Here is our story:
Russ and I met 3/97, moved in together 5/97, got engaged 9/97, and then eloped to Disneyland a month later! We knew we were meant for each other just about on our first date. We never told anyone about the elopement and had a big, formal wedding 9 months later in July of 98.
After we got back from our honeymoon, like Tammy, we thought, oh, this baby stuff is going to take at least 6 months (I had quite a few friends who took years to get pregnant) so we just went for it and don't ya know, got pregnant the first month! I was pretty sick most of the first 3 months and then everything was smooth sailing. My in-laws arrived on my due date and spent the next week starting at me and asking me every 5 minutes if I was feeling any contractions. I couldn't take it any more and decided to be induced 6 days after my due date. 10 hours later, Adam Raymond came into the world.
At first, everything seemed fine and then the nurse didn't like the way he was breathing so off he went to the NICU with dh hot on his heals. He was born at 10:00 PM so after I was moved to my room, I fell asleep. I was awakened at 3:00 AM by dh crying. Adam was very ill with meconium asperation. For the next 48 hours, they could not tell us if he would live. His system had to clear it all out and then he had to be weaned from the respirator and introduced to food. For 7 days we raced back and forth to the hospital so that I could feed him every 2 hours. By then we knew he would be OK and we could finally celebrate this new life. It was absolutely the worst few days of my life.
When we got him home, he was a perfect angel for the first 6 weeks. Then it was if he suddenly realized that someone would do something for him when he cried and that was it. He cried non-stop for the next 8 weeks. I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I was also feeling horribly guilty. When he was in the NICU on the respirator, I had prayed that he would survive and that if he did, I would never mind his crying. That lasted about a day!
At about 10 weeks I discovered the fussy baby book and I finally embraced this crying, sobbing, sweating child. Up until then I felt like I was just going through the motions and that the daycare people would take him off my hands once I went back to work. I had it all planned out. And then something happened. I fell in love with him and I thought, if I have a hard time keeping myself from hurting him, what will someone else do to him? He had to be held constantly and rocked to sleep for every nap. The day we went to visit the daycare center when he was 4 month was a huge change of life for us. We left knowing that we had to do whatever it was going to take for me to stay home with him.
I resigned that day and started to make plans to move to NJ (we were living in CA). It was too expensive to live there on one salary and my family was in NJ. 4 months later, we arrived in NJ with all kinds of thoughts of playgroups, mom and me outings, and co-op babysitting. As usual, Adam had other plans. He developed an intense fear of other children and I became just as isolated as I had been in CA. That's when I found this board and all of you wonderful,supportive ladies.
Adam will be 15 months old tomorrow. His fears are lessening and I've started to feel like a normal person again. I have actually started making plans because I can see beyond this minute, this hour, this day, for the first time in a long time.
Nancy & Adam
UPDATE (MAY 2004)
When I left off, Adam was 15 months old. I had written about his fear of other children, but at the time, I thought that his fears were lessening. Around 18 months, old his fears came back with a vengence and we had to quit gymboree and music class. Around that time, I also noticed that he wasn't able to follow simple commands. After posting about his issues on the HN board, someone posted a list of red flags for autism. To my complete shock, Adam met almost all of the symptoms. I immediately had him evaluated by early intervention and a developmental pediatrician and he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I was incredibly sad and frightened, but I was also detemined to find the best treatment possible. At the time, he was evaluated at being in the 6-8 month range for language, social skills, and cognitive ability. I was able to get him into one of the best programs in the country and he began to slowly make progress. He said his first word right after his second birthday. It took significantly longer for him to overcome his social fears but slowly, even that began to improve.
It has been a long 3 years but as he approaches his 5th birthday, he has blossomed into an amazing little boy. He speaks in full sentences and enjoys the company of other children. He still faces some challenges and continues to keep us on our toes, but all in all, I couldn't be more proud of my little boy! I don't spend much time on the HN board any longer. Being board host of the Parenting a Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder keeps me very busy! I also returned to work fulltime last year. My husband is now a stay-at-home dad and doing very well. It was a difficult transition after having been home with Adam for the first 4 years of his life but we've now settled into a routine. I have great hope for his future.
Here is the link to our new website:
Our website