My husband and I waited 10 years before bringing Morgan into this world. With the confidence that only inexperience can bring, I thought that having a baby would come as easily and naturally as everything else I had ever done. After a remarkably easy pregnancy and uncomplicated delivery, I finally had my "planned out" child....only she didn't fit any plan I could have contrived!
For the first six months of Morgan's life I lived in a fog of exhaustion....and confusion. Instead of the cooing, smiling, happy baby that gerber promised, I had a serious, screaming, wailing, unhappy infant. I worked for hours on end to "discover" what I was doing wrong or what was wrong with her. One by one, my ideals of parenthood slipped down the drain. Sure, babies sleep through the night at age 3 months, or more like 3 years for us. They take three hour naps during the day, or more like 25 minutes and those went away at 16 months. Right, they can play for an hour under the ceiling fan, or they can insist on being held endlessly. Where was the baby I had planned????
Morgan dragged me into a modified attachment parenting style of parenting. I found myself hauling her about for the first 18 months in a sling, feeding on demand, and responding to her every whim. I began to accept that she was different than all of my friends kids. I heard that I was spoiling her and endless useless advice. However, I tried alot of the advice, it just didn't work!
Perhaps the hardest stage that we survived, though, was toddlerhood. My unhappy infant grew into a very unhappy, frustrated toddler. From 16-28 months, our house was anything but a bucket of parenting joy. Morgan screamed/cried endlessly. Unless she had my constant attention, the world was wrong. Even with my attention, I couldn't stave off the tantrums that her frustration would drive her to. She would scream to the point of vomiting (45 minutes or so) about 5-6x/day.
My daughter has proven to be the most rewarding challenge of my life. Around her first birthday I was in a bad state. I hadn't slept more than 5 hours on any night for a year, my marriage was falling apart, and I *knew* I was the world's worst parent. On the marriage front, my now ex-husband and I had some issues that were present prior to Morgan's birth, but after her birth my tolerance for his behaviour evaporated. I needed every ounce of patience I owned just to make it through each day with Morgan!
But on the parenting front, my nearly complete inability to calm my daughter wrecked havoc with my self-esteem and parenting confidence. However, I finally realized that I *was* doing all of the right things and that Morgan was just wired differently than all of the other children I've meet.
However, around 2.5 years old, I started to notice that we were have more good days than bad ones and by 3 years old, we were having mostly good days! Now, at 3.5 years old, we still have High-Needs moments, but they are only moments. We have learned over the years how to work together. I've learned what motivates her, what will immediately upset her, and what will make her smile! I am very in-tune to her needs, wants, and fears.
Looking back to the day she was born, I would never have guessed that we'd have such a challenging first few years, that my marriage would end, or that I would grow so much as a person. Morgan's HN character has made me a much stronger person, a more patient and persistant person, and, in the long run, a happier, more self-confident parent.
Morgan and I are about to enter into the next phase in our lives as I take marriage vows for the second time next saturday. Her new step-daddy, step-sister, and I will continue to grow from her strong personality as the years go by!
As has been said before, it is easy to love a happy child, but it is a true parent who unconditionally loves the unhappy, demanding, stressful child.
Teresa & Morgan 5/3/97
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Teresa and Morgan
