencil on the ground- things most of us would consider inconsequential. It's still difficult for my husband and I to cope with her bad days, and I laugh secretly inside when my friends with young babies will complain to me that they're exhausted because the little one wouldn't go to sleep at her 8 o'clock bedtime and cried for a whole ten minutes. I HAVE to laugh-it's the only thing that will keep me from choking them. However, I feel lucky to have her. She's beautiful, healthy, smart and amazing. We've got almost half a year under our belts now and while there's plenty more to come, I'm optimistic about it-it wasn't so long ago that I was afraid we wouldn't make it through an entire day, and now even on our worst days I can envision hanging on for at least another week:).I'm glad I was able to share our story-thanks, all of you, for all of your encouragement and support- it has helped us immensely.
Melissa and Clio 7/14/00