My name is Maryn, while I don't really need the support of this board since my high needs baby is older and past the high needs phase I thought maybe I could share my story in hopes it might help someone. Twelve years ago, when I was 17 years old, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby in the world. I named her Melauna.
She was so pretty with black hair and dark eyes and I could have sworn she made eye contact with me right after she was born. The nurses at the hospital, continued to comment about how she could lift her head but all I noticed was how much she wanted to nurse and how fussy she was. I got home from the hospital and started my roller coaster ride. I watched other parents with calm, cuddly babies and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I decided I was just too young to be a mom and therefore, was messing everything up.
At the time, I was living with my parents and trying to finish high school. I never got any sleep at night because Melauna didn't sleep EVER. It seemed that the only time she was even remotely calm was when she was attached to my breast. I spent so much time crying over and worrying about her. It didn't get better right away and I took everyone's advice, even on things I didn't agree with because I just wanted it to get better. Some things worked but mostly they didn't because most of these well meaning people had never dealt with high needs children before.
Melauna sat up at 5 months old, crawled at 7 months old and walked at 9 months old. After she started walking, it got better, after she could communicate her needs it got even better and by the time she was 3 years old, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn't completly better at age 3 but at least the battle was down hill from there.
I now have a beautiful 12 year old daughter. She has a zest for life that I really admire, I just know that the tough times of her babyhood were all worth it. she is smart, outgoing and very energetic.
Five years ago, I got married to a man named Brian with twin boys, one of which is high needs. I feel that my experience with Melauna has helped me ease Brian's concerns about Dalton. Two years ago, I gave birth to the second most beautiful baby in the world (a low needs baby girl). I love Clarise very much but to tell you the truth, I learned more and saw life through a totally different view with Melauna. Don't get me wrong, Clarise has been a very wonderful break for me and having a child who slept through the night at 3 weeks and hardly ever cries is SO great but I am glad that Melauna is who she is.
I feel that high needs babies turn in to such wonderfully outgoing adults and that if their energy is chanelled right can really go places! I am so glad you ladies have this board. I didn't have any support when I was going through Melauna's baby and toddler years. Now, I always pay special attention to find those with high needs children and offer them my support and friendship. I am sorry this is so long but just know that it DOES get better, not right away but someday you will see it IS worth it! Please do not think you are bad mothers. Never blame yourself for your child's personality traits, remember that it does get better and know that you are NOT alone in this! Do what works and don't get discoureged by well meaning people who feel it is their job to give you un wanted advice or make hurtful comments!
Maryn mom to Melauna age 12, Clarise age 2 and step mom to Derik and Dalton age 7