Life, the Universe, and Strat-O-Matic
Volume I, Number 5
May 8, 2001
Have you ever felt the frustration
of not having enough draft picks to fill missing roster spots, while at the
same time trying to stock up for the future? Did an All-Star pitcher elude your
grasp because, even though you knew he’d be a stud while still in AA, you
couldn’t swing that deal to get an extra 9th round pick, only to see
the owner of that pick waste it on some 35 year old washed up 3B who happened
to wonk 3 homers in 30 AB’s against left handed pitching that year? Many a
collective groan has escaped the lips of Phil and myself during our drafts over
the last several years when the likes of a Rheal Cormier gets taken about 17
rounds before he deserves to be. We may not be the Yankees General Manager and
Head of Scouting, but at least we try not to waste too many picks. There are
times when we private mail each other during on-line drafts, wondering what
some of the other managers are smoking with some of their picks. The apparent
buffoonery of some guys has helped our drafts out, so maybe it’s not such a bad
thing when someone takes Dave Hansen’s 170 AB card freeing up C. C. Sabathia
for one of us to take.
Granted, the value of each player
taken is a subjective thing, but there is a difference in taking a legitimate
addition who will help your squad this year and/or seasons in the future, and
taking some guy just because:
A. You read some skewed source of supposed baseball knowledge,
even though it still lists Sid Fynch as a top prospect.
B. You think someone has a good card even though he only hit
.256, and his .360 OBP is 5 BB and 2 HBP on his card with only one solid hit.
C. You make a “panic pick” – you need a backup SS, and even
though there are only two good SS’s in the draft who both just got taken, you
waste your 3rd round pick to scarf up one of six guys who hit .247
with 4 HR and 5 SB and are 3’s defensively. Instead you should have given
yourself depth by taking the best OF still out there, and now he’s gonna be a
mainstay in your competitors OF for the next six years.
In my one league this year, we had
what must be a record for the league, at least 36 re-treads* by my count, and a
couple more guys who may have been in the league previously. I took four
re-treads myself, two of which I had cut in previous years, but three of them
were taken in the last four rounds of the draft, so I feel no justification is
necessary.
However, the overall theme of
re-treads reminded me of re-treads past, (and some who are, unfortunately still
present in the leagues) guys you just hated, who were generally stiffs, which
caused them to be cut in the first place, and guys who just WON’T GO AWAY, no
matter how much you never want to see their pathetic cards again. There have
been times I was tempted to snag some of these guys just so they could waste
away in my minor leagues, never to see the Show again. Here are just a few of
these hemorrhoids:
*By re-treads I mean players who
were previously cut, and re-drafted into the league.
At one time, Tony Pena was the
primo catcher to have in Strat – a 1 rating, a -4 arm, and a .288 average with
20 HR power. This preceded the days of Piazza, Pudge, and Charles Johnson.
However, Tony’s best days were long past him when “The Boys” and I were getting
knee deep into Strat-O. In 1989, Pena was still putting up decent numbers,
hitting .275, and getting a -2 arm. So, for a couple years, he wasn’t a bad
back-up catcher. However, by about 1991, he was showing the signs of age, and
shortly thereafter was finally cut, never to be seen in our league again. At
least that’s what we thought. One or two guys in our league seemed to draft him
back about every other year, as they were always delving into the cesspool for
that third emergency catcher. And as Tony Pena would still put up the
occasional .300 in 75 AB’s vs. lefties in a given season, somehow he would end
up being an 8th round draft pick, despite having been cut by the
same guy a year earlier. By about the third time he reared his ugly head in our
league, during a draft somewhere in the mid-90’s, I just couldn’t help but
blurt out “not Tony F**kin’ Pena again!?!?” From that point on, he was no
longer my once revered Pittsburgh hero, but he would forever be entered into
the annuls of our league as Tony F**kin’ Pena.
There have been two other catchers
(and I use that term loosely) who have haunted the various leagues in which
I’ve been involved. They are the notorious Joe’s, Girardi and Oliver. Now,
these guys, for whatever reason (maybe they know how to call for that slider at
the right time, ‘cause it sure ain’t their bats) keep sticking around in the
majors, though they seem to bounce from team to team every year. Unfortunately,
they also seem to bounce from Strat-O team to Strat-O team too. These guys are
perennial .255-.280 hitters, who may have a career combined homerun total equal
to one of Sammy Sosa’s one-year totals. But, when guys are looking for a backup
catcher, especially since catching has been thin in recent years, these guys keep
getting snagged then released, snagged then released – it’s worse than fishing
for trout who get released only to nibble the hook once again. And just when I
thought it was safe to go in the water, they BOTH got re-drafted in one league
this year!
When I returned to my one league
after a couple year absence, there was an abandoned team that absolutely
sucked. It had maybe 12 guys total out of a 45-man roster of any worth. It was
that bad. So, rather than see this team exist anymore, I was allowed to pick 10
guys off the squad, then expand-draft off the remaining teams to fill out my
roster. When it came to my final pick, I couldn’t decide between Greg Swindell,
who was the only Cleveland pitcher of worth at the time, and who had just
signed a lucrative contract with the Astros, and Kevin Brown, who, after a
phenomenal season with Texas, had a couple mediocre ones in a row, showing that
perhaps by pitching him 250 inning for three or four straight years wore out
his arm. Boy, do I wish I had that one back. Anyway, Swindell got his pink slip
the next year. That would be the end of him. But, nooo-oooo, in his latter
years, he was turned into a relief pitcher. And, even though he must be near
about 72 years old, every couple of years he shuts down lefties, and sometimes
even righties. So, every two or three drafts, he’ll make his way back into the
league, much like a Brad Penny…no, wait a minute, he’s actually a prospect…I
mean a bad penny.
I must admit that at one time I too
was guilty of harboring a player who deserved to be cut time and again, only to
resurface in my bullpen year after year. When I expand-drafted back into my one
league in 1993, one player I was able to grab was one of my favorite pitchers,
Chuck McElroy. He became one of my favorites while pitching for the
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons while I was working for the team. After one
exceptional season in the majors, he followed it up with a mediocre one,
enabling me to snag him. I held onto him for a couple years, hoping he would
rekindle that fireball that made him fun to watch pitch. Sure enough, he
finally put up great numbers again in the mid-90’s, and was a welcome addition
to the pen. However, after about two more good years, he went back to putting
up average ones, in which he was mildly useful, sort of getting lefties out.
For three straight years he was “on the bubble” when it came to cut time. Since
this league instituted a salary cap, he was usually spared, simply because he
made no money, and keeping him meant I didn’t need to draft a third lefty
reliever. Last year, after a horrendous season, and with a salary over $1
million, I finally gave him his walking papers. What was scary though, was the
fact that he actually has a decent card this year. While he got re-drafted in
two of my leagues, at least no one took him in the league in which I had cut
him….although someone probably should have.
The Mets’ Savior 1997. No, 1998.
No, 1999.
Ok, so I probably had a couple guys
who annoyed other people just by being on my roster. At least this guy never
got a card to bother people with. Now that I live near Norfolk, VA, the home of
the Mets’ AAA club, the hype of every new Mets prospect sometimes got to me. I
stunned everyone four years ago with what most people actually thought was a
good pick: I took Paul Wilson in the middle of the draft when he was still a
year away from the majors. At least he was supposed to be. For three years he
blew out his arm, ending his season and chance at being the next Roger Clemens.
Again, I was tempted to cut him three times, but since he made no money,
couldn’t justify cutting him and keeping some $5 million stiff who wasn’t going
to play for me either, but was taking up much needed salary space. For the
moment, at least, I have the last laugh though. Thanks to staying healthy and
being traded to Tampa, Wilson put up 51 good innings last year, and is
currently in my bullpen. At least I didn’t take him in the second round this
year.
Several years back, Phil and I were
watching a game, and some guy struck out, or made a bad play, whatever. As we
were prone to do, one of us (I can’t exactly remember which) attempted to
berate him out loud. However, whichever one of us it was couldn’t decide
between saying “You stiff” and “You duff”, and it came out “You stuff”. (STiff
+ dUFF = STUFF). Since then, we have used our own conjugation when
referring to players who stink. Here are a few more of these stuffs who keep
finding their way, not only to major league rosters, but to become an albatross
in our Strat-O leagues:
Mike Fetters – or Mike Fetid, as we like to call him. This guy has had
maybe three useable years out of about 14 in the majors. At one time he was
considered a premier closer. But considering Jose Mesa is still used as a
closer despite going 25 hits over innings every year, I guess he ain’t that
bad.
Walt Weiss – the former Rookie of the Year who never really put up
exceptional numbers, yet he keeps resurfacing. If only Strat-O would take away
his blasted 2 defensively.
Chad Kreuter – I didn’t even realize this guy was still in baseball
until someone re-drafted him this year. He must have the same magical agent as
Girardi and Oliver.
Tom Goodwin – some guys think he’s an asset. I think he’s just an ass.
Yes, he occasionally hits over his weight, and yes, he usually gets a 2
defensively, and yes, he steals bases, and yes, in an 18- or more team league
he probably has his usefulness. But when it comes to a 10- or 12 - team
All-Star league, who would you rather have in CF – a guy who gets 16 extra base
hits in 700 PA with a whopping .282 average, or Brian Giles, or Jim Edmonds, or
Carl Everett, or Mark McGwire? (I know McGwire is a 1B, but I’d be tempted to
put him in CF before playing Goodwin.) As one guy once described Juan Pierre
and his lack of power, Goodwin makes Rey Ordonez look like a real slugger.
Otis Nixon – see Goodwin. Thank goodness the coke-head has finally
retired.
Willie McGee – In his day, he was stud. In the last four years of his
career, he was just a nuisance. One of those guys who just wouldn’t give up the
ghost, and kept getting 400 PA with a .272 average, keeping him around in some
leagues.
Doug Henry – how does this guy keep pitching? He can’t seem to find
the plate, as his numerous walks indicate, and he when he does, the ball tends
to become a satellite, as the big black diamonds all over his card suggest.
Rick Reed – This guy was washed up back in the minors in the early
‘90’s. His one-year resurgence with New York suddenly made him a household
name. It’s one thing for a rookie to have a no-name card by not having paid his
Player’s Association dues yet, but this guy’s been pitching for years now. Get
a name, or get out of the league.
John Franco – another 97 year old pitcher who somehow does just enough
to stick around in leagues year after year.
Kevin Tapani, Aaron Sele, Scott
Erickson, Shane Reynolds, Steve Trachsel, Dave Burba, Mark Gardner, Brad Radke – good major league pitchers, mostly due to the fact that
they can pitch 200+ innings every year without losing 18 games, but guys you’re
just sick of beating up on in Strat-O leagues. (In all fairness, Radke is
younger and not as bad a pitcher as some of the other guys, but I still think
he sucks.)
Sure, Barry Bonds and Matt Williams
and Randy Johnson have pissed me off time and again, but that’s just because
someone else has them, and they usually have very good cards that sometimes
beat me in games. And I know Mike Piazza has earned many a beanball from my
opponents as he has wracked up well over 300 HR for me since drafting him in
1994. But, if Sammy Sosa rolls a solid homerun on his own card to beat Mariano
Rivera in the 9th inning, them’s the breaks. It’s when Jose Vizcaino
hits a two-out TR 1-2 fly B 3-20 to beat me that makes me want to throw dice
across the room.
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