Hello, All! Here is the story of my HN son, Cole (born 1/1/99):

Whew! Let's see if my mind will allow me to remember back to those first months...I think a defense mechanism has taken over to shelter my brain from re- living the trauma. :)I, had a great pregnancy! Well, months 1-7 were great. No morning sickness, not much in the way of mood swings, etc. I gained a bit too much weight, but that's about all that was negative about it. I absolutely LOVED being pregnant and just couldn't wait for the day I'd hold the little bundle of joy in my arms, watch him sleep, listen to him coo, blah blah blah. Right about at 31 weeks I started getting braxton hicks frequently. No pain, just tightening. At my 32 week check, they did an exam to find me 2 cm dilated. I was put to bedrest in hopes of getting me to 36 weeks. Which we did. To the DAY! My water broke on New Year's Day at 5 p.m.(way too late to get all the free gifts that New Years Day babies get!). No pain until around 7 p.m. Got to the hospital at 7:15, was at a 7, so elected to try this whole "birthing thing" w/o drugs. Cole was born at 10:36. Not a bad labor for a first baby, if I do say so myself!

Well....the cries didn't start right away. The hospital stay was fine. The first week home was fine. Even the first few weeks were ok. Right around the 4th week (I think....can't really remember) he started this constant fussing/screaming/crying and it lasted about....oh....right around a year. I cried. He cried. Dh and I sat in amazement at this "monster"...why wouldn't he sleep in his swing? Heck, why wouldn't he even SIT in his swing? Why did he hate his carseat? What kind of a kid hates to ride in the car? I thought all kids fell asleep and LOVED cars! Why did he act as if we were torturing him by putting him in his stroller? Why couldn't he lay down on a blanket for longer than 30 seconds? Why wouldn't he lay under his gym and "play" like the baby on the box? Why did he CONSTANTLY have to be held? I didn't have a sling...no clue why. Guess I missed that aisle of BabiesRUs when I was registering. Nearly the only place he was content was on his changing table. So, he laid there quite often.

Around the age of 3 months he was screaming so much that I couldn't take it. I went BACK to the dr. and they found an ear infection. FINALLY!!! A *reason* for the screaming. Whew! Now it would be all better. Yeah, right! The crying continued. It eased a bit when he started to sit, eased a bit more when he started to crawl, and then improved quite a lot when he started to walk. Honestly, months 2-4 are pretty much a complete blur for me. I think around month 5, I finally stopped crying. I called dh sooo many times at work in tears--telling him I just couldn't take one more minute of Cole's crying. I knew I'd never hurt him, but the thoughts that were in my head kinda started to freak me out. Right about then we started co-sleeping and things started getting a bit better. Amazing how a little sleep makes you see things a little bit clearer.

I went back to work part-time when he was about 4 1/2 months old. BIG help for me. I felt like I had part of my life back and felt myself relaxing a bit more (which helped Cole relax). I went to work full-time when he was about 6 months. Things gradually got better month by month. Months 12-17 sucked the big one b/c of teething (at least, that's what I blamed it on anyway) but NOTHING was as bad as those first 4 months, so I felt like we were at least on the road to sanity. Then around 18 mo. things REALLY improved. And I mean REALLY improved!!! I'm finally experiencing motherhood as I drempt it would be.....joyous! Yeah, we have our crappy days but they're days now instead of minutes. He's the light of my life and I love him with every bone in my body. To this day I get goosebumps as I'm walking into daycare at 4:45 to pick him up....I get so excited to see him!

So...that's our story. Hang in there everyone...those first few months are so very hard, but it gets easier. Your child will ALWAYS be High Needs, but you will adapt (and, so will he/she) and you will soon see the light at the end of that very dark tunnel!

Tammy and Cole--21 mo. on Sunday!